16. Evan
16
EVAN
A s I parked out front of Jacob and Erin’s home, I noticed the light on in the living room. The sheer curtains obscured the view, but I saw movement as normal. It’d become my habit to stop by after work daily now, giving Jacob updates and getting his thoughts. Erin was usually around too, doting over him and taking care of his needs. Now and then I helped with something she found daunting, but more than anything I found it comforting to know my brother was on the mend.
I knocked but let myself in without waiting for Erin to come to the door. She looked up from her position near the couch where she held a glass of water and a pillow for Jacob who seemed to be getting comfortable.
“Hi Evan, come on in.” Erin’s smile was warm as usual. Today the fine lines around her eyes weren’t as deep, her eyes not quite as tired.
“How’s the champ?” I asked, shutting the door behind me. I stomped my feet off, the light snow from the walk dusting the floor, and took my coat off. The house was warm thanks to a crackling fire in the fireplace across the room. I heard Jacob complaining about something, but he kept his voice low and I couldn’t tell what it was.
“Moody, just like always. Come sit with him. I have to put dinner on.” Erin set the water down on the end table next to Jacob and put the pillow next to him. I walked over and sat down in the recliner to his right.
Jacob looked better too, not as tired or worn out. His hair was sticking up at odd angles, making it obvious where it was thinning. He looked his age today instead of the years-younger look he typically exuded, and he scowled at me when I chuckled.
“This must be killing you, being all cooped up and unable to get to work. “I sat back and loosened my tie. These visits were usually punctuated by his grumpy mood and earnest expectation of a faster recovery. He also tended to complain about everything that was changing. Doctors ordered him on new medications and changed his diet completely, which would frustrate even the saintly among us.
“I’ll be back to work next week. You’ll see.” Jacob shoved the pillow behind his back and stretched his stockinged feet out to prop them up on the coffee table. Then he reached for his water and sipped it.
“Next week?” I asked, confused. “Doctor said it could be months, Jake. There really is no rush. I have things under control. You’re not missing out on anything. We can do video calls to loop you in. You should be at home recovering.” Plus, I didn’t want him back. I was enjoying the time working with Amber and getting to know her all over again, this time from a more serious angle. Going back to R&D in Crescent Springs was in the far future, not that soon.
“Yeah, well doctors don’t know everything, and I don’t want to sit around here.”
I didn’t want to upset him, so I sighed and gave up that fight for now. I wasn’t going to be the one to make sure he followed doctor’s orders anyway. If anyone could manage that it would be Erin. Which made me feel sad. The woman loved him so much and he’d pulled a fast one over on her. How hurt would she be if she knew he had a secret family out there he was caring for? And she was the one here waiting on him hand and foot, caring for him in his distress.
“How’s Amber doing?” Jacob’s question made me tense. I wasn’t expecting him to ask about her directly, though he’d done it on every phone call we had. But here, in front of Erin? Of course, Erin was in the kitchen, but she could walk back into the living room at any second, and how would he explain that conversation to her?
“She’s good…doing fine…” My curiosity was piqued now. I remembered how Erin was the one who sent me with the gift from Jacob to her children on their birthday, how I interrupted that party, how shocked she looked then.
I wondered how much Erin already knew or why she’d tolerate things like that. But then, I wasn’t around for two full years, and when I came back, I made it a point to keep my distance. I’d had my reasons, all of them stupid, but they were there.
Now I wished I’d have taken a keener interest in Jacob’s life, and searched Amber out much sooner.
“You’re respecting her the way I asked you to?” His eyebrows drew together and irritated me. I wasn’t one for playing games with people, but it appeared my older brother was. He was keeping something from me. These conversations had mostly happened over the phone. I was careful to never broach the topic with his wife around, but here and now my curiosity was getting the better of me.
“Why are you so interested in Amber all the time? What gives?” I leaned forward and crossed my hands in front of myself as my elbows rested firmly on my knees. I had to get to the bottom of this thing. It was driving me crazy.
“She’s my assistant, and I was good friends with her father. I want to make sure she’s cared for. That’s why I’m asking.” Jacob scowled and it reminded me of the sour expression on Parker’s face the other night when they slept over and he was bickering with Vera. The same eyes, same pouty lips, same dark brooding forehead.
“Is there something you’re not telling me? Something I need to know?” I pried a little, but that was what family did right? When one brother had a secret the other was obligated to ask. It was the way of things.
“I think you need to talk to her…” Jacob’s tongue flicked out over his lips and he pulled on his ear. It was his tell. Years of playing poker with this man during college and postcollege parties taught me a thing or two. Maybe he wasn’t outright lying to me but he knew something.
I leaned in farther and pursed my lips. I wanted to read his expression and find out what he knew. “You…Are you their father?” My direct question made his face shift. I expected to see anger, but I saw surprise. “I’ve seen the resemblance, Jake. Don’t lie to me. How could you do that to Erin?”
Jacob drew his hand over his face from forehead to jaw. The day-old stubble was mostly gray now, but it suited him. He wasn’t a young guy anymore. If he screwed things up with his wife of nearly thirty years he’d really regret it. I hated that for him, and I didn’t mind helping him keep this secret as long as I knew things between them were over. I also didn’t want to get him so worked up he had another heart attack.
“I think you’re speaking with the wrong person about this. If Amber hasn’t said anything to you then maybe she’s not ready for you to know. If you’re that curious you need to go speak to her.” Jacob’s eyes zeroed in on me and anger bubbled in my chest. I wasn’t going to play this game with him, but I saw the serious expression in his eyes and knew he felt strongly about this. I wouldn’t be able to push him to answer me without riling him.
“I should help Erin,” I said, standing. As I moved toward the kitchen, worried that I had already upset him and gotten his blood pressure up, Erin was headed back to the living room.
I almost bumped into her in the arched doorway separating the living room from the dining room.
“Oh, Evan…Gosh, I almost ran into you.” She smiled and then her smile soured just like my mood had. “Are you okay? Did he bite your head off too?” She frowned and reached out to pick a piece of lint off my jacket.
“Something like that. I think it’s better if I just stick to the kitchen tonight.” Poor loving Erin had no clue what her husband was up to. In the interest of preserving her heart and her future, I avoided the discussion, but I hated it. I hated that my brother was keeping a secret he wouldn’t fess up to, and now I was forced to keep the secret for him.
“Alright, I just put the lasagna in the microwave. It has about ten minutes to heat up. Mrs. Grand brought it by last week and I just haven’t had the time to do anything with it. Would you mind setting the table? You can stay if you’d like.” Erin patted my chest near my right shoulder. “And don’t let Jacob get to you. He’s struggling a lot. He feels powerless and well…you know.” Her expression fell and so did her gaze. Her head dipped and I rested my hand on her hand.
“It’s okay. I totally get it. He’s dealing with a lot of stuff right now.” The truth, his lie, was burning my tongue, itching to walk into the open and shed light on Jacob’s lies. “You just make sure he follows doctor’s orders and stays home until he’s better. We don’t want a repeat of this. Next time he might not be so lucky.”
Erin’s head popped up and she nodded. “Believe me, I’m fighting him. I’ll make sure he does what they tell him.” Her smile returned, softer than before. “Thank you so much for being such a good brother to him. And thank you for supporting me through this too. I appreciate you more than you know.”
I nodded but went my separate way. Erin returned to Jacob, whom I heard grumbling about something again. I checked on their lasagna but could only stare at the light inside the microwave door as it spun around on the turntable and cooked. My hands rested on the counter and I leaned on them.
Amber wasn’t the key to this. She couldn’t be. If I went to her and asked her directly about the truth, I knew she’d tell me, but it would humiliate her. She was so impressionable when her father died. At times, I felt guilty of potentially taking advantage of her vulnerability. I felt like the only reason she was with me was that sense of comfort in my arms. But after a while, I realized she was genuinely interested in me.
Still, if I left her and I was her support, it made sense that she’d find that same solace elsewhere, even in the arms of a married man. I didn’t fault her. I couldn’t picture her being a manipulative woman who would destroy a marriage. It was probably naivety, innocence. She wanted to feel grounded in the wake of a tragedy and I had been that—but I had created a new type of loss when I left.
If she reached out for comfort to Jacob and he gave it to her, who was I to judge her? I only had myself to blame for that. So if I brought this up to her and she felt judged or criticized by me, I would end up being pushed away. I didn’t want that.
If I was getting to the bottom of things, it had to be through Jacob, and it had to be when Erin wasn’t around.
I sighed as the microwave dinged, then grabbed hot pads to pull it out. After peeling the cling wrap off the casserole dish, I grabbed a few plates, forks, napkins, and cups, and I set the table for Erin and Jacob’s meal.
“Dinner,” I called, but I wasn’t going to stay. Being around Jacob when I felt this strongly about something wasn’t a good idea. I’d end up with more questions than answers, and I would blow the whole thing wide open for him and Erin. Jacob was to blame in this. If he hadn’t done what he did, he wouldn’t have this mess, and no way was I going to be the bad guy here.
I would get the truth, and then I would force him to tell Erin. And when it was said and done, I’d force him to let go of whatever hold he had over Amber. I wanted her. She was good with me. I was even willing to look past the fling with Jacob and the fact that the children were his. They’d have a great man in their life to be a father figure and that was all they needed. Later, when they were old enough to understand, they’d learn the truth.
Until then, we’d keep the secret for their sake.
Erin and Jacob walked into the dining room, and I helped them get situated. I served the lasagna and pressed a kiss to Erin’s cheek before I left.
“Thank you,” she whispered again, patting my hand, and Jacob glowered at me.
“You should just speak to her,” he said, nodding. I didn’t notice even a flicker of curiosity in Erin’s eyes. She probably thought Jake was talking about work stuff.
“Goodnight,” I said, then I grabbed my coat and slipped back into the cold with more frustration than I had when I came over.
I really could have used Amber’s warm body in bed next to mine tonight. But I wasn’t going to do to her what Jacob had. I respected her too much. And I didn’t have the truth yet. That part was still coming.