24. Rose
24
ROSE
I got his messages, all twelve of them. Thirty-two text messages too, but after learning I was pregnant with twins, it was me freaking out now, not him. Cole was ready to discuss whatever it was he was going through, but I was afraid, for my career and for what he'd say. He was clearly stressed about something, and telling him he was going to be a father twice over all at the same time just didn't seem fair.
Not only would he have more weight on his shoulders, but the stress of whatever it was he was dealing with would only make him more on edge. He wouldn't be thinking clearly when I gave him the news, and it would make him react differently than if he were calm.
I just didn't know how much longer I could keep it a secret. I told my mother about the twins and she was thrilled. She wanted to come to Denver immediately and help me prepare, but I told her to wait. Alana and I had several discussions. It was obvious I couldn't raise twins in that little apartment, and she insisted that we could find a bigger place. This entire thing really brought the two of us closer as friends, but I felt like a dead weight. If a normal mom took six weeks off work after birth, what would I do?
I stood in the elevator rising toward the third floor pediatrics and dreading my work shift. I hadn't been as sick lately, and at eleven weeks the doctor told me that was unique, especially with twins. Mom credited her protein smoothie and I credited the depression. I missed Cole. I missed the unique chemistry we had and the connection that seemed so strong, like it'd been established by fate long before we even met.
I missed the smell of his skin and the way he told stupid jokes. I missed his laugh and the way he cradled my cheek when he looked into my eyes. It'd been weeks since we spoke, and even though he was trying to reach out, I just couldn’t.
The elevator doors opened and I walked out onto the floor. The nurses were huddled around the nurses' station with giddy expressions. Pam and Ginny were somewhere else now. I'd requested to be on second shift instead of first so I wouldn’t run the risk of bumping into Cole at all, and so far, it was working, but it meant getting used to a completely different set of coworkers, though Kiki was here.
I strolled up, ready to get my charts and do my rounds, and Kiki grinned at me and nudged me with her shoulder as I reached for the filing cabinet.
"Did you hear the good news?" she asked, and she waggled her eyebrows at me. The other nurses were so happy right now, but I didn't care. There was something weighing me down that even their good news couldn't change.
"No," I mumbled, trying not to sound like a complete spoil sport. I just wanted to focus on getting my job done and keeping my head down. Then I had to go home and make some tough decisions. I had exactly twenty-one weeks to have a full plan for my future, and the likelihood of my having to move back in with my mom was so high it felt crippling.
"The hospital isn't making cuts. The lawsuit that was pending isn't going through. The patient isn't going to sue Twin Peaks or Premier Health." She beamed and clapped a few times, but even the elimination of that bit of peripheral anxiety I'd been carrying wasn't enough to lighten my mood. I sighed and nodded.
"What happened?" I asked, but I wasn't actually interested in hearing the answer to the question. I just didn't want her to think I was a complete jerk for not caring. Yes, it was a good thing for all the nurses and I was happy about that. Pam was probably over the moon that she wouldn’t have to do my job, but I'd end up giving my job up, anyway. They'd just hire someone else to do it.
"Well, it's bad news for Dr. Silver Fox, that's for sure.” One of the other nurses whose name I didn't know spoke up, and at the sound of Cole's nickname, I jerked my head up, suddenly needing to know.
"What's that?" I asked, and I took a step toward her, swallowing the instant knot in my throat. I didn't understand how the lawsuit being dropped had anything to do with Cole or why it was a good thing for us. How could I ever think of benefitting from something that would harm him?
"He's the idiot who almost killed the patient. The hospital board found him negligent and the patient is suing him instead. So we get to keep our jobs." I winced as the nameless nurse insulted the man I loved and shook my head, backing away. My hand went to cover my mouth, and Kiki looked at me with confusion.
"Are you okay?" she asked, and I felt so sick I might throw up even though the last time I'd actually thrown up was days ago.
"Uh, fine," I told her, glancing at the clock. It was only a few minutes after four and if I hurried, I might make it to his office on time. I knew the reasons now that he'd been so overwhelmed and ready to bite my head off. He was getting sued for malpractice and I never put two-and-two together. I felt like a total idiot.
I turned abruptly, ignoring the fact that I had a job to do, and rushed to the elevators. I rode it down to his floor and burst out of the carriage as soon as the doors opened. The messages he left played in my mind on repeat. He'd said he needed a friend, and I ignored them because I was afraid of what my secret might do. Now definitely wasn’t the time to tell him about twins, but I felt so bad for leaving him alone while he was suffering like this.
His light was on in his office, and his blinds were closed so I couldn’t see in, but I knew he was in there. I didn't even knock. I opened the door and walked right in and saw him collecting his things as if he were ready to leave.
"Rose?" he said, surprised to see me, and I shut the door behind myself and shook my head as I walked up to him.
"I'm so, so sorry, Cole." I touched both of his cheeks and almost felt like crying. "I had no idea." Any thought of my stress or worries was gone, and all I was thinking about was him.
“Sorry?" he asked, and he looked confused.
"I know. The nurses told me. I'm sorry I haven’t been here for you." My eyes searched his expression as it softened, and then I pressed a kiss to his lips. "Why didn't you tell me?"
Cole's forehead furrowed and he put his hands on my hips. "I didn't want you to think less of me. I guess I ended up making that happen anyway, huh?" His eyes were stormy, and I smiled at him.
"I don't think any less of you, and I want to hear it all, but right now I need you to know how sorry I am. If I'd have known, I'd have been here." I kissed him again, not even caring whether someone walked in. I knew how precarious our situation was, and even more so now that it was complicated by his lawsuit and my secret, but when someone you love is suffering, you do what you have to do to help them.
"I'm sorry I couldn't tell you," he said softly, and I kissed him again.
His nearness overwhelmed my better senses. I needed him more than he knew, probably as much as he needed me but hadn't been able to tell me. Being so close to him again made me feel weak, like if I didn't get closer to him, feel him against my body, I wouldn't ever feel whole again.
"I miss you so much," I told him as I kissed him again. Each kiss was a plea, a desperation to fix this for him, for us, to undo our arguments and his stress, and my worries, and make it all go back to normal so I could feel whole and we could move on. I kissed him harder, pulling him down against my mouth with such force our teeth clashed.
Cole got greedy too, pulling me against his body and crushing his lips against mine. It was like we forgot where we were or what we were doing. Like our separation had only made our need for each other grow stronger by the day until now, the detonation looming on the horizon would meld our souls together forever.
I couldn't pull away, couldn't catch my breath. I slid my hands down his neck to his shoulders and used the leverage to push him toward his desk. He moved willingly, though he was stronger and could've resisted, and I found myself on the edge of the solid oak, legs spread so he could stand between my knees.
"Here and now?" he asked cautiously, and I nodded before kissing him again.
"I need you. Don't make me wait." My begging fueled the fire, and he didn't disappoint.
His hands found the hem of my scrub top, lifting it up and over my head before discarding it on the floor. His eyes raked over me, and I couldn't help but blush. It had been a while since my body had been appreciated like this.
"You're beautiful," he said quietly, his voice full of amazement as he unhooked my bra and removed that too. My nipples hardened in the cooler air, craving his touch.
Cole lowered his head, kissing down my neck, sending shivers through me. His hand moved between my legs, brushing across my wetness and proving just how much I ached for him. He groaned against my skin as his fingers teased me through the thin fabric of my scrub bottoms and panties.
"I need you, too," he growled, his voice rough with desire.
Cole's words sent a delicious warmth coiling in my belly, and I whimpered in anticipation. He had me on the edge of my seat, literally and figuratively, and I couldn't stand it any longer. I reached for his scrubs, desperate to rid him of them as well. His hands were just as impatient as mine, and together we managed to undress each other in a flurry of fabric and frantic gasps.
Cole picked me up, hands under my thighs, and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He sat me back on the desk, not stopping his kisses as he stepped between my legs. I guided him to where I needed him most, and with one deep, satisfying thrust, he filled me. Any other time, I’d have asked him for a condom, but he was so into it, and I knew the worst had already been done. I was already pregnant with his babies and he didn’t even know it. I let him slide into me and just enjoyed the sensation of his skin gliding into mine.
“My God, you have no idea how badly I’ve needed you. Don’t ever do this again. We belong together.” His growls against the skin of my neck as he nipped and sucked made me shudder and cling to him. His hands gripped my hips, then one slid up to cup my breast. He kneaded it and tweaked my nipple, and I gasped as I hooked my ankles behind his waist and pulled him in deeper.
“My God, baby, I’m so sorry. I’m so very sorry.” All I could do was apologize for not being there for him when he needed me most. I felt like the worst girlfriend in the world. I’d let his bad mood push me away and I never stopped to ask why he was so upset.
“Mmm,” he moaned on my shoulder, then he sank his teeth in as he kept thrusting. His dick felt amazing, like I hadn’t had sex in years, and I was already on the edge. He’d always known just how to make me come, and apparently, that hadn’t changed.
“Cole, I love you so much.” It came out as a whimper and a moan as he picked up his pace. His hips slammed into mine with a force I didn’t know he was capable of. The action made my coil unravel in delicious waves, and I spasmed and clamped down around him as he thrust his dick into me over and over.
My fingernails dug into his skin. I bit down on his chest to stifle my moans, and his hands pulled me harder onto his dick so it hit my back wall and made me jolt. The orgasm was incredible, and I never wanted it to end.
Cole picked me up and sat down in his chair, not even breaking the kiss between our lips. He continued to thrust as he relaxed backward and arched into me. His dick felt so good inside me, and I knew I’d miss it when he did pull out.
“Cole,” I whispered into his ear, and I heard him grunting. His body shuddered, his cock pulsed, and I knew he was coming. He buried his face in my neck and groaned as I felt his warmth fill me up.
When his thrusts slowed, his lips claimed mine again. I was late for my shift, dripping with his cum, and wanting to cling to him. We had a lot to talk about, but something told me we were going to be okay.
"I have to go to work…" I said regretfully.
"Call me. Please…" He sat up, kissing my chest softly, and I breathed in his scent. "I want to see you tonight."
"I will." I reluctantly tore myself away from him and used tissues from his desk to clean myself up. We both dressed and made plans to talk later that evening on my dinner break, and maybe if I wasn't too exhausted, I'd go to his house tonight. And then I slipped out.
What was good news for me was bad news for him. I wasn't sure what to think of that, but I knew we would figure it out together. At least I knew what he was going through now, and it gave me the patience I felt I needed to keep my secret a bit longer. The lawsuit wouldn't last forever, and maybe this was a sign that keeping my secret wasn't a horrible thing. Maybe we'd make it after all.