CHAPTER 30
Eve
I snuck back over to the guys’ cabin that night. Once Billie and Joanie were distracted, I slipped out and let myself in through the unlocked cabin door. I didn’t even make it halfway to the kitchen before Nash grabbed me and pulled me to the couch. What started as a quiet tumble turned into more brain-shattering sex in his bed with Aiden and Tate joining in. I went back the night after for more.
As soon as I gave myself permission to be with them, I dove straight in. I comforted Joanie during the day and Billy when she got back from work and then I tip-toed next door for a night of sex. I was exhausted but I’d never been more satisfied. Even with the growing sense of doom at the back of my mind, I couldn’t deny I was having fun.
We talked between rounds of sex and I found myself opening up to them. If I let myself think about it too much, it was terrifying. So, I didn’t. I shut the panicked part of my brain off. I figured I’d just deal with the fall out when it came.
After sex on the third night, I told them more about Mark. It came up and for once, I didn’t hold back. I didn’t sugar coat it and pretend like I hadn’t been destroyed. I’d been painting a better picture of my mental health for Grandpa for so long that being honest about everything felt like shrugging off a wet blanket.
“I’ve always wanted stability. Not having my parents, losing Grandma, it just made me feel so unsteady. I like it when things are the way they’re supposed to be and I like plans. Mark and I had plans. I knew what they were and it felt safe. Not to say that I wasn’t happy. I was. Mark made me so happy and things were so good between us. When I came back here, I didn’t think it was fair to force him into a long-distance relationship but I also fully believed I’d go back and we’d be together like nothing ever changed.” I sat up and moved higher on the bed until my back was pressed into the headboard. “We were still talking every day. And then he was engaged and all of my plans flew out the window.”
Aiden stared up at the ceiling. “He’s an asshole.”
“Yeah, I’m seeing that now. I don’t know if he was always an asshole, though. We were good together. Besides losing the person who had been my best friend for years, I lost the white-picket fence, the dog, the two kids. I’ve spent a year mourning a life I was convinced I’d have.” I smiled bitterly. “At least I know I can still connect with someone sexually. I was terrified I’d never be able to. As for the rest…I don’t know.”
“If you want a white-picket fence, a dog, and two kids, you’ll get them, Eve.” Nash grabbed my thigh and squeezed . “Men will line up to give you everything you want and more. You’re beautiful and sweet and just enough sassy to keep shit interesting. Mark wasn’t the guy but that doesn’t mean the guy isn’t out there.”
I smiled and stretched. “All the men in the world could line up but if it isn’t the right man, what’s the point? I don’t exactly trust my judgment anymore, though. I would’ve put my life on Mark being the one. Look at how that turned out.”
Tate took a deep breath and stood up. In all his naked glory, he slowly stretched. “You have excellent taste in men now. Look at us. We’re wonderful.”
“You’re nomads. There are no picket fences in your future. My taste is shit.” I laughed at their shocked expressions. “What? It’s true.”
“The only thing that’s going to save my hurt feelings is you coming here and getting on your knees.” Tate gestured to the ground in front of him. I knelt in front of him and bit my lip. His wide eyes told me he hadn’t expected me to actually do it. “Evie…”
That was our dance. When we got a little too close to talking about how wrong we were for each other, we had sex. When we started getting too serious, we had sex. It was the distraction of distractions. Unless we were talking about me. I’d noticed the guys let those conversations linger. They drank up everything I gave them but rarely gave anything back. If I started thinking about that too much, though, there was sex.
Another session of passionate sex led to a few hours of sleep and then we all went our separate ways. It was somehow both the most intimate and distant relationship in my life. It was a balancing act to keep from falling for them, but it was a balancing act that came a little too late. What good was a tightrope if you were already flying through the air?
When I went back home that morning, my mood was low enough for Joanie to notice. Billie was getting ready to leave for work when I came out of my room after crawling in through my window, and she stopped what she was doing to watch me. They’d both spent so much time with me I felt like we were merging brains at times, except for the big part I kept tucked away from them. That just seemed to be the type of relationship I was going to have, though. Ones where I held back major parts of myself and kept people at an arm’s length.
Joanie dropped her spoon and frowned. “What’s wrong?”
Billie waved her hand up and down the length of me. “Yeah, you look like shit. You never look like shit, but you look like shit.”
I grunted. “Thanks?”
“What’s going on with you? Don’t say nothing because we’re not stupid. We know something’s up. We also know you’ve been sneaking out to see your neighbors. We weren’t going to call you on it but now you’re looking sad.” Billie took my hand and pulled me to the couch. “Are you okay?”
I let out a laugh which threatened to turn into a cry. Shaking my head, I sucked in a deep breath. “I’m okay. I just…I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m so tired I can barely think straight. I’m okay, though.”
“You don’t seem okay.” Joanie sat down next to me and held my hand. “Do you need a vacation away from this place? It would get us all out of the battle.”
I groaned. “I forgot about the battle. Maybe we should skip town.”
Billie nodded. “It’s tomorrow. The battle. In case you missed Margaret’s sixteen messages and emails about it.”
“I’m not in any shape to participate in a battle.” I whined and slumped down on the couch. “What do you think Margaret would do to us if we didn’t show up?”
“I think it’d make the lube glue feel like child’s play.” Billie laughed and then straightened her face. “Are we still not laughing at that?”
“Just shoot me.” I rested my head on Joanie’s shoulder and sighed. “I need a nap. And then I need a gallon of black coffee. After that, maybe I’ll feel like I can face today.”
“Maybe you’ll talk to us tonight and let us know what’s been going on with you and your boyfriends that’s gotten you so twisted up.” Billie leaned down and awkwardly hugged me. “It’s no fun keeping everything in.”
I just smiled because I was afraid if I let even one thing out about that, I’d explode. I realized with a sinking feeling I was telling myself I just had to hold it in until the guys left. Once they were gone, I’d let it all out. I only hoped I could make it that long.