Chapter 9
How was I supposed to put up any kind of mental barriers against someone like him? He’d been inside my body—an intimacy I wasn’t fully prepared to process. And I certainly wasn’t prepared for how much I wanted him to be there again. The vulnerability that had been required of me and would be intensified in the coming days was too much to think about, so I didn’t.
There were safer topics to focus on.
“So, you’re a nurse too?”
“Mhmm. It’s hard to find other work that’s so compatible with being a heat helper as well. The clinic is great about managing the hours, and they’re very understanding about shifts dropping last minute since they also handle the heats.”
“Which do you like better?”
“I know the obvious choice is the heat helping. I like both since they’re rewarding jobs, and, while being a heat helper has definite perks, it also requires me to drop things without much warning and be on call 24/7 and then work those same hours for over a week at a time. It’s much less stressful to have a nursing shift and get to go home.”
“Oh. I guess I hadn’t really thought about that.”
“Most people wouldn’t. I love it, but it’s not an easy job.”
“I’m even more work than most.” Guilt slowly settled into the pit of my stomach.
He pulled me into a kiss, expertly distracting me. “Don’t you dare feel guilty. I do this because I want to. I get paid well, and I’m more than happy to do what I can to make a difficult time enjoyable.”
I tried to take the words to heart, but it still weighed on me. I didn’t like being a job, no matter how much he might love it.
The oven timer went off, and he pulled the bubbling tray out. Settling on the couch at his insistence, we watched a trivia show with me cuddled against him while munching my dinner. He was still a stranger in many ways, but I hadn’t felt this relaxed or safe since I was a child. When I nuzzled closer, he opened his arms, and we got comfortably horizontal with me tucked between him and the couch, my arm draped over his chest.
It was so easy.
Why couldn’t everything in my life be this easy? I couldn’t remember the last time I’d relaxed like this without having to worry about an impending exam or assignment, or coordinating myself around extracurriculars and homework. It was refreshing to simply be.
“Is this all weird for you?” I asked.
“How so?”
“Well, you don’t get to pick any of us, right?”
“No, but I can refuse a client if I want to, and the whole point of the scent canisters is for omegas to find someone compatible for their heat, and that goes both ways.” He toyed with my hair, and I snuggled closer. “The hormones help too. Alphas are affected by the ones you’re throwing out, and while it’s possible to fight it, I let myself be receptive to it so that I can be a better match during all this.”
“That’s good. I’d feel bad if this was super weird for you.”
“I probably wouldn’t be doing this job if it was constantly weird for me. I’d do nursing full time if that was the case.”
“Right. Sorry, I’m musing and apparently not thinking clearly.”
“Nah, you’re fine.” He kissed my forehead and I got all melty inside.
After an hour of watching TV, I started to get restless.
Sidney pressed his nose to my throat. “How do you feel?”
“A little unsettled. I don’t know how to fix it.”
“Let me test my theory.” He patted my hip to get me to stand and then led me to the bedroom. “Have a walk around. I’ll be right back.”
I didn’t want him to go, but it would be unreasonable to ask him to stay when we were still in the same house. Glancing around, my vision honed onto the laundry hamper. I allowed my instincts to guide me as I reached inside and picked out a discarded shirt. It calmed the unsettled part of me to hold it and I turned to the bed, following that tug again that told me to tuck the shirt between the mattress and bed frame.
I turned back to the hamper and scooped out a whole armful.
“I was right.”
I screamed and hurled the whole pile to the floor. “Goddammit! Don’t scare me like that.” I turned from his satisfied smile to the pile of clothes. It felt wrong to leave it there so I gathered it back up and went to put it back in the hamper but my arms wouldn’t let go.
“Don’t try to fight it. You’re starting to nest. Take whatever you want from anywhere and put it wherever makes you happy.”
Having his permission didn’t help one bit. I remained frozen, trying to deal with my rational mind telling me this was stupid and my omega side demanding I do it. Citrus and clove filled my senses, sending a tingle billowing through me that prompted me into motion.
“You did that on purpose.” I pouted.
“Yep, I did.” He slipped further into the room, fishing several pieces of metallic mesh out of the bedside table, and fastened it around his throat and wrists.
I glanced up from my gathering. “What’s that?”
“An alpha collar and cuffs so we don’t accidentally bond during all this.”
“Shouldn’t I have one of those too?”
He dipped toward me, mouth grazing over my throat. “Nope. You get to enjoy everything without anything in the way.”
I stood, shivering in his grasp, until he finally stepped back and let me continue on. With my nerves still vibrating from the attention, I turned to my task. Item by item I filled in the space between the mattress and the frame, creating a circle of scent around the bed. I plucked out the stuffed bear my mother had forced on me and added it in, but it still wasn’t enough. I made a small sound of distress and slipped past him, dragging the blankets we’d used off the couch. I climbed straight into the bed with them draped over me, content as hell with my nest.
“This is so dumb. Why do we do this?”
“It creates a sense of safety being surrounded by the scent of your partner. It’s a way for omegas to mitigate stress.”
“Can you come in here, please?”
“Of course.”
He climbed under with me, and his citrus and clove filled the space and settled deep into my bones. It was a cocoon of contentment. I tried not to think about it too hard and simply let myself enjoy his proximity. Every breath was heavily laced with his scent. I never wanted to move again.
I drifted, lulled to sleep, surrounded by warmth.
I woke in the dark and peeked outside my nest to see the faint light of dawn bathing the room. I climbed out of bed, careful not to wake Sidney, and trotted to the bathroom. Slick had soaked through my panties and pajama pants while I’d slept. Entirely too sweaty and gross for my liking, I stripped off my pajamas and stepped into the shower for a quick twirl to remove the worst of it, rinsing off my clothes as well and wringing them out before dropping them to the floor so I could dry myself off.
Refreshed, I gathered everything up and scampered back down the hall. A torrent of heat raced up my spine, spreading outwards. It was blisteringly hot, every nerve alive and on fire. I stopped short in the door frame and braced myself, dropping my clothing, and falling to my knees. A sob tore from my throat as I curled around myself, desperately seeking some way to reduce the building tension. I grabbed at my skin, nails raking as if it would somehow diminish the sensation. My fingers dove between my thighs, slipping into my slick-soaked cunt where the heat was most intense, desperate to banish it with the frantic thrusts.
The relief was too minimal, the heat too all-consuming, and I cried out, a scream that melted into a series of pained whimpers. Pressure against the back of my head guided me, moving my face until I was inhaling sweet citrus and clove in frenetic gulps of air. It blunted the sharpest edge of the pain, but it wasn’t enough.
“I’ve got you.” A voice reached through the haze. “Hold on to me.”
I tried to obey, but there was no sense in my mind. I writhed, and insistent hands tugged me upright. I sobbed, begging for it all to stop, for the heat to burn itself out. The scent grew to overwhelming proportions, citrus and clove muddling my thoughts further as a warm weight pressed me into the bed. I could scarcely breathe from the pressure, but then there was friction between my thighs, and I thrust my hips wildly.
Each movement pushed back the haze a microscopic amount, but that slightest bit of relief was all I needed to prompt me. I moved with a mindless urgency, clinging to the weight above me, hips bucking, craving. Every orgasm temporarily overwhelmed the burning, throwing me over the peak of pleasure before I crashed down into the heat again, whipping back and forth between the two until I could no longer tell one from the other.
The weight kept moving, the pressure and friction between my thighs unrelenting.
It was never enough.