35. Kailin
KAILIN
I keep Alar's only letter in my pocket at all times like a talisman. The paper is starting to fray at the edges, and some of the writing is smudged where my tears fell, but it's the only piece of him I've gotten since he left, and I cherish it.
—From the journal of Kailin Strom
"Today is the day," Shovia said across the table from me.
"The day for what?" I asked.
"For a new letter from your paramour."
I grimaced. "I hate that word. Please don't use it when talking about the man I love. And why do you think a letter will arrive today? Did you suddenly discover a new secret clairvoyant ability?"
"Nope." She took a bite out of a piece of bread.
"It's simple deduction," she said after she finished chewing.
"It has been almost a month since he left.
Two weeks on the road to get home, one day to sit down and write a letter using his and Codric's cipher, and two weeks for the letter to get here. "
As if I hadn't been doing the same math. "According to this calculation, the first letter will arrive five days from now."
"Unless Alar took less than two weeks to get to Catonia," Codric said. "He could have shaved off a few days by pushing for longer days and shorter stops. Knowing my cousin, that's exactly what he did."
When a knock sounded at the door, Shovia arched a brow at me. "Told you. Mail is here."
Lunchtime was when mail was delivered in the officers' wing.
Morek pushed from the table. "I'll get it."
My heart was thundering in my chest while I waited for him to finish chatting with the guy at the door and tell us what was delivered.
"Thank you," he finally said and closed the door. "Shovia was right," he said as he walked toward me. "A letter from Alar, addressed to his friends."
Addressing it that way meant that he was keeping me a secret from his parents. I was a little disappointed, or a lot, that it wasn't addressed to the love of his life, or even just my name.
Morek handed me the fancy envelope with the Catonian emblem.
"Why are you giving it to me? It's addressed to all of us."
Morek shrugged. "Because you deserve to open it first and see if there is anything in there that needs to remain private. He might have put all of us on the envelope to fool those who scrutinize his mail in Catonia. Inside, he might have written personal things."
My stupid heart leaped with hope. I needed Alar to tell me that he missed me so badly he couldn't sleep at night because he kept thinking about me.
I opened the envelope and pulled out the two folded pieces of paper that were inside. The writing was illegible.
"It's written in cipher." I handed the pages to Codric. "You'll have to read it to us."
"Give me a moment. I can't read it cold. I have to write it out." Codric got up and went to his and Shovia's room.
He returned with a stack of papers and a pencil, and while he worked, some of the old animation came back into his face. His lips moved as he scratched out letters, frowned, corrected them, and the rest of us watched him.
Alar's first letter, the one I kept folded in my pocket and carried with me everywhere I went, had come in plain hand because he'd had nothing to hide, and he hadn't mailed it from the palace, where every letter was read before it was allowed to leave.
Finally, we might learn the real reason he'd been called back home.
"All right," Codric said at last and smoothed the transcribed page flat on the table.
"'Dear Kailin, Codric, Shovia, and Morek. I'll start with the easy part. I've arrived without incident at the palace, and I managed to cut the journey down by four days.'"
Codric lifted his head and grinned at me. "Was I right, or was I right? I know my cousin."
"You were right," Shovia said. "Now, keep reading."
"Fine." Codric cast her a glare, but there was no heat in it. The letter had lifted his mood, providing him with a thread to the cousin he missed.
"'Now comes the part that I needed the code for,'" Codric continued reading.
"'The reason my parents called me home was that Arlen has been badly hurt.
I can't write the how, not even in cipher, because I promised to keep the details a secret.
I can only tell you that it was bad enough to send shockwaves throughout the entire family.
He's lost the use of his legs and is confined to a chair with wheels, but that's not even the worst of it.
His mental state is not good, and his place in the line of succession is no longer certain, even though he had gotten hurt in the service of Catonia and had acted heroically.
Whether he keeps it depends on how far along he is by the annual ball, which is a month from now, and I have set myself on the task of getting him there.
I can't make him walk again, but I believe I can restore his confidence.
That is the work in front of me, and my success or failure will determine when I can come back, if I can return at all. '"
The lump in my throat grew so large that I couldn't draw air into my lungs.
I'd known that there was a chance Alar wouldn't return to Elucia, but now that he'd put it in writing, the maybe became a likelihood.
"'Tell no one,'" Codric read on. "'Not a word, nor a hint. I'm trusting the four of you with this because there is no one else in the world I trust more.'"
Codric paused and snorted, sounding for a moment like his old self. "Tell no one. Who exactly does he think we're going to tell? Moki?"
"Moki can keep a secret better than most," I said. "He can't talk, and only Saphir understands his chittering."
That won the ghost of a smile from him that I'd been aiming for, then he looked down at the words he'd written and his expression softened.
"'This part is for Kailin. I read your letters every day, careful with the paper they are written on so they won't fall apart in my hands. I cherish every word. Be careful and watch your back. Tell Veynathei that I can still feel our bond even from here. Yours, Alar.'"
I nodded as if he could see me and sent his message to Veynathei.
"I can feel him too," she sent back. "Tell him that when you write to him."
It was sad that they could both feel the bond but were too far away from each other to communicate mind to mind.
"Well," Morek said. "That's grim."
"It's worse than that." Codric leaned back.
"Alar is naive to think that restoring Arlen's confidence is enough.
If the loss of mobility is permanent, which it seems to be, Arlen has no hope of being accepted by the council.
They would eat him alive and the whole Tekumuton line along with him.
The king would be wise to nominate the next in line. "
"But he was hurt in the service of his country, and being brave must count for something," Morek said, sounding offended by the injustice. "If a man loses the use of his legs doing something heroic, he gets disqualified? Is this the thanks he's getting?"
"Yes," Codric said flatly. "That's exactly the thanks."
Shovia shook her head. "Are you telling us that in Eluria no one can rule unless they are physically perfect?"
"There was a famous king, ages ago, named Namron of Penvasita," Codric said.
"He'd lost a leg to a bad wound, and no one challenged his rule despite that, but Namron could still walk with the help of a prosthetic leg and a cane.
Arlen needs a chair with wheels, and he's not king yet, so it's not the same.
Besides, the Elurian Federation is different now, and especially Catonia.
People care more about appearances than about substance.
The Elurians want their kings and queens healthy and good-looking.
To become king, Arlen would have to overcome obstacles and prove himself to a much greater extent than any other heir, and even then it probably won't fly. "
"They'd really set aside an outstanding prince who got hurt in the service of his country?" Shovia said. "Over a chair?"
"They'd set aside their own mother if anything about her looked embarrassing to them on television.
" Codric said it without heat, which somehow made it even worse.
"It's not cruelty. It's strategic. A diminished heir invites every ambitious house in the Federation to flex their muscles and try to advance to the top. "
I hated it because Codric made sense. The world wasn't fair, and good deeds seldom got rewarded. Not in this realm anyway. Maybe the reward awaited the Good Samaritans in Dolis, but I preferred rewards in this life, not the next.
Codric reached for the pencil again. "I'll write to Alar and give him my honest opinion.
As much as I feel sorry for Arlen, I think Alar is wasting his time.
He would do better supporting Avren, who the king is likely to choose for the position since neither of the twins would be suitable.
Both are uninterested, and either one would be a disaster as king. "
"Don't," I said.
They all looked at me.
"Don't write that," I said. "You don't know that it's a lost cause. You're assuming, but you are not there, and Alar is." I was getting louder. "Hope is a powerful force, Codric. Don't take that away from him or make him doubt himself. Let him do his best to save his brother."
Codric looked at me with compassion in his eyes, the kind you give someone naive who doesn't know how the world works. "Even hope needs to be grounded in something that makes sense. Alar is hoping to pull off a miracle in a month. That's not going to happen."
"You don't know that for a fact. Miracles happen all of the time."
I had been terrified of heights, and now I was a dragon rider. Podana had been attacked by an overwhelming Shedun force, and my dream saved it. I was walking, living proof that miracles were not just stories people told themselves so as not to despair when everything seemed lost.
Codric surprised me by nodding. "You are right. You definitely pulled off a miracle in Podana." He smiled. "Maybe you can cast your consciousness all the way to Vedona and save Arlen."
"Now, that's a plan." Shovia pushed to her feet. "Lunch break is over, people. We need to get ready for flight class."