Chapter 22
NOAH
Iquickly changed my pants and boxers, not letting myself feel shame about literally coming in my pants. I’d never done that in my entire life. I had control of myself, but give me Em with her whimpers and perfect tits? I was done for.
Fuck. I scrubbed my clean hand over my face, my muscles clenching with worry and stress.
I’d pushed her too far. Her face gave it away.
She fucking cried. I paced the length of my room, bare feet hitting the carpet over and over, replaying every second like game film I couldn’t shut off.
The way her breath hitched. The way her eyes shone.
The way her hands shook when she clutched my shirt.
Idiot. Absolute fucking idiot.
I’d told myself I’d go slow. I’d promised myself I wouldn’t overwhelm her, wouldn’t make this about my want instead of her comfort. And then I’d seen her look at me like that—like she was standing on the edge of something terrifying and beautiful—and I’d lost my grip on the reins.
I leaned my forehead against the wall, exhaling hard. Nat’s voice echoed in my head the way it always did when I felt like I’d failed. You don’t get to decide what someone else can handle, Noah. You only get to show up and let them choose.
I’d shown up. But had I let her choose?
The thought that I might’ve ruined this—ruined her trust, ruined whatever fragile thing we were building—made my chest feel tight and hollow all at once. I’d been hit harder on the field and bounced back faster than this. This was different. This mattered.
I dragged on a T-shirt, ran a hand through my still-damp hair, and stared at the door like it might give me answers. I should go find her. I should apologize. I should explain. Or maybe I should give her space like I’d promised, let her breathe, let her decide.
I turned toward the door.
And froze.
She stood there.
Em leaned against the hallway wall outside my room, arms folded loosely like she hadn’t been sure what to do with them.
She wore one of my shirts—hanging off one shoulder, the hem brushing mid-thigh.
Her hair was loose, falling around her face in soft waves, and her glasses were there on the tip of her nose. Her eyes met mine immediately.
My heart slammed so hard my throat hurt.
“Hey,” she said quietly.
For a second, I couldn’t speak. Relief and fear crashed into each other so fast it made me dizzy. “Em,” I breathed. “I—I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have—”
She stepped forward, closing the space between us with deliberate calm. “Stop,” she said gently, lifting a hand to my chest. “It’s not you.”
I swallowed. “You cried.”
“Yeah,” she said, not looking away. “Because you were kind to me. And that scares the hell out of me sometimes.” Her mouth curved in a small, shaky smile. “You can’t mutter under your breath that you messed up and then… stomp away.”
The tension that had been coiled tight in my body loosened enough for me to breathe. Her gaze held that spark again, where her gorgeous blue eyes met mine without hesitation. She stepped forward so our toes touched as she placed a hand on my heart. “I didn’t take you for being dramatic.”
That got a laugh out of me. I placed my hand over hers, trailing a finger over her palm and noting the way her lips parted for me. “Em, I freaked out.”
“I gathered that. Why?”
“You had tears in your eyes, hon.” I led her into my room, guiding her to sit on the edge of my bed.
Thank god I washed the blanket a day or two ago.
Our knees touched as her legs were crossed, and I was thankful for the touch, the connection.
“I don’t want to go too fast or overwhelm you, and that’s what I did.
I know you have some shitty people from your past that messed with your… image or self-image.”
“Yeah. That’s true.” She gulped, leaning closer to place a hand on my knee. “I thought I scared you away.”
“Em. Em. Em.” I shook my head, letting my eyes close as I smiled at her. “Did you not hear me literally come in my pants?”
“Oh, I sure did.” She blushed again, her teeth coming down on her bottom lip. “I definitely heard you.”
“No need to look so smug about it.” I playfully nudged her side, earning a little giggle. “Actually, you should feel smug about it. I’ve never done that in my life, but the feel of you, seeing your tits and sucking them got me off. All you. Just you.”
She blushed even more, but she didn’t back away. Pride filled me as she cleared her throat and nodded. “I do feel…smug.”
“Good.” I kissed the inside of her wrist. “I had feelings for you before we ever kissed. Nothing will change those feelings, unless they grow. Okay?”
She nodded again, swallowing hard, almost like she was building up to saying something. I didn’t rush her. I wouldn’t again. I held her hand, encouraging her with touch.
She sighed after a few silent minutes. “I used to think I wasn’t…sexual.”
I frowned, unsure what that meant. “Can you tell me what that means?”
“I’ve had sex.” She shrugged, removing her hand from mine. I gripped it harder, shaking my head.
“No, you keep a connection with me. No running away.”
A quick little smile crossed her face before her body relaxed, and she threaded her fingers with mine. “I’ve had sex with numerous people.”
“Can’t say I love where this is going, Em.”
She rolled her eyes, dismissing my very serious quip. “Oh shut up. You’ve been with plenty of women.”
“Not as many as you think, but carry on.”
“With my high school boyfriend, the one who cheated on me with my roommate…he always made sex feel like it was expected. At first, sleeping with him was thrilling because I was sick of being good all the time at home. I wanted an escape, and that’s what Jace was.
I was sick of being the perfect daughter without a single thank you.
But after a few months, sex wasn’t as fun.
I avoided it. He’d get angry. When we would sleep together, he’d get bored and comment how I wasn’t fun anymore.
It wasn’t that I wasn’t fun, but I just…
I wasn’t as sexually active as he wanted me to be.
I thought something was wrong with me. Then, I’d started dating and try to find the attraction to people, but… I thought something in me was broken.”
“God, I hate that bastard.” A bolt of adrenaline coursed through me, the same feeling I had on the field right before the play started. Ready for war. “You’re not broken, Em.”
“You don’t know that! I could be. You asked me to get myself off, to show you but I don’t…I haven’t orgasmed in so long. It’s hard. I don’t know what I like. I slept with Jace to please him, so he’d love me. I slept with random dates to make myself feel something. I’ve never—”
She closed her eyes, pausing as her voice shook again.
I wanted to keep this woman for literally ever and show her what life could look like when you had a partner who gave a shit about you.
But I didn’t interrupt. This was all her.
I kept a grip on her hand and let my thumb graze over the back, left to right, back and forth.
Then, she met my gaze again, lips set in a firm line. “I’ve never slept with anyone for me. Because I was into them and couldn’t breathe. Enough to…come in my pants.”
“Mm, I see,” I said, unable to stop myself from smiling. She might be in her head because of those assholes, but I read her body. She was into us, into what I was doing. “Thank you for being honest with me about that.”
“It makes me undateable, right?” she asked, voice small. “I feel like I should get it out now. Then we can stop this if you want.”
“Uh, what? Not in the slightest.” I tilted her chin up, taking in her puffy lips and sad, sad eyes. “Can I be honest?”
She nodded, her nerves clear on her face. Her expression was braced for rejection.
“You’re not broken in the fucking slightest, Em.” I leaned her back, so I hovered over her, kissing her neck when she shuddered. “And you think you’re competitive, but baby, I’m worse than you.”
“Wh-what do you mean?”
“Can I get ten minutes to get you off? Please? We’ll make a bet out of it. If I can’t give you the best orgasm of your life, then you can…pick out a tattoo for me to get.”
She tensed, eyes wide as she stared at me. “Holy shit.”
“I’m serious.” I grinned and wiggled my eyebrows at her.
“I read your body when I licked you, baby. You were turned on. And my guess is you were overheated and overwhelmed, and you didn’t get the release only I could give you.
” I kissed her chest, letting my hand creep up under the shirt to tease her nipple.
God, her tits were fucking perfect. “You were squirming under me, so hot, so ready. So that’s my deal.
Let me give you what you need, and if I can’t in ten minutes, you get to pick out the tattoo for me that I refused to get in college. ”
Her breathing picked up. Her pulse raced at the base of her neck, and I bent down to trace it with my tongue. “And you can pick how I try. It can be anything, Em. Your hands, my hands, a toy, or my mouth.”
She gasped, her grip tightening around my shirt.
“Mm, I love that sound.” I kissed her neck again, up to her ear. “I really want you to say my mouth, honey. Let me taste you.”
“There’s n-no way it’ll work.”
“That’s for me to figure out. Now, do we have a deal?”
Please say yes, please say yes.
She chewed her lip, before she nodded. “But wait!”
“Yeah?”
“If I say stop—”
“Baby, if you tell me to stop at any point, I’ll stop. No matter what, okay? That’s a fucking promise.”
She exhaled, then stared at me with those large beautiful blue eyes. “It’s been so long. I haven’t gotten waxed—”
“I don’t know how to tell you this without scaring you, but I don’t fucking care. I want your pussy in my mouth, dripping all over my face. I want to give you the best orgasm of your life, honey, and I don’t give a flying shit if you’re not waxed.”
“Good god, Noah.” She laughed, swallowing hard again. “You sound deranged.”