Chapter 23
Twenty-Three
The next morning, I hook my fingers inside my cleats and throw my bag over my shoulder. I descend the stairs, ready to leave for soccer practice.
“Did you have enough for breakfast, Jamie?” Mrs. Nelson calls from the kitchen.
“Yes, thanks,” I call back, dumping my bag on the couch as I wait for Kai. I perch on the armrest, pulling on my cleats.
Milo buttons his blazer, moving toward me. “Are you still nervous about this morning?”
“Yeah, a bit,” I say, lifting my arms to hug Milo.
He made a bogus excuse about meeting up with a teacher so he could hitch a ride to school with me and Kai. Kai took little notice, chalking it up to another of Milo’s nerdy antics.
Behind Milo, Kai hurries down the stairs, causing me to step back and sacrifice the hug.
“Are you ready to go?” Kai asks, fixing the straps of his backpack.
“Mhmm.”
He tilts his head, getting a good look at my less than enthused expression. “What’s up, James?”
I huff, picking up my bag from the couch. “My teammates are gonna give me hell for not being at the game.”
“Pfft. You’ve got nothing to worry about,” Kai says, resting an elbow on my shoulder. “Your coach still wants you on the team, and your teammates are jealous of your skills.”
“Jealousy or not, I still don’t like the looks they give me.”
Kai gives me a strange look. “What does it matter what they do? It’s never affected your game, has it?”
I sink under his weight. “No, I guess not.”
Kai gives a proud nod. “Right. If they’re grumpy about losing the game, just remind them they have practice twice a week for a reason.”
“Right.” I stand tall, taking in Kai’s words. “If anything, they should practice as much throughout the week as they can.”
Kai pats my back. “Just like you do, superstar.”
I snigger. “So cheesy.”
Kai jingles his keys, moving toward the garage door. “It got the job done.”
“I appreciate you saying that,” I say, reaching for Kai and halting him. “Especially after what happened at your game.”
Kai gives me a small smile. “It’s cool. I got too in my head.”
I wince. “Because Tabitha was there.”
He nods. “I was trying to impress her. Epic fail, huh.”
I frown as Kai turns away and disappears into the garage. My heart hurts for him. I still maintain Tabitha is a bad luck charm. That doesn't mean I want my best friend to fail.
Before joining Kai, I sneak a glance at Milo. His small smile conveys all the reassurance I need. I brush my hand by his and hook his pinky finger with mine. His pinky squeezes mine and a soft laugh puffs out of us both.
“Hey, what’s the hold up?” Kai calls from the car.
I drop Milo’s finger and rush toward the garage. “Nothing!”
On the drive to school, I avoid checking over my shoulder. The blush from my intimate moment with Milo still lingering on my skin. When we reach the west side parking lot, I open the car door and ask Kai if he’s coming.
He shakes his head, saying, “It’s early. I’m going to Tabby’s house. She might want to get a smoothie or something before school.”
Dang. That sounds so adorable. “Oh.”
Kai blinks at me. “Did you want me to get you one? For after practice?”
“No, it’s cool. Thanks for the ride.”
Kai waves. “Good luck.”
I close the car door and Milo steps around to my side as Kai backs out of the parking space.
“Do you want me to stick around?” Milo asks, gripping the straps of his backpack. “I don’t mind.”
“I can’t even imagine what these girls will say to me. It makes me sick to my stomach.” I step in close, clasping his wrist. “You make me calm. It’d be nice to see you on the sidelines.”
An ecstatic grin springs to life on his face. “Excellent. Then I’ll stay.”
I leave him for the girls’ locker room, and the moment of happiness is squashed by the imminent dread. Necks crack and heads whip in my direction. The tension is palpable and I hear every backpack zipper, every shoelace curl, and every stroke from hairbrushes.
I dump my belongings, grab my water bottle, shin guards, and mouth guard, and hightail it out of there.
When Coach has us run laps, angered stares point in my direction. Throughout stretches, I hear harsh whispers and notice nudges in my direction. This is torture. When they finally spit it out, it’ll be as a united group and I’ll be a yammering, incoherent mess.
“Coach,” Hayley says with an aggravated tone. “Why is Jamie here? She missed our game. Aren’t there supposed to be consequences?”
“Don’t you worry about Jamie,” Coach replies calmly. “She’d already organized with me to not be at the game.”
Dominica huffs, slamming her hands on her hips. “Talk about preferential treatment.”
“Did someone die?” Hayley asks, her short fuse about to burst. She gestures at Dominica. “Isn’t that the only valid excuse?”
“Or is it more homework she slacked off on?” Dominica accuses. “We all shouldn’t be punished because she let her workload pile up.”
Coach gives a wry smile. “Are you saying the only way the team can win games is if Jamie shows up?”
A twinkle of pride eases the tension camping in my shoulders.
Leah snorts. “Isn’t the optimal word team?”
Coach pans across everyone in the team. “This is exactly the problem. Everyone has sat back and let Jamie put in the effort on game days. With her absence, you fell apart. I need you girls to step it up.”
Scowls and mutterings pass around the group. Contempt flashes my way, sinking me into the ground.
Coach claps at the group. “No more excuses. We’re putting in five times the effort at practices this week. Now, line up for drills.”
My shoulders slump and my back hunches as I drag myself into the line-up. For fear of Coach hearing them, no one is exceptionally vocal about their feelings. Although, via coughs and sneezes, I hear the words, “traitor,” “favoritism,” and “unfair,” thrown around.
I nail the drills as I cycle through the loop, but my heart’s not in it. Coach is too busy focusing on the other girls to notice my sullen mood. When I backtrack to the sidelines to grab my water bottle, Milo’s concerned expression makes it easy to see he hasn’t missed a beat.
“What’s going on?” Milo asks.
My shoulders bunch high. “What do you mean?”
“It’s like something has sucked your confidence away,” Milo replies. “I don’t get it. When you were hanging out with my friends, you owned the table. Heck, John and Ryan were basically scared of you.”
I bat my hand. “Hanging with boys is easy.”
“Why is it harder with girls?” Milo smirks and shakes his head. “I mean, I get why girls are stressful. The mean comments can fly pretty easily, especially when they’re in a gang.”
I scoff and motion to the field behind me. “Then why are you asking?”
“But you hold your own around boys,” Milo says. “You’re usually so cool and confident. I don’t get why other girls shatter your persona.”
I chug from my water bottle and then toss it onto the ground. “It’s just the way it is.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hassle you about it.”
“It’s fine.” I take a deep breath and plant both hands on top of my chest. “It’s just like everything inside constricts.
I freeze and can barely speak around other girls.
I’m paralyzed, waiting for them to say something mean.
” I drop my hands, exhaling hard. “Sometimes it’s just a look. Man, they can hurt just as much.”
Milo tilts his head, finding my eyes. “Why don’t you give it back to them?”
I shrug, avoiding his gaze. “My mom always told me to be careful of other women. Men, she said, were easier to get along with. Women are calculating. She said she’d protect me from other women’s opinions.” I pause, sighing. “With her gone, it’s like I don’t know how to act.”
“Oh.” He pauses for a beat too long, causing me to look back at him. He chews his bottom lip as his eyes dart left to right.
I wave a hand, backing onto the field. “It’s cool. I don’t need these girls to like me. I just need to get back on the team. I have enough friends.”
Milo steps forward, following me onto the field. “But you look miserable.”
I purse my lips as a wave of emotions pushes through me. “No, I’m okay.”
He shakes his head, sadness drooping his expression. “Tell that to your face.”
I gulp, turning away from him and jogging back to the others for another round of drills. My insides slosh. I want to stand here, tall and strong, but another wave of haphazard emotion surges through me. My knees knock together and the back of my neck is slick with clamminess.
I missed whatever Coach said to the group. Leah knocks me out of my trance by tapping my arm.
“Huh?”
“You wanna pair up?” she asks with a blank stare.
“Okay, sure.”
I follow her as she gets a ball and dribbles it up the field. I look around at the other pairs, trying to work out what we’re supposed to be doing. Everyone is still finding a spot on the field, giving me nothing. I turn back to Coach for help, but he’s chatting with Stacey.
Leah snaps her fingers. “Earth to Jamie.”
I shake my head, positioning myself square to Leah. “Sorry.”
Leah passes me the ball, and I stop it, dumbfounded about what to do next. I position myself to pass back, but Leah has started jogging toward me. I re-position, ready to kick as she passes me. In my haste, I fumble the ball and almost trip over my foot.
Dang it.
Knots tighten along my spine as I imagine Milo watching from behind me. I’m supposed to be the best on the team, but somehow, I’m showing off his skill level.
“What are you doing?” Leah asks, digging her cleats into the ground to stop.
“Sorry,” I mumble. “Preoccupied.”
“Snap out of it,” she demands. “It’s bad enough you’ve already missed a practice and a game, we don’t need you snoozing while you’re here.”
I give her an indignant look. “Calm down. I missed a pass, not the end of the world.”
Leah scowls and repositions herself to pick up the ball. I pass to her and race ahead to receive her diagonal pass. The sadness drains out of me, as annoyance flames inside me. My moves are fast, and Leah can barely keep up. Her moves are sloppy as she course corrects.