Chapter 28
Bella
A.K.A Nine-Year-Old Mastermind
They’re kissing!?
At a time like this?
How completely irresponsible.
The bad guy hasn’t found them in the Hobbit room, but it’s only a matter of time. They are kissing ducks!
I never understood that phrase, but now I do.
They’ve left me no choice. I’m going to have to save them.
“Yes!” I fist pump the sky. Every hero must face a moment like this, and finally it’s my turn. I’ve waited for this day my entire life!
I tug on the end of my braid, suddenly nervous.
Mom would want me to call the cops. Should I?
No. They’ll just think I’m calling to report Mrs. Morrison again and say something stupid like, “It’s not nice to spy on people with a telescope.”
This is Manhattan, and I’m a kid in a giant penthouse. What else am I supposed to do? Besides, I was right. That woman is loco. I knew all those boxes coming and going from her place were suspicious. But no one listens to a kid.
I can do this.
I grab my belt with all my tools, unlock the latch on the floor, and jump right into the foam pit a floor below.
I love this penthouse.
Too bad I’ll have to move when Mom and Dad split up. Which is stupid. They built their favorite things into this place. Then somehow those things became my favorite instead of theirs. When did they stop playing?
Probably when Mom started throwing all those stupid parties for rich people and Dad came into all that stock stuff with his game. Work ruins people. I hope I never grow up.
I pull open the small door and then go through the next door. And the next. Past the ladder that leads to Mom’s sitting room. I sneak through the small corridor in the see-through hallway. I’ve seen a lot of things here. Guess what? You can’t wash your eyes out. I tried.
Aha! There’s the psycho man.
All he has to do is press the light switch next to his shoulder, and he’d find the two of them. They’re lucky they have me.
I reach the end of my invisible hall and tap behind the armoire.
The old guy stops walking. I hold my breath as he turns in my direction.
I tap again. He pulls open the armoire and—
The fire extinguisher sprays him right in the eyes.
“Booyah, sucker!” I cackle as he falls backward. “I am the queen of this penthouse!”
He turns, looking at the wall as if he can see me.
Oops. This is why Penny says not to get cocky.
He swings his sword—which is actually my dad’s—into the wall, and I scream. He’s going to destroy my favorite secret hallway. That despicable beast! I run through the hall and up the ladder to my mom’s sitting room. He’s still pounding the walls below me.
Clearly, no one taught him not to break other people’s stuff!
I learned that lesson, like, two years ago.
I dash out of the room and across the hall, pushing in on the sconce and opening a hatch. There used to be a climbing rope here, but I took it down to set up a bucket. I put my hand on the button, ready to release, then whistle.
It’s quiet for just a moment, and then his ugly big white-and-green face appears.
I slam the button, and the bucket of water falls. He yells a naughty word. I cover my mouth with my hand, so he doesn’t hear my laugh and sprint to my next battle station: the library. I pull out the purple fake book, and a small door opens. I hop down the slide.
I’m the Home Alone kid. Only better. Because I’m not stupid enough to be alone.
My adults are just kissing right now. Ha! I knew they weren’t siblings.
They’re clearly in love but can’t seem to say the words out loud. Why are adults so weird about that stuff? It’s not that hard. I told Dean I loved him last week. He didn’t say it back, so now I love Michael instead. See? Love is easy.
If my parents could figure it out, maybe they wouldn’t be getting divorced. But “I’m just a kid.” What do I know?
My feet hit the bottom of the slide, and I push open the door behind the cabinets leading into the pantry. Penny thinks I don’t know where she hid my favorite Nerf guns, but that’s just what I let her think.
I take out Red Devil—I named it myself—and grab a few darts. I cut a bigger hole through the squishy orange end and shove a marble inside. Perfect. I make five more, then switch to putting tacks in the end.
The bad guy is stomping around upstairs.
I load my gun and slip out of the pantry, tucking extra darts into my belt.
I sneak around the kitchen and living room, hiding behind the pillars like the world’s coolest spy. I’m invisible, a ghost. No… the Boogeyman!
The man is somewhere near my mom’s room. Aiming my gun at the small bullseye at the top of the stairs, I yell, “Hey, King Kong, want a piece of me?”
The idiot comes running. Some people just don’t learn. I hit the bullseye hard enough to release the load. Marbles rain down, pelting his head and raining down the stairs. And my mom wondered why I bought a thousand marbles with my credit card. Such an underrated child’s toy.
“You!” he sneers, pointing a monster-sized finger at me.
Yikes. If only I’d been able to buy Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak.
The man thunders down the stairs, holding onto the rail, so he doesn’t slip on more marbles. I aim the Nerf gun behind me, shooting randomly as I run away. He makes a funny noise. I got him. So why is he still chasing me?
Where to now? I could hide behind the Christmas tree or in the treasure box? No. He’ll find me.
I climb into the bounce house but… my eyes connect with his big black ones. Okay, so he’s kind of scary. Like, worse than Voldemort and The Blob and Chucky.
He stomps toward my bounce house. He’s not going to climb in here with his shoes on, is h—
He climbed in.
“Sorry, it’s only for kids!” I yell.
“Not if I pop it!” He pulls a knife out of his boot and stabs the floor.
“Ahhhhhh!” I scream backing away from him.
I tumble down the slide and smash into the corner of the treasure box. My eyes fill with tears, but I won’t let him see me cry. I swipe at them as I watch my bounce house deflate. The middle sags, and I hope it will take him too, but he just stomps over it like Sasquatch.
That’s it. I’m never watching a scary movie again. I want more parental supervision!
He’s coming for me and… I’m out of ideas.
That never happens. I always have another trick up my sleeve.
But my brain is empty.
I’m… scared. That’s what a racing heart means, right? That or a heart attack. I’ll have to Google it.
I run, shoving my Chucky Santa behind me, but it doesn’t slow him down. Nothing does. He’s invincible.
“Get back here!” the man roars.
He’s so close. What if he gets me? I’m too young to die!
I zoom through the kitchen and dart into the pantry and onto the slide.
But slides don’t work both ways.
“Gotcha.”