Chapter 33 #3
“What?” Ailin flushed. She had done all in her power to hide her feelings in front of others. The boldest public action she had taken was to send Enze a letter. How had Grand-mother Jiang found out?
“You young people think you’re so secretive when all your emotions are written on your face.
I will admit that you wear a mask better than most, little Ailin, but even then, did you not recognize all the opportunities I gave you to speak up?
Every time I included you when little Lusi was planning her pursuit?
I thought if you liked Enze that you would fight for him more. ”
Ailin was dumbstruck.
“I’ve been waiting to see what you all would do, and I suppose everything worked out.” Grand-mother Jiang smiled. “Since we’re already holding a wedding banquet here next month, we might as well add another couple to the celebrations. That would be the most efficient option.”
“We’d have to change the invitations,” Mama pointed out.
“You’re right, Xiuyun. Let’s go tell Chunwan and Meilin right away.”
The two ladies vacated the hall, leaving Ailin alone with Enze.
Ailin tried to regain some semblance of self-control.
“This is happening too fast, isn’t it?” Tears streamed down her face, so she wiped her eyes with her sleeve.
She wished she didn’t look so undignified in front of Enze.
“Grand-mother Jiang and my mother are rushing things. I should ask them to come back to discuss it more.”
“Wait.” Enze grabbed her wrist before she could flee.
Despite his gentleness, her wrist burned where his fingers met her skin. Heart pounding, Ailin turned back toward him.
He brought out a clean silk handkerchief and dabbed the tears away from her face.
Up close, he smelled like wind and sun. “I need to thank you for your letter. Your message encouraging me not to give up meant everything, even when my situation seemed hopeless. Without you, I wouldn’t have even gotten close to passing the provincial exam. ”
“I’m sure you would have,” Ailin said. “You’ve always been talented and hardworking.”
He shook his head. “You’re the only one who believed in me from the start, even before I believed in myself. I never thought I deserved you, especially after we parted in Hangzhou, but your letter gave me hope while your mother’s letter gave me confirmation.”
Ailin swallowed nervously as she thought of Mama’s dramatic reaction earlier. “What did my mother write?”
Enze withdrew a folded sheet of paper from a pocket near his heart. “Do you want to read it yourself? I always keep it with me, along with your note, as a reminder that they’re real.”
Ailin carefully took the paper from Enze’s hand. Unfolding it revealed her mother’s expressive calligraphy.
My dear Enze,
I heard that you are considering giving up on the imperial exams. I sincerely hope this is not true. Ailin feels the same. She has written a letter to you as well, and though I don’t know what she wrote, I would like to add an addendum.
Ailin is a devoted child who would do anything for those she loves, but she rarely expresses her feelings, especially if she thinks they will burden others in any way.
It took great effort on my part to persuade her to write to you because she has never written a letter to a man who is not a blood relative.
I believe she broke this rule of propriety for you because she truly cares for you.
If you are bound to Miss Shen, please ignore the rest of this letter. However, if there is any chance you are not marry-ing Miss Shen, please know that I would love to have you as a son-in-law, for I am sure that my Ailin loves you.
Sincerely,
Meng Xiuyun
Ailin’s face burned. How could her mother have written all that to Enze? It was mortifying.
When Enze leaned down toward her, she looked up. It was impossible to ignore his lips when he spoke. “Do you really care for me as much as your mother says?”
Ailin was unsure how to answer appropriately. She had tried to deny her feelings for so long that she couldn’t imagine simply admitting them to him.
“What if I do?”
“Then I have more for you to read.” Enze pulled out a sheaf of paper covered with his neat, upright handwriting. The collection was thick. “These are all the letters I wrote to you while we were apart. I thought I would never share them with you, but now I think I ought to.”
Ailin took the sheets of paper and scanned through them one by one.
Some were diary-like reports of his struggles, some were heartfelt apologies for perceived shortcomings, and some were transcriptions of classical poems when he was too emotional to compose his own words.
The letters showed him at his lowest moments, as well as the determination that carried him through.
His writing was just like him—deep, thoughtful, and honest. She felt like she was gazing into his soul, and it was beautiful.
When she looked up, he shone as beautifully as his letters.
“Will you answer my question now?” he asked softly.
Ailin’s eyes clouded with tears again, but she smiled wholeheartedly as she threw her arms around him. “Yes, Enze. A thousand times yes. In this life, in the next, and every life thereafter, I will always love you.”
He moved his arms to return her embrace warmly and firmly. When he spoke again, his voice was husky and unsure. “I can’t believe this is real. I’m afraid I’ll wake up.”
She pulled back to look at his face, her inhibitions completely gone.
Unlike the first time in Nuolan Garden when she was afraid of being discovered and unlike the last time in Hangzhou when she thought she had to make him give up on her, this time they were free and they were safe. She angled her mouth up to meet his.
He kissed her ardently, and she clung to him tighter than ever. Her heart beat stronger while her knees grew weaker. He was so sweet that she wished the moment could last forever . . . until she remembered they would have many more moments to come once they were married.
When they took a break to breathe, Ailin nestled her head into Enze’s chest, resting contentedly as she absorbed his warmth. Encircled in his embrace, everything felt right. Being with him felt like the most proper thing in the world.