Chapter 26
Twenty-Six
Jake and Laura let me go home before they started cleaning. Whenever I finished taking orders and there were no tables to clear, I’d sit by Milo. We’d have our books open, but I wouldn’t really call what we did studying, even though our touching was at a minimum.
Milo called his mom to drive us home, and before she arrived, I finished my third phone call with Maddy.
Her praise has been non-stop. She even floated the idea of me taking on more presentations with prospective catering clients.
I gave her a reality check, saying I only managed to say words because the group included girls from school that made me feel at ease.
After dinner, and more praise from the Nelson family, I couldn’t help wondering what Mom would think about the meeting. The good feelings swell inside me, and I excuse myself to Milo’s bedroom. I grab Mom’s diary and sit back on the bed to flip through the pages.
If Aunt Maddy were at the cafe this afternoon, she would’ve gushed about the food and told stories about the staff and prior functions.
I wonder if Mom loved talking to people just as much.
Skimming through these pages, it’s easy to see she was popular with boys.
She wasn’t a girl’s girl, so perhaps she would’ve struggled just as much as me.
I’ve read Mom describe Maddy as a ‘girl next door,’ and she totally fits the bill.
The words Camila used to describe my mother filter through my mind.
I hug the diary close to my heart. I hate that my mother was called those words while she was still with us.
No wonder she strived to protect us. I tap the cover of the diary, thinking about Tabitha.
Maybe having a girl like her on my side will save me from the harsh words thrown around at school.
I open the diary again and shiver as I read the name Trigger.
Every time I find an entry with his name, Mom’s words get increasingly frightened.
I pick up my phone, ready to call Maddy.
I need to ask her if she told the cops about Trigger.
The more I read, the more suspect he appears.
He might’ve had something to do with her disappearance.
When I flip a page, my phone slips out of my hand.
On the next page, Mom’s handwriting is flowy.
It’s full of loops whenever she’s happy.
And she’s happy because she’s talking about Buzz.
I rub the space above my beating heart and can’t help smiling.
I haven’t found where Mom identifies my dad’s name, but I really hope he’s Buzz.
Mom seems to light up whenever she recalls her events with him.
However, the knots in my back make me hold back on my joy. Mom always said I couldn’t know who my father was. It kills me that he’ll most likely be Trigger.
Alfie struts into the bedroom, his tail swaying in the air. With a leap, he sits on the windowsill, meowing at the sights beyond the glass.
I get off the bed and walk over to him. Patting his head and looking out the window, I ask, “What’s got your attention?”
He meows and scratches at the glass.
I giggle and scratch behind his ear. “Do you want to go outside?”
He brushes against me, purring and walking along the windowsill animatedly.
“Okay, okay.” I laugh and pull the window up, letting the cool breeze in. “Here you go, boy.”
He meows and leaps down onto the edge of the house. I watch him scuttle against the house and then leap onto the branch of a nearby tree. Light rain sprays into the room. I close the window and briskly rub my arms from the cold. How he’d want to be outside now is beyond me.
I move back to the bed and pick up the diary. I read over the cutesy date Buzz set up for Mom. She always calls him a friend, saying he’s too good to be tied down by her. She’s excited about all the great things he’ll do after he graduates high school and goes off to college.
That’s why I can never be with him. He can never know the truth.
If he knows he’s Jamie’s dad, he’ll stay in this town forever.
WHAT!?
He’s so smart and has so many opportunities awaiting him. It’s better if everyone thinks it’s a lowlife from Logan’s Point. Once Brent is done with school, I’ll tell him about Jamie.
Brent? WHAT!?
He’s already so sweet with her. He takes any chance he can get to visit us. I’m so lucky he introduced me to Grams and helped us set up our life here in Victoria Falls. I know he’ll make an excellent father one day, but that day can come later.
I want him to finish his education and not be burdened with heavy responsibility. I can do this on my own. And it’s clear I’ll never lose him as a friend.
I drop the diary to the ground. My mouth hangs open, stunned.
Brent.
As in Brent Anders.
The guy who knew my mom when he was in high school.
And is now my soccer coach.
He’s also my dad?
My head is about to explode. I’ve been terrified to learn who my dad is for my whole life. And then it turns out I’ve always known him. And I adore him. I care about what he thinks of me. And he cares about how I do in school, and if I’m okay when Aunt Maddy’s not around.
Has he always known?
He must’ve had an inkling he could be my dad.
I throw my head into my hands, hunched over my knees. “I can’t handle this.”
“James?” Kai asks from the living room.
“Kai,” I call, breathlessly. “Quick.”
Kai bursts into the room. “What’s happened?”
I point at the diary. “It’s… It’s… My dad.”
Kai gulps, plonking down beside me. “It’s bad?”
I suck in my bottom lip, feeling every slosh in my stomach. “Nope.”
Color drains from Kai’s face. “Then why do you look petrified?”
I grab onto Kai’s hands and exhale hard. “Coach Anders.”
Kai’s eyes enlarge, highlighting his scar. “What?”
I nod, feeling woozy. “He’s my dad.”
“What?” Kai gasps. “And he said nothing?”
I swallow hard, bile fighting to stay in my throat. “Mom kept it from him.”
Kai exhales, struggling to take in the information.
“She made up that it was a scary guy from Logan’s Point, so Coach would go to college.”
“I can’t believe this.”
I shake my head, eyeing the diary strewn on the carpet. “She planned to tell him later, but by then she…”
Kai finishes the sentence. “Was gone.”
I throw my head into my hands. “Oh my gosh. This is so much heavier than I ever imagined. I’ve been so scared of this moment. Now, I don’t know what to feel.”
Kai rubs a circle on my back. “But Coach Anders is a good guy.”
“The best.”
“So, you can feel happy.”
I lower my hands. “How can I tell him? It’s been sixteen years since he ever would’ve suspected I was his. Now I awkwardly bring it up at practice? Ugh. This is a nightmare.”
“No. A nightmare is your dad’s a criminal. You’ll be okay.”
I throw my arms around Kai, burying my face in the nape of his neck. My body releases in convulsing shivers. “I’m so glad you’re here.”
Kai’s arms wrap around me snuggly. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“Hey, Jamie,” Milo’s voice calls as he steps near.
I’m wound so tightly; I don’t budge an inch. I’m clasped around Kai as Milo’s voice sounds from the doorway.
“Oh,” he mumbles. “What… What’s…”
“Scram, Milo,” Kai mutters.
“Umm…” he mumbles, and soon his footsteps disappear.
I collapse ever further against Kai. I can imagine how this looks to Milo, but I have no bandwidth for it right now. This is so much bigger than finding time to kiss a boy.
This is about my dad.
Oh my gosh. My dad.
I have a dad.
Suddenly, waves of tears stream from my eyes. I muffle tears against Kai’s shoulder, soaking his t-shirt.
He soothes me, rubbing my back. “I’m not going anywhere.”
I hiccup and jitter against him. I hate that the past week has led to so many fights with him. At this moment, he truly is my best friend. I feel like a fool for ever doubting how much he cared about me.
He’s got me. Somehow, the tears keep coming. But I feel safe, because Kai is holding me up.