Chapter 21 Tessa
TESSA
The whispers followed me everywhere now.
I caught them in the break room when I walked in for coffee—voices that died the moment I showed my face.
I noticed them in the elevator, colleagues who suddenly found their phones fascinating when I stepped inside.
They lingered in the margins of every meeting, every hallway conversation, every glance that lasted a beat too long.
My apartment became my sanctuary, the only place where I could drop the mask and acknowledge how much everything hurt.
And even when we were alone in a hotel room trying to make my dream of being a mother come true, I couldn’t take the mask off. I'd learned a while ago that Lucian was fiercely protective of what he wanted.
I couldn’t let him snap at someone in my defense and cost himself more pain or pressure. The board had only barely let up, and even then, they were still pressuring us both.
But even at home, I couldn't escape the anxiety. It followed me around, crept into my dreams, made me replay every interaction at work until my chest felt tight and my hands shook.
I found myself dissecting conversations with coworkers, analyzing their expressions, wondering if I'd imagined the hostility or if it really was getting worse.
The nights were the hardest. I'd lie in bed staring at the ceiling, Mochi purring against my side, while my mind churned through the same questions over and over.
Work had become a minefield, and any time I had to go into Lucian's office, I got scared someone would make a comment about me.
The worst part was that no one had any proof at all, and all of this was based on some suspicion one of Lucian's children fed to his ex-wife.
The reason I had the anxiety was because it was all true, and if anyone found out, I would be fired.
My phone rang as I sat curled on my couch that evening, a mug of tea growing cold in my hands.
I'd been waiting, hoping Lucian would call me to meet him after his week-long trip, but the chances were slim.
He was probably exhausted after his flight and too tense to sit and listen to me crying about workplace politics.
But it wasn't him at all. Mom's name flashed across the screen, and I wished I could ignore it.
She hadn't called in a few days, mostly because my lies about "Mr. Right" had finally settled her need to nag me, but I felt guilty like normal.
I wasn't the model child and that was a shadow that would follow me around the rest of my life.
"Tessie, honey, how are you?" Her voice carried the familiar warmth I'd grown up with, tinged with the slight drawl she'd picked up since moving to Florida.
"I'm good, Mom. How are you handling the heat?"
"Oh, you know how it is down here. Frank keeps the air conditioning so cold I need a sweater indoors, but the moment you step outside, it hits you.
We had another storm yesterday that knocked out power for six hours.
I missed the A/C. I thought I was going to melt into a puddle right there on the kitchen floor. "
I found myself smiling despite everything. "That sounds miserable."
"It is, but Frank's been wonderful about it. He bought one of those big fans for the bedroom and a generator to power it, and we've been eating a lot of ice cream." She laughed a bright and infectious sound. "Speaking of which, I have news. I booked my flight to Chicago for October."
My stomach dropped. "October?"
"The nineteenth through the twenty-first. I can't wait to see your apartment, meet your coworkers, maybe have dinner with that handsome boss of yours. I saw him mentioned in one of those gossip blogs—very distinguished looking. You never told me he was so attractive."
Heat flooded my cheeks. "Mom, he's my boss. It's not—we don't—"
"I know, I know. But a mother can dream, can't she? But it'd be nice if he were the handsome boy you're hiding from me, wouldn't it?'
"Mom," I hissed, knowing right then and there that if she met Lucian, I would die of mortification.
And though she'd understand the age gap, she would frown on it.
"I'm only joking, dear. But he is a good-looking man, and so rich too. Imagine what you could do with all that money." She clicked her tongue, and I covered my face in shame, thankful this wasn't a video call.
"I can't believe you will come all the way to visit me," I said, changing the subject. I hated the idea, personally, but it wouldn’t be the worst thing.
I didn't have to drag her through the rigors of my workday or the complexity of my relationship.
I could tell her "Mr. Right" went on a business trip, and if Lucian happened to be out of town, it wouldn't be a lie.
"Me too, dear. Oh, Frank wants to know if there are any good restaurants you'd recommend for when we visit. He's been looking forward to Chicago deep dish pizza since I told him about the trip."
We talked for another twenty minutes about her plans, Frank's enthusiasm for the trip, and the humidity that had been making her hair impossible to manage.
She told me about the new neighbors who played music too loudly and the community pool that had been closed for maintenance.
And I listened patiently while internally feeling my anxiety get a choke hold on my throat.
When we finally hung up, I sat staring at my phone, dread pooling in my stomach.
The thought of my mother here in October, asking questions about my life, wanting to meet my coworkers, possibly running into Lucian—it made my head spin.
How could I possibly explain the mess I'd made of everything?
And when she inevitably brought up the lectures about my giving her grandchildren… My hand drifted to my stomach, where I'd been hoping to create life with Lucian's help.
With everything falling apart at work, with the stress eating at me day and night, would my body even cooperate when the time came?
Could I really bring a baby into this chaos?
I opened my laptop, intending to distract myself with mindless browsing, but my email inbox demanded attention.
Most of the messages were work-related, but one near the top made my blood run cold.
Jamie had forwarded me a link with the subject line, Thought you should see this.
My cursor hovered over the message for several heartbeats before I clicked it open. Her note was brief.
This popped up on my news feed. Not sure if it's about you, but… maybe we should talk tomorrow?
The link led to a gossip blog I didn't recognize, one of those sites that thrived on celebrity scandals and corporate intrigue.
The headline made my heart stop.
EXCLUSIVE: The Woman Behind the Desk - Cross Capital CEO's Secret Romance Set to Expose All
Below it was a grainy photo that looked like it had been taken from across the street—Lucian walking toward my building, and beside him, a figure that could have been anyone.
The image was too blurry to make out faces, but the caption read,
Sources close to Cross Capital confirm CEO Lucian Cross has been involved in a months-long affair with a mystery woman. Full exposure coming soon.
I read the teaser paragraph three times, my hands shaking so badly I could barely hold the laptop steady.
They didn't know who I was yet, but they knew something was happening. The article promised "shocking details" and "exclusive photos" in their upcoming feature, and it made my head literally spin.
I got lightheaded. The screen blurred as tears filled my eyes.
And Jamie was sending this to me asking if it was me. Of course she'd ask.
That was my apartment building in that photo, even if no one would be able to make out my face.
It was all about to blow up and ruin everything and there was no stopping it.
Mochi jumped onto the couch beside me, nuzzling against my arm as if sensing my distress. I pulled him close, his purrs offering the only comfort I could find in the wreckage of my life.
This had been a bad idea from the beginning and I knew it. I'd known it every time I looked at him, every call, every kiss, every single time he whispered my name.
And I couldn’t stop myself. Saying no to him and cutting him off felt like cutting a part of my own heart out, and I just couldn’t do it.
It felt like we were intrinsically hooked to each other, that if I somehow stopped being with him, even in the shallow, basic arrangement of friends with benefits that we had, that I would cease to exist.
The exact messy, disgusting tangle of lives I hoped to avoid by planning IVF.
And I'd walked right into it.
And now I didn't know how to renege even if every cell in my body desired it. Which they didn't.
I was stuck, and it was going to hurt like hell.