Chapter 20
Twenty
S tanding in front of the full-length mirror in Gunner’s room, Lily flattened her hands over the white shirt she’d paired with jeans that squeezed her curves. She hated it. Just like she’d hated the last four outfits she’d tried on. It was hopeless.
Her postpartum body was going to be the death of her. Quite literally in the beginning, and now, from eating away at every insecurity she had about how she looked. No wonder Gunner was so happy to have his bedroom back to himself when they moved in. He had probably been so uncomfortable lying next to her for weeks as she floundered.
Although she’d told Mae no to girls’ night only four days ago, she now found herself trying to get ready to go. Mae had been whispering in her ear all week about girl power and not letting the actions of disgusting, sick men take away from living her best life. It had worked, giving her the confidence to agree to tag along. Until she saw how terrible she looked in all of her pre-baby clothes.
“Lily…” Gunner’s gravel-filled voice startled her out of her downward spiral. She whipped her head around, cheeks fl ushing with embarrassment that he’d caught her not only in clothes that did nothing for her body, but in his room, nonetheless.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I didn’t mean to be in your room. I mean…I did, but that’s because I don’t have a full-length mirror in my room.”
He stood silently, moving his eyes over her body. “You can’t go out like that.”
“I know. I look awful.”
“What? No. You look too good.”
“Oh, I?—”
“How am I supposed to stay here knowing you are going to a bar looking like that? Every one of your curves on display. How the fuck am I supposed to protect you from here?”
“You know, I’m just going with Mae and some of her friends. Emma is supposed to be there, too. You don’t need to worry.”
“Like hell I don’t. I’m coming with you.”
“Gunner. You promised to put Sage down for the night. She can’t be at a bar.”
“Davney’s is a restaurant, too.”
“You know what I mean.”
His eyes raked up and down her body again as he shook his head back and forth. “I’m going.”
She sighed, crossing her arms over her chest. Two could play at that game. “Then I’m not.”
“What?” he growled.
“You heard me. I’m just going to stay here.” Lily turned back to the mirror one last time, but looking at the reflection, she saw Gunner had left the room. What the hell was his problem? She’d shuffle back to her room, change into her pajamas, and send Mae a message to leave without her.
Stepping out of his room, Lily slammed right into a brick wall. No. Not an actual wall. Although her face might bruise in the coming days from slamming into the rock-hard muscles of his chest.
“Wha—”
Warm hands wrapped around her arms and pushed her backwards gently.
“Sorry. I went to get your purse. You’re going out, Lil. I overreacted.”
Her head hurt from the emotional whiplash. “Okay.”
“Good.” His hand moved towards her face, and for just one fleeting moment, she leaned closer, thinking he was going to kiss her. Instead, he swept her hair behind her ear and she felt her body flush with disappointment.
“Use the card I gave you to buy drinks or whatever tonight. Don’t accept a drink from anyone else, got it?”
“I’m married, Gunner. Ring on my finger and all. I would never disrespect you like that. And besides, why would anyone try to buy me a drink?”
Gunner ran his hand over his face. “You really don’t see it, do you?”
“See what?”
His eyes closed for a second. “Just promise me, Lil. I want you to have fun. I want you to relax and let loose. And I want to be the only man to buy your drinks.”
“I promise.”
Twenty minutes later, staring down the actuality of leaving her daughter to go to a bar with a woman she barely knew and her friends, she panicked.
“Maybe I shouldn’t go out tonight with the girls.” Lily rocked Sage back and forth by the apartment door, trying to come up with any excuse not to leave. “I mean, Sage really isn’t big enough for me to be away from her, and isn’t it selfish to not be here if she needs me?”
“Lil, you’re going. It’s not selfish to do things that fill up your tank, too. You deserve to have friends and to have fun. Besides, I’ve got everything covered here, and you’re only a phone call away if I think she needs you. But I promise, everything is going to be fine.”
“I know it will be, but I can’t stop feeling so guilty.”
“I bet a lot of moms feel that way, but I promise, it’s not selfish. You taking the time you need to be someone outside of being a mom just helps you be a better mom in the long run.”
“Yeah, okay. Take her before I lose all my steam.” Lily placed Sage in Gunner’s arms and kissed the top of her forehead. “I’ll come right away if she needs me. It’s only a few blocks to walk.”
“Do not walk home alone, Lil. Have Mae bring you back. Or if you guys all drink and need a ride, call me.”
“It’s not that far…” a deep rumble from Gunner’s chest had her stopping mid-sentence. “Okay. I’ll make sure Mae brings me home or we have a safe ride.”
“Have a good time.” Gunner shocked the hell out of her by bending down and kissing her cheek. “Sprout and I are going to have lots of daddy-daughter fun.”
“Stay out of trouble, you two,” Lily said as she tried not to lift her hand to linger over the spot on her cheek where his lips had just been.
“Same goes for you and the girls.”
“Holy hell, Lily. You are one smoking mama!” Emma embraced Lily as she walked up to the bar.
“Thanks,” she responded shyly.
“Oh no. That won’t do. You need to tell me you already knew that, and make it convincing. Because no way did you paint those jeans on tonight not knowing how good they make your ass look. Are you and Gunner trying for baby number two already? ”
“No!” she said much too quickly.
“Don’t tell me that grumpy guy is giving you a hard time about getting back in the love-making saddle after you had his baby.”
“No, no, nothing like that. Life has just been a lot for both of us lately. I’m not sure where he stands, but I’m good with how things are between us. Besides, postpartum life has been really hard and I’m just not ready for all that.”
“One day, I’m going to need all the details about how you got Gunner to go all mushy for you. You must have a magical kitty cat to whip him into husband and daddy material,” Mae winked and Lily prayed the floor would open and swallow her right up.
“Oh, don’t say daddy,” Emma chuckled, turning bright red and looking into the restaurant.
“Please don’t tell me you and Sebastian have a daddy-mommy kink,” Mae groaned.
“Not a full-blown kink…but it’s fun to role play every now and again.”
“I don’t think I should be listening to this.” Lily looked up and down the bar, praying a menu would appear and she could wilt into it.
“You and Gunner haven’t dabbled in role play? That man screams praise and degradation kink. I can see him trying to get you over his knee every chance he has. ”
Lily felt like she’d already consumed ten shots of alcohol as the heat flushed through her body from her toes straight up to her hair. “Um, well, no. We haven’t.”
“How about we put the poor new girl out of her misery Mae and order some shots that will loosen up that tongue of hers?”
“Good thinking. Then maybe she will feel confident enough to go home and use that loose tongue on Gunner.”
“He’ll be praising her in no time, and then they can thank us for baby number two.”
“You both are wicked.” Lily laughed, trying to embrace their antics. Mae and Emma were fun and clearly loved to get rowdy. She couldn’t wait to tell Gia about them. It would be fun to see how they acted as the night went on. Maybe she could even learn a thing or two about Hawk and Sebastian that would help her feel more at ease around the team.
“Sugar Cookies?” Mae asked Emma.
“Of course.”
“You brought cookies?” Lily asked, thinking she was going to need something more hearty to soak up the alcohol.
The girls laughed. “That’s the name of a shot Emma invented on our first official girls’ night out a few weeks ago.”
“And it’s strong. Just what we need.”
Emma placed the order with the bartender, whose eyes went wide at the request.
“So, Em, tell me where he is,” Mae smiled.
“Who?”
“Don’t give me that. No way is Sebastian letting you out of his sight. And if you’re here, that means Sebastian and Addie aren’t far away.”
“Yeah.” Emma sighed as she looked over her shoulder. Lily waved at Sebastian, who was smiling as he looked over at their group. A pretty little face peered out from the booth, and Lily realized that must be their daughter. “They’re just going to have dinner together and then we’ll have to go. Honestly, it was like trying to pull teeth to get Seb to agree to let me come tonight. I understand why he’s so protective, and to be honest, I’m not totally sure I’m ready to be out in the world without him.”
“That makes sense, babe. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other,” Mae said.
Emma nodded .
“I wish I would have known he’d be here. I could have told Gunner to bring Sage.”
“No way! You need time away!” Mae wrapped her arm around Lily’s shoulders. “I swear, this will be a fun night. And I have Hawk on standby waiting for my text later to make sure we get you back safe and sound to your sweet baby.”
“Three Sugar Cookies.” The bartender slapped the bright pink shots onto the counter in front of them and Lily cringed. “Best of luck, ladies.”
“What did he mean?” Lily asked.
“Don’t worry about that,” Mae laughed. “Bottoms up, babes. Let’s get a head start to our buzz before the other ladies show up.”
Lily tapped her shot glass against Mae’s and then Emma’s, before tipping it towards her open mouth. Holy hell, it was sweet. And then, the burn started, causing Lily to sputter and cough as it flamed in her stomach.
“What is in that?”
“You definitely don’t want to know,” Emma laughed. “But you’ll thank me later when the buzz kicks in!”
“Did you say more people are joining us?”
“Yes! I invited my best friend, Daisy, but she just had her baby and declined. I don’t blame her. Madison is really giving them a run for their money. Poor kiddo has colic and keeps them up all night.”
“Oh, that’s terrible.” Sage had always been such a great sleeper for Lily. She really was so lucky.
“Yeah. I know she wanted to be here to meet you though, so maybe one day soon we can all get together. The two of you will hit it off, no doubt. Sunny and Sage would be so cute together, and Addie would pounce at the chance to play with them.”
“So it’s just the three of us?”
“Nope. In fact, I see trouble headed our way right now. ”
Lily smiled as a woman with curly auburn hair and an air of confidence she would kill for walked up to the bar.
“Two shots of tequila, please.”
“Grace, meet Lily. Lily, this is Daisy’s cousin, Grace.”
“Oh, Lily, it’s so nice to meet you. Sorry, I’ve got a one track mind right now.”
“It’s nice to meet you too, Grace.”
“What’s going on with you?” Emma asked.
Grace looked at all the ladies and sighed. “This stays between all of us, okay?”
She seemed to wait for all of them to agree, so Lily joined in on the nodding.
“Jackson and I pulled the goalie. We aren’t officially trying for baby number two, but we aren’t stopping it from happening.”
“That’s so exciting!” Mae giggled. “I love how you said ‘pulled the goalie’. Hilarious! Although maybe two tequila shots aren’t the best choice right now?”
“No, they’re fine. And needed. I just found out it didn’t happen this month, and I can’t figure out if I’m happy about it because I’ve got so much going on with setting up my real estate office, or if I’m sad because I spent so much of this month imagining Jack with a baby brother or sister and how sweet it would be to get to experience my whole pregnancy with Jackson this time.”
“This time?” Lily asked. She was being fed information at a speed she could barely keep up with, but gathered that Jackson was Grace’s husband from the amazing diamond ring she was sporting. What she didn’t understand was why Grace looked upset at the question.
“It’s a long story,” Grace offered.
“And probably none of my business. I’m sorry if I overstepped. That Sugar Cookie is going straight to my head. ”
Grace’s head whipped towards Emma. “You ordered Sugar Cookies and didn’t get one for me?”
“Sorry, babe. Round two is on Lily…or rather Gunner, so order as many as you want.”
“You know if I have one of those, I’ll be dancing on the bartop in no time.”
“And with no shirt.”
“Oh my god , Emma. Don’t scare away Lily before I’ve wiggled my way into her heart.” Turning to Lily, Grace blushed. “I swear, I only danced on the bartop once, and yes, my shirt came off, but my husband pulled me down before I could finish my little dance number.”
“And if I remember correctly, he took you straight home after that.”
“Yeah, it was a pretty great night. If he wasn’t home with Jack right now, I might think about doing it again.” The girls all laughed.
Mae took a sip of her drink, her face lighting up as she waved frantically at someone. Lily followed her line of sight and watched Sloane walk into the bar.
“Sloane! I’m so glad you made it!” Mae gave her a quick hug, and Lily watched as Sloane stood rigidly at the edge of the group. “Let’s do introductions!! Sloane is a therapist, and she works next door to Montgomery Defense. That’s how we met, similar coffee run times.”
“Hi, Sloane,” Lily waved her hand. “It’s so good to see you again.”
“Hi, Lily.”
Sloane turned towards Emma and Grace, smiling warmly. There was an awkward pause before Grace broke the silence.
“I’m Grace, and this is Emma. We live in Bell Ridge, but find ourselves in Silver Springs from time to time.” Grace gave a little wave.
“Mae pretty much makes friends wherever she goes, and my bakery is one of her favorite places,” Emma joked.
“It’s so nice to meet the both of you.”
Something weird was going on. Lily read Sloane as quiet and reserved at the picnic, but this was a totally different level of awkwardness. She needed to do something.
“It’s so loud over here. Sloane, why don’t you join me over at the booth we have while the girls wait for our food?” Lily looped her arm through Sloane’s as they moved away from the bar.