19. Sophia
19
SOPHIA
T he heat of Jack's kisses left my lips as he rolled away from my body, leaving me panting and exhausted. My sweat-slicked skin started to cool as my heart rate slowly came back down to a normal rhythm. My body felt heavy and relaxed as endorphins continued pulsing through every muscle fiber.
Jack was so good at that, making me have explosive orgasms, and I was putty in his hands. He climbed out of bed to dispose of the condom, and I felt the entire mattress shake. I let my eyes flutter shut and just enjoyed the afterglow until he returned to my side and pulled me against himself. He was hot too, panting, and he pressed a kiss to my temple before pulling a sweaty ringlet from my skin and tucking it behind my ear.
"Have I ever told you how incredible you are?" Jack had a lot more scruff than usual this morning, and my nether region was feeling it. I was almost raw from his generous acts of service between my thighs, and I grinned as he kissed me and I tasted my moisture on his lips.
"I think once or twice," I moaned, rolling into his chest.
"I've been thinking.” He sighed contentedly and kissed my forehead a few times. It was like he hadn't kissed anyone in years, like he couldn’t get enough of kissing me.
"What about?" I asked, tracing lazy figure-eights on his chest. He was damp with sweat too, and I wondered if he'd shower with me if I asked him to.
I'd spent the whole weekend with him and we had to head into work in a little more than an hour, barring any emergencies that called us in sooner. After last week's building collapse, we'd been given stand-down time regarding our on-call hours. I was glad for the bit of free time, but I had spent it all with Jack, not at home studying the way my parents would have liked.
"About us." Jack's voice was so wistful and dreamy, like he was happy and content with me, and that made me feel happier and more content with him too.
What we were doing, sneaking around for sex, was wrong on so many levels, but we'd managed to make it work for us. No one at the hospital was suspicious of our relationship, and even Dr. Briggs stopped questioning how seamlessly Jack and I worked together now. We were able to concentrate and do our jobs well, and this intimate connection with him gave me just the confidence I needed to perform at my highest level of skill.
"Yeah?" I brushed my lips over his chest and felt his chest hair tickle my nose. The throbbing between my legs was slowly subsiding, and I was already craving the nearness again. Jack did things to me I couldn't explain, things I wanted to feel forever.
"Yeah," he said, then he curled a few more strands of hair behind my ear. "I am. I think we should go to HR. I want to declare our relationship, Soph." He'd started using that pet name for me when we were alone, and I liked it. It was like taking our relationship to the next level somehow.
But this? What he was saying now? It had me instantly feeling tense and hesitant. "Why do we need to do that?" I didn’t want him to think I wasn't ready for a relationship. My God, was I ever ready. I was falling in love with every part of him, and I had even imagined what life would be like if I lived here, if Leah started to call me Mom. He and I were so right for each other, and I hoped that he felt the same way.
"Well, it's the right thing. I looked into it… went back and read the employee manual online. It turns out there's an allowance for two employees to date each other. They just have to declare the relationship and fill out the paperwork. There'd be some fuss about time off if we were both to request the same days too often, but in all, it's a pathway forward to the next step for us.” He smiled and pulled back so we could look each other in the eye.
"So, that's it? We just tell them and we're good?" I felt tense, my stomach rolling around inside my body the way it had been for days now. It had me a bit worried that our little oopsie seven weeks ago was more than an oopsie, but I hadn't said anything to Jack yet. Not until I was sure.
"Well, that's not all.” He grimaced and looked down, avoiding my eyes. "They'd end up moving you to a different department. You wouldn't be able to finish your residency with me. But we'd have each other. We could continue this." His hand touched under the bottom of my chin, and he met my gaze again, but I felt tears welling up.
I'd also been so emotional and tired the past few weeks too, which also wasn't a good sign. But I blinked back the tears this time because I didn’t want him to start asking questions.
"Jack, I can't do that." I shook my head and sat up, deciding that a shower wasn't going to happen. The close intimacy I felt was now clouded with fear. "My parents… They already think this is a bad idea. My dad knows too many people. If he finds out I was moved from one department to another, he'll ask questions. He'll figure out it's because I'm dating you. He'll force me to go to Maryland."
I started collecting my clothing from the various places on the carpet where they fell last night when Jack wrestled them off me, and I got dressed while Jack watched.
"Alright, I understand, but won't they have to find out about us sometime anyway?" He sounded hurt, and that wasn't my goal.
I turned and frowned at him. "I'm not trying to keep you a secret, Jack. I'm trying to keep my parents happy so I don't incur their wrath. You don’t know them. Honor is a huge thing in my dad's culture. Just by staying at Twin Peaks, I'm rebelling against his wishes. Being booted from the residency I've fought so hard to keep would destroy me.” My lip quivered, and I thought I'd throw up.
"Alright," he said, climbing back out of the bed. He came to me and gripped my neck softly with both hands, thumbs on my jaw. He kissed my lips tenderly, but I could see the disappointment in his eyes. "I understand."
"I have to go. I need to stop somewhere on the way home before I get to work.” That somewhere was a place I had no intention of telling him about, but I knew it was time. I'd spent several mornings praying to the porcelain goddess, and my body was utterly exhausted by the schedule I had to keep.
"Sure, I'll see you there." Jack pulled away, and I picked up my purse and keys and headed out.
I felt sad. He was so ready to take that huge step and I just couldn’t do it. He was right. It was the best thing for us. HR would know we were together and we wouldn't have to hide things, but if Dad even got a whiff of it, I was dead to him. Okay, so I was being melodramatic, but I knew life would never be the same.
On the way to the hospital where I knew I had a change of clothes and a free shower, I stopped at the pharmacy. I got three pregnancy tests because I knew taking just one was a risk. Sometimes they were wrong, and with something this important, I couldn't afford to be wrong.
When I got to work, well ahead of the time Jack would arrive, I went to the female doctors' locker rooms. I only had a short time to get ready now, but the tests would only take a few minutes to process. So I tore all three of them open and locked myself into a shower and toilet stall. I peed on all of them and then jumped into the shower to scrub the saltiness and Jack's scent from my body.
When I was done I stepped out, dripping wet, and stood there staring at the results. All three of them had two very dark pink lines, declaring I was, in fact, pregnant. Very pregnant. Pregnant enough that all three of the tests matched and the solid lines were impossible to mistake.
I sat on the wooden bench in the stall for a moment and sighed. This was why I was so tired, which made sense. It relieved some of my mental stress because I knew if it wasn't pregnancy, then it was likely something more serious. Then it made me feel a little nervous because while Jack was ready to take a step into a deeper relationship with me, I wasn’t sure if this was something he'd want.
Then I felt happy. I smiled at myself and the situation and teared up with happy tears. Hanging out with Leah had been so wonderful. She was bright and funny and smart, and now I was going to have a baby of my own, not a borrowed child who'd never have the bond with me that a real mother-daughter relationship would have. I was going to be a mother.
"Someone in there?" I heard, and I knew I couldn't linger.
"Yeah, just a second." I had to rush to clean up, dry off, and dress, but in the back of my mind, I was less stressed than I had been in days.
I didn't know how or when to tell Jack, and I'd sit and think about that for a while, but when I did tell him, I hoped he felt as happy about this as I did. If not, I wasn't sure what to do. I'd never be able to explain it to my parents without a man to help me raise this baby.