Chapter 3
Effie Harlow
Something was wrong.
First of all, I was cold. Physically shivering, my toes curling uncomfortably against the icy sheets despite having the covers pulled up to my chin…
which meant that none of my mates were in bed with me.
That paired with not being able to easily pull on their magical signatures—four of them were so faint that I knew they were in a different room than myself—and the absence of their deep breathing made the conclusion easy to come to.
Considering what we’d just gone through, even my hazy mind came to the conclusion that something wasn’t right. Normally they would never leave me alone after something so intense had happened to all of us.
Although I wasn’t entirely alone. One of my mates was still here, not in bed but in the room…
and it was the biggest reason I knew something was wrong.
I could feel Caedmon’s emotions like they were my own as they hit me in a hard wave, panic, anger, self-hatred, and trepidation suffocating me.
I nearly groaned at the impact, forcing my eyes open to find the man in question.
I was in a massive bedroom on an equally large bed, wrapped in an orange velvet comforter. The absence of lights made the room so dark that the only way to see was by the light of the crackling fireplace and a single sliver of faint moonlight that made its way through a gap in the curtains.
That’s where I found my lycan mate, leaning against the window as he stared out into the night sky. He was standing so still that it took a moment for me to see him fully, and even then his expression was hidden from me in the shadows.
As I sat up slowly, the sheets pooling around me, Caedmon tensed, his posture rigid.
His hair was messy on the back of his head, like he’d been running his hand over the nape of his neck, and while I still couldn’t see his face very well, I knew that look in his eye.
It matched the feelings of self-loathing that swirled through our connection, and I wanted to banish it.
Still in bed, I looked over the rest of him, relieved to see that he was perfectly okay after everything that happened—he was standing, alive, and no longer injured. The absence of the scent of blood was a huge relief to me. I’d been so worried that my mates—
I stopped myself right there. I couldn’t afford to get pulled down by those thoughts right now.
Caedmon needed me. Returning my attention to my mate, I noticed that his shirt was untucked and hanging as if unbuttoned.
As if he’d wanted to get into bed but hadn’t brought himself to do so yet. Why hadn’t he joined me?
Shifting towards the edge of the bed, I didn’t say anything, expecting him to turn around when he heard me moving.
But when he held his posture, seemingly imprisoned in thought, I got out of bed and quickly crossed the room, worried about my lycan mate and determined to make him feel better.
I needed to touch him. I needed to reach him.
I hesitated only momentarily, my steps catching as the thought crossed my mind that maybe he wasn’t turning around because he didn’t want my comfort…
No. I wouldn’t think like that. Caedmon loved me, I knew that now. He loved me and he needed me at this moment.
“Caedmon?” I kept my voice soft, raising my hand to gently graze his back.
Less than a second later I was pressed against the wall next to the window, breathless and surprised at the sudden movement.
He was so damn fast, and I couldn’t help my sharp inhale at the small thrill of fear that ran over me.
I knew Caedmon wouldn’t hurt me though, and I needed him to believe that as well, so I forced myself to relax into him.
My gaze moved up his bare tattooed chest to his stunning face, his green eyes nearly black as they stared down at me, his expressionless features cast in shadows.
He looked indifferent, but I knew he was anything but.
The air around us vibrated with the intensity of his emotions about everything—about me.
I struggled for a moment, unsure what to say to break the wall he was trying to erect between us.
He probably didn’t even realize he was doing it.
So I pulled on everything I knew about my mate and slowly let my hand smooth up his chest before I trailed my fingers up to his jaw, the scruff there causing my toes to curl.
His eyes closed in response to my touch, seeming to savor it for a long moment.
But then his gaze snapped open and he tried to pull back from the moment, a surge of frustration moving through our bond as if he was mad at himself for giving into my comfort. But why? I seriously didn’t—
The fear in his gaze, layered beneath so many complex emotions, caused a lightbulb to go off.
“Caedmon, I’m okay,” I promised. “I am perfectly okay, and I’m here with you.”
Caedmon’s forehead pressed against mine as his thumb smoothed over my lip, quieting me, his other hand capturing my hip against the wall. “You are far from fine, mon ange. All of this is far from fine. Four…four lycans. They could’ve ripped you to shreds. I could’ve attacked you by accident—”
“You absolutely would never let that happen—none of you would.” I tightened my grip on his jaw, desperate to topple the mountain of anguish in his gaze. “And you would never hurt me; I know that. I know you.”
“I let one of them take you off a damn cliff,” he snarled, a tremor working over his frame as he tried to calm himself down.
I knew it was essential, but I wasn’t sure how to help him.
I needed to find a way to make him understand that the responsibility didn’t fall on him—that he’d already changed my life so damn much, and for the better.
“He came out of nowhere; that isn’t your fault—”
Caedmon’s lips seared to mine in a demanding kiss that silenced my protests.
Pure desire like a shot of adrenaline ran through me, and my fingers slipped back down to his chest and bit into the skin there, unable to help but want to be as close as possible.
When he suddenly pulled back from the kiss, I felt dazed enough that he was able to continue his argument without protest.
“That’s where you’re wrong, Effie. It is my fucking fault.
You’re my mate, the woman I love. How the hell am I supposed to protect you from all of this when I can’t even control myself?
How can I keep Hastain and my father away from you when three lycans were able to distract us enough that one nearly killed you?
You went off the fucking cliff and into Lake Michigan.
You—” His words cut off, his grip on me tightening, almost bruising—before he seemed to force himself to relax his grip.
“I’ve spent my entire life being weak,” I said softly. “The entire time I was in the Whitepaw Pack, I was looked over, picked on, and abused. I have never felt more safe and protected than I do now, Caedmon. From the moment I met all of you, I knew my life was about to change.”
I kissed his lips softly when he went to say something, not letting him interrupt.
“What we’re dealing with right now isn’t normal; even I can recognize that.
When all of this is done, we’re going to look back on this as the hardest thing we’ve ever had to deal with.
We just have to get through it and figure out how to stop them.
“And the responsibility to protect me does not just fall on you. I know you don’t believe that, but it falls on me as well.
I finally have the ability to stand up for myself.
I kept myself and the other shifter alive long enough for Ryder to help us; I never could have imagined I was capable of that!
I healed everyone! I need to know what I’m capable of, Caedmon, so what you view as messing up is actually a chance for me to realize everything I can be. ”
A low rumble came from his chest, and I softened my voice.
“What I need from you is to stand by me. To help us get past this. To figure out what we need to do to make this end so we can start our real life. Because when I thought I was going to die, it felt so horribly ironic because I’ve only just found my home with the five of you.
I’m not going to give that up easily, and I know you won’t either. ”
With a slow exhale, I held his gaze. “I don’t just need you to protect me, Caedmon, I need you to fight with me for our future.”
My words hung in the quiet room as Caedmon’s eyes filled with a burning determination I’d never seen before.
After a long moment, he spoke, his voice rough.
“I will do more than fight with you, Effie. I will fight with every ounce of my being, until every person that has ever threatened you is gone—until I can ensure that we can live in peace.”
I felt a sense of victory—he had not only understood me but agreed with me—and my heart lit up at his savage vow.
Going up on my toes, I pressed a hard kiss to his lips, causing a deep groan to rumble from his throat, both of his hands tightening on my hips.
Between our words and the neediness of the kiss, my spark of desire turned into an absolute inferno.
“I need you,” I whispered against his lips.
“Effie.” His voice was filled with so much need that it rocked me, his hard length pressed against me telling me he felt the same intense urge as I did.
“I want us to claim each other in every way possible,” I said softly.
“I don’t want to hurt you.” He pulled back, examining my face. “You have to tell me if I take anything too far.”
“Always.” I stepped back into him, wanting him as close as possible. “But I trust you, and I need you to trust yourself as well. You would never hurt me.”
I would say it again and again.