Chapter Nineteen
What did Will do to him? My mind asks the question over and over, and the answer always comes back to the same thing. But I can’t believe it. Will never acted like a predator with me or the girls. Well, not of the sexual variant. I mean, he laid hands on whoever pissed him off, but…
But if Aiden is telling the truth, then that means I really need to get home.
My stomach feels sick at the thought of anything happening to the girls. I’d never be able to live with myself. Why won’t Aiden just let me reach out to them and make sure they’re okay? I sigh with frustration, running my fingers through my hair. Everything that’s happened since I’ve gotten here has been a roller coaster. One moment, I’m happy with Aiden, feeling the old spark…
And the next I fucking hate him.
Now, I don’t even know what I think or feel. Other than sick. Terribly sick. I wrap my arms around my stomach, pushing out the pain that I now suspect Aiden went through. Were the pills a coping mechanism for what Will did to him? I knew that Will had beaten him black and blue after he assaulted Ron, but I didn’t think… I didn’t think he had done anything else.
But maybe that’s why he never reported Ron’s assault to the police?
To avoid any further unnecessary attention, to keep his secrets buried.
Bile rises in my throat as I glance at the clock. I’ve been sitting in the same spot for nearly an hour, and Aiden hasn’t come back. I need more answers from him. I push myself to a standing position and wipe my sweaty palms on my pants.
Maybe I shouldn’t have been so hard on him.
But that’s rich, considering he kidnapped me and is holding me here against my will. My head is an absolute wreck, and making sense of anything feels useless. Slowly, I pad across the floor to the door and open it.
I peer out into the empty hallway, listening for sounds of life. However, I don’t hear anything. I step out, closing the door behind me. As it clicks, the sound echoes in the house. I don’t know if I like living in a house this size.
“Sara?” a voice causes me to jump. I turn to see Aiden exiting another room a few doors down. “Where are you going?” His voice isn’t sharp or demanding. If anything, it’s hauntingly soft and eerie.
“I was actually coming to find you,” I say carefully. “I was hoping we could talk about what happened earlier.”
His lips turn downward. “I don’t want to talk about it.” Aiden’s answer doesn’t surprise me in the slightest. He wasn’t ever one to talk to me about his own struggles. He always only focused on me.
And that only makes the weight of his past sit more heavily on my shoulders.
Everything in me wants to walk away, to let his obstinance go, but something else—something deep inside of me needs to know what happened to him. I take a step toward him, pushing the fear to the side.
“I want to know what happened,” I whisper. “I’ll listen. I promise.”
His expression is difficult to read, but he nods. “Okay. I’ll tell you all of it, but you have to promise that you won’t speak until I’m finished.”
“I promise.” I want to reach out and grab his hand, but suddenly I’m more timid than before, terrified that my touch will hurt him—like we’d never fucked. Like we haven’t crossed all the physical lines already.
Aiden doesn’t look at me as he slips past me. “Come on.”
I follow him down the hallway, past the rooms that I recognize. I have no idea where we’re going, but he doesn’t stop until we reach the far corner of the house just before the hallway makes a hard turn to the right.
He opens the last door, which I am surprised to see is a stairwell. He begins to ascend the steps, but I hesitate at the bottom, glancing back behind me. Maybe I shouldn’t follow him up. However, I feel obligated, and so I go, noting the finishes of the stairs are worn. It’s as if the entire house is suddenly hundreds of years old.
“Where are we going?” I ask from behind him.
“To the lookout.” His voice is devoid of any emotion. I take the answer and don’t pry any further, climbing the remaining flight in silence.
When we make it to the top, I realize it is exactly as he described it—a lookout. Surrounded by windows, I realize we’re in a tower of sorts. It gives me Rapunzel vibes, and for a moment, I’m lost in the view of the rolling estate and the wooded surroundings.
“I thought I would build this as a guard tower, but I decided to keep it for myself,” Aiden says, his voice coming out in a heavy breath. “I haven’t finished it up here though. I had other… priorities.”
I don’t ask what those were, but I have a good feeling it involves kidnapping me. In the middle of the room is one lone black daybed, a matching throw tossed on it.
“I used to sleep up here some nights,” Aiden adds as I stare at the spot. “I know it’s hard to wrap your head around everything, but I’m… I’m just as fucked up as you. Maybe more.”
I look back to him, swallowing the knot in my throat. “I knew he hurt you after what happened with Uncle Ron.”
The color in Aiden’s face drains. “I haven’t told anyone other than a therapist what happened, Sara. I don’t know…”
I nod, forcing myself to be brave—to look into the face of my captor and take every ounce of truth he is about to give with compassion and understanding. “I can handle it.” None of it justified the fact he took me from my home and forced me to stay here, but…
But somehow, in my mind, it feels like it might.
He purses his lips and turns to the window, his face blank as he stares out into the darkening skies.
“Do you remember when I was a kid, and I wanted to go fishing with your dad?”
I have no idea where this is going. “Yeah, I do.” Barely. I could hardly remember my own father.
“He never got a chance to take me,” Aiden says in a near whisper. “And so when your mom married Will, I thought he would take me.”
“I don’t remember him ever taking you,” I admit, racking my brain. “I don’t remember him ever doing anything with you.”
“Because he didn’t.” Aiden turned to face me again. “But that didn’t stop stupid, na?ve me from going out into the garage and asking him. Over and over. I wished I hadn’t now, but it finally caught his attention.”
I nodded, tears already brimming in my eyes. “And is that…”
“He got mad one night.” His face grew distant. “He didn’t use himself. He used whatever he had on hand.”
The breath is suddenly punched from my lungs, my stomach churning violently. “Oh my God, Aiden. I’m so sorry. I’m so—”
“No,” he stopped me. “No, I don’t need your sympathy. Just let me finish.”
I bobbed my head and swallowed the sob that was threatening to break free as I thought about my Aiden—the one that protected me so fiercely—being destroyed. And I never knew. He never said anything about it.
“Anyway,” Aiden clears his throat. “It only happened when he got angry with me. And the night I was kicked out was no different, only he used himself to do it. I always said I was saving myself for you—and I was—I did—but it happened. And maybe it’s better you know the truth of who you’re really with. I’m beyond damaged.”
Heavy, dark emotions wash over my body causing my hands to tremble. I reach out, my fingers brushing Aiden’s. “I’m so incredibly sorry, Aiden. I never knew.” My voice cracks on the last word, and I bat the tears away. “I never knew he was like that…”
“It was a power move,” Aiden says flatly. “It wasn’t as sexual as it was just proving the point that he was stronger than me—that he could control me. Just like when he gave me pills for the first time. He tried to pretend he was a good guy, but he was really trying to start an addiction. And he did.”
“It doesn’t matter why he did any of it,” I say, my voice still thick with heartbreaking emotion. “It was sick and evil.”
“It was, but taking care of you was much more important.”
I shake my head, guilt and pain and embarrassment thrumming through my chest.
All these years, all I did was blame Aiden for everything. I was so wrapped up in feeling sorry for myself that I never realized this man had been through the darkest corners of hell just to stay with me, to protect me.
“God, no wonder you left.”
“I still didn’t leave by my own choice. Ben Grenado really did kidnap me and force me to work off Will”s debt. He should’ve killed me, but instead, he saw something in me that no one else did. And he helped me shape that into what I am now.” His body relaxed as he said the words, a slight uptick of his lips curling into a smile. “And because of him, I was able to rescue you.”
“Why didn’t you kill Will?” I blurt out the question.
“If I’d have killed them both, then it would’ve prompted a bigger investigation. You have to play the game carefully so as not to get caught.” The softness and vulnerability leaves his voice. “As much as I would’ve liked to have fucked him up, I’ll wait for another opportunity. I want him to squirm. I want him to know I’m coming.”
I shift uncomfortably at the darkness in his demeanor, but I suddenly understand him more than ever, and deep down, I want to make it right on his behalf. But I’m also pretty sure that I could never inflict damage on anyone. But… Would Will hurt the girls?
“I need to check on the girls,” I say quietly, looking up and meeting Aiden’s eyes. “I need to know they’re okay.”
Aiden’s jaw tenses and frustration flashes across his face. “I have eyes everywhere, including there. You need to stay here where I can keep you safe, Sara.”
I want to argue with him, but the heartbreaking truth I just learned is too much for me to do so now, and so I stay. As Aiden lingers there, I see glimpses of the old Aiden I once knew.
I finally get it. The Aiden that I knew was broken, and I had no idea. Heart pounding, I reach for his hand once more, my fingers brushing his.
“Every time you touch me, I nearly lose control,” Aiden grunts, sliding his fingers between mine. “You’re the only person that makes me feel anything good. Everyone else… It doesn’t matter if they live or die, but you, Sara, you’re always going to be everything good in this world.”
I tug at his hand, pulling him to me.
“You’re shaking,” Aiden murmurs as he leans over me, his free hand stroking my jaw. “Are you disgusted by me now?”
I shake my head, overwhelmed by the desire that’s thrumming through my body. I lift up slightly, catching his lips with my own. He freezes in what I think is surprise but then kisses me back, deepening it with every caress of his tongue.
And suddenly, I forget about all the bad things that have happened to us.