Chapter 40
GRACE
There's a vase of fresh sunflowers next to me when I wake up.
"Did you sleep at all?" I ask, sitting up in bed.
"I slept like a baby," Dante says, putting his laptop away.
I narrow my eyes at him. He does seem more refreshed, though I doubt he slept like a 'baby'.
"Thank you for the flowers," I say, touching the yellow petals. Ever since I told him that sunflowers make me happy, he's been getting them for me every week. “But you promised you wouldn't work today."
"I was just waiting for you to wake up," he says. "Ida made breakfast."
I glance at my phone to see that it's ten o'clock in the morning.
He hands me a glass of water. I drink it, then take a quick shower before heading to the living room. Dante's sister is curled up by a sunlit window, reading a book. She looks like a literal angel. The golden sunlight forms this ethereal halo around her.
"Grace." She grins when she sees me. "Good morning."
She's been smiling more and more lately. It's truly amazing what the human spirit is capable of. It makes me think that we're made to thrive even after going through the worst.
"Good morning, Ida," I say, going over to give her a hug.
I've grown fond of her over the past few weeks. She's not just my sister-in-law; she's my friend, too.
"I made chocolate chip pancakes," she says. "Would you like some?"
“I’d love some,” I say.
After nights with Dante, I’m always starving when I wake up in the morning.
I've started to look at food differently. It's not just calories and grams of fat anymore. I'm starting to see it as fuel and sustenance.
I stopped mentally punishing myself for the way I looked. And for the first time in my life, I began to love my body for everything it did for me.
Ida places the moka pot over the stove. The scent of brewing coffee and fresh pancakes fills the kitchen.
“Can you believe that I convinced Dante to take a day off?” I say. "He hasn't stopped working since we returned to Italy.”
Ida pauses. Her back is to me, but I notice the way her body tightens.
She still doesn't like talking about what Dante does for work.
“That’s awesome,” she says. “What do you guys have planned for the day?”
"I was thinking the three of us could just spend it at the beach and then have dinner later?"
"That sounds fun," she says, smiling at me over her shoulder. "I can add to my shell collection."
She brings me a stack of chocolate chip pancakes.
I take a bite. “This is delicious, Ida. Thank you.”
The chunky chocolate chips make me think of Sarah. Nobody loved chocolate more than her. She left for a boarding school in Switzerland two weeks ago, where she’ll finish high school. She’ll be coming home for the holidays and summer break, but I write to her every week to check in.
Dante enters the kitchen carrying a wrapped gift. He's been spoiling his sister for the past few weeks, giving her at least one gift every day.
“Is that for me?” Ida squeals, taking it from him. She tears the wrapping paper to reveal what's inside.
"Oh my God, I always wanted one," she says. "Thank you, thank you, thank you."
She turns the box so I can see the front. It's a mirrorless camera.
"We should take a million photos at the beach," I say, taking a sip of my coffee.
Ida's smile is blinding. "Yes. We should dress up and take sunset pictures. Oh, I don’t know if I have anything cute to wear, though.”
"We can go shopping," I say.
"I thought today was going to be all about me," Dante says.
"He's been like this since he was a child," Ida says. "Everything always had to be about him."
Dante rolls his eyes, but his eyes light up every time he sees his sister happy. Giving her these thoughtful gifts every day has been healing something inside him.
I make sandwiches for the beach before we leave.
It's a little past noon by the time we get to the beach. Ida settles into a hammock with her book. Dante and I go for a dip in the water.
"The water is perfect," I say, swimming deeper into the Mediterranean Sea. He's right beside me.
"You were right," he says. "This does feel good."
"You deserve a break from the world, Dante," I say, holding his bicep. "You keep forgetting that you're also a human being."
He leans down to kiss me, but it's brief. Whenever we go outside with his sister, he makes sure to keep an eye on her. She's now taking photos with her new camera.
"You're a good brother," I say, pressing a kiss against his chest.
"No, I'm not," he replies automatically. "It took me way too long to find her.”
"What happened wasn't your fault, Dante," I say. "And you did the best you could. I know you'll never let anything bad happen to her ever again."
"It's already too late," he says.
I take his jaw and force him to look at me.
"You need to pull yourself together," I say. "What happened was tragic, but ruminating about every bad thing that happened isn't going to change anything. You have to be strong. If you don't want to do it for yourself, do it for your sister."
I can feel his pulse racing under my fingertips. He glances over at his sister again and nods.
"You're right," he says. “But I still wish I could go back in time and change the past."
"I know, Dante," I say. "But she's so lucky to have you."
I can't even imagine what it must have been like for him. He was only a child when he lost everything he ever loved.
I don't know how my words will make him feel better, so I just hold his hand instead. He wraps an arm around me and pulls me close. The waves are gentle today. I lean my head against his chest and let myself enjoy the moment.
The sun warms my skin and then spreads inside me.
I already know that this moment will stay locked in my memory forever. Even the mundane things in life feel special when I'm with Dante. He keeps glancing over at his sister, making sure she's still there.
There's a family playing next to us. It's a whole generation, from the grandparents to the little kids. It's so wholesome that it makes me want things I was scared to dream for myself.
I want a family with this man. A big one.
I want to be the kind of mother that I always wanted. I want to give my kids the kind of childhood that I never had.
"Do you want gelato?" Dante asks.
I look up at him. The sun hits his eyes so perfectly, making them look like warm honey. And that sweet gaze is all for me.
He truly makes me feel like the luckiest girl in the world.
I nod.
We head back to the shore. He buys gelato before we head back to Ida. Her face is hidden behind her new camera. She’s beaming from ear to ear as she takes photographs of us walking toward her.
"I got the cutest photos of you guys when you were in the water," she says.
Dante hands her the soft ice cream. I'm about to take a bite of mine, but she stops me.
"Wait, no," she says. "We need to take aesthetic photos first."
She makes me hold my ice cream cone next to hers as she clicks a picture.
"Perfect, you may eat now," she says.
We sit down on the blanket. Dante reapplies my sunscreen as Ida shows me all the photographs she took. I've never seen photos of Dante and me together. And the sight of us captured in time makes me unreasonably happy.
"I love them, Ida," I say. "You're really good at this."
"Thank you," she squeals.
She's wearing a white maxi skirt and a loose top. We've been to the beach before, but she never came swimming with us. I noticed that she's not comfortable showing skin. I wanted to ask her about it, but I didn't want to overstep.
"I think the two of you are my muses," she says.
She stops on a picture of Dante looking at me while I look down at the water.
My heart squeezes in my chest. I can't believe that this man is all mine. It's the way he looks at me, like I mean everything to him.
After a lifetime of being made to feel like I wasn't enough, it's still hard to believe sometimes.
We have sandwiches and gelato for lunch. Ida insists on taking pictures of everything. Dante takes the camera from her and takes photos of his sister and me.
For once, everything feels so normal.
There are no expectations. There is no pressure to be anything. I'm celebrated just for being myself. I finally feel like I belong somewhere.
I finally have a home.
It's late afternoon by the time Ida and I go shopping.
I love being with Dante, but the joy of female friendship is incomparable. We find the cutest dresses to take pictures in. She gets a blue maxi dress with long sleeves. I get a bright pink dress that makes my tan pop.
We change into our new dresses and get some fun accessories as well, including a shell necklace and too many rings.
"I don't remember the last time I had this much fun," Ida says, beaming at me. "You're like the sibling I always wanted."
"I'm standing right here," Dante says.
"I love you too, little brother," she says.
"Five minutes," Dante says. "You're older than me by five minutes."
"Yes, that makes you my little brother," she says. "Can we get another coffee? All this shopping has drained my energy.”
Dante takes us to a nearby "bar," where we order espresso and affogatos. As soon as our drinks are served, Ida whips out her camera and takes photographs.
"You're ruining my reputation in this town," Dante mumbles as he watches his coffee be photographed from three different angles.
"Get over yourself," Ida says, putting the camera away only after she gets the perfect shot. "And it's for the memories. I want to remember today."
Dante's eyes soften as he looks at his sister.
But something different happens today. Instead of the pain that usually clouds his eyes, there's happiness there. He's finally letting go of the things that happened in the past.
Ida scoops some of the vanilla ice cream coated with espresso. She smiles after taking the first bite.
"Hits the spot every time," she says.
"It's so good," I say, nodding in agreement.