Chapter 49
Iwas a bundle of nerves as I got ready for my date.
Sidney sat on the couch with Prince in his lap. “It’s okay to explore and see if you want a pack,” he assured me for the hundredth time.
“It doesn’t feel okay.”
He caught my wrist as I passed by again, and pulled me down onto the couch where I avoided his gaze and buried my face against Prince’s head.
“Breathe in the puppy for a minute. You’re going to brunch with your friends, and other alphas will just happen to be there. It’s only a big deal if you make it one.”
I let out a string of incomprehensible sounds against Prince’s fur and yelped when he turned to lick up my nose. “Baby, no, my nostrils are already plenty clean.”
“That was your own fault for giving him an opening.”
I stood and spun for Sidney, showing off the navy-and-white striped shirt and the matching navy capris I was going to pair with some ballet flats. “Do you think this is okay? Not too sloppy?”
“You look just fine. Relaxed, but still classy.”
“I don’t feel like doing my hair and makeup.”
“You did your hair and makeup for me.”
“Yeah, but I wanted to seduce you. This is just a meal to try to shut up part of my brain.”
“Fair enough.”
Part of me wanted him to forbid me to go, but I knew that would piss me off as much as it would please me. “What are you going to be doing while I’m gone?”
“Let all the puppies have some living room time, then I’m going to clean, and I might have a nap after.”
It was absolutely ridiculous to be jealous of that list, but I was. Before I could talk myself out of it, I kissed him and Prince goodbye and hopped in my car. I fussed at myself the entire drive and was relieved that Luna waved to me the second I walked into the restaurant. Both she and Meg were already there, and I was excited for a few moments without the boys, but a second later the bell above the door jingled and their presence became a wall at my back.
“Hey, beautiful. Good to see you. I don’t think we ever did proper introductions.”
I forced a smile as I turned.
“I’m Jason. These are my friends Josh and Jeremy.”
“You guys could be triplets with those names.”
“Right? That’s what everyone tells us.”
“I’m Allie,” I told them all as we crossed the short distance to the table. “This is Meg and Luna. Besties, these are Jason, Josh, and Jeremy.”
Meg scooted over so we could each sit next to our prospective dates, which left me sandwiched between Jason and Josh. Luna, bless her, kept the conversation flowing and dragged all manner of details out of the men as easily as she sipped her mimosa. If I had been on this date by myself, I was doubtful I would’ve managed to string more than two sentences together.
It wasn’t difficult to notice that all three of the men seemed more charmed by Luna than by Meg or me, but she had that vivacious quality that drew people in and it was hard to mind. All I kept thinking while I was out was that I wished I was back home with Sidney, and the puppies, and the peace that life brought.
I stared at the beautiful blond alpha next to me, took in his easy laugh and bright smile. He seemed so comfortable, spoke easily, and even worked in the same field as me, but I didn’t fucking care. I should have liked him, and maybe that was a weight on the side of the scale that the bond was controlling my responses to others, but maybe I was just…happy where I was. Maybe none of it mattered. It wasn’t like Sidney was taking the easy way out and letting the bond be the basis of our relationship. He was putting in the effort.
There wasn’t a damn thing wrong with any of the alphas around me. They asked questions to get to know us and were quietly affectionate without being pushy, but all the while I just kept wanting to be sitting next to Sidney, folding towels while Prince tried to eat them, a sitcom on the TV that we were watching exclusively together. I had never really liked the dating game, and all the years I had been forced to engage in it had exhausted me. I really thought when I met Sidney again that would be the end of it, and maybe that should’ve been my clue from the start.
I didn’t have to do this.
I didn’t have to be here.
I stood up so sharply my chair clattered behind me, half the restaurant turning toward me.
“Everything okay?” Jason asked.
“Yep. I’m so sorry but I need to go. I completely forgot I already had a commitment today.”
“Do you need help?” Luna asked.
“No, no. You all stay and enjoy the brunch. It was lovely to meet all of you.” I spun on my heel and dashed away without giving anyone a chance to respond.
As I sat in the driver’s seat, staring at my friends through the window, I couldn’t help but twist myself into knots. I had wanted Sidney for four years, and I wanted him even more now that I had gotten to fully experience him.
What did it matter if the bond made that possible or not? I was happy. He made me happy, and I didn’t want a pack, or anyone else. Even if the bond made it impossible to want anyone else ever again, I could still be grateful for this opportunity.
Fuck it.
I gunned it out of the parking lot and back to the house. I was just going to put my all into this relationship and let time tell if it was something that would keep making both of us happy.
The house was quiet when I arrived. Sidney was asleep on the bed, his hand hanging over the edge where Prince napped in his floor bed, his head resting on Sidney’s fingers. I crept in quietly, but not quietly enough to keep from waking Prince. He lifted his little head and I scooped him up, crawled onto the other side of the bed, and snuggled up to Sidney.
My alpha woke slowly, rolling over to face me. “Did I sleep a long time or did you come home early?”
“I came home early.”
“You weren’t having fun?”
I shrugged, toying with Prince’s paws while he wiggled around between us. “It was fine. They were all very nice but I don’t want any of them. I want this. I want you and that’s it. No one else.”
His smile was impossibly soft as he reached out, smoothing my hair before curving his fingers against the back of my head to draw me closer for a kiss that lasted only a moment before Prince decided that he deserved kisses more.
“I haven’t even had you back for two months yet,” he said. “You’re sure you don’t want to keep looking for anyone else?”
I shook my head. “I decided to just let myself be happy.” I used Prince as a distraction and a shield, hiding my face even though he tried to eat my nose. “I figure that I was in love with you for four years, and spending time with you just makes me fall harder. I don’t want to fight something that feels this good, I just want to let myself love you and be okay with that.”
“Well, that’s a relief because I feel like each day makes me love you more and it’s already too much to keep to myself.” Sidney laced his fingers with mine, his warm eyes watching me closely. “I think I loved you from the moment I met you. I loved your sweetness, your candor, your openness to experience. I love that I have the opportunity to see you flourish and the chance to be a part of your life. I’m here for as long as you want to keep me.”
I started crying while he spoke, and wiped my eyes with a pillowcase so that I didn’t have to move. “Sometimes I feel like I’m not old enough to know what love actually is, and what that lifelong connection means, but I also feel like every day that we’re together I’m learning it because you’re showing me. I don’t need all the presents, though I do like them. You know, all morning I was just thinking about how I wanted to come home and do laundry with you and sit on the couch with this squirming little muffin.”
“A peaceful life gets a lot more enticing the older you get. It takes a special bond for that to be enough when all of the flash and excitement and distractions are stripped away. Are you sure it’s enough?”
“I don’t know what the future holds, but it feels like enough. It does feel too easy, though. Everyone always talks about having to fight for the relationship.”
“Sometimes things just fit. That’s not to say things won’t ever change, or issues won’t pop up, but if you’re growing together, you tackle those things as a team. Maybe fighting is right for other people, and maybe easy is right for us. We can cross whatever bridges we come to together.”
I snuggled closer, resting my cheek on his shoulder and settling Prince on his chest. “I like that. And I love you.”
I squeaked when he scooped us closer, picking up my hand to press my knuckles to his lips. “I love you too, kitten.”