27. Damnit! – Mar
CHAPTER 27
DAMNIT!
MAR
I knew it was a bad idea to run after him, but I didn’t think he’d tell me to run from him.
I say to no one, “He loses one fight and then I’m not good enough…”
I sit cross-legged in the spot where Sihn’s car was before he pulled away. This is the end of us. This is why I didn’t want to get attached. This is why he was supposed to just be a fling. Damnit! I developed feelings.
Tears drop from my eyes slowly. I sniffle and rub my face with the shirt I’m wearing. I don’t care if I ruin it with tear-soaked mascara. I’m throwing this away as soon as I get home.
Verdi’s voice comes from behind me. “You okay, Mar?”
Fans begin to leave the event in droves. I’ll be in their way soon. “In a weird way, I want to just sit here and mope, but can you just take me home?” I would love to just sit here for hours alone, but someone would come over and attempt to strike up a conversation I’m not in the mood for.
Verdi helps me up from the ground and steers me in the direction of her car. “You can sit up front,” Sheila suggests.
“Nah, I think I’m gonna lay down in the backseat.”
I can feel the hotdog I had before Sihn’s fight attempting to make its way up and out of my throat.
While I lay back, I stare at the upholstered roof and contemplate where I go from here with Sihn. I’m not going to message him. If he wants to talk, maybe I’ll listen once I’ve had time to cool off, but I don’t think so.
I feel like what I imagine being strung out on a drug is like and now I’m going to go through withdrawals without him. He’s been such a constant. I wasn’t looking for him and he wasn’t looking for me, but we found each other, anyway. Almost like we were meant to be, but that’s all over now.
I sit up and pull the shirt with his name on it over my head. I roll the window down and fling his shirt out into the wind.
“Are you okay back there?” Verdi asks now that I’m left wearing only a bra in her backseat.
“Do I look okay?” I say through sniffles. “Can you just turn up the music? I don’t feel like talking right now.”
She cranks the stereo.
I thought Ruin would be the reason he and I would end. That he’d end up choosing his friendship over some girl he’s only known a few months. It’s not like he hasn’t lost a match before. He told me before that he’s lost some. I guess tonight meant a lot to him, but that didn’t give him any right to yell at me, treat me like shit, and then drive off.
He’s ten years older than me, but the way he is acting is like a guy ten years younger than me. Maybe this is why he’s still single…
Damnit!
The music stops and Verdi says, “We’re at your place, but you can pack a bag and come stay with us. We don’t mind.”
I look at them through my tear-blurry eyes. “I’ll be fine. I’m gonna just go to bed.”
When I’m safely inside and they’ve driven away, I check my phone to see if Sihn has texted or called. He hasn’t. I toss my phone on the floor and go in search of some booze.