17. Lily
17
LILY
I rushed out of Ethan's house and to my car. Gone was any idea of telling him he was a father because the only thing I could think about was my little boy. Mom's call had me so panicked, I was speeding and praying I didn't get caught by a cop. I should have called an ambulance but there were complications. Not only would they have taken him straight to Mountain View, but I also wouldn’t have been there to help them fully understand his condition. They would have called Ethan in for a diagnostic consultation.
But I also wanted to be with him every step of the way. With his fears, he needed me. Mom sounded concerned and not panicked, so I trusted my gut and drove like the wind. My little boy was more important to me than anything in the world, and everything else could wait.
Whipping into the driveway, I had the car off and the door open before I was even fully stopped. I raced to the front door and fumbled with my key in the dark, and before I got it unlocked, Dad was there opening for me.
"Where is he?" I asked, rushing past him, but he didn't need to answer. Mom had Noah on the couch lying down with a book in hand. I hurried to his side and dropped to my knees next to him. I immediately knew he wasn't oxygenating properly. "Hey, buddy," I cooed, finding his wrist with my index and middle finger so I could check his pulse.
"Mommy…" he croaked, but he didn't smile. "My belly hurts."
"What happened?" I demanded of my mother and then turned behind me and reached to the coffee table where Noah's portable blood pressure cuff lay.
Mom grimaced and sat a little straighter as I slid the cuff on his spindly arm and pressed the start button. She sighed and said, "He was napping, Lily. I just heard a crash, and I ran upstairs to see what was going on. Noah was jumping on the bed, and the lamp fell over and broke. I made him get down right away, but he's been wheezing even more and saying his belly really hurts."
The cuff hissed and pumped, and I held it in place until it inflated on his bicep. "Noah, baby, why were you jumping on the bed?" I frowned, but not at him. He was just a little boy being told not to be a little boy. He didn't know any better. I frowned because of the situation and how bad his wheezing sounded now.
Noah only coughed in response and laid his book down. He stared up at me with giant eyes and blinked slowly like he was sleepy. His lips weren't bright pink like they should have been, more tinged with blue from lower oxygen saturation. The blood pressure readout was way too high, which meant the meds weren't controlling it right now, and that was bad news. It meant his jumping up and down had only caused the hernia to get worse.
"Wow, okay," I sighed. "I have to take him to the hospital." I stood abruptly and turned. "Watch him while I grab a bag."
Mom muttered a response I didn't pay attention to, and I ran up the stairs two at a time to the bedroom. Dad followed along behind me, but I had a few changes of clothing for myself and several of Noah's favorite toys and books in the bag before he opened the door.
"Where will we take him?" he asked as if he were planning to go along. The gesture was loving, but I was too scared to do much more than take it for granted and shake my head. Moments like this made me lose my mind with worry. I’d be the first to admit I didn’t make good choices all the time.
"I have to go to St. Anne's. This time of day, Dr. Butler will be seeing patients and won't be on the clock for a consult." I rushed around the room grabbing my toiletries and more things for Noah as I spoke. "The doctors at Mountain View don’t know me well enough to trust my judgment as a doctor. They'll think I’m a panicking parent. But at St. Anne's, they know me."
Dad stood stoically in the doorway leaning on the jamb, and I yanked the zipper shut and hefted the bag to my shoulder. "Are you sure St. Anne's is the right place? Mountain View has a larger pediatrics department." His soft protest angered me.
I couldn’t take Noah there. I wouldn’t. They would call Ethan for a consult and everything would explode. I had to be able to tell Ethan about Noah in my own way, not in an emergency room with a hundred people around us.
"St. Anne's is a great hospital, Dad. I worked there, remember? I know the staff. They have the capability to do this." When I got to the door, he backed up so I could walk past, and I went straight to the bathroom to grab our toothbrushes. "Besides, it's my choice as his parent."
I saw the wind leave Dad's sails as I made my independence obvious to him, and concern deepened in his eyes.
"Lillian, are you sure you're not just avoiding Mountain View because you don’t want Dr. Matthews to see his own son? You haven't told him anything and now you'll go to a less qualified hospital to keep the two apart?"
The hammer hit the nail on the head and I inwardly winced. Dad was one hundred percent right, but he didn't understand why this was the only choice. Ethan would be crushed. I couldn't do that to him. Not to mention a parent isn't legally allowed to treat their child. It would put him in an impossible situation because I knew this was something that needed to be dealt with quickly, and to replace Ethan with a different doctor would mean a delay that would be horrible for Noah.
"I made my decision, Dad." I should have just taken Noah to the emergency room when the wheezing first started, when it wasn’t urgent and pressing. St. Anne's would have called in their specialists and this would have been done in a relaxed manner. I was beginning to doubt my original trust in Dr. Butler.
I jogged down the steps and over to where Mom had Noah sitting up. She was lacing his shoes on and he was shivering.
"Are you cold, buddy?" I pressed my hand to his forehead and he was cool, but he was moist with sweat. His body was chilled from the exertion of just sitting up and having to breathe. He probably also had some anxiety when he heard me tell Mom he needed to go to the hospital.
"I don't wanna go," Noah whined, and Mom put her arm around him.
"Nana will go with you, okay, baby?" She kissed his forehead, and he grimaced and tried to pull away, but it caused a coughing fit.
Sitting beside him, I dropped the bag on the floor at our feet and slid him onto my lap. I cradled him and talked him through the coughing until he was breathing a bit easier, and Mom and Dad hovered the entire time.
"Maybe we should just call an ambulance." Mom's hand was reaching for her phone on the coffee table next to Noah's cuff before I even answered.
"No, Mom," I said firmly. "I will drive him. An ambulance will take another thirty minutes to get here and then thirty to the hospital. If we get in my car now, we can be there in twenty." The logic seemed to make sense to her, which made me breathe a sigh of relief. Any ambulance on this side of Denver would take him where I didn't want him to go.
Dad pulled his keys out of his pocket and jingled them. "Let me drive then, Lily. You can sit in back by Noah and help him better than either Mom or I could." I was still afraid he would do the wrong thing and take Noah to Mountain View. Sometimes, Dad did what he wanted to do when I didn't agree with it at all. Like the time he gave Noah too much caffeine late at night and I had no sleep before work.
"St. Anne's," I said defensively. Dad was a parent, and parents usually do what they want, but I trusted that he would respect me.
"If that's where you want to go. Anywhere is better than here." He offered me his hand, and I stood with Noah in one arm and used Dad's hand as support.
We hurried to the car, and Mom took a few minutes to shut off the lights and lock up. By the time I had Noah in his booster seat, we were all loaded and Dad was pulling out. He took a second to shut my car door before he climbed in, otherwise there would have been a minor collision.
I kept an eye on Noah's face the entire drive. The darker blue his lips were, the worse it was getting, but I didn’t know if I was overreacting. I talked to him softly but he was limp and lethargic, both signs his breathing wasn't right and his blood pressure was too high. In my haste, I'd left his cuff on the table and without my cuff and stethoscope, I couldn’t take it manually.
"Go faster, Dad," I whimpered, and I clung to the booster seat to avoid crying. Noah needed me to be strong now. If he saw me freaking out, it would make him more upset which would affect both his already-taxed breathing and his too-high blood pressure. Hopefully, they would get him in for his surgery tonight and this would be a matter of helping my little boy deal with his fear while recovering.