40. Gideon
Chapter forty
S omeone knocks at my door, and when I call for them to come in, Tucker steps inside, closing the door behind him.
“Can we talk?” he asks, his expression serious.
I stand up from my desk, facing him. “Sure. Is something wrong?”
“Sort of. Can we sit?” He gestures toward the two armchairs in the corner, and I nod. We take a seat and I wait for him to start, watching as he fidgets slightly.
“Gideon, we’re worried about you.”
I jerk back in surprise. “Worried about me? Why?” I ask, genuinely confused.
“You’ve been distancing yourself from us. From Mina. What’s going on, man? Why haven’t you spoken to her yet?”
The question lands hard, like a blow, and I immediately stand, the tension in my chest suddenly unbearable. I start pacing. “I don’t want to talk about this,” I say, irritation bleeding into my tone.
“Well, tough luck. We’ve given you more than enough time to come around. But now your actions are causing Mina harm, so we aren’t willing to sit back and let you brood silently anymore.”
I freeze mid-step, turning sharply to face him. “What do you mean, I’m causing her harm? ”
“Gid, can’t you see how much she cares about you? Every time you’re in the room, she looks at you with so much longing and hurt. She doesn’t know why you’re staying away, and neither do the rest of us.”
His words hit like a punch to the gut. The guilt surges up, overwhelming me. “I didn’t mean to hurt her even more. I’m such a bloody fuck-up!” I growl, grabbing at my hair, the frustration spilling over.
Tucker jumps up, grabbing my wrists and gently pulling them down. “Hey, stop that. Talk to me, Gideon. What’s going on?”
“Don’t you get it? It’s all my fault!” I yell, the words tearing out of me.
“What’s your fault?” he asks, his tone calmer now, but I can’t stop the avalanche of thoughts.
“I’m the only one who met Helen. I knew something was off. I should have known she was harming her daughter—it was so obvious!” I pull away from him and resume pacing, my steps quick and erratic.
“G—” Tucker starts, but I cut him off, the floodgates fully open now.
“She came to school, day after day, with a giant, infected hole in her arm and lashes on her back, and I failed to notice those, too!” I spit out, my voice breaking.
“None of us did,” Tucker says, but I barely hear him, the memories playing on a loop in my head.
“I wasn’t there to walk her to the library in time, and because of me, she was assaulted !” The word catches in my throat, and I push through it, my voice shaking. “And because of that, and my lack of convincing the principal not to call her mother, she was almost killed. She lost a bloody finger because of me! She might not ever be able to have children because of me! How can I get close to her when all I do is cause her pain?!” I yell the last words, the guilt consuming me now I’m finally speaking the thoughts that have been plaguing these past few weeks .
“Gideon, none of that is any more your fault than it is mine,” Tucker says, his voice firm, trying to reach me.
“Of course it’s my fault. I’m the one who’s supposed to be able to dig beneath the surface, to see our cases and people on a deeper level. But I was so distracted by my desire for her that I was blinded to her pain. It’s my fault, Tucker. Mine!” I yell the last word at him, clenching my fists in anger as I breathe heavily.
I’ve never been good at expressing my emotions before, keeping them close to the chest, so it’s not exactly a surprise that the tiniest amount of prodding by him has caused me to explode, letting everything out that’s been eating me alive.
“Gideon?” At the sound of her gentle voice, I freeze, my eyes widening as I look at Tucker. I try to compose myself as I slowly turn to find Mina standing inside my doorway, looking nervous. Is she scared of me?
Her eyes roam my face as I look at her, terrified to speak or even move. How much of that did she hear?
“Nothing that happened to me is your fault,” she says, taking a slow step towards me.
“Y—” I try to speak, but she cuts me off, stepping closer.
“No, Gideon. It’s mine. I should have told you, any of you, what was going on. Especially when you found the wound on my arm. But I was scared. Even if you had pushed me more, I wouldn’t have opened up, I wasn’t ready.”
I shake my head, wanting her to understand the full extent. “It’s my fault Brad attacked you.”
“No, it’s Brad’s fault. And if it didn’t happen that day, it probably would have been another. You can’t carry the weight of someone else’s choices on your conscience. ”
“But—” I try to explain, but she keeps talking.
“Answer this. Is it my fault all those girls are dead?”
“What?” I ask in horror. “Of course not!”
“But they were killed because they looked like me. Is it my fault my mother poured bleach down my throat?”
The blood drains from my face as I shake my head, that image alone enough to shut me up. “If I had stopped talking, like she told me to, she wouldn’t have done it,” she tells me as her eyes dampen with tears.
Tucker steps up beside me. “You know that’s not your fault, Sugar, don’t you?”
She sniffles and shrugs, her eyes moving to mine. “Is it?” she asks me quietly.
Unable to hold back anymore, I step towards her, wrapping my arms around her waist and lifting her up. I’m relieved when her arms come around my neck as I move to sit on my bed.
I stroke her hair as I kiss the side of head over and over, trying to sooth her. “Love, of course nothing they did to you is your fault.”
She sniffles and pulls back to look at me. “And it’s not your fault, either.” I frown at her, wanting to argue, but how can I? “Say it, Gideon. Tell me it’s not your fault,” she asks, her fingers scratching the nape of my neck, relaxing me.
“It’s…”
“Say it,” she whispers, her lips a breath from mine.
“It’s not my fault,” I whisper. My eyes flutter shut as she closes the distance and presses her lips to mine. I hold her there, unmoving as I bask in the feeling of finally kissing her. After a few moments, I place soft kisses on her lips over and over again .
The door clicks shut and I open my eyes, noticing Tucker has left us alone. I’ll have to thank him for his help later.
I resume kissing the amazing woman in my arms over and over until she surprises me by sucking on my lower lip. I pull back and see the heat in her face, making me dive in to kiss her fully.
After all this time, I’m finally getting my first taste of her, and I’m not surprised to find out she’s addicting. I take control of the kiss as I pull her against me, my erection straining against my leg, trapped by my slacks and boxers.
I grip her thigh as she tries to rub against me, seeking friction and notice the cute little dress she’s wearing is sliding up her bare legs. My hand follows it, moving underneath until I’m gripping her hip. She moans against me so I pull back just enough to ask, “do you want me to touch you, Love?”
“Yes,” she gasps, her hips thrusting against my abs, seeking contact. I kiss her as my fingers push into the side of her panties, finding her dripping for me.
“God, Love, you’re soaked.” I use my thumb to circle her clit as I push two fingers into her and she cries out. I swallow her moans as I start pumping into her, desperate to bring her that pleasure she seeks.
She thrusts her hips in rhythm with my fingers, making me grow even harder beneath her.
“Gideon!” she cries, moving her face to my neck, and I feel her teeth gently clamp down. Bloody hell, that feels good!
“That’s it,” I encourage her as she continues to fuck herself on my fingers. “Come for me, baby, I love you,” I whisper in her ear before sucking her earlobe into my mouth and she cries out against my shoulder, her pussy clamping down on my fingers as her body shakes with ecstasy .
I continue my fingers thrusting in and out of her, trying to extend her orgasm as long as I can, until her body relaxes, the tension fading. I pull my fingers from her and lick them clean, wanting to know what she tastes like. “Mmm, delicious,” I mumble and she turns to look at me as she leans on my shoulder.
Her eyes widen a bit when she realizes what I’m doing. When I’m finished cleaning them, I wrap my arm around her, watching her face carefully.
“I’m sorry I’ve been so distant from you. I’m sorry for everything that’s happened. You are too kind and too sweet for the likes of me, but I’m honored that you’re willing to share yourself with me. Are you—” I cut myself off, feeling like a school boy all over again. “Will you be my girlfriend, Mina?”
“I love you, Gideon, and yes, I will,” she says, the words igniting a fire in me.
“I don’t deserve you, but I love you, too,” I say, kissing her temple before wrapping her in my arms and closing my eyes, finally feeling content for the first time since I met her.