Chapter 2 #2
I told him I’d leave. He told me he wanted to help me find a solution.
He suggested we talk to the shifter doctor connection his pack has with the SCC, and I told him it was out of the question, because I know what happens when the SCC catches any whiff of an anomaly among supernaturals.
He told me the fact that I didn’t want to kill him for being with her meant something.
I told him I did want to kill him, with every ounce of my being, but that he was my only friend, so I knew it wasn’t a great idea.
He laughed that off. I didn’t find it funny.
And then I went off on an assignment, and he called while I was gone to ask if I could scope out Silver Hills and their Wyatt Meadows problem, which put some much-needed distance between me and Arcana Falls.
But the anxiety I felt – the lack of sleep, the lack of appetite, the dreams I’m actually remembering when I do manage to catch more than an hour of sleep…
I should’ve known it was a sign of what was on the horizon.
I should’ve told him to meet me in town with my trailer rather than hauling it back to the spot I’d been using.
But I suppose I selfishly wanted a couple more days here breathing the air she breathes, for closure.
I should’ve hit the road immediately after I nearly ripped Linc’s throat out.
I was surprised he didn’t ask questions about my plans when he brought the trailer back yesterday.
I suspect because of our history he’s been letting things simmer to see about a solution or more likely looking into potential solutions himself.
It was certainly understood that if I fucked up, there would be a price to pay. He dropped the trailer off and said, “We’ll talk in a couple days. Call if you need me.” His vibe was clear.
And if that scent hits my senses again, I will fuck up.
His phone chimes and he pulls it out. “I’ve got to take care of something. I’ve given your Airstream another wipe down. Opened all the windows, too.”
“I’ll have to give it another day before I pick it up and hit the road,” I say. I can’t smell that scent again.
A moment of loaded silence. He knows I’ve got to hit the road.
“What’ll you do then?”
“Go back to the motel in town, I guess.” That’s where I stayed after leaving the junkyard while they dealt with that Meadows fucker.
“And after that?” he asks.
“I won’t be within a hundred miles of Arcana Falls.”
“Thinkin’ it’s time I take this to my council, Jared.”
“I’m hitting the road,” I repeat.
“Even still…”
“Yeah.” I grind my teeth, surprised it took this long.
“Past time. Maybe Rye or Grey can talk to the coven. See if there’s something they can do to help.”
This is a surprise. But not really. I’ve never wanted others to know, and this is why I live the way I’ve lived.
I didn’t like getting quizzed by that alpha doctor from the SCC at Silver Hills, which had me tweaked, but there were more important matters at hand that took his attention.
I suspected he wasn’t about to let it all drop when I told him it was just a birth defect that I had no scent.
He wanted me to come to his clinic for a workup and gave me his card.
I was non-committal on purpose, because no. Not a snowball’s chance in hell.
But if I’d trust anybody with my truth besides Lincoln Fowler, it’d be the other six on his council. Solid guys; every one of them.
“I shouldn’t have left it this long and if something goes wrong, it’s now on me,” he adds.
“I understand. I shouldn’t have come back after Silver Hills. Shoulda got you to meet me with my trailer in town.”
“I have to tell them. And chances are, they’re gonna vote to level with Sis.”
I wince.
Even the shortened sound of her name fucks with me.
“She should know,” he says, looking me dead in the eye.
I scratch the stubble on my jaw and grind my teeth.
“We’ll tell her after you go.”
“Don’t.”
His face reddens. “Man, this didn’t sit well with me when everything went down after Tyson’s wedding. Everything else that’s been goin’ on since then took priority, but if she’s bein’ robbed of her fated mate, she should know. I’d wanna know if it were me. I care about her.”
I bristle. No. More than bristle.
“She’s a friend of mine,” he tacks on, but it’s too late to reel those other words he said back in. I’m already processing them. Because she’s supposed to fucking be mine.
I haven’t even set eyes on her, only caught her scent and I know. I fucking know. I can’t set eyes on her. I can’t ask Linc what she looks like, because I shouldn’t know. But he knows. He knows intimately what she looks like. He knows exactly what she looks like, smells like, not to mention – FUCK!
Tastes like. He fucking knows what my mate feels like and tastes like.
Freezing cold wraps around me first, immediately followed by that painful dry ice burning sensation shunting through my system, filling me, consuming this form and I know my pupils are narrowing to slits because I’ve been in front of a mirror or watched my reflection in a lake many times when it starts to happen.
“Jared!” he snaps with alarm.
Shit. SHIT!
I’m tackled before the blackness seeps all the way in. Electrical currents vault through my system while my muscles convulse and the iron snaps around my neck first, containing me. Thank fuck is my next thought before I black out.
When my eyes open, I’m aware it’s only the neck iron holding me and I’m relieved it was enough to contain it.
I hear, “Time for a talk.” And it’s not Linc’s voice. It’s Tyson’s. He’s standing over me with Linc and Joel. Their eyes are hard. Their jaws are set in stone.
***
I’m dropped off at my truck while Linc goes into my trailer to get me another pair of shoes. I wave goodbye, but they all follow me to the motel parking lot before turning off to head back home.
Linc leveled with Joel and Tyson and will be talking to Mason, Grey, and Riley in the morning when they go for their morning run. Jase is out of town, but they’ll get a vote when he touches ground. They’ll vote on whether or not they’ll tell her about me.
Tyson surprised me by saying he wants me to stay, thinks it’s all happening for a reason, that Fate wants me here, that I wouldn’t be recognizing her as my mate if it weren’t meant to be.
And that he thinks I’m meant to be in this pack otherwise Linc’s wolf would’ve wanted to push through, for self-preservation.
But that’s not what happened with them either when they saw my locked down wolf. They all had the same reaction as Linc did the first time he saw the monster in me.
By the look in Tyson’s eyes when I woke up, I figured the conversation would go differently. That there would be threats before they ran me off. Even from Joel – the hardness in his expression would tell anyone he’s not to be trifled with.
Joel said he’d support my staying (not that I’ve asked to stay) if we could ensure everyone’s safety.
He also thinks we should talk to the others and if Riley and Greyson agree, we should approach Riley’s mate about the issue and approach her sister who can read by touch to see what might be gleaned about me, which could lead to the Young coven sisters helping me find a way to claim my mate safely.
Just hearing those words on Joel’s mouth had me teetering between rage and need.
Rage, because I’ve long known I could never have a mate, nothing beyond casual, which has never felt like enough.
Rage because I know my fated mate is within reach and it’s taking every ounce of my self-control to stay away.
Rage because why has Fate done this to her?
She can’t be near me, can’t be vulnerable to the wolf inside me who could surface and cause irreparable harm.
Alphas mark their mate’s throat. If I could manage to stay lucid enough through mating and a first knot, there’s no way I’d stay that way through giving the mate mark and tasting her blood.
There are things I’ve found trigger the monster in me, but nothing triggers it like blood does.
And her scent is another trigger, evidently, so I probably couldn’t get through a mating and a knot.
It’d be over before it even got started.
I’d be responsible for yet another innocent’s death.
But the need I feel. The stark, visceral need…
Tyson posed the question, “What if … hear me out… what if you need your mate to help your wolf function properly? Riley’s wolf pushed through and took over when he wouldn’t claim his woman.”
I countered with, “I have zero control over it. No recollection of what happens when I shift, but I know from the trail of blood, gore, and bones when I get back to this form that the beast in me is broken. I don’t know exactly what Linc said to you guys, but you know your wolf is an extension of you, your animal side, the part of you that connects you to nature, to magic.
My wolf isn’t that for me. It’s a monstrosity.
A rage-filled apex predator that can smell even a drop of blood in an ocean.
It wants only to hunt and kill. I can’t let it out anywhere near your village.
And I don’t know if it’d emerge against my will if I set eyes on her. I won’t take the chance.”
Tyson said, “Man, you have no idea what you’re missing with having a mate. These two can’t tell you. Yet. But I can.”
“I’d rather you didn’t,” I said bitterly.
“And Cicely, Jared…” Joel shook his head. “She’s gorgeous. She’s got a wicked sense of humor. She–” He stops talking.
I’m wearing my pain on my face.
“I crave what I’m missing, man,” I say in a rare moment of complete transparency.
“I know I can’t take the chance that the woman who was meant to be protected and cherished by her mate gets hurt by the monster in me.
So, I’ll protect her by getting out of here before something happens that I can’t take back.
That monster doesn’t feel, doesn’t think.
All it wants is blood, to shred and devour everything with a pulse.
I’ve pushed it too far as it is. If I’d harmed you…
” I stare at Linc and hope he understands how much regret I have.
“I know,” Linc says gruffly. “I also think maybe there’s a reason it’s her, connected to us. We all think we’re meant to help.”
“We’ll look for answers. Maybe there are options,” Joel adds.
Linc speaks up again. “So far, we’re seeing that Fate is intentional with this pack.
And you’ve been drawn here. If there’s good news, if there’s ideas, we’ll call and run it down.
Maybe you’ll come back. Maybe we can put you in the irons and bring her in to see how your wolf reacts.
Maybe the coven has answers. I’ll have some conversations today and we’ll meet here tomorrow morning before you haul outta here. ”
He holds my stare. We’ve been through some shit together and I respect him.
I give him a lot of credit for respecting my privacy this long.
He had to notify his council what was at stake after me losing control so many times in a row.
He’s such a good fucking guy that if he weren’t already fated to find his own mate I might have tried to give him my blessing to look after her, to make her happy.
I really fucking hate the idea she won’t have what she’s meant to have.
She’ll never have kids. She’ll never have the connection she was meant to have with somebody.
But it’s good he has a fated mate out there somewhere because the idea of giving anyone permission to lay hands on her makes me physically ill.
Just the notion had me meditating hard to prevent a shift.
If it had been anyone but Linc, I don’t think I’d have been able to stop a shift at even the idea of her moving on with some other guy.
It’s better she doesn’t know about me, doesn’t feel like she’s been robbed of something.
Alphas are told from a young age what to expect.
Female wolf shifters aren’t. Regardless of their standing in their pack they won’t know if they’re fated to mate to an alpha unless it happens. They shouldn’t tell her.
He wanted to know if I wanted to know about her. All I knew was her name and her scent. I wouldn’t let myself have anything else, as bad as I want to know. And Joel saying what he’s just said makes it worse.
Now I have to remind myself to keep slowly pulling in air: one, two, three, four – hold.
Despite the knowledge that she’s gorgeous with a wicked sense of humor.
Out slow: one, two, three, four – hold. And that she’s the type to pick a lock when she’s curious about something.
Like I’ve always been. In: one, two, three, four – hold.
It’s too much to know. Because it makes me crave more information.
And that’s the last thing I should have.
Out: one, two, three, four – hold. More information will make it even harder to keep the monster in me at bay.
The less I know, and the less I think about her, the better for the both of us.