Chapter 19 Leni
Leni
Iskip the rest of my classes for the day, turn off my phone, and hike to Eagle Peak, my thoughts a chaotic symphony of what the fuck, how did this happen, and what do I do now?
When I reach the top, I roll out my yoga mat and sit cross-legged in Easy Pose.
With my eyes closed, I press my palms gently to my knees and inhale deeply, holding it for a count of five before releasing it.
The icy wind brushes across my face, and I welcome the sting. I try to use it to ground myself, but there’s too much noise in my head distracting me.
He knows.
Ethan knows what I went through in high school.
He doesn’t know it was his son, but that’s the least of my worries.
I slept with a Beckford University professor, and even though I’m graduating in three months, and we didn’t know each other’s identities at the time, I know it’s frowned upon. No matter how consensual it was. No matter how much I wouldn’t hate if it were to happen again.
Fuck.
There’s no denying I want to do it again. Even though I know it can’t for multiple reasons. This is one gigantic mess, and I don’t know what to do to fix it.
Letting out a growl of frustration, I try to clear my mind once again and move through some gentle stretches before transitioning into Boat Pose, with my core tight, legs raised, and arms forward. My body shakes as I try to hold it. I’m wobbling both physically and emotionally.
I can’t push the conversation with Ethan from my thoughts, because it’s just another example of how he’s nothing like his son. There was no judgement in his voice, only concern. He was worried about me, and this only messes with my balance even more.
Dylan’s dad isn’t supposed to be the masked stranger I’m falling for.
It’s masochistic.
How can I feel something other than pain from anyone holding the Rourke surname?
My abs give out, and I fall back with a soft grunt. Giving up on the yoga altogether, I remain on my back, staring through the branches of the trees to the darkening sky. What am I going to do?
It’s out there now. I can’t take it back. Any of it.
As much as I don’t want to, I know I need to talk to Ethan. I have to come clean and tell him about Dylan and me. It won’t be easy, but at least he already knows the worst part of our story, even if he doesn’t know it was his son.
Who knows? Maybe it will help me to finally let go if I confront the truth head-on. Dylan got away with what he did with no consequences, while his actions have continued to haunt me, no matter how hard I try to convince myself they have no power.
Subconsciously, I think I wrote that assignment to tell my truth, even if I never intended for his father to read it. Now that it’s out there, I have to own it.
Resolved, I pack up my yoga mat and walk back to my car.
Knowing I can’t wait until tomorrow, and this isn’t the kind of conversation to have at the university, I find myself pulling up in front of a house I never thought I’d set foot inside again.
Before I can lose my nerve, I climb out of my car and stride up to the front door, and knock.
I’m about to turn around and leave when the door swings open. Every rational thought slips from my mind when I see Ethan standing in the entry wearing nothing but black sweatpants, his naked chest glistening with sweat.
“Leni?” he says, blinking at me as if I’m some sort of apparition. He glances over my shoulder as if to check I’m alone, then back at me. “What are you doing here?”
“We need to talk.”
He casts another nervous glance behind me before nodding and moving aside. After closing the door, I follow him into the living room. We both hover awkwardly, tension thick in the air, and my eyes keep straying to his naked chest.
Finally, he clears his throat.
“Sorry, I was just working out. Take a seat. I’ll be right back.” He hesitates. “Did you, uh… Do you want something to drink?”
I shake my head, and he nods before leaving the room. I pace as I wait for him to return, trying to ease the nerves fluttering in my stomach.
He’s only gone for a couple of minutes, but it feels like longer when he steps into the room fully clothed.
His whiskey eyes wash over me. “Are you okay?”
I nod, but under the weight of his heavy gaze, it slowly turns into another shake of my head.
He sighs and gestures to the couch. “Please take a seat.”
This time, I listen and sink onto his couch. His masculine scent is everywhere, even more so here than in his office, and somehow, it relaxes me. Ethan sits across from me, and while his hands are folded in his lap, I see the tension in his muscles.
“I’m sorry for upsetting you,” he says softly. “That was never my intent, and I honestly didn’t know it was you I was calling into my office.”
“I know.”
“You wanted to talk?”
Again, I nod. “There’s something you need to know.” I open my mouth to tell him about Dylan, but I hesitate, not knowing where to start.
Sensing how difficult it is for me to find the right words, he takes pity on me.
Running a hand through his hair, he looks at the floor and says, “I should probably tell you I’ve handed in my resignation at the University.
I’m finishing the semester, but then I’m leaving Beckford.
It has nothing to do with what happened between us, at least not directly.
I handed my notice in last week, before we… well…”
“Before we had sex,” I offer bluntly, my chest tightening.
“Yes.”
He’s leaving.
Tears sting my eyes, but I blink them back, refusing to show weakness.
I should be happy he’s leaving. There’s no reason to reopen old wounds and tell him about my history with his son.
It won’t change anything. Ethan’s leaving, and whatever happened between us is over.
Telling him about Dylan is pointless. I can’t cause trouble between them when I’m probably never going to see them again once Ethan leaves Beckford.
For some reason, the thought sits like a lead balloon in the pit of my stomach.
I don’t want him to leave.
“I should go,” I blurt, springing up from the couch.
“You didn’t tell me—”
“It doesn’t matter,” I say, already moving for the hallway. “I shouldn’t have come here.”
“Leni—”
“No, it was inappropriate. I’m sorry.”
I hurry towards the front door, cursing mentally when I hear his footsteps following me.
“Please, Ethan… I mean, Coach Rourke. Forget I came here. Forget the assignment I wrote. I’m fine. I’ve dealt with it all. It’s all in the past, and I just want to move on and forget anything ever happened.” My throat chokes on those last words as I realise the double meaning behind them.
Will he think I’m talking about him?
Am I?
Those stolen moments with him in the room at Euphoria were incredible, and I don’t just mean the orgasms. The way he kissed me, touched me, looked at me as if I was the most important person in the world. I won’t ever forget that. I’ll compare every man to him until the end of time.
I can’t let him leave Beckford without letting him know the lasting impact he’s left on me in the past six months.
Before I can think about what I’m doing, I rush back to him, startling him when I fling my arms around his neck.
He hesitates for only a moment before wrapping me in his warm embrace, and again, I’m taken aback by how safe I feel in his arms when his son has always been the monster lurking under my bed.
Burying my head against his chest, my voice is muffled when I say, “I don’t want to forget you.”
His voice is strained when he replies, “I could never forget you, little devil.”
I tilt my head to look at him, my racing heartbeat matching his. Our gazes meet, and I see the indecision warring in his.
“You’re leaving,” I whisper.
“We shouldn’t…”
He doesn’t resist when I stand on my tiptoes and pull his head down to graze my lips lightly over his.
He draws in a sharp breath, but that’s the only warning I get before my back is against the nearest wall and his tongue is delving into my mouth in an all-consuming kiss that steals my breath away.
There’s nothing gentle about his lips on mine. He pours everything into this kiss, letting me know in no uncertain terms that in this moment, I’m his. His to claim, his to mark, his to cherish.
I give as good as I get, bringing my hands up to cup his face, loving that there are no masks between us right now. What’s happening in his entryway is all us. It’s real, raw, and unbridled.
If I doubted whether Ethan wants me as much as I want him, it’s put to rest when his solid bulge presses into my stomach.
I moan and shamelessly rub against him, taking great satisfaction as he thickens against my ministrations.
My panties are completely soaked, and I’m desperate to feel his hands all over my body.
“I’m too old for you,” he murmurs against my lips.
“Age is just a number,” I say, repeating what I told him when he tried his argument a few weeks ago.
“I’m technically your professor.” He groans as my hands slip under his t-shirt, my fingers ghosting over his impressive abs.
“I graduate in less than three months.” I arch my neck, giving him more access as his lips trail over my feverish skin.
“I shouldn’t take advantage—”
“You’re not,” I pant, fisting his shirt and pulling him closer. “Please, I need you to touch me.”
Ethan chuckles, one of his hands dropping to play with the button on my jeans as he kisses me deeply. “Are you trying to seduce me, little devil?”
“Mmhmm,” I hum, squirming in his hold, desperately seeking friction.
“Are you sure you want this?”
“Ethan,” I beg. “Please.”
He cups my cheek in his other hand and forces me to meet his gaze. “I need to make sure this is what you really want, Leni. There’s no hiding behind masks, no plausible deniability.”
A playful smile tugs on my lips. “It’s incredibly sexy when you use big words, sir.”
He groans, resting his forehead against mine. “What the fuck are you doing to me?”
I run my finger over his swollen lips. “Hopefully seducing you.”
His heated whiskey eyes stare into my soul, and I try to convey how badly I want this. How much I need him.
He mutters a curse before crushing his lips to mine, and I whimper when his hands hook under my legs, and he lifts me, my heated core finally meeting the impressive bulge in his pants. He grinds against me as he devours my mouth like a man starved.
I wrap my arms around his neck as he carries me down the hallway and lays me on the couch, covering his body with mine. His kisses are intoxicating; I get lost in the brush of his lips, his taste on my tongue. Everything about him feels so right.
My head drops back as his mouth trails down my body until he reaches the sliver of skin where my top has risen. His fingers make quick work of the button and zipper on my jeans, and I lift my hips to help him pull them down, desperate to feel him where I need him the most.
The first swipe of his tongue through my folds has me crying out and seeing stars, and my fingers play with my nipple piercings.
When he adds two fingers, I clench around him, moaning at how good it feels when his thumb rubs circles around my clit.
My orgasm starts low in my belly, building slowly.
He takes his time worshipping my pussy, determined to draw out my pleasure.
Ethan alternates his tongue and fingers, bringing me to the edge over and over until I’m writhing underneath him.
“Please,” I beg in a high-pitched whine, my fingers twisting in his hair.
“Do you want to come, little devil?” He punctuates his question by flicking my clit with his tongue.
Unable to speak, I nod emphatically.
“Words, Leni,” he hums.
“Yes. Yes, please. I want to come.”
He offers me a wolfish grin before diving back between my legs and bringing me to the most intense orgasm I’ve ever had. I haven’t even come down before his pants are off and he’s pushing inside me, stretching me in the most delicious way.
His lips find mine as he hooks his hand under my hip so he can slide in all the way.
With each measured thrust, he crumbles every wall I’ve built around my heart. I know I should protect myself. He’s leaving and this is nothing but goodbye.
Despite knowing this will be the last time I’ll feel his body wrapped around mine, the last time I’ll taste him, I can’t stop my impending orgasm from setting my entire body alight. It starts in my toes and spreads through me like a wildfire.
“Ethan,” I cry out, burying my head in the crook of his neck.
“I’ve got you, Leni,” he murmurs into my hair. “Let go, little devil.”
My pleasure peaks and I cling to him as I shudder from the intensity, every nerve vibrating with aftershocks. My pulse races as I try to catch my breath, but the waves keep cresting as Ethan chases his own release.
Just when I think I can’t take any more, his body tenses and he pulls out, painting my stomach.
“Shit,” he curses, his eyes raking over the mess on my t-shirt. Pulling his own shirt over his head with one hand in an impressive manoeuvre, he cleans me up before resting his forehead against mine. “Sorry.”
A huff of laughter slips from my lips, and he grins before leaning in to capture them in another breathtaking kiss. When we pull apart, he rolls onto his side, pulling me into his embrace, and I rest my head on his chest as we fight to get our breathing under control.
We don’t say anything, content in our silence as we lie there in our post-sex bliss. I’m determined to stay in this moment with him, knowing this can’t go anywhere, but when I lift my head to gaze up at him, his eyes bore into mine with a tenderness so pure it cracks my chest open.
Lifting my hand, I run my fingers over his swollen lips, and they tug up into a warm smile.
“What are you doing?” His husky voice liquifies my insides.
“Remembering you,” I whisper in a rare show of vulnerability.
His smile fades. “Leni—”
“Shh…” I shake my head. “It’s okay. We’re okay. I know you’re leaving, and I just want to remember.”
Pain dulls his eyes, but I’m not going to let him ruin this moment.
“Will you kiss me one last time?”
He doesn’t hesitate, crashing his lips to mine and telling me everything he can’t say out loud. Ethan feels the connection between us, but like me, he knows this can’t go anywhere. This has to be goodbye. If we don’t put an end to it now, we’ll both get hurt.
For me, it’s too late.
I’m falling hard for my ex-boyfriend’s dad and his caring nature, and I don’t know how to stop it.