Chapter 14 #3
The cold comes in hard with the wind, and we shiver almost in unison. My shoulder presses against his chest and I can feel him breathing. It’s slower than mine, but like he’s working for it.
Steam rises off the wet deck, and the twinkle lights swing on their wire.
“It’s just rain,” he says quietly, close to my ear so I can hear him over the downpour. “Just breathe.”
I shiver against him, and he briskly rubs my arm.
“Just breathe, Alice. Four count in… Come on, do it with me.”
I follow his lead, worried I’ll pass out if I don’t. I hold it for as long as he counts, and exhale slowly along with his rhythmic voice.
“Good,” he purrs near my ear. “You’re doing good, Alice.”
I hate that it feels like another childish gold star moment. But I cycle through the breathing technique one more time as strangers press in around us and the cold wind cuts sideways under the awning.
I wish I didn’t need him here. I wish I could stand on my own two feet. I wish I could watch the rainstorm and feel nothing but wet.
But I have him. I need him so badly it aches.
He swipes a piece of wet hair off my forehead. “Hey, you good?”
I look up at him. “Yeah. I’m standing.”
He smiles. “Good. Just checking.”
“Sorry if I scared you.”
“It’s okay. You’re getting through it.”
I take another deep breath and then exhale. “I think so.”
He rubs a comforting circle on my back. “You’re shivering so badly.”
“The wind is so icy.”
He drops his guitar case with a thud and retrieves his phone from his pocket. “I’ll text the driver to pick us up. When there’s a break in the storm, we’ll make a run for it.”
“Run for it? In this weather?”
“Want me to carry you?”
Suddenly there’s warmth in my facial features. “Umm, no.”
He smirks as he types. “I give a mean piggyback ride. Don’t you wanna see the world from this height?”
I can’t help laughing. “Oh my gosh, Ryder. Do not carry me.”
He smiles as if he’s proud of himself, and then pockets his phone. “Car will be here soon.”
I nod, watching the rain change direction with the wind. I jolt as lightning illuminates a distant hill.
“It’s so far away,” Ryder says. “It can’t get us.”
I swallow the sickness leaping up my throat and cuddle into him. My knees can’t take much more of this.
“The rain is easing up. Do you think you can make it?”
I shake my head against his solid chest.
He gives my shoulder a gentle squeeze. “It’s okay. We’ll wait.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I got you.”
Other diners are leaving the space under the awning. Breathing gets easier without the crowdedness, and I notice the steaminess from the rain is disappearing. It’s still sprinkling droplets onto the decking, but I can acknowledge the storm is nowhere near as bad.
With a tremor, I lift my hand and let the raindrops splash onto my palm.
Ryder holds me as if I’m playing with fire. “Are you sure you’re okay doing that?”
I shiver again, leaning into him. “Not at all.”
He reaches out and envelopes my hand. “Do you trust me? I can take your hand and walk you to the car.”
“Holding hands?”
“Will you let me?” he asks.
I intertwine my fingers with his, because actually saying it’s okay feels like too much.
“Okay,” he whispers, picking up his guitar case with the other hand. “Stay close. We got this.”
I nod even though I doubt I can make it.
Ryder tugs me out from underneath the awning. Our backpacks hit against each other, making the journey feel harder. Ryder lifts the side of his blazer, attempting to cover my head, but I’d much prefer if that hand had stayed glued to mine.
We reach the car, and I’m panting once inside.
Ryder rings some of the water out of his hair and then slides off his soaked blazer. “You okay?”
I follow his lead, removing my blazer and wiping the rain from my face. “I think so. It’s kind of a blur.”
“Well, you did good. I hope you don’t regret coming to Main Street and getting a bite with me.”
I find myself smiling. “No, I don’t regret it. Thanks for buying me a burger.”
He nudges me. “Thanks for eating it.”
There’s a different energy between us on the drive to Miranda’s house. Not just amicable, but a feeling of understanding.
Once inside the house, I wonder whether we can maintain this frictionless exchange. Or will things inevitably go back to our default of sniping at each other? Let’s face it; he was nice to me because he pitied me. The helpless girl, sitting in the rain and looking pathetically sad.
I make my way to the stairs, with Ryder following, when Miranda’s voice interrupts my thoughts.
“Oh, Ryder,” Miranda calls from the chaise lounge. “I need to discuss your revised setlist.”
Ryder turns off towards her voice, and I amble up the staircase.
Today was exhausting and overwhelming. But sitting at that table, and finding a moment to really talk about my parents and what they were like…
It felt like breathing.
Even when the storm tried to rip my spirit from me, I had someone who literally had my back.
Now, he’s talking to Miranda, who didn’t give a second-thought to asking if I was okay? My hair is a shaggy mess, but my welfare isn’t a priority when her precious client is in her eyesight.
Maybe I can’t fully trust Ryder, but maybe it’s safe to lower my walls around him. He said it felt safe to do that around me. So, maybe if I keep him feeling safe, he might spill Miranda’s secret about my mother.