11. Alar
ALAR
"A King is taught to command. A lover learns to surrender. The wise man knows the right time and place for each."
—King Aldric III of Catonia, Letters to My Queen
There was something different about Kailin tonight, and it wasn't just the energy.
She had always been a generous lover, attentive and responsive and surprisingly bold for someone who'd been a virgin when we'd met.
But tonight she moved with confidence and authority, as if Morgateth's power had unlocked something in her that had always been there but never had enough fuel to ignite.
I loved watching her take charge. I loved the way her eyes darkened when she was in control, the way her breath quickened, the way she smiled like she held a secret that she was revealing just to me, one touch at a time.
She made quick work of what was left of my clothing, stripping the last of it away with a single-mindedness that would have made me laugh if my mouth hadn't gone dry. Then she sat back and looked at me, and the open appreciation in her eyes did more for me than any touch could have.
"Better," she said.
"For you or for me?"
"Both." She bent and pressed her lips to the center of my chest, just over my heart, and began a slow descent that emptied my lungs.
I let her.
That was the part I hadn't expected to crave as much as I did.
The surrender of it. I had been raised to command and trained to control every variable in a room, and yet here I was, flat on my back with my hands fisted in the sheets, letting Kailin set the pace and take what she wanted.
There was a freedom in it I hadn't known I needed.
She explored me with the same new boldness she'd brought to everything tonight, as if Morgateth's strength had burned away the last of her inhibitions.
Her hands mapped my ribs and my hips and the muscles of my stomach that jumped under her palms, and her mouth followed, unhurried, until I was the one struggling to hold still.
"Kailin." Her name came out rougher than I meant it to.
"Patience, Your Highness." She gave my own teasing back to me, and the wicked curve of her mouth told me she knew exactly what it was doing to me.
Then she rose over me and took me inside her, slow and deliberate, and whatever I had been about to say dissolved into nothing.
For a moment neither of us moved. She sat above me with her eyes closed, and her head tipped back, simply feeling the place where we joined.
Then she began to move.
I gripped her hips, not to guide her but to anchor myself, and to let her ride.
She set a rhythm all her own, watching my face the whole time, reading every reaction, learning what undid me the way she'd once learned which herbs healed and which ones harmed.
Each time I reached for more, she slowed and drew it out, clearly pleased with herself whenever a groan escaped me.
Kailin was glorious like this. Powerful. Unafraid. So far from the wary girl who had been terrified of heights and flinched at shadows on the road to Mount Hope.
She'd come so far.
But I also knew that she loved it when I took that control back, and I knew when she was ready for me to assert it.
As she paused to catch her breath, her hands braced against my chest and her golden hair falling around us like a curtain, I knew she was signaling that it was time.
I sat up, wrapped my arms around her waist, and rolled us both until she was beneath me, and I was looking down into those blue eyes that had undone me from the very first night at the Pilgrims' Lodge.
"My turn," I said.
The smile she gave me was equal parts challenge and surrender. "It's about time, Your Highness."
"Am I too late?" I started slowly, teasing her, knowing she would grow impatient in a moment and spur me on.
There was no need to rush anymore. The exhaustion that had turned every encounter into a race against her fading energy was gone.
Tonight, with Morgateth's strength flooding through her, there was no urgency.
No fear that she'd run out of energy before she could reach her climax.
And most importantly, no more guilt about taking what I needed because she finally had enough to give.
She wrapped her arms around my back. "Your timing is as impeccable as always, my prince."
"Thank you." I kissed the hollow of her throat, feeling her pulse jump beneath my lips. I traced the line of her collarbone with my tongue, tasting salt and soap and Kailin's own unique sweetness.
Arching into me, she moved her hands to my scalp, her fingers threading through my still-damp hair and pulling gently the way she knew I liked.
"You're so beautiful," I murmured against her skin. "I don't tell you that often enough."
"You tell me every day."
"Not enough." I kissed the swell of her breast, felt her breath stutter. "Not nearly enough."
I took my time working my way down her body, relearning the map of her with my mouth and my hands. The sensitive spot beneath her navel that made her gasp. The way her hips rose to meet me when I kissed the inside of her thigh.
I knew this body. I knew every curve and hollow, every place that made her sigh and every place that made her moan. But tonight I explored her as if it were our first time, memorizing the texture of her skin, the sound of her breathing, the way her muscles shifted with her growing need.
I didn't know why I felt compelled to commit every detail to memory. Perhaps it was because Kailin had gone through yet another metamorphosis after bonding with Morgateth, and I felt like this new version of her deserved to be learned anew.
Or maybe it was instinct, the same gut feeling that had driven me to stay for the bonding instead of going home, the same instinct that had pulled me toward Veynathei on the roof.
Something in me sensed that this was fleeting, that moments like this should be embraced with a grateful heart because there was no guarantee that there would be more. But I pushed that disturbing thought aside because there was no room for dark thoughts or vague premonitions tonight.
"Alar." My name on her lips was the finest thing I'd ever heard. Better than my title, better than my family name, better than any honor or accolade I'd been raised to aspire to. Just Alar, whispered in the dark by the woman I loved.
"I'm here," I said, lifting my head to meet her eyes. "And I'm not going anywhere."
The moment the words had left my lips I wanted to take them back because I couldn't promise her that. Not with my mother's letters lurking in the back of my mind and threatening to undermine everything I had worked for, everything I cherished.
She pulled me up, wrapping her arms around my neck, and kissed me with devastating tenderness. When I entered her again, slowly, watching her face the entire time, the connection that flared between us was so intense that for a moment I couldn't distinguish my heartbeat from hers.
We moved together with the ease of two people who had learned each other's rhythms over many shared nights. She hooked her leg over my hip, changing the angle, and the sound that escaped her was raw and unguarded.
I pressed my forehead against hers, our breath mingling, our eyes locked. "Stay with me," I whispered.
"Always," she whispered back.
I increased the pace gradually, guided by her responses, the hitch in her breathing, the tightening of her fingers on my shoulders, and the way her back arched when I found the right angle and rhythm.
She was close. I could feel it in the tension building in her body, in the way she stopped breathing for long seconds and then gasped.
"Let go, Kailin," I told her. "I've got you."
She did and watching her come undone was beautiful. Her body shuddered, her nails bit into my shoulders, and as she cried out my name, it was loud enough to make me pray that the walls were thick enough to muffle the sound.
I followed her moments later, burying my face in the curve of her neck, and for a few breathless seconds the entire world contracted to the space between our bodies.
We lay tangled together afterward, hearts pounding, skin damp, breathing in unison. I rolled onto my back and pulled her against my side, and she settled into her usual position with her head on my chest and her leg thrown over mine.
"That was different," she murmured.
"Yes," I agreed. "It was."
"I'm stronger."
"I know."
She laughed softly against my skin, and I felt the vibration travel through my ribcage and settle in my heart.
The world around us was quiet except for our breathing and the faint sounds of wind against the windows. The auroras cast their shifting light across the ceiling, painting slow-moving patterns that seemed to pulse in time with the bond humming contentedly at the back of my mind.
Veynathei should be asleep in the aviary, but I was still aware of her presence through the bond.
Kailin traced patterns with her fingers on my chest. Circles and spirals that might have been letters in an alien language, something like the symbols that Codric was trying to decipher. Her touch was light, almost absent, the way she drew in her sketchbook when she got distracted.
"What's on your mind?" I asked.
"How different everything is from when it all started.
" Her voice was drowsy, the words coming slower.
"Six months ago, I was sketching Chicha in my grandmother's house and dreading the pilgrimage.
I was afraid of heights. I was afraid of dragons.
I was afraid of becoming something I didn't want to be. "
"And now?"
"Now I'm bonded to the most badass dragon in Elucia, training to become a full-fledged rider and eventually a shaman, and lying naked with a prince." She tilted her head up to look at me. "I don't think I could have imagined this if I'd tried."
"Do you miss the life from before? The life you strived for and didn't get to choose?"
She was quiet for a long moment. "I miss Chicha. I miss Gran. I miss the simplicity of knowing exactly what each day would bring." Her fingers stilled on my chest. "But I wouldn't trade this for anything."
"Not even for a peaceful life with no assassins and no prophecies and no dragons who snap their jaws at your face?
Just quiet mornings at your grandmother's apothecary, peaceful evenings drawing and coming up with new fashion designs, and perhaps a nice, uncomplicated, Elucian guy who worships the ground you walk on? "
"Not a chance." She pressed her lips to my chest. "Especially not the part about the Elucian guy. I've got my prince, who I'm not trading for anyone, and my fearsome dragon, who is my personal reservoir of power."
I tightened my arm around her, pulling her closer as I was hit with the sting of jealousy whenever she spoke about Morgateth, that particular warmth in her voice.
It was irrational.
Being jealous of her dragon bond was absurd.
But the bond between rider and dragon was the most intimate relationship a person could have, more intimate even than the bond between lovers, and I was still adjusting to the reality that someone else now occupied a space in Kailin's heart that I could never reach.
If Veynathei could read my thoughts right now, she would tell me I was a fool, and she would be right.
"What about you?" Kailin asked. "Do you miss Catonia?"
"No." The answer came without hesitation. "I miss my grandmother. She would have loved you. She would have loved Veynathei too. She had a weakness for beautiful, opinionated females."
"I'm opinionated?"
"Devastatingly so. It's one of your finest qualities."
She pursed her lips. "I'm not. I'm a very reasonable, accommodating person."
"With strong opinions."
She smiled and settled her head back on my chest. Her breathing was slowing, the wine and the lovemaking and the long, extraordinary day finally catching up to her despite the infusion of Morgateth's energy.
"I'm just resting for a minute," she murmured. "So don't fall asleep yet. I want to keep making love to you until we are both so exhausted neither of us can move a limb."
I chuckled. "I'm right with you, my love. To the limit and beyond." I knew she wanted to test her limits to see how much strength Morgateth had really given her. "We have all night."
"Yes, we do," she said. "We have a lot of catching up to do."
I caressed her back. "It's not a contest. We have many more nights ahead of us to test your new limits."
Once again I'd spoken with my heart instead of my mind. We might not have many nights ahead of us, but I wanted us to have them, and if my will was strong enough, Elurion might listen and grant me my wish.