CHAPTER 12
C HAPTER 12
“B ABY, WAIT HERE, I’m just going to check the room.”
Raider didn’t respond, but Seth wasn’t sure if that was because he wasn’t yet fully awake from the drug-laden dart or if he was just … disconnected.
Seth didn’t like leaving him like that, even for a minute, even while he was still in sight, but he couldn’t be comfortable in this suite until he’d checked it out.
There were two levels: the sumptuous bedchamber and, down a short flight of steps that ran the width of the suite, the bathing chamber. Seth left Raider sitting on those steps, leaning against one of the supporting columns, while he made a circuit of the bedroom.
The rich space looked surreal, almost ridiculous after the dungeon. The ground-level bed was a plush feather mattress swathed in pink silk sheets and mounded with colorful pillows. A slatted arcane fan rotated lazily above it.
Near the bed there was a low table surrounded by cushions. Platters of fruit, bread, cheese, and smoked meats cluttered the surface, and a pitcher of wine stood waiting.
The latticed windows offered an elevated view of sprawling Kastari and, to the south, a glimpse of the sparkling sea. There was no balcony, no access to the room from those windows. As for the walls, Seth’s careful scan found no spyholes or hidden entrances.
He returned to the steps, where Raider was still slumped against the column. Seth brushed Raider’s head with his fingertips as he passed. He didn’t like how the empress had been touching Raider’s hair.
Raider’s hand came up and caught his, halting Seth mid-step. Seth closed his eyes briefly. Thank the gods. It had scared him to see Raider so out of it.
“I’m almost done,” Seth said softly, squeezing Raider’s hand. “Then we’ll clean up.”
Raider let go, and Seth hurried through the rest of his inspection. Mosaic tilework decorated every wall, rosemary and cypress branches smoked gently in brass braziers, and steam rose from the pool. Bottles of Kastari’s famous rose-colored glass ranged along one side. A wicker rack held towels of cloud-white linen.
Behind a standing screen, Seth found a flushing toilet, as well as a mirror, basin, and shaving tools. Everything looked safe and absurdly luxurious. The irony was that this was sort of what Seth had wanted last night as he and Raider had laid out their bedrolls in the cramped, dirty dressing room of the theater. Right now, Seth would give anything to be back in that dressing room instead of in this palace suite.
Seth returned to the pool area to find that Raider had gotten up from the steps and was standing by the pool. He still looked a little out of it, definitely a little shaky, but at least he was on his feet.
Seth went to him. Seth didn’t ask if Raider was okay because he obviously wasn’t. Seth wasn’t either. So he just laid his hands on either side of Raider’s face and brought their foreheads together. Then Seth dropped his hands to Raider’s waist and untied his drawstring. When the loose silk dropped from Raider’s hips and he moved to step out of the pants, Seth unlaced his own and shoved them off.
They stepped down into the lukewarm water. The large pool had two levels, one a ledge, the other a deeper center.
On the ledge, Seth got Raider to sit facing him. He drew Raider into his lap, their legs sticking out behind each other, their arms wrapping around each other. Raider pressed his face into the crook of Seth’s neck. It took a long time for the tremors to ease from Raider’s body, but eventually, their breaths found a rhythm. Eventually, they both relaxed.
When Raider took a deep breath and let it out slowly, Seth pressed his lips against Raider’s temple.
Raider lifted his head and drew back a little to look at Seth. His eyes looked better. More present. He frowned at the bruise blooming across Seth’s left pectoral and shoulder. Then Raider reached up, fingers skimming across the blood that had threaded from Seth’s hair to dry at his temple.
Raider’s physical wounds—the puncture at each shoulder—would heal faster than Seth’s, but none of the physical damage was what worried Seth. What worried him was the way he’d found Raider strapped to that table and what he’d seen in Raider’s eyes, how that had taken him straight into his nightmares. What worried him was that Raider wouldn’t speak.
Seth leaned to the side, reaching for a scrubbing cloth, then he set to work on Raider’s body. After a while, Raider took the cloth from him and did the same.
The tone shifted as they both started getting turned on. It was still about caring for each other, it was still tender, but the touches lingered in a different way. Raider’s cock hardened against Seth’s belly, trapped between them. Seth’s cock rose stiffly against Raider’s ass.
They weren’t going to fuck, not a chance, so Seth was able to enjoy the intimacy of their mutual desire without frustration. It felt good to know that Raider wanted him and to let himself want Raider. It felt good that they could both show that without expectation.
They didn’t touch each other’s cocks—that would be too much—but it was amazing how sensual every part of the body could be. When they moved into the deeper part of the pool and Seth started to wash Raider’s hair, Raider closed his eyes in pleasure. And when Raider returned the favor, Seth let himself really feel the gentle scrub of Raider’s fingers across his scalp. Raider was careful with where Seth had been hit. It did something to Seth, feeling that tenderness. It made him ache inside. He loved it.
They got out of the pool and dried off then returned to the bedchamber. Raider angled toward the bed, but Seth redirected him toward the food. It was early evening, and they hadn’t eaten since this morning, and barely then.
Raider only ate a little, and that clearly to appease Seth. Then he crawled into the bed and lay very still, staring at the fan rotating above him. Seth started to get up, intending to join him, but Raider looked his way and spoke for the first time.
“Finish eating. I’m fine.”
But he wasn’t, of course.
Not even close.
***
Seth was already half awake, waiting for it. The harsh breathing. The twitching. The sounds of fear and refusal and pain.
“Hush, baby,” Seth whispered, rubbing a circle over Raider’s heart, hoping he would settle into restful sleep.
Sometimes that worked, if the nightmare wasn’t too severe. It didn’t work tonight. Raider woke with a shout, lurching up, yanking away from Seth’s hand.
Moonlight filtered through the latticed windows, painting cool light over Raider’s sweat-slick skin. Seth sat up slowly. He didn’t reach for Raider, not yet. Seth had done that before, and it had only frightened him into lashing out. Raider didn’t always know where he was when he woke up like this.
“It’s okay,” Seth tried to soothe. “You’re safe. It’s okay.”
When Raider started making broken, choking sounds, Seth reached for his shoulder. At the touch, Raider wrenched away, tumbling from the bed. There wasn’t really a drop, not from such a low bed, but Seth didn’t like the smack of Raider’s knees on the tile floor, didn’t like the slap of his hands as he caught himself. He didn’t like that Raider was pulling away, like he so often did.
Raider curled in on himself, hugging tight to his knees, his forehead on the floor. Seth’s heart ached at the self-protective position. How many times had Raider curled up like that, alone in a cell?
But he wasn’t alone now.
Seth slid from the bed, murmuring, “Easy,” so that Raider would hear him, so he wouldn’t be startled when Seth laid a hand on the curve of his back. Gods, Seth hated feeling Raider shaking like that.
He stroked Raider’s back and the back of his neck, his words on repeat, his tone soft. It’s okay. You’re safe. It’s over.
When Raider’s muscles started to loosen, Seth slid his hands between Raider’s torso and thighs. Raider tensed against the intrusion then relaxed at Seth’s words, letting Seth get a grip around his torso, letting Seth pull him back into the bed. On their sides, Seth snugged Raider into the curve of his body. He kept an arm around Raider’s torso and pressed his face into Raider’s hair.
Raider slowly relaxed. His breathing returned to normal.
“You didn’t leave me,” Raider whispered. “In the dungeon. You came back for me.”
Seth wasn’t sure what that meant to Raider, but he knew what it meant to him. He said, “I love you.”
Raider’s breathing stuttered.
Seth rubbed Raider’s chest. “Why is that hard for you to hear?” Seth had noticed it in front of Atri’s temple, how Raider wanted those words but couldn’t quite accept them.
“I don’t know.”
“Do you not believe me?”
“It’s not that. I just …”
“What?”
“I … don’t deserve it.”
Seth didn’t like that response. In fact, it made him pretty fucking angry. But anger wouldn’t help. Reasoning wouldn’t help either, not with something like that. So Seth only said, a little more harshly than intended, “You’re wrong.”
Raider let out a small huff. “Oh, I am? As simple as that?”
“Yes, Raider, as simple as that. You’re dead fucking wrong.” Seth added more gently, “But thank you for telling me the truth of how you feel.”
Raider turned over in Seth’s arms. One of Raider’s legs slid between his. Raider’s upper arm hugged Seth’s torso.
“I love you too,” Raider said softly. “That’s a more important truth. That’s why I didn’t want you here. And I don’t know what happened today in the dungeon. I don’t how you got us out of there. But I’m sure it’s not good.”
“I’d rather talk about it in the morning.”
“How bad is it?”
“It’ll be okay. We’ll manage.”
“Is Julian okay?”
“Yes, I think so. I haven’t seen him yet, but when we were walking here, Nasrin—the woman of the Hammer?—she told me he’s in another room.”
“I’m sorry I got you into this.”
“Technically, I got you into this. If not for me, you’d be back in Shalaa, drinking raaki and harassing strangers.”
A surprised-sounding laugh came from Raider, and, gods, that was good to hear. Seth smiled.
Then Raider said, “I’d rather be here with you than without you in Shalaa.”
“Gods,” Seth gasped and clutched Raider to him. Raider buried his face against Seth’s throat, and they clung to each other until they both understood how deeply, how fundamentally they were together.