14. Rose
14
ROSE
A s I pulled the load of laundry out of the dryer into a basket, I could still hear Alana telling her boyfriend, Rick, how big of a mistake I was making. I scowled, though I hid it from her because I didn’t want her to get annoyed with me. She acted like she was my mother, but I knew it came from a place of fear.
Alana was convinced that I was going to blow it and lose my job. It had taken so long to secure this job in the city that paid well enough for me to help with rent. If I lost it, there was a good chance I'd have to go searching for something new, which would be an impossible task. I could get a million jobs, but none of them paid well enough to afford anything. Which meant I'd have to have two jobs, and getting two jobs that would work together to balance my hours would be difficult too.
I regretted telling her. I'd let it slip on Wednesday evening while we were watching TV. I sat beside her with a glass of wine while she and Rick were necking. When Cole messaged me something naughty about this weekend, I grinned at my phone and Alana asked what it was about. They all but pried it out of me. It was like they had this magical ability to know what had happened and dog me about it.
I picked up the basket and carried it toward my bedroom. I had to pass by the living room and the couch where Alana sat on Rick's lap again, cuddling and talking. I wished Cole and I could do that, but I doubted very much that a wealthy, successful doctor would want to come to this tiny little apartment. Besides, he was old enough for a mortgage and I was struggling to get my life started. And the last thing I needed was Alana laying in on him about propriety and our age difference.
"I still can't believe you're going…" Her tone wasn't lecturing or nagging. It sounded more like disillusionment. She really thought Cole was just using me to get off, that he was just a player wanting nothing but sex from me. I'd never shake that idea from her mind. "Rose, you need to protect yourself. You don't know what sort of person he is."
"It's okay, Alana," Rick said, smirking at me. "Just let her screw up and lose her job. Then there will be room for me to move in. I can help pay rent."
I gritted my teeth instead of biting back, but he really pushed my buttons with that comment. I was actually nervous that it could be a reality, and the reminder made me want to lash out at him. I knew the anger wasn't my actual emotion. I was just afraid deep down and unsure about my choices.
"I'm not going to lose my job." I turned to face them, tamping my frustration down. "Cole is a sweet man, and I think we could really have something." The fact that Alana and I had only known each other a short time hadn't escaped my mind.
We gelled right away when I moved in, but maybe I was a fool to truly trust her. I knew she had her own fears and worries, but I felt like she wasn't thinking of how I'd feel in this situation. But she knew me only as well as I knew her, so I had to cut her some slack.
"I'm just saying, Rose. I know you come from a small town and stuff, so I just want you to be aware that not all men are wholesome or have your best interests at heart." The look of genuine concern made me nod politely, but it didn't stop the frustration.
I turned and carried my basket of laundry into my room and set it on the foot of my bed. As far as I was concerned, Alana was being too critical. She didn't know Cole. She'd never even met him. All she knew about him was that he was an older man with great looks and money.
I'd seen his heart. I'd seen the way his emotions leaked out when he spoke of his late wife. I'd seen how the stresses of life were weighing his shoulders, and I'd seen how his face lit up when he asked me to go away for the weekend with him. Those were all true green flags to me. A man interested in manipulating me for just sex wouldn't be so vulnerable like that.
The point Rick made, however, did still nag at my conscience. I knew Cole said we could just keep our relationship private, but I worried about people at work finding out. The thought of that couple who got fired for having a secret relationship just kept niggling at my nerves, making me so anxious. I knew there was an almost zero-percent chance that anyone we knew would see us this weekend, but it wasn't about this weekend.
My fear was more about what I'd do when we got back here to Denver and had to hide our relationship. How would we cope with or manage the work-life balance without seeming overly friendly or connected? And was that really the type of relationship I wanted to have? Did I really want to have to hide the love of my life from my coworkers—assuming Cole and I ended up really falling for each other?
I packed while my mind toiled away, and I still had massive doubts about all of this when Cole called me. I saw the number and sighed before answering.
"Hey," I said, letting my true anticipation sound through my tone.
"Are you all packed and ready?" he asked, and I glanced at my alarm clock on my nightstand. It was almost six, the time he said he'd come get me. We had to get through security to board our plane by eight. I wasn't quite there, but I knew he had a fifteen-minute drive to my place, so I had time to shove a few more things in the bag and tie my hair back.
"Just doing the last of my packing. You can come anytime." My racing thoughts wanted to come out in a rush of rambling questions and insecurities, but I tamped them down.
"Great. Give me a few more minutes and I'll be headed your way. I'm really looking forward to the time alone with you. I can't wait." Cole sounded so happy, and after what Kiki told me about his not opening up or letting anyone in after his wife's death years ago, I knew that was a good thing. It brought my heart true joy.
"I can't wait either." I said my goodbyes and hung up, and my entire perspective about this weekend shifted. I liked Cole for way more than just the way he made me feel sexually. We could sit and talk about anything and get along. He had his life together and was responsible and mature, and most of all, we had a lot in common. This could really end up being something, and I didn't want to dismiss the bond I was forming because I was afraid.
I shoved a few more things into my suitcase and zipped it up. Then I went into my bathroom and tied my hair up into a messy bun and found a few more things I'd missed. This weekend was going to be amazing, even if I had to fight my own doubts.
When you found someone you genuinely connected with, you weren't supposed to run away because circumstances weren't right. Relationships were about commitment, faithfulness, hard work, and a promise to overcome all the obstacles in your path in order to make things work and be with the person. If we started this relationship with my shying away, it didn’t bode well for the longevity of things.
I was going to make this weekend fantastic, and when we came back, I'd decide whether it was worth the risk. I'd never know if I didn't try.