33. Epilogue Sophia
I looked up at Jack in so much pain I thought I'd split in two. Three hours of this and no one had brought me the damn epidural I'd begged for. Now the doctor between my legs was telling me it was time to push, and I wasn't ready.
"No," I whined, tossing my head back. With my feet in the air like this, how was I supposed to do anything?
"You've got this, Soph. Now take a deep breath and bear down. I'm here. You can do it." Jack gripped my hand, and I wished I were strong enough to crush it. This pain was the worst thing I had ever experienced and I was over it.
"It fucking hurts!" I shouted, but I knew the only way out was to do what he said.
"Come on, baby. Just a few more pushes and we meet our little guy—or girl." Jack kissed my forehead as I sucked in a hard breath.
My body was worn out. I really didn’t have it in me at all, but I bore down and gritted my teeth, focusing all my pressure in my bottom just the way the doctor coached. The pain was searing, and despite trying to hold my breath, I screamed out in pain again. Jack was there, whispering in my ear, trying to encourage me.
Ten more minutes of pushing and all I could think was if this kid didn't come out of me soon, I was going to pass out. But with one final push, I felt relief. I collapsed back onto the bed, and Jack wept over me, kissing my forehead. I couldn’t see what was going on with my eyes shut from exertion and exhaustion, but I felt them lay something on my chest. I opened my eyes to see my perfect little boy just as he sucked in a breath and let out a tiny wail.
"A boy, baby. You gave me a boy." Jack's tears were large and streaming down his cheeks. I'd never seen him cry, and I’d never seen him so happy.
I stared at the angry face of my crying newborn, still coated in white vernix from birth, and I was already in love. "Jack Junior, I'm your mommy," I said as I started to cry too. Jack and I had picked out the name just in case. We hadn't discovered the sex before now, so this was a complete surprise.
"Jack Junior. I love that so much." Jack used the corner of the blanket they wrapped the baby in to wipe away some of the vernix from his forehead, then kissed him.
We spent the next hour bonding, cleaning Jack Jr., and letting the doctor and nurses get his stats. Six pounds, twelve ounces, nineteen and three-quarter-inches long. He was a tiny baby boy, and I was glad he wasn't larger. The pain of a tiny baby was bad enough.
"I want to go get Leah. Is that okay?" Jack hovered over me, and I nodded. The nurses were busy wiping Jack Jr. clean and swaddling him. I wanted to try nursing, and I knew Leah sat in the family waiting room with my parents, who'd also come to the hospital when we called to let them know I was in labor.
"Sure, but I'm so bushed. I'd like to nap for a bit before the whole family comes back. Tell them?" I asked him, and he pecked me on the cheek.
"Of course. I won't be long."
Jack rushed out and I lay back in bed and rested my eyes until the nurses brought me the baby. I cradled him, thankful that I was done with pregnancy for a while. I was also thankful that the back pain and horrible morning sickness would be over now too, though sleepless nights were ahead.
When the door popped open, Leah tiptoed in as if she would disrupt me. It was sweet that she was being quiet, though I knew firsthand from staying with Jack so much over the past few months just how rowdy she could be. Adjusting to a new baby in the house wouldn’t be easy for anyone, but I was glad she was here to greet him on his first day in the world.
"Baby Jack-Jack!" Leah tried to crawl onto the bed, but Jack picked her up and held her over me so she could see her little brother. "Oh, he's so tiny!" She tried to whisper out a squeal, but it came out a little louder than intended. Her eyebrows shot up and she covered her mouth. "Sorry."
"It's okay, baby girl. You’ll be surprised how loud Jack-Jack will be when he gets a bit older." Jack kissed her cheek, and she reached down to touch his check softly.
"He's so cute."
"Yes, he is. He's tiny too, so you have to be very gentle." I already felt protective of him, but it wasn't a new feeling for me. I'd felt protective and loving over Leah too. The past several months of her adjusting to a mother who just abandoned her had been challenging at times, and she had bonded to me almost immediately. I loved being a mother figure to her, and I knew how much she loved having me around.
"Will he call you Mommy?" she asked, "Or Sophia?" Her nose scrunched up, and she looked back at her father. Jack hoisted her to his hip and held on around her waist. She hugged him around his neck, and I felt my heart grow heavy. She didn’t understand things, and it wasn't really my place to step in. Leah had a mother, even if that woman didn't want her anymore.
"Baby, Jack-Jack will call Sophia Mommy because she's his mommy." Jack pushed a curl out of her face, and she looked down at me.
"But I call her Sophia, and Mommy isn't here now." She shrugged, and I gave Jack a pleading look.
We had never spoken about this before and I didn't want to cross any lines, but in my heart, I wanted this little girl to never have to feel lesser than her brother or be jealous of the love Jack and I had for him. A child should never have to go through the pain of losing a parent, and while I was no replacement, I could be a surrogate.
"Leah," I said softly, "would you like to call me Mommy too?" I raised my eyebrows as Jack glanced at me with such emotion in his eyes I thought he might cry. "You don't have to. But you can if you want. I know I'm not your mommy, but I love taking care of you."
Leah looked up at Jack and shrugged both shoulders again, then turned back to me. "Yes," she said resolutely, and then gave Jack a smack on the lips. "Mommy and Daddy." Leah grinned happily and then sighed exasperatedly. "When do I get to hold Jack-Jack?"
She cocked her head at Jack, who chuckled and set her down. "Alright, big sister, you can hold him for five minutes, then Mommy has to rest. She's very tired today. And you can play with wàigōng and wàipó for a while." He took Jack Jr. from my arms after pronouncing the Mandarin names so horribly I had to snicker.
"What does that mean?" Leah climbed onto the pull-out sofa with her nose scrunched up again. I was thankful that Jack was trying to learn my father's language to prove to him that we both took the culture seriously, but he didn’t have to try so hard.
"It means, Grandma and Grandpa, remember?" I coached, reinforcing Jack's lead. I'd never correct him, but I'd definitely communicate that my parents were totally okay with Leah calling them any term of endearment she felt comfortable with.
"Oh, Nana and Pop-Pop!" She grinned. "Yes. I like them."
I watched her hold our little boy and yawned, feeling sleep tugging at my eyes. I barely made it a full ten minutes before my body gave up the fight. I laid my head back and dozed, dreaming of bringing Jack Jr. home to a loving house with Jack and Leah by my side. I dreamed he proposed and we had a traditional wedding, though Dad insisted on the red dress, and then I dreamed he walked me down the aisle and gave me to Jack forever.
My heart was full.
After almost a full year of ups and downs, some complications during pregnancy, and more than enough vomiting to last me a lifetime, my son was here. Jack and I were basically under the same roof, and I'd found a receipt from a jewelry store that Jack didn't know I'd seen. It made me giddy thinking that any day, he'd propose to me and our family would be complete. Things always had a way of working out, even if in the beginning they didn't seem that way.
For now I needed rest. Because when wàigōng and wàipó came to visit baby Jack, there would be enough noise to bring the house down. And Maylin, Andrew, and Thomas—with his new wife—wouldn't be far behind.