CHAPTER 34
Eve
I gingerly sat in the rocking chair next to Billie on her front porch. My body ached from the night before and my butt was sore from being spanked, something I never thought I’d experience. I looked over at Billie and smiled. Despite my mood, I was over the moon for my friends. Billie was trying her best to hide it but she had stars in her eyes.
I looked out at where the Hellstone triplets were building something for Billie’s house and tried to squash the jealousy I felt. Billie deserved her happy ending. Everyone did. Including me. It just wasn’t my time yet, it seemed.
“What’s wrong?” Billie’s question threatened to topple the carefully constructed walls I’d erected.
“Nothing.” I glanced over at her and saw she wasn’t going to back down. I recognized the stubborn look on her face. “It’s dumb.”
“Yeah, I’m having plenty of those kinds of thoughts and emotions myself. Tell me yours so I can forget mine.” She sighed as she looked out at the guys. She looked nervous. She looked back at me and I could tell she wanted to talk about her fears even less than I wanted to talk about mine.
“Tomorrow is the last day of the battle. I’ve competed a couple of times but… I know this is going to sound nuts but I asked Margaret to pair me against my neighbors.” I let out a sour laugh and shook my head at myself. I was ashamed of myself. Instead of letting the guys go, I was trying to hold on in any way possible. I swallowed my pride and told her what I’d done. “These battles keep creating these great love matches and I thought maybe it would work for me. I really like them, Billie.”
She stole a glance at her guys and then looked away. “Did they say no to competing?”
I felt my face flame. I’d asked Margaret to set up a battle for us and she’d given me this sad look which had nearly sent me running for the hills. “I don’t know. I didn’t ask them.”
“What?” She turned her full attention on me. “Did you talk to them about it at all?”
“I can’t.” I closed my eyes as I thought of the night before, of how excited I’d been to tell them about the battle and of how fast they’d shut me down. “If they don’t feel the same way I would die of embarrassment.”
“Eve! Go talk to them!” She rolled her eyes at me. “If these guys are any kind of intelligent, they’re probably crazy about you.”
“I can’t.” Because I knew they didn’t feel the same way. I was playing a losing game but I didn’t want to admit it. Needing to change the subject, I waved my hand at her guys. “They seem to have changed pace.”
She blushed. “I don’t know.”
Keaton raised his voice about Billie’s dog being in his way but his smile was so warm I could tell he loved the dog as much as he loved my friend. Owen scooped the pup up and came over. He deposited the puppy in Billie’s lap and stole a kiss. His grin died when he looked at me, though. “Is everything okay?”
I groaned. “I’m going home. I can’t commit to my misery when there’s so much sexual tension swarming here.”
Owen laughed and held up his hands as he backed away. “You stay. I’m going back to work.”
“Yeah. Stay, Eve.” Billie saw my face and sighed. She put Turtle, her puppy, down and stood up to hug me. “Talk to them.”
I made a negative sound before walking down to my car. Instead of driving straight home, I drove into town and got dinner at the diner. The energy was still electric and excited chatter filled the space. As I sat alone at the bar, pretending to be just as happy as everyone else, I made a decision. I had to know for certain the guys were leaving. I had to hear them say there really wasn’t a chance for us. It didn’t make sense but I had to hear it.
The drive home felt like it took hours. I was anxious and after having made up my mind to tell them what I wanted, I was eager to get it over with.
They weren’t home when I pulled in. I groaned and trudged into my cabin with a steadily heavier heart. The longer I had to wait to talk to them, the longer I had to abuse myself with thoughts of how dumb I was being. How many times did I have to be turned down before I got the point? I couldn’t help it, though. We’d spent so much time together and I was sure they felt something for me. Maybe it was enough. Maybe they’d changed their minds. The romantic part of me was going to get me hurt.
As soon as I heard a truck pull up next door, I decided to take the plunge. I stopped in the bathroom long enough to put on lip gloss then then slipped out and hurried over to their cabin.
Their door wasn’t shut all the way and before I could pull it open farther, I heard Nash’s raised voice. He sounded pissed and it froze me in place. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop on their conversation but I did. I’d never heard Nash sound like that before.
“We need to leave soon. We can’t keep doing this.”
Tate’s raised voice came next. “The longer this goes on, the worse it’ll be. The town never really needed us. We could leave tomorrow and everything would be fine.”
“And Eve? What about her?” Aiden sounded even angrier than Nash or Tate.
“She’ll be fine.”
Nash agreed with Tate. “She’s fine. We can’t stay out of worry for her. It would just do more damage in the end. We need to go.”
“She’ll move on. She’ll find some nice guy and she’ll settle down and get all the shit she wants.” Tate’s words cut deep. “We need to make a decision before she comes over here. We can’t keep pretending like there’s something here.”
I couldn’t listen to another word. I stepped backward to leave but I bumped into an ax leaning against the side of the house and knocked it over. The sound was loud enough I knew it would get their attention. Panicking, I pretended like I’d just come up. I didn’t know what else to do. If I ran away, they would come after me to see what was up and I couldn’t face them again, not after hearing their feelings.
I pulled open the door and stepped inside, stopping just inside the door. “Hey, guys. Sorry, I knocked over your ax.”
Aiden forced a smile and shrugged. “It’s fine, Eve.”
“I can’t stay. I was just stopping by to tell you the battle went well today. There’s one more day of it tomorrow, if you guys wanted to stop by and check it out.” What was I saying? My brain was on the fritz and I was just spewing whatever had been in my head before hearing them talking.
“I don’t think—”
“Sorry! I have to go.” I backed into the door and cleared my throat. “I can’t come by tonight. I’m just really tired from the battles. And I have another day of them tomorrow. A full day of helping other people come together. It’s great!”
Nash stepped forward. “Are you okay, Eve?”
Nope. I was far from it. “Oh, I’m fine! Just fine. Don’t worry about me. Honestly, I’m…fine.”
I turned around and hurried away from their cabin. I was already at my own front door when Tate called to me from their porch. “Eve?”
I squeezed my eyes shut and pressed my forehead into the door. I was so close to losing it. “I get it, Tate. You don’t have to say anything. Just…let me keep some dignity now. Please.”
“Eve, I just—”
I turned to face him and I watched him recoil at the pain he must’ve seen on my face. “It’s fine, Tate! You were right. I’ll be fine. I’ll find a nice guy eventually and things will be just…fine. You can leave without worrying about me.”
Aiden pushed past Tate and moved towards me. He stopped when I held up my hand. “Talk to us—”
“You know what?” I forced a laugh and swiped away a stray tear. “I think you should leave. This place has to have lost its newness by now. There are probably countless small towns and lonely women waiting on you guys. Thanks for the orgasms and for helping me realize I was over Mark.”
I slipped into the cabin and locked the door behind me. I walked stiffly to my bedroom and shut and locked that door, too. Then, I pulled out my phone as I sank to the floor. I was already emotionally rocked and it seemed like I wasn’t done looking for lashings.
Mark answered the call on the first ring. “Evie?”
I fought back a sob and hung up. The only thing I wanted from him was for him to tell me why I hadn’t been enough. I wanted to know why I wasn’t enough for Tate, Aiden, and Nash. I wanted to know why I wasn’t loveable. Mark didn’t have those answers for me, though.
He called back immediately and I turned my phone off. I crawled into bed and tugged the blanket over my head. I wasn’t okay. I wasn’t fine.