Chapter 12 #2
“We know you do, and that’s great,” They shared one of those damned mind-meld looks that they had when they talked without really talking. “I guess we’re still hoping that you’d come down to Arizona. We have special permission for you to stay with us.”
Harm slowly shook his head. “I’m building a life here.”
“We want you with us so we can all be a family,” Joe whispered.
“I know you do, and I know you love me. But I need to make my own way and build my own life.”
“And you can do that in Arizona.”
Harm sighed and began texting furiously.
“I really can’t. You have a life there because you’ve met people.
I know you play cards a couple times a week and have your classes and activities.
Everything there is geared for you. What are your neighbors going to say if I came back from a club at two in the morning?
And who am I going to meet there?” He was really trying to ask the tough questions.
Once again they looked at each other. “I get that.”
“I know you want me there because you love me, but I need to be here for now. I have a chance at something nice.”
“Is this because of Derek?” Larry asked.
Harm stared at them and then texted carefully. “I know you hoped that I would stay with you, but that isn’t what I need right now. None of this is because of Derek. I’d give you the same answer if I hadn’t met him.”
Joe nodded. “Okay. We understand, and we just wanted to make sure that this was your decision and that you were making it for the right reasons.” He lightly clapped Harm on the shoulder. “Forgive us if we’re a couple of father hens.”
Derek came back in. “Did you all talk about me?” he asked with a grin. “If not, I can go back to the kitchen. Otherwise, let’s eat.” Derek had everything on the table. He’d made a couple of salads, some mashed potatoes, and a pork roast, all of which looked amazing and smelled even better.
“Harm never really learned to cook,” Joe said as they sat down. Derek began passing dishes around the table.
“That’s because you’re protective of everything in your domain,” Larry chided.
“I learned out of necessity, and it’s nice to cook for others. For a long time, I cooked for me, which kind of sucked. All recipes are geared for four, so either I cut recipes in half, or I ate the same thing for half the week. But with Harm….”
“We know. He eats for two,” Joe said with warmth in his eyes. “He always had a healthy appetite. I remember when he first came to us. He was tall and so thin.”
“The first thing Joe did was put a pizza in the oven, and Harm ate a piece and then said he was full,” Larry added. Derek turned to look at him.
“Let me guess, you were afraid that if you ate too much, you’d get thrown out.” Sometimes it felt like Derrek knew him too well, if that was possible.
Harm nodded. One of the first ways to get kicked out of a foster home was to cost them too much. So at one place, he used to walk to school the long way because there was an orchard, and sometimes he could fill up on the fruit on his way to and from school.
Derek leaned closer. “What did you do?”
“I told him that he was to eat all he wanted, and I’d make him more if he was still hungry.
” Joe smiled. “Harm ate the entire pizza, and two hours later I made him mac and cheese. Larry and I weren’t rich, but I wasn’t going to starve anyone.
After that, he ate plenty, filled out, and grew a foot in a year. ”
Harm ate a bite of the pork and lightly touched Derek’s arm, smiling and nodding because it was so good.
“It took a while for him to warm up to us. I think he had to realize that we weren’t going to throw him out or turn our backs on him.
Joe and I had already decided that we wanted Harm to be part of our family.
So we just determined that we were going to let him see that he was safe with us, and that we weren’t going to give up on him the way some of his previous homes had. He was our boy.”
Derek cleared his throat. “I know it’s probably none of my business, but why didn’t you adopt him?”
Joe bit his lower lip. Harm was interested in this answer as well.
“There were a number of factors. Beyond Larry’s health issues at the time, as a gay couple, we were afraid that someone would decide they had an issue with us adopting Harm.
You never know. He was living with us, and as long as we didn’t raise a fuss, everyone was too busy to worry about what wasn’t a problem.
So we stayed quiet, raised Harm, and did our best for him.
We played it safe, and sometimes we wish we hadn’t, but we couldn’t take the chance that he’d get pulled from us and placed somewhere else. ”
Harm signed that it was okay. He had known he was cared for, and that was what mattered.
“What did Harm say?”
Derek smiled. “That it was okay and that he knew you loved him. He also says that he felt safe and knew you would look out for him.”
“We were a family,” Joe said, and Harm nodded because they had been and they still were. “This is really good. Could I get the recipe?”
“It’s some mixed greens with a little sweet onion, strawberries, and pecans, with a poppyseed dressing. I found the recipe online and it sounded good. I don’t usually try out new things on company, but I know how Harm likes strawberries, so I figured it would make him happy.”
“They are one of his favorites,” Joe said. Harm ate and was glad that Derek, Joe, and Larry kept up much of the conversation. That way he was easily able to eat without a bunch of interruptions. As it was, he needed his hands to communicate, and he was hungry.
Derek smiled at him from across the table. “You both seem happy,” Joe said. “If I came on a little strong earlier….”
Harm set down his fork, looking at Derek as he picked up his phone.
“I know that there are things you want for Harm, and maybe I don’t fit into that picture.” Derek seemed to be trying to make himself smaller, and Harm sighed. Then he began texting.
“You do fit in,” Larry said before Harm could send a single message.
“I think you two fit together better than we thought. Joe and I want Harm to be able to fulfill all his potential. We recognized how smart he was as soon as he came to live with us. We encouraged him, and honestly, we hoped we could figure out a way for him to go to college. He went into the service to help pay for it, and….”
Derek rested a hand on Harm’s. “If he decides that is what he wants to do, then I will help him as much as I can. But it has to be his decision.” Derek smiled.
“I think he might have told you that my sister is deaf. Well, one thing I have seen firsthand is how people tend to ‘talk’ over those who are differently abled. So like I said, as long as it’s what Harm wants.
He qualifies for a number of benefits, and there are quite a few schools in the area that he can choose from.
That is, if he wants to stay here.” Derek swallowed hard and looked down.
Harm understood what Derek was saying and squeezed his hand.
“It’s not our goal to break you up or anything. It’s just that this is Harm’s chance, and we’d hate to see him waste it.”
“I won’t,” Harm yelled, but nothing really came out other than a growl-like sound.
Harm snatched up his phone. “I won’t. But I can’t be pushed either.
I was in no shape to do anything a few months ago.
Maybe I’ll go back to school next fall or the year after.
I don’t know what I want to do yet. But I’ll figure it out in my own time.
” He sent the message. Joe and Larry scowled, but eventually they nodded.
“Okay. We got the message,” Joe said.
Harm hated being in conflict with them. In the back of his mind, if he yelled or made a fuss, he still wondered if they were going to be angry with him. At heart he was sometimes that same foster kid who was scared to make a fuss or eat too much.
“You know what you want.”
“Thank you,” Harm sent, feeling relieved.
“What do you want to do while you’re here?” Derek asked, and Joe explained their plans to visit friends and travel to Philadelphia for a day. “When do you travel home?”
“On Saturday,” Larry answered. “It’s not the best time, but we have to get back. We have doctors’ appointments on Monday and we can’t reschedule them.”
“Is something wrong?” Harm texted to Joe. “What’s going on?” He knew them well enough to know that a doctor’s appointment wouldn’t stop them from doing anything. They’d reschedule and go on.
Larry had the grace to look guilty. “They did a few tests during my last checkup, and they’re sending me to a specialist to make sure it isn’t anything serious.
The doctor said it was a precaution. But this guy is really hard to get an appointment with, so I had to take it or wait another six weeks.
” Larry didn’t seem too concerned, but Harm made a note to ask more questions once they were alone.
Derek’s phone began buzzing with messages, and he glanced at it.
“Suzanne…,” he said and read the messages before responding quickly.
“It seems she’s coming late on Tuesday evening for the holiday weekend.
She’s driving down.” Derek smiled at the entire table.
“Why don’t you all join us for Thanksgiving dinner?
We can have it here and I can do the cooking. ”
“Are you sure?” Joe asked.
“Sure. Are there some dishes that are traditional for you? Either let me know what they are, or you can make them at Harm’s and bring them along.” Derek seemed so excited. “I have a few recipes of my mother’s that I make every year.”
“Does your sister usually come?”
Derek shook his head. “She usually comes down for Christmas. But it seems that her practice is shutting down for a few days this year, and we haven’t seen each other since I went to visit her this past summer.”
“Thank you for the invitation,” Harm sighed as carefully as he could. “It sounds nice, and I really want to meet Suzanne.” He suddenly had a question. “Are there specific signs for names?”
Derek grinned. “Suzanne and I have specific signs for each other. We developed them as kids, and we still use them. Most people would letter sign their name.” Derek set down his fork and began signing as he spoke.
“So Suzanne is this….” Derek made the sign, and then he made a second one. “And that is her sign for me.”
“Do they have other meanings?” Harm asked.
“Sort of. Mine for Suzanne is close to ‘little sister’, and mine is close to ‘big brother’. But with a few inflectives thrown in for good measure. Let’s just say our parents were not amused.
” He smirked, and Harm could just imagine what they might have come up with as kids.
“It was easier than spelling the name between us all the time.” He kept signing for him, and Harm repeated the name signs back. “Very good.”
“Well, I’m not going to use that same one for you. I have one of my own.” Harm made the sign, and Derek stilled.
“Harm….”
“What? That’s the sign I’m going to use for you.” Harm grinned.
“What does it mean?” Joe asked.
Derek’s cheeks reddened by the second. “It means ‘sweetheart’.” He looked down at the table and grew quiet.
Harm wondered if he had done something wrong.
Maybe he was moving too fast and should have kept that part of his feelings to himself.
When Derek finally raised his faced, there were tears in his eyes.
“I’ll have to think of a sign for you.” He sniffed and then looked away before picking up his fork.
Joe and Larry smiled as they looked at each other, doing that silent communication thing once more.