19. Amber
19
AMBER
T he past six weeks seemed to go by in a flash. Things between Evan and I had been a yo-yo, back and forth between what my heart wanted and what it feared. I knew the right thing though, and every time I looked him in the face, I felt guilt cripple me. Like now, standing near the doorway of his office with Shelby at my side nudging me to head into the hallway following our meeting.
I’d been inviting her to come to every meeting in Evan’s office to make sure there was a buffer, especially following that morning last week when he surprised me with breakfast and swept me off my feet with passionate sex again. I knew it wasn’t right, but my heart didn’t want it to be wrong.
“We’ll check back later,” Shelby called. Her hand in my side where Evan couldn’t see, pushed me into the hall. She shut the door behind us and smiled a cheesy plastic grin at Gavin as he passed us on his way to his office. When he was out of earshot she hissed, “What is wrong with you? You keep staring at him like a lovesick puppy.”
My shoulders drooped and I hugged my tablet to my chest as I let my head fall. We fell into step, headed up the hallway toward our offices. Shelby wasn’t typically the confrontational type, so it surprised me that she was calling me out. I shrugged, sighing with indecision as we neared the door to her office.
“I think I’m going to tell him.” The choice to let the truth out of the bag had come after a long bout of wrestling and thinking things through. Mom had been in touch with the lawyer a few more times, who reassured her that if I opened that can of worms, he would jump in the trenches with us. I felt like he got the wrong impression of Evan and the situation, but I didn’t have the heart to correct either of them. They vehemently defended me and my side of the story, which was all a girl could ask for.
Shelby, however, seemed completely shocked and grabbed my arm, yanking me into her office. I stumbled a few steps as she shut the door and planted her hands on her hips. Her posture challenged me to stand a bit taller and square my shoulders.
“You’re what? After all this time?” I knew she only wanted to make sure I was protecting myself. Her teasing and jokes about me having it bad for the boss had been her lighthearted way of making sure I stayed in touch with reality. This was her fierce side coming out to sober me up and I appreciated it.
“Yeah.” I sighed and walked over to a chair in the corner of her office and sat down. The pressure of keeping the secret was too much to handle. I’d been interacting with him on almost a daily basis for more than a month. I knew Jacob was coming back, and there was every likelihood that Evan would return to his job in R that hug told me that. “Work is going well. Evan is staying on top of things. You’d be proud of him.” I didn’t actually know if he was staying on top of things, but I hadn’t heard Gavin complaining.
“I meant you, Amber.” Jacob spoke with a soft tone and a kind expression in his eye. He lowered his volume and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “How are you doing?”
The damn almost burst. Tears threatened to leak out but I blinked them back. If there was anyone on this planet I couldn’t hide my true feelings from, it was Jacob. Just like my father, he knew me so well he could read the tiniest changes in my posture or body language. There was no point in pretending anymore.
“I’m a wreck.” I drew a hand down over my face and tugged on my jacket to put it back in place. “Working side by side with him makes me feel so guilty.” I let my head fall; I couldn’t look him in the eye. I felt like it would be admitting to him that he was right a long time ago. That I should’ve told Evan the truth when he first moved back.
Jacob touched my hand and when I didn’t look up he squeezed it. “Amber,” he said softly. I raised my head to look him in the eye, but my heart felt so heavy. “He’s asking me questions, hon. He’s desperate to know the truth. His suspicions are a little out of whack.”
I sniffled and nodded. “He knows?”
“No, hon, but I think you need to talk to him. If he hasn’t asked you already, he will.” His volume lowered and his tone softened. “I promise, I wouldn’t tell you to say something if I thought it was going to cause major problems. Do you trust me?”
I looked into his eyes for a long hard second and nodded. I did trust him, as much as I had trusted my father. Jacob always had my best interest at heart. Erin did too. Both of them had become surrogate parents in the wake of my dad’s death. When Mom’s depression finally cleared, I had three parents to walk me through becoming a mother.
“Of course I trust you.” I blinked out a few tears and wiped them off my cheeks. It was time for me to do the right thing even though it felt like the hardest thing I’d ever have to do in my entire life. “I’ll tell him.”
“Good girl,” Jacob said. “And if he so much as says one cross word to you, I’ll put him in his place. I won’t let him come after those kids or you in any way, but I don’t think it will come to that. Evan is a smart man, and he’s matured a lot since his playboy days—since you really.” Jacob smiled and patted my knee. “If he’s pushing this hard for facts, it must mean something is brewing. Maybe that flame you lost with him is reigniting.”
When Jacob stood I stood with him, but I felt like a robot following commands. He wrapped me in his arms again, so I hugged him back. My chest felt like it’d been hollowed out, like someone had taken a knife and carved out deep emotions so all I felt was numb.
“It’s going to be okay, hon.” Jacob kissed the top of my head, and I felt more tears leaking from my eyes.
When the door swung open and I heard whistling, I almost jumped. Jacob held me more tightly and I felt his head turn.
“What’s going on?” Evan asked, standing in my doorway. I turned my head and pried myself from Jacob’s firm loving grip.
“Uh, nothing,” I sighed, swiping at my eyes. “We can talk about it tonight over dinner.” I forced a smile, but it probably looked like a frown.
“Jacob?” Evan asked, but his face contorted into a scowl. “What are you doing?”
“Evan—” The angry snip of Jacob’s tone startled me. I’d never once heard him be cross with anyone, although he did get grumpy from time to time.
“I can’t believe this.” Evan backed out, slamming the door, and I stood there in shock wondering what just happened.
I looked up at Jacob who rolled his eyes. “Go clean yourself up,” he said, “I’ll take care of this.”
All I could do was wipe my eyes and watch as one brother chased the other down. I didn’t understand what unspoken things passed between them, but it didn’t seem friendly at all. Evan seemed angry to see Jacob here, which could be interpreted a million ways. It made me all the more confused and anxious—so ready to get this over with and have a peaceful life back.