Chapter 2 #2
Deciding to attempt communication, I projected an image of Dakota in my mind, causing Caedmon to tense before offering me a head tilt as if in thought.
I added in my worry, and after a moment he opened up the pathway to my other bonds, no longer blocking it with his magic.
Relief flooded through me as I felt the vitality of all my other bonds, bright and vibrant. They truly were okay.
Julian’s magic seemed to spark as Coffin tried to reach out to me—
The connection was suddenly cut off, making me realize that Caedmon didn’t want him or the others to find us.
I blinked in confusion, not knowing why he would do that but also knowing I wasn’t going to get through to him right now, especially with how worked up he seemed to be.
I had never expected to be in a situation like this, so I just had to trust my instincts on how to handle it.
After all, they were the same ones that recognized I could trust Caedmon, even when he tried to convince me otherwise.
I laid down on the cold surface and stretched out, rolling onto my back and exposing my belly. It was a show of trust and submission that came naturally. I had no idea how lycans worked, but it seemed to calm him, the tension draining from his frame.
Now that I knew the others were okay, I wanted to focus on supporting Caedmon in any way that I could so he could find himself again.
When he didn’t move, I closed my eyes and let myself get comfortable…
And it was only moments later that I felt his warm body wrap around me.
I knew it wasn’t the time to sleep, but I also hoped that relaxing would maybe make him feel better.
I had no idea how long lycan shifts lasted—they didn’t specify in the text from class—but if my mate needed me here, then that was where I would be.
Right next to him. For this shift and any others.
I fell asleep easily, comforted by the purr-like vibrations that left his chest.
Where was I?
That was the question that popped into my head as I opened my eyes to find that I was in either a memory or dream…
but not mine, once again. I had never seen the luxurious wallpaper or marble floors before in my life.
Above, a chandelier swung back and forth, something upstairs making a thundering noise like furniture being dragged across the floor.
Growls filled the air, passing through the ceiling and circling around the space so loudly it was almost impossible to hear the small cry of pain.
I looked over to the large bed in the center of the room to find…Caedmon. So I was in a memory again? If so, that completely removed my theory on Dakota’s magic being the reason why it was occurring.
How was I having so much access to my mates’ minds? I didn’t mind, of course, but only if they were okay with it. I hadn’t even had a chance to talk to Dakota about what I’d seen.
Caedmon’s small sob drew my attention as I approached, realizing just how young he was—maybe five at most—dressed in a pair of PJs with small figures on them.
His damp hair, most likely from a shower, surrounded his bruised and bloody angelic face that was contorted in pain as he tried in vain to fall asleep.
Blood soaked parts of his PJs and bed, turning the luxurious surroundings into something so much darker.
Had his father done this to him? He had said his father physically hurt him long before anything else had happened, and this…
this was his memory of a night like that.
A true nightmare. Fury like I’d never felt before surged through me.
The sensation rattled my chest as if trying to break out, vengeance lighting my veins on fire.
I wanted to… I wanted to hurt his father.
Tears welled in my eyes as I reached forward and gently removed a piece of hair from one of his cuts.
His expression turned serene, and a relieved breath left me.
I had to fight the urge to give him a hug, and when I closed my eyes, trying to gather myself, I felt myself being pulled from the memory completely.
Two large hands gripped my biceps as someone lightly shook me, trying to pull me from sleep.
My eyes snapped open to find a very human Caedmon completely covering my body from above, both holding me captive and protecting me from the cold winds that swept through the alcove.
My breath caught, seeing the dark emotions rolling through his gaze, but instead of feeling any urge to pull away or give him space, I lifted a hand to his cheek.
He leaned into it, and I could see agony searing through every part of him, as well as fury, caution, and concern. He didn’t know how to deal with what I’d just seen, and I didn’t blame him. I barely knew how to deal with what I’d just seen.
So I launched myself forward and pressed our bodies together, wrapping my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist in the tightest hug I’d ever given before.
At first he was tense, but I kept holding onto him until he shuddered, hugging me back equally as fiercely, relief filling me when he didn’t reject my bold touch.
A wounded, vulnerable sound left his throat as his cinnamon-and-spice scent caused my entire body to feel cradled in familiarity and comfort.
“Mon ange.” His voice was rough, his slight accent becoming more pronounced and edged in pain that I wanted to take away.
“I’m so sorry someone hurt you like that,” I whispered. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there to make sure they didn’t.”
Caedmon froze as he grasped my jaw, pulling away just enough to look over my face with a tortured expression. “Effie.” His voice was filled with shock and something else I didn’t fully understand. “My past is not your responsibility. What I went through shouldn’t weigh on you—”
“I’m your mate.” I pulled back more and felt a fierce protectiveness swell within me. “I should have been there. I should have protected you.”
I knew it was illogical. Heck, I couldn’t even remember where I’d been at that age, but… I still should have been there. I hated that someone had hurt him.
“Goddess, no,” he said, horrified at the thought.
“No, I would never have wanted you to be within a country’s reach of my father.
Fuck. I would have lost my goddamn mind.
My sanity would be nonexistent if you ever came into contact physically with that part of my life.
I want you safe from all of that. I don’t want to taint you with my darkness. With the depravity of my past.”
“You aren’t tainting me. I want to be there for you. I don’t want you to ever feel alone. I know I’m not the best at talking about my past, or even know anything worth talking about, but I know that you will always be there for me if I need you.”
Something between Caedmon and me had shifted significantly. While there were still a lot of insecurities on my end and concerns on his, now I held a small sliver of confidence in our relationship.
Not because he had saved me—although that was a large factor.
No, the confidence came from Caedmon coming to save me while shifted.
While in a form that he was ashamed of and tried to hide.
If he was willing to do that, willing to let me see that raw and real part of him, he had to be feeling the same level of intensity as me. Right?
“Of course I will,” he agreed softly.
“Let me be here for you,” I murmured. I felt a sense of boldness and directness I wasn’t accustomed to when communicating with Caedmon, but I think…
I think it was something he liked, because his confusion had been expelled.
And while my mate still didn’t seem fully like himself, he seemed to have relaxed marginally.
Caedmon’s eyes flashed dark as something seemed to occur to him. “I shouldn’t even be in human form right now. The only reason I’m maintaining it is because I’m worried about you. I don’t trust myself to even be around you right now.”
“I trust you, though,” I explained, pressing my nose against his neck, feeling embarrassed about the vulnerability of my words. “I trust you completely. Even when you weren’t in human form. You saved me. I didn’t fear you for a minute—I trust you, so you should trust yourself.”
“I could hurt you,” he whispered. “Badly.”
“You won’t.” I pulled back from where I was tucked under his chin, still wrapped in his arms. “I know you will never hurt me.”
A vicious growl left his throat, but instead of upsetting me, it lit a wave of desire that circled through my veins.
He examined my face, his eyes flashing purple as he suddenly rolled us so that I was positioned on top of him, my hips straddling his own.
A surprised almost-moan left my throat, realizing how hard he was, his length pressing against the apex of my thighs where I was already wet.
He was wearing pants, obviously having put them on at some point in time, but they did nothing to hide how much he wanted me. I felt breathless at that concept.
“What are you doing?” I whispered, somehow still feeling dominated despite being on top of him.
It probably had mostly to do with the grip that he had on me, both forceful and demanding, yet not too rough.
I knew that Caedmon said he didn’t know how to be gentle, but I felt like he constantly disproved that theory.
“I don’t trust myself when you’re underneath me,” he gritted out. “You have no idea the type of response you pull out of me. I never want to hurt you, and I don’t know how to avoid that.”
“You won’t hurt me. I trust you,” I repeated softly.
His eyes flashed purple. “You wouldn’t say that if you knew what I was thinking, how I want to take you. It wouldn’t be gentle.”
I believed him. I believed that it wouldn’t be gentle…but I also believed that he wouldn’t hurt me. Not with the intention of ever doing so. I also believed that there was another side to Caedmon that was slowly starting to come out, and I found I wanted both.