11. Sophia
11
SOPHIA
F orty minutes into this surgery and my gloves were soaked with blood. It was the first time in surgery that I'd felt like I wasn't myself. We had gone over every organ, every inch of intestines and colon, and finally found the bleed on the back side of the man's liver. His cracked rib had perforated it and the bleeding just wouldn’t stop. It was my eye that spotted it as I handled the suction and Jack maneuvered the scope.
The man was lucky to have gotten to the ER when he did. A few more minutes and he would've died of exsanguination. Lucky for him, Jack was the top-rated surgeon in the city, even for a chief resident. We got the bleeding stopped and his wound sutured, but not before I found myself getting a bit emotional. I blinked back the tears but I wasn't okay.
"Uh, nurse," Jack said, nodding at the patient. "Take over now. We're going to scrub out."
I didn't know how he did it. Jack stood over patients all day long with that scalpel in hand, cutting them open and repairing their insides. When routine surgeries were scheduled and planned ahead, bad things still happened. But I'd never assisted on an emergency surgery before. I was overwhelmed when the man's vitals crashed and we had to use the paddles to bring him back.
"Dr. Chen," Jack said, already moving toward the scrub station.
We scrubbed out, and I finally lost the battle with my tears. Jack was kind enough to say nothing to me as we washed and dried our hands and ditched the robes and gloves. I tore my scrub cap off the minute we were in the hallway moving toward his office and used it to wipe my tears. A few nurses looked at me strangely, but I was glad that it was past eleven at night. There weren't very many people around.
"Are you okay?" Jack asked, catching up with me.
My emotions weren't supposed to come out like this. I was a surgeon, not a baby. I should have been able to handle the situation and move on from it. The man was fine now. Sure, he had a long recovery ahead of him and would probably be in the hospital for weeks, but he was alive. We saved his life. Why was I so upset?
"I don't know," I told him honestly, but the tears didn't stop coming. He unlocked his office and opened the door for me, and I walked past him into the cramped space. He flicked the light on and shut the door, then instead of sitting in his chair on the far side of his desk, he sat right next to me. Three chairs in this room and he chose the one so close to mine that our knees touched.
"Hey, it's okay. Just talk to me." Jack's hand smoothed circles on my back, which I was certain wasn't professional etiquette. Any other boss under any other circumstance would just send me to the ladies’ room to wash my face and get myself together. But Jack wasn't just any other boss. While we weren't exactly friends, he was somewhere across the line of professionality right now.
"He almost died." I looked up at him as I cried and sniffled, trying not to let snot run out of my nose. Crying was one thing. Ugly crying in front of my boss who was also my latest crush was not an option.
"He's okay.” Jack's head nodded as he spoke. "But your reaction is perfectly normal. I had a mental breakdown and punched a hole in the wall of my boss's office when I lost my first patient." He chuckled and continued rubbing my back. "I had to pay for that repair, which was almost more upsetting to me than losing the patient."
I couldn’t stop crying. I swiped at my face with my scrub cap and Jack sighed. He looked around, as if searching for tissues. There was nothing in this office but three chairs, a desk, and a picture of his daughter framed on the corner of his desk.
"Here," he said, pulling his scrub cap off. "Use this." He handed it to me and I tried to smile, then I blew my nose on it. "You can keep it," he joked, and I sucked in a breath, trying to calm myself down.
"You really lost a patient?" I asked him, wanting to know the details. My lip quivered as I spoke and I stuttered a few breaths.
"Yes, I did. Elderly man had a heart attack and I was doing an angio to insert stents and he had a second one on the table. I couldn’t save him." Jack looked remorseful as he said, "So don't be too hard on yourself for reacting this way. We have a really important and delicate job."
I was surprised that his hand was still on my back circling round and round. I liked the sensation. It was comforting. I met his gaze and asked, "How long did it take you to get over it?"
The sincerity in his eyes when he said, "I haven't," made my heart clench. "I take it with me into every surgery I do. That's why I stay laser focused and on top of things. I know how easily life slips through your fingers. I know how delicate the human body is."
His hand left my back and reached up to my face, curling one of my stray dark hairs around my ear. I sighed when he rested his hand on my shoulder and I looked down at the soiled scrub cap. "Thank you for listening." I felt marginally better, though I was sure I'd have bad dreams about that moment for weeks. I wondered if I was going to be the sort of person who couldn't get over operating room tensions.
When I looked back up at Jack, his eyes were full of compassion. "What sort of human would I be if I just let you sit and beat yourself up?" He opened his arms as if to offer a hug, and I didn't know what came over me, but I accepted the hug.
Nothing about this interaction was inappropriate. Not one thing about it was unethical or against the rules. But somehow, it stirred my desire to be close to him again. Only this time, it was worse. It wasn't the drive of sheer lust burning a hole through my core. It was a deep longing to feel the comfort of his arms. So when he started to loosen his grip, I clung to him, squeezing harder.
Jack held me for a few minutes, and when I pulled back slightly, I realized we had crossed the line. He was my boss, not my friend or brother or even a potential partner. I was putting myself in a very precarious position and I knew it. Seeking comfort from him in the form of physical contact would lead to no good. And after the conversation we had before surgery, I knew he was vulnerable too.
"I'm sorry, Dr. Thornton," I mumbled, trying to pull away. But he held me so I couldn't.
"Don't be sorry," he whispered, and I watched his eyes fall to my lips. "I have to admit I'm having a hard time right now." His gaze swept over my face, looking me in the eye, then dropped to my lips again.
"A hard time with what?" I asked, but I knew. I was having the same difficulty. I liked him holding me way more than I should have. And I wanted him to keep doing it. I wanted more than just to be held.
"That thing… we talked about.” His tongue popped out and slicked his lip, then he sucked his lip into his mouth and bit it slightly. "I can't stop thinking about it, about you.”
My mind was racing, and my heart was beating so fast I felt breathless. I'd gone from self-pity to desire in three seconds flat. Here was the most gorgeous man I'd ever met staring me in the eye, basically telling me he wanted to kiss me—again. But he was off limits. I shouldn't be doing it. I should have been pushing him away, doing the right thing. Following hospital policy. I should have been thinking about my parents and what they’d think, or my career and how this would turn out.
But for the life of me, as I began being sucked into his gravity, the only thing I could think of was how his lips felt on mine at that fundraiser.
"Then I think maybe you should stop thinking," I told him, and what I meant was, stop thinking about me. But what happened was the polar opposite.
Jack leaned forward and pressed his lips against mine, and I let my eyes shut as I parted my lips and let my tongue dance with his.
I felt his hands slide up my body, gently caressing my back before sliding down to cup my ass, pulling me into his lap. In a flash, I found myself straddling him on his chair, legs around his waist. The kiss deepened, and all coherent thought fled. All I could think about was how soft his lips were, how the stubble around his jawline sent shivers down my spine, how he tasted like peppermint and heat—and Jack.
It was addictive, and I wanted more. I needed more. My hands reached down to the drawstring on his scrubs, fumbling with it until his pants were undone and I could feel him straining against his boxers. He was hard for me, and it thrilled me to no end.
"Do you want this?" he asked, voice husky with need as he pulled away momentarily.
"God, yes, I want you, Jack. Please," I breathed out, and in the back of my mind, I knew we were crossing a line, but for once, I didn't care.
The kiss was so heated, both of us were panting. Jack tore my scrub top off over my head, then undid my bra as I reached into his pants and stroked him. He grunted into my mouth as I touched a particularly sensitive spot on his swollen dick, then he kneaded my breasts.
His face broke into a searing grin, one I'd never seen before, and even though I had been on the receiving end of many a smile from him, this one was different. This one was for me, for us. It was full of heat, and want, and need. Needs that mirrored my own and scared me more than I cared to admit.
He leaned in slowly, so I could back away if I wanted to. But I didn't want to. I couldn't move even if my life depended on it. All I could do was watch as his lips got closer and closer until they brushed over my chest, licking and sucking a nipple into his mouth. I hissed in pleasure and arched my back and watched as his hand reached out to click the lock on his door.
“My God, woman, you drive me insane. I’ve wanted to do this for days.” Jack sucked a nipple into his mouth again and swirled his tongue around it, and I lost my ability to think straight. My core ached to be filled.
“God, I want you so fucking bad,” I moaned, then sniffled. The last traces of my sadness were actively being washed away by my growing urge for climax.
His hands were everywhere, all over me, squeezing and rubbing. And all I could do was let him molest me as I gripped his dick hard and touched my clit through my scrubs. My pussy was soaked, making my panties and scrub pants wet. And I was so aroused I’d come in like two seconds if he just took his pants off and put it in me.
“Jack, please,” I whimpered, and he seemed to know what I needed.
Jack stood and tugged my pants down, then his own, before sitting back down. There was no space in this tiny room, so when I straddled him, with my scrubs and panties still dangling from one leg, my knees hit the other chair and the wall. But sliding down around his girth, which he held up for me, was exquisite. Better than I hoped for.
“Oh, shit,” I groaned, feeling him sink until his cock hit my back wall. I wasn’t even ready for it when he started thrusting.
“God, you feel so good. So warm and wet and tight.” Jack groaned, slamming into me again and again. It was so good, the way he filled me up and pushed against my G-spot so perfectly.
“Yes, more, please,” I moaned, rocking my hips in time with his thrusts. “Harder!”
He obliged without a word, one hand gripping my ass and guiding my hips as he thrust into me harder, faster. The other was around my neck, angling my face so our lips could meet in a frantic kiss. His mouth was hot and wet and demanding like his thrusts, and I loved it. I loved every second of his tongue dueling with mine while he took me to the brink of orgasm.
I couldn’t believe this was happening. I had been crushing on him for weeks and he was now inside me, pounding away at my core. I lost myself, letting his thumb brush my clit and rub, and my pussy clenched around him. The orgasm came spilling over me like a waterfall, washing down and sucking me under the flow. I gasped and moaned, and his lips swallowed my cry until I felt warmth, and he pushed me backward.
His dick sprang up, dumping the white, stringy stands of cum onto his shirt and stomach, and I felt it drain from me too. He had tried to pull out but hadn't timed it right, and I felt totally stupid for not insisting on a condom.
"Oh, God, you're incredible," he breathed, then gripped his dick to slow the spurting body fluid. I slid off him, looking around for the discarded scrub cap I had blown my nose into. It lay on the floor next to my shirt.
I picked it up and wiped myself clean, noticing he had, in fact, gotten some inside me. I turned my back, hoping he hadn't seen my look of shock or fear. And then he stood and pulled his scrub top off. He tossed it to the floor and pulled up his pants, then gripped my elbows from behind and kissed the back of my head.
"I'm sorry. I didn’t mean to get that in you.”
"Uh, it's okay… I'm sure this isn't my fertile time. And you got most of it on your shirt," I told him, glancing over my shoulder to see his plain white T-shirt was moist on the belly. I was hiding how freaked out I was, and I hoped it was working.
"Do you think we should talk about this?" he asked, and I knew we should, but all I could do was lean back against his chest and sigh.
"Later," I told him. "I think Leah’s probably waiting for you." I bent and picked up my clothing, then walked behind his chairs and stood where he could leave the room without anyone in the hallway seeing me. "Go," I told him, faking a smile.
Jack nodded and snatched his scrub shirt off the floor and darted out the door, calling, "Lock up when you leave," over his shoulder.
Wow, so I had sex with my boss and now I was standing in his office naked. It couldn’t get more compromising than this.