Chapter 20 #3
“That’s the same attitude all adults have,” I say bluntly. “Is this why you don’t have kids, Coach? Did you have to do this assignment when you were at school and it turned you off for life?”
Coach gives me an exasperated sigh. “I just got a flashback of Grams asking me when I was ever going to find a nice girl and settled down.”
I giggle. “I’m surprised she didn’t set you up with Mom.”
Coach smirks. “Wasn’t for lack of trying.”
I smile and nod. “Sounds like Grams.”
Coach beckons for our wrists. “Hands up, kids. I’ll take those wristbands now.”
“Freedom,” Milo jokes as Coach uses an indented metal tool to remove his wristband.
Coach takes mine, and it feels oddly unsettling. It dawns on me Gandalf won’t cry again. He won’t even be called Gandalf. He’ll be put back on the shelf until a new pair of students are up for the challenge.
“In all seriousness,” Coach says, “are you two okay? I know it couldn’t have been easy.”
“I’m okay,” I reply. I nudge Milo and try to hide my bashful smile. “He was a big help.”
Milo lifts his hands, taking a step back. “I’d have been lost without Jamie. It was all her.”
“Team effort?” I offer.
His smile slides to the right. “Sure thing.”
Coach gives us an approving nod. “That’s great to hear. I’ll upload the data tomorrow and add your extra credit to your records as soon as I can. Jamie, I’m sure it’ll give you not only a grade average boost, but a confidence boost too. I hope you’re beginning to see your potential.”
I dig my hands into the pocket of my apron. “Yeah, I am. I’ve been taking my homework a lot more seriously. I mean, ask Kai. He’s so sick of me studying all the time that he’s started calling me a nerd.”
Coach’s head falls backward in laughter. “My goodness, I never thought I’d hear the day.” He wipes under his eye, steadying his breath. “Your mom would be so proud right now.”
Instinctively, I sniff hard. “Thanks,” I whisper tightly, careful to not let emotion shake my voice. “I know how much she wanted me to have advantages. I just never realized I was ignoring them before.”
“You’re sixteen,” Coach says tenderly. “Give yourself a break.”
“Thanks. Your usual?”
Coach nods. “Please.”
“Thanks again, Coach,” Milo says with a wave as he turns away from the table with me. “Phew,” he whispers. “We’re done.”
I bite my lip, looking up at him. “I think we did okay.”
He lifts his hand, angling for a high five. “We nailed it.”
“Goof.” I laugh and indulge him in a high five.
Milo goes back to the table, and Mr. Nelson meets me at the counter to pay the bill. He confirms Kai will pick me up at the end of my shift, and then rallies everyone to the vehicles.
Kai gives me a side hug, annoyingly asking me again if I think everything went okay between Tabitha and his family. When he finally believes my third, “yes,” he moves toward the front door. I smile, waving back at Milo as he leaves. The smile fades when Tabitha gets in on the waving.
Seeing her walk out the door did not come soon enough.
“All good, kiddo?” Coach asks as I near his table.
I plonk on a seat across from him. “I’m exhausted.”
“It’s good to see you put so much effort into something that’s not soccer.”
I wince. “How’d they do?”
“It was rough. I won’t sugarcoat it.”
I slam a fist onto the table. “Why did you bench me? I could’ve handled studying and playing.”
“And how would you have learned how important studying is if I didn’t set boundaries and give you repercussions?”
“It’s not up to you,” I argue. “The principal can give me detentions, suspensions, or expel me. Why is it up to you?”
He leans over his coffee. “Because believe it or not, I care about you.”
I fold my arms, sinking lower on the seat. “Well, thanks, I guess.”
“I want you to do better so you can get back on the team. Take it as an extra incentive that they really need you.”
I blow out a hard breath. “They already hate me for missing practice. I can just imagine what they’ll say on Monday morning.”
“They just need to put in as much practice as you’re doing with studying,” Coach says with a wry smile. “I need more than one star player.”
I laugh and stand up. “Thanks, Coach. I needed an ego boost.”
“It’s true, kid. You’re my star.” He opens wallet and places some cash on the table. “A little extra for all your effort.”
My heart swells. “You didn’t have to do that.”
He stands and pats my back. “You’re doing good, Jamie. Keep it up.”
I thank him again, and he leaves the cafe. I pick up the money and move behind the counter. I close out his table, pocket his generous tip, and tell Laura I’m taking a break.
After whipping together a loaded sandwich, I seclude myself in Aunt Maddy’s office. Kicking back in her desk chair with my feet on the desk, I stretch my arms above my head and listen for a crack in my back.
“Ahh.” It purrs out of me with relief.
I slip my feet off the desk and pick up my sandwich.
With a big bite, I flip through the notes I brought with me.
I stop on Mom’s diary. This book has become a security blanket.
Keeping it close has me feeling protected.
There’s been such a disconnect between me and Mom’s presence for the past few years.
Now it’s like she’s back and telling me all her secrets.
I’m weirdly missing Gandalf right now, and I need one of her stories.
I flip through Mom’s diary and stop on a page framed with hand drawn love hearts. My heart pitter-patters, and I read over what she wrote.
I’ve never loved a single living thing more.
I can’t believe how natural and fulfilling it feels to hold my baby girl in my arms. All I want to do is to protect her from the hideousness of this world.
I see every time someone gives me a disgusted look for being her mom at such a young age.
It’s every time I leave the house with her.
I never want my baby to be looked at like that.
But at least I know I can be strong and have her back.
I won’t let her be teased and ridiculed and hurt.
I will take it to protect her and Maddy.
I don’t want either of them to suffer. I will take all the hits for them.
I swipe at my watering eyes, but it doesn’t stop the stinging tears from erupting. I suck in a ragged breath. Oh, Mom. I know you tried your best.
She didn’t even know how little time we’d have together, and she still made up for it. Aunt Maddy and I are doing fine. I could live without the bullying at school, but I think those girls are lucky my mom’s not around to flush their heads in a toilet bowl.
The imagery makes me chuckle, and I wipe my eyes clear.
Love comes to life from her handwriting on the page. It truly makes me glad Gandalf was a simulation that lasted only two nights. It’s unfathomable to be so loyal and protective of another person for the rest of my days.
I put the diary aside and pick up my phone for a mindless scroll. Before I can think about which app to open, my attention zooms in on a text from Kai.
“Hey, Tabby wants to watch a movie. Our session time is in twenty minutes, and it runs for two hours. Let me know where you’ll be after work and I’ll pick you up after I drive her home.”
My hand shakes as I grip my phone. Pain radiates down my neck from gritting my teeth so hard.
Never has the phrase ‘blood boiling’ meant more.
I drop my phone onto the desk, afraid I’ll snap it in two.
I swipe my clammy hands against my apron and let out a furious, yet muffled yelp. Steam hits my face as I snort hard.
Did I imagine it, or did he not beg me to hang out with him the minute I finished work? He promised to find a balance between me and his girlfriend. However, the minute she has him alone, he goes back on his word.
I snatch my phone and hurriedly text a response. “Don’t bother. I’ll stay home after work.”
“Don’t be huffy. It’ll only be an hour, maybe 90 mins after your shift.”
“That is until she decides she wants to do something else with you. Don’t make me any more promises you can’t keep.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t think it was a big deal. Do you want me to cancel on her?”
Ugh. So I can look like the bad guy? “No.”
“Thanks, James. I hope one day you find someone and understand how your mind gets wrapped up in wanting to spend time with them.”
I slide the phone into my pocket. My lips rub together as memories of Milo flood my mind. Okay, Kai. Maybe I’ll follow your lead.