Chapter 10
Ten
“ S he had such a good day today, didn’t she?” Gia asked as she closed the door to her mother’s room.
“She really did. I’m so glad she had enough energy for everything.” Lily ran her hand over Sprout, who was busy kicking her ribs.
“Do you think something’s changed? Will she be like this for a while?”
Lily looked at Gia, immediately recognizing the hope in her best friend’s eyes. For one day, they’d had their mom back. Laughing, joking, making a few more sweet memories. But Lily had seen the very same thing before, and more than once it had been a sign that someone was close to passing.
“I’m sorry, you guys. I hope it is, but a lot of times, before someone passes, they experience this sort of surge in their energy. They’re talking and laughing, maybe even asking to eat their favorite things again, like their son’s homemade meatballs. With how tired Jules has been, and how often she’s been skipping her meals, I would say she was giving us her all today, one last time, before she says goodbye.”
Silence filled the hallway.
“It’s been a long day for everyone. We should probably all go to sleep now that mom is settled.” Gunner turned to walk away from them when Gia stopped him.
“Aren’t you going to take your wife to bed?”
“Gia, no.” Heat flooded Lily’s body. “I’m still staying in your room, unless you want it back. I can take the couch.”
“You aren’t sleeping on the couch. Jesus, Lil.” Gunner ran his hand over his face.
“No, of course I don’t,” Gia soothed. “I just figured you two would want to spend your wedding night together.”
“I need to call my team and get an update on some things.”
“And Sprout makes me take up almost all of the space in bed. It wouldn’t be comfortable for either of us. We can just keep things how they’ve been. I’m okay with that.”
“Works for me. Goodnight, Gia. Lily.” Gunner turned, and this time he did actually walk away from the two of them.
“I am so fucking sorry, Lily.”
“It’s fine. I knew going into it that things were going to be this way. I’m happy. Are you sure you’re still okay staying in with your mom?”
“Of course. And please don’t get up for her medicine tonight, or worry about checking in on her. I’ve got it covered. At least one Brooks can make sure you have a satisfying wedding night, even if it’s just with getting enough sleep.”
Lily hugged Gia. “You are the best, G. Thanks for today.”
“Anytime.”
“Nash, give me an update.”
Gunner had been itching all day to hear something from anyone on his team. He’d gotten a text from his teammate Hawk when he was at the diner with Lily, but it was just to say they still hadn’t heard an update. Lily and all the wedding stuff had occupied him for the rest of the day, and he hated how he was just now sitting down to talk to Nash.
“It’s not good, but it’s not hopeless either, Reaper. She made it through surgery, but the next twenty-four hours are critical.”
Hearing his team’s nickname for him made the unsettled feeling grow stronger. He should be back in Texas, helping with what had happened. Being in Connecticut was too much to handle. He needed structure, procedure, clear communications and a plan that included the adrenaline rush of unknown danger.
“So where are you on finding Marco? Does the FBI have anything from the Santoros? Anyone from the organization that they can flip for information?”
“We’re working with Agent Wilson, but honestly, the whole thing is a shit show. No one has any clue who Marco is. They’re working on the sketch that Emma helped the forensic artist with, but so far, nothing.”
“Fuck, man. I wish I was there to help.”
“How is everything going with your mom?”
Gunner paused. He didn’t want to think about home. He wanted to think about Texas.
“Not good. She had a really great day today, but her home aide thinks that it’s just one last surge before she passes.”
“I’m so sorry, man. Is there anything you need? Anything we can do for you?”
“I’m good here. I want you to focus on Sebastian and Emma. If you guys need me to come back, I will.”
“No. Stay there. There are more agencies and people in play here trying to get Marco than we need, honestly. Seb is falling apart, but his brothers flew in tonight, so he’s got them to lean on.”
“Good.”
“Don’t disappear on us, Gunner. You take as much time as you need, but you let us know when she passes, okay? Don’t go AWOL on the team like Gage did when he lost Mel and Mikey.”
Fuck. How in the hell had he not thought about how one of his best friends would react to him having a wife and child after he’d lost his so senselessly?
“Reap, did you hear me?”
“Yeah, of course, Nash. I’ll let you guys know.”
“Good. And I’ll let you know when there’s an update on Emma.”
They exchanged their goodbyes and Gunner ended the call, resting his head in his hands. He heard the toilet flush in the bathroom and stared at the door.
Why the fuck did Gia need to be such a pain in his ass? Asking if they were going to sleep together. He wasn’t blind. Lily’s face had clearly fallen when he wanted to come back to his room alone. It wasn’t about her, though. It was about getting an update on Emma and being able to speak freely. There was fear in Lily’s eyes when he’d thrown his phone into the lawn that morning, and he never wanted to see that again.
He flopped from his desk chair onto his bed, closing his eyes. What a fucking day.
“Gunner?” The light tapping on his door pulled him from his dreamless sleep.
“Lily? What’s going on?” His wife of less than a day stood in the doorway in her pajamas and his eyes immediately focused on the way her hand was rubbing over her belly. “Shit. Is the baby coming?”
“No, she’s not.” It was then that he heard the emotion straining her voice. “I’m so sorry, Gunner. I just had a feeling, and I went to check on your mom. I think you need to go sit with her. It’s close.”
Gunner swallowed hard. She’d had such a great day, there was life back in her eyes. But he remembered how Lily had warned that there would be a surge near the end, and that things might come quickly after.
“But she ate food today. She was laughing.”
“She had a beautiful day. But she didn’t eat her food, she pushed it around her plate. And she still wasn’t drinking any fluids. She’s ready to go, Gunner, and it will be better if you’re there.”
“Fuck. Okay, I’ll go to her room.”
“I’m going to call the hospice nurse. They’ll need to be here to make sure she’s comfortable.”
“Of course. Thanks, Lil.”
His eyes felt gritty from being woken up in the middle of his sleep, but more than that, his legs felt like they were moving through concrete. How was he supposed to make it through this moment, where everything in the world would change?
Standing in the doorway of his mother’s room, he could already hear her ragged breaths. Some people called it the death rattle, and he’d heard it more times in his life than he’d ever wanted to admit. But hearing it come from his own mother ripped at his soul.
His sister sat wrapped in a blanket, near their mother’s feet.
“Gia?”
“I can’t sit in here, Gunner,” she said as she wiped her eyes. “I’ve said goodbye. I can’t listen to it happen.” His sister bent down and kissed their mom one last time. “I love you, Mommy. You did an amazing job. Go home now. Rest. I’ll be waiting for a great big hug from you when I get over to the other side one day.”
Fuck. Tears burned in his eyes. He hadn’t always been good, or kind, to his mom. He blamed her for a lot growing up, but he knew now that she was just doing her best. She was a great mom.
He sank into the chair next to her bed and thought over what he wanted to say to her while she was still there.
“Mom.” Gunner scooped her frail hand into his. “Thank you. Thank you for this beautiful life you gave to me. I’m sorry I wasn’t a better son. I’m sorry I was a stubborn kid who gave you too much grief when dad left. I wish you could stay. I wish you could see the type of husband I’m going to be to Lily. The type of father I’ll be to her baby. It’s all because of you, and everything you taught me. But I don’t want you to fight this, mom. I don’t want you to suffer or to be in pain. So if this is it, if this is your time, you go. Go to whatever adventure is waiting for you.” He brought her hand to his lip and pressed a kiss against her paper-thin skin. “I love you, Mom. I’ll just be here trying to make you proud until we meet again.”
A sniffle coming from the doorway pulled his thoughts away from his mom.
“Come here, Lil. She’d want you to say goodbye too.”
“I can’t. I didn’t mean to intrude, Gunner.”
“You’re family now. Please,” his voice broke, and he reached out for her. She was by his side in an instant, wrapping her arms around his head and gently pulling him against her belly. The baby rolled and an extra ache flashed in his heart. His mother was leaving just as this new life was coming into their family.
All too soon, her hands slipped away, releasing him from her hold. He watched as she walked up to his mom, placing a kiss on the top of her head.
“Thank you for the years of friendship, Jules. For loving me like your daughter all that time, and for giving your blessing so Gunner and I could get married. I know it’s not conventional, but I promise to always look out for him, and Gia, too. So don’t you worry. I’ve got things covered here. Say hi to Buddy for me when you get a chance.”
Buddy. How many years had it been since he thought about that goofy dog? Lily had loved him, begging his mom to let her take him for walks every night the first summer they got him. Damn, his heart clenched tighter.
“Oh, Lil.” Gunner folded his wife into his chest and held her as the tears cascaded down her face. They stayed like that until her tears dried. He sat in the chair, pulling her onto his lap where she wrapped her arms around him and laid her head on his shoulder.
“Do you remember that time Jules took us to have a picnic at that park where all those geese were?”
“Yes,” he laughed, knowing exactly what Lily was about to say.
“One of my favorite memories of my entire childhood was how your mom sacrificed us to them. As soon as she saw those fluffy babies coming for us, she knew. And she ran so fast so that she wouldn’t get bit, but left us scrambling to get away.”
“She was a great mom.”
“The best,” Lily agreed. She pushed up from his lap, and when he grabbed her hand before she walked away, she smiled and reassured him she would only be gone for a moment. When Lily returned, his mother’s hospice nurse was with her.
The process was slow. So fucking slow that it felt like he was dying with her. Each breath sounded so pained that he just wanted to run from the room. But he owed it to his mother to be there, and to his sister to step up in that moment.
Lily was there, right by his side. She ran her hand up and down his arm, the action so soothing and filled with tender care. For hours they stayed in that room, Lily’s sweet voice telling his mom over and over again that it was okay to go. To be free. To be at peace .
It was afternoon when his mother’s breaths became farther apart. He sat in the chair next to her bed and pulled Lily onto his lap. He held her until his mom let out a breath and didn’t take another. Until a small smile crossed her lips. Until she was finally still. There was just one moment where he felt the air in the room grow restless and warm, like his mom was giving him one last hug before she left. And then that was it. She was gone.
“Gunner…” Lily held his face in her hands, this time brushing away a tear that he didn’t realize he’d cried.
“I know. What do we do now?” he asked, clearing his throat of all the constricting emotions.
“Why don’t you go find Gia and let her know? I have a few phone calls to make.”
Gunner kissed his mother’s forehead one last time. “Goodbye, Mom. I love you.”