Chapter 7
Seven
“ W hat the fuck?”
Gunner jolted as Gia punched him in the arm. His coffee sloshed onto the table, and he tried to rein in his anger. It had been a long night, and an early morning trying to let Lily sleep in. He needed that coffee.
“Gia, don’t talk like that.”
“I’m a grown-ass woman, Gunner. I’ll talk to my dumb shit brother any way I please.” She sat down next to him, taking a toast off his plate. “What are you thinking?”
“Want to clue me in on whatever gave you a death wish this morning?”
“I know I didn’t ask questions when you came into Mom’s room at five in the morning telling me Lily was going to sleep in my bed, but I want an explanation about what happened last night, and I want it now.”
“I’m going to marry her.”
The toast dropped from Gia’s hand as her mouth gaped open at him.
“What the fuck is happening right now? ”
“Someone close to us needs my help. And this is how I can help.”
“This isn’t just someone, Gunner. This is Lily. My best friend. Sweet Lily Bennett who we grew up with, throwing mud at each other down by the pond and who tutored your dumb ass in chemistry senior year of high school.”
“Yeah, I think I know who Lily is.”
“Lily,” she continued. “The woman who is with our mother right now caring for her because we are in over our heads.”
“Shit, is she? I was hoping she would have slept in a little longer.” He looked at his watch. She’d only gotten a few hours of sleep, and that couldn’t be good for her or the baby. “But to answer your repetitive questions, yes, that same Lily.”
“So, what? You marry her and then just live a happy life with her and the baby? Jesus, Gunner! She’s going to have a baby any day now. You’re not a kid person! Hell, you’re not a relationship person. Don’t fuck with Lily’s heart. Don’t promise her something you can’t possibly give.”
“It isn’t like that, G. She knows it’s about protecting her and getting her back on her feet.”
“So you’re going to be there when she has the baby? You’re going to take care of both of them after the baby comes? You don’t see how that might make you feel things you aren’t ready to feel? How she might start relying on you for things other than her safety?”
“Gia, listen to me. James put his hands on her. That filthy piece of shit hurt her while she’s pregnant. I saw the bruises, and so did you. I heard the panic in her voice when she called me last night. Not only that, but he cleared out their bank account. Did she tell you that this morning? Spent every dollar she had saved for the baby. She doesn’t deserve that. She’s worried and working too hard. I had to take her to the hospital last night before we came home, G. Had to sit there and listen to her as she cried about how she’d already failed her daughter because that scumbag used her. Her doctor was clear that she can’t keep up this level of stress. I just want to help an old friend get back on her feet.”
His sister sat back, folding her arms over her chest. “You are so in over your head.”
“No, I’m not.”
“So she knows you’re going back to Texas after everything here is done?”
“You mean after our mother dies?”
Gia rolled her eyes. “Fuck you, Gunner.”
“Someone needs to say it, Gia. We aren’t just here to hold a garage sale for her.”
“I don’t want to think about it. I just want to soak up the time we have left with her.”
“So do I, but I also live in reality. We’re going to bury our mom while I’m here. If I marry Lil, if I help her out, at least something good comes from all this.”
Gia sat with her eyes glued to Gunner. Finally, she gave a soft nod and sighed. “So, does she know?”
“No. But I’m hoping that a fresh start in a new state will be something she’s interested in.”
“Because it’s with you?”
He shook his head. “No, I think that’s probably the thing that will be the hardest sell.”
“God, you definitely got the short stick in the intelligence department, didn’t you?”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’ve watched that girl pine after you since the summer she cut her leg falling off her bike and you carried her home. You left for the Navy and she never stopped coming over to ask mom how you were doing. Never stopped texting me in the middle of the night when she would read about an attack on the troops, making sure we hadn’t been notified it was you. Every milestone, everything you achieved, she was the first person celebrating.”
“She was just being a caring neighbor.”
“Is that why she sent you all those care packages?”
“What?” That surprised Gunner. The only packages he’d gotten were from his mother, and they’d been legendary. His entire team loved when one showed up, because his mom not only included things for him, but she always made sure there was something special for each of the guys on his team. “The only packages I ever got were from mom.”
Gia shook her head. “No. Lily would come over and tell mom when she was getting ready to send one to you. Mom would always write a letter to go in, but those packages were all Lily.”
His heart squeezed painfully in his chest. Those care packages had sometimes been the only thing to pull him from the darkness of his mind. They always seemed to show up exactly when he needed them most. Why hadn’t she ever written to him? Why had she let him think his mother was sending them?
“She’s been in love with you since we were kids, Gunner. You cannot come riding in on your white horse and give her hope that your support might turn into something more one day.”
“Gunner…”
“Hi, Mom.” He bent down and gave his mom a kiss on her cheek. “How are you doing today?”
“I’m tired baby.”
He nodded. “I thought I’d find Lily in here.”
“Poor thing. She looks as tired as I feel today.”
“Why don’t I let you rest? I need to check in with her, anyway.”
“Sit for a minute. Tell me what’s going on in that handsome head of yours.”
Gunner grabbed the tufted arm chair from the corner of the room and moved it to the edge of his mother’s bed.
He scooped up her fragile hand, noting a large bruise on her thin skin. Tracing the edges of it, Gunner committed to memory the softness of her skin and the way her hand felt in his.
“I’m going to marry Lily,” he said, his eyes finally leaving her hand and finding their way up to her face.
“You are?” Excitement flashed in her sparkling eyes before questions settled across her face.
“Yeah, Ma. But it won’t be a real marriage. I’m just stepping up to help her and the baby. Someone needs to protect her from James. She needs insurance for the birth and after. And she needs things for the baby. I can’t just leave her to figure things out on her own.”
“You listen here Gunner, you better treat her right. That poor girl has been through more than you could ever know, and I expect if you’re marrying her, you won’t deny her a single thing, including your heart.”
“I don’t know if I even have a heart left to give. If I do, it’s too scarred and blackened for Lily’s goodness.”
“I won’t give my blessing unless you tell me you’ll try, honey. I understand why you are stepping up. You’ve always been that way, even since you were a little boy.”
“What way?”
“Needing justice. Needing to be the person that makes things right in the world.”
“Is that a bad thing?”
“No, Gunner. It’s an admirable thing. But I don’t want to see Lily get hurt again. ”
“I would never hurt her like that.”
“No, of course not. But her heart is a part of her, Gunner. She’s going to give her whole heart to you, freely. And that baby will too. Are you ready for that? All that sweet girl has ever wanted is a family that loves her. I tried my best to give her that here, but you are dangling the real thing right in front of her.”
“I hadn’t thought?—”
“No, I didn’t figure you would. You’ve always been so practical. And Lily has always had this more whimsical approach to life.”
“How do I make sure she’s okay, mom? I’m not good at the emotional stuff. I hate it.”
“That’s my fault. I should have let you know you didn’t need to push down all of your feelings when your dad left. I should have reminded you that it was okay to be vulnerable and to trust people to hold that space for you.”
“I’m not like him, mom. I won’t be.”
“Of course you’re not like him. You’ve worked your whole life not to be like him. I’m proud of the man you are, of the husband and father you’ll be.”
“I won’t ever be like him,” Gunner said again. “I’m going to be like you. I’m going to make sure our home is a safe place, filled with laughter and fun memories. I’m going to make each day special for Lily and the baby. I’m never going to let them forget that we are a family.”
“Then I think you’ll have a long and wonderful real marriage, Gunner. And that makes my heart happy.”
“…it won’t be a real marriage.” Lily’s heart shattered at his admission. Putting away a few towels into the linen closet just outside Juliette’s room, she couldn’t help but overhear the co nversation going on between Gunner and his mother. Of course, she’d known it all along, but that didn’t take away the sting of his words. There was no love for her in Gunner’s heart. She was just the fool always pining after someone she could never have. Hot tears streaked her cheeks, and she pushed off of the wall, walking towards the kitchen.
“Lily, is everything okay?” Gia asked as she looked up from the table.
“Oh, yeah,” she rushed to say. “Just pregnancy hormones going crazy. I’m fine. Don’t even know what brought the tears on.”
Gia looked at her, disbelief written all over her face.
“I bet I know. That idiot brother of mine and his plan to trap you in a loveless marriage. You know you can say no to him, Lil, and we’ll still make sure you and the baby are safe. Officially or not, you’ve always been a part of our family. I know I have bestie and favorite auntie status on lock, but that doesn’t mean I’d ever let you or the baby suffer. When Gunner leaves, you can just stay here permanently. Besties living together and raising the baby! You don’t have to put yourself in this situation.”
“What situation is that, Gia?”
“Cut the shit, Lily. I know you’ve loved Gunner since we were kids. What he’s asking of you, knowing he’d never give his heart to you, it’s cruel. He’s always been closed off to the possibility of love, and it’s not fair to you or your baby.”
“That part might not be fair, but what he’s offering us is more than I’m worth. To know the baby would grow up with a father-figure to look up to, not some drunk who we’d need to hide from… I can’t explain how that has given me hope for the first time since I found out about the baby. I should have left James a long time ago. I shouldn’t have let him anywhere near me, but I can’t regret it, because it brought me Sprout. Your brother is a good man, and I need his help. One day, wh en he finally finds someone who breaks down his walls and steals his heart, I won’t fight him about going our separate ways so he can be happy. He deserves that. Especially after everything he’s about to do for me.”
“Maybe you can be that person for him. Maybe he just needs some time to see that.”
“I don’t think so, Gia. This is just an arrangement in his eyes. And that’s okay. I’ll just need to remind my heart about that every now and again.”
“I’m so sorry, Lil.”
“It is what it is.” Lily shrugged as she made her way out to the living room. There was a mess of blankets and old magazines she’d been meaning to sort through for Jules. Right then seemed as good a time as any. Maybe she’d be able to avoid seeing Gunner until she had a better control over her emotions.
She miscalculated the distance between her body and the couch, and as her leg hit the frame, the TV remote fell off the edge and onto the floor. Getting the dropped remote was fine. It was getting back up that proved to be difficult. Lily winced, letting out a sharp gasp as she felt herself tipping to the side. Her balance was terrible now that Sprout had gotten so big. She should have just sat herself down on the floor. Warm, firm hands wrapped around her waist, steadying her.
“Sit down. Right now,” he growled, and she felt the immediate sting of tears welling in her eyes.
“Do not yell at me.” She tried to pull her body away from his. So much for avoiding him. “I’m fine. Just not the best with having to bend down.”
“Fuck, Lil, I didn’t mean to sound that gruff, it’s just that the doctor said?—”
“I know exactly what the doctor said, Gunner. I was there, remember? The one with the bands around my big belly, listening to my baby’s heartbeat,” she snapped back .
“I’m just trying to look out for you.”
“Don’t. I can look out for myself. I asked for your help last night. Trust that I’ll ask for it again if I truly need it.” She moved her hands to her back and began massaging away the pain that was growing between her hips.
“You’re in pain.”
“I have a baby the size of an Easter ham with a bowling ball sized head pressing down on my cervix and kicking the hell out of my lungs right now. Yeah, I’m in pain. It’s fine. Nothing I didn’t sign up for.”
“Please. Just rest for a minute.” His eyes held nothing but concern in them, and she hated that. Why wouldn’t he just keep his distance? Why did he have to make it extra difficult for her by being so sweet and attentive?
“You’re effectively my boss. You, of all people, should want me to work. You know? To do the things you and your sister are actually paying me to do.”
“I’d rather have you stop being so damn stubborn for a minute and sit. That way, I could talk about becoming your husband.”
Lily rolled her eyes. “Why? You’ve already told Gia and your mother that we’re getting married. I haven’t even said yes, Gunner!”
Forcing Gunner into a marriage of convenience was going to shatter her heart into a million pieces, but she also knew that was the best way to keep her baby safe from James and his parents. Once Gunner was on the birth certificate as the baby’s father, the whole Callahan family would have to leave her alone. “I understand last night was stressful, but you’re supposed to be cool under pressure, aren’t you? Don’t they teach that to you in the Navy?”
“Pregnant Lily Bennett is a thousand times more stressful than any target I had to take care of in the SEALs.”
Tears swelled in her eyes and she bit her bottom lip as his words washed over her. There it was. He was telling her exactly how he saw her and the baby. And she knew it would never change.
“Sorry I’m such a burden, Gunner.”
Fuck. He saw the exact moment his words knocked the light out of Lily’s eyes. He’d only meant to be a little playful with her, but clearly, he’d messed up big time. “Lil, I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Of course not.” He watched as she batted away a tear. “Please move so I can get back to work.”
“No. I’m not moving until you sit and put your feet up for a few minutes.”
“Your mom needs her medicine and then I’ve got to do her hand casting.”
“I can bring her whatever she needs, but what the hell is a hand casting?”
“It’s where you make a mold of someone’s hand and then pour it with plaster. It will make a casting of her hand that you’ll be able to keep after she’s gone.”
“Was that her idea?”
“No,” she said as she wiped away another tear. “It was mine. I was thinking about the things I would have liked to have from my own parents.”
“Your parents aren’t dead, Lily.”
“No, I’m just dead to them, I guess.”
“They could come around.”
“I don’t think I want them to at this point. Sprout deserves more than whatever scraps of emotional support they would give her. Just like you deserve more than taking me on as some sort of charity project.”
“I don’t see you as a charity project. ”
“How could you not? I have nothing to offer you, Gunner. A marriage between us would be solely for my benefit, and that isn’t fair to you. I have nothing to give you.”
“That’s not true, Lil. You’d be giving me a family.” Damn, the truth of that sucker punched him right in the gut. “I never,” Gunner ran his hand over his chin. “Look, I never thought about having a wife and kids before, other than to know it wouldn’t be in the cards for me. There aren’t a lot of women who want to take on living life as a single married woman.”
“What do you mean?”
“When I was a SEAL, constantly going out on missions, I didn’t have time to be thinking about anyone back home. Just ask mom, or Gia. I only know how to focus on my team. My mission.”
“But you aren’t in the Navy anymore.”
“No, but that doesn’t mean I’ve left the danger behind, Lil. There are still missions to go on, teams to be a part of where the objectives are classified, and the likelihood of being hurt is high. What my team is working on in Texas right now, the people they are trying to take down, it’s dangerous.”
“If you can only focus on your mission, on your team in the field, why would you want me to be there as a distraction? Why take on me and Sprout?”
Gunner looked around the living room and sighed. If there was ever a time to be honest with someone, now was it. He might want her to say yes for her own benefit, but he also knew she needed to hear the words he was about to say.
“I’ve always wondered what it would be like to come home to a house filled with happiness, instead of silence. Maybe I’d like to have someone to spend time with when my team has pissed me off and I need to get away from them for a while. I want to have someone at home to tell me about their day and distract me from whatever tough jobs I may have just gotten back from.”
Gunner placed his hand on her shoulder, pressing down until she finally sat. “I mean it, Lil. You and Sprout would be giving me the greatest gift. Please, just think about it a little more seriously.”
“Why are you being so nice to me?”
“It’s been a long time since I did my medical crash course. Can’t have you go into labor on my watch.” He thought that would at least get a little smile from her, but as he watched the tears not only fill her eyes, but splash over her lashes with a sob, he felt lost. “What’s wrong, Lily?”
“Nothing. Bring t-those pills to your mom. I’ll be fine in a minute.”
Lost as to what set her off, Gunner gathered his mom’s medications, double checking the tracking sheet Lily had placed in the kitchen. Marriage was going to be tough, but doubly so if everything he said made Lily either so mad she wouldn’t look at him, or even worse, she cried.