Chapter 11
Eleven
G age busied himself making coffee, waiting for Sloane to wake up and make her way out of his room. It had been one of the hardest things he’d ever had to do, spilling his heart and then having to say goodnight to her while she went to sleep in his bed. He had no idea what she was thinking about everything he said, but a large part of his heart felt righted by sharing something so raw and vulnerable with her. There were so many things he hadn’t even told his friends that just felt natural to talk about with Sloane.
Taking eggs out of the fridge along with a green pepper, some cheddar cheese and a package of ham, he forced himself to focus on breakfast. Might as well cook up a couple of omelets. At least if he was busy with his hands, it would take away some of his nerves about Sloane waking up and hating him for trauma dumping on her after her accident.
The butter sizzled in the pan when he caught motion out of the corner of his eye. Holy shit. Sloane was standing against the wall, still wearing his clothes. But she’d pulled on his favorite hoodie, too. It looked incredible on her.
“Is that my sweatshirt?” Gage leaned against the counter, trying his hardest not to feel the warmth radiating through his chest that Sloane was dressed head to toe in his things. Gunner was such a possessive asshole with Lily, but Gage was starting to see the appeal in that.
“I was cold this morning. I hope it’s okay.”
“You can borrow my clothes anytime you want, Red. They look better on you than they do on me, anyway.”
He loved the way her cheeks turned the same color as the tomato he was dicing.
“What happened to the pictures that were right here?”
“Oh, I, uh…”
“You put them away?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“I dumped a lot on you last night. Too much. I didn’t know if you would feel okay waking up and seeing them around this morning.”
She padded over to him, taking his face in her hands. Even through everything the night before, Gage paid attention to each time she touched him. The most he had dared hoped for was to simply hold her hand. But she’d run her fingers through his hair, squeezed his arm, wiped away his tears. After she went to bed, he’d stayed up worried that she wouldn’t be able to stand his touch, or ever try to initiate touch with him again. But there she was, staring into his eyes just a few inches away from him with her warm hands framing his face.
“Gage, did you not listen to me? They are your family. Not were. They are . And if we’re going to try moving forward together, as something more than friends, then you need to know that I am comfortable having their pictures around. I love it, in fact. I know I’m not competing with them. Like I said last night, I want to be part of the family who helps keep their memories alive. I want to say their names. I want you to know it’s okay to talk about them to me. To feel safe to share your memories of them. I will always want to hear them. I will always want to remember them.”
“We’re going to move forward? As more than friends?”
Her hands dropped away from his face, a shy smile tilting the corners of her mouth.
“I’d really like to.”
He nodded, mentally jumping up and down. “Me too. I’d really like that.”
“Besides, I was promised the best ribs in the world and a slice of twenty layer chocolate cake.” She held up her braced hand and waved it back and forth. “I kind of need a ride there and back now. Having a boyfriend to take me would make that quite convenient.”
He laughed, ready to reply when a loud bang from the hallway completely derailed his train of thought. His gaze whipped towards the door. “What the hell was that?”
“What time is it?” Sloane asked as she looked down at her phone. “Oh, that’s probably just Emma.”
Emma? What the hell had he missed? Not that he minded her dropping by, but he knew Sloane was going to argue about seeing clients later that day, and he wanted to make sure she knew she needed to rest. “What’s she doing here?”
“I asked her to come.”
“Oh. Didn’t know morning girl time was a thing.”
“Girl time can happen wherever, whenever we want it to.” Sloane walked to the door, standing on her tiptoes before looking out the peephole. It gave him a chance to take her in again, and damn if his heart didn’t jump into overdrive. “You should probably know that if we’re moving forward with things. And I was right.” She smiled as she opened the door, Emma standing on the other side with both hands full of coffees and pastries.
“Good morning!”
“Em, you didn’t have to bring anything. Gage is making breakfast.”
“I know, I know, but I was at the bakery and everyone can use a little caffeine and sugar in the morning. Pastries pair well with protein, which I’m sure is what Mr. Navy SEAL over there was working on. Seb goes on and on about not just having sweets in the morning. Boring! Jesus, Sloane. You look like hell. What happened?”
Gage’s mouth dropped open. “Emma,” he growled, but Sloane just smiled and nodded.
“Yeah, sorry about that. I might have forgotten to mention I was in a little car accident last night.”
Emma set the pastries and coffee down on the table in his living room.
“Ouch. Are you okay?”
Gage cleared his throat. “I’ll take my eggs to go and leave you ladies to it. Gotta get down to the office anyway.”
“You’re not getting off the hook from telling me exactly what happened last night.” Emma pointed her finger at Sloane before turning around to face Gage. “But you aren’t going anywhere, handsome. I’m here for you this morning.”
“I thought you two were having girl time?”
“No. I just said girl time can happen anytime. But it’s not happening right now for us. I’m going over to see Lily and Sage before my clients this afternoon.”
“You need to take today off, Sloane,” he warned.
“Not a chance. I’m perfectly fine to work. Lily already agreed to drive me home so I could change in a little bit before taking me to pick up a rental car. I’ll wash these…” She pinched a corner of fabric from his sweatshirt and wiggled it around. “And return them to you tomorrow.”
Before he could think, Gage walked across the living room, until he was standing toe to toe with Sloane. He leaned in, close enough that only she would hear his whisper.
“I don’t like the idea that you’re going to work today, but I understand. And keep the clothes, Sloane. I want to imagine you sleeping in them again tonight.”
Her eyes went wide as she bit down on her lip. “I-I have to go. Lily’s waiting.”
“Have a good day, Red. I’m around if you need anything.”
Emma laughed from somewhere behind him as Sloane waved, closing the door and leaving Gage to wonder why the hell Emma was there to talk to him.
* * *
Breathe.
Her whole body felt overly sensitive. She’d been trying to hide how close to the edge she was from Gage. But as Sloane walked up the stairs and down the hallway to get to Gunner and Lily’s apartment, she felt like there was no hope of keeping her shit together.
She hesitated to knock, the hot ache in her throat threatening to overwhelm her. There was no doubt in her mind that Gage had either called or sent a message to Gunner to make sure she arrived there safely, as if someone was going to be able to attack her in the most secure building she’d ever been inside of. So that meant she needed to knock and just get it over with, because if she was about to fall apart, she didn’t want him to see.
Everything from the last few days started rushing towards her. Kimi’s call had started what felt like a free fall for her anxiety. What happened in the woods, and then the accident… she wished the FBI agent would return her calls. Give her something that would help her put all of her anxiety behind her. Because it couldn’t be him . She wouldn’t let that thought overwhelm her until she knew for sure.
The door opened before she ever had a chance to knock, and Gunner greeted her with his usual reserved nod, which was perfect. A chilly reception she could do. She had refused to stay in Gage’s bed and cry. Refused to break down and force him to comfort her when she knew every inch of him would have been torn open from the memories he’d shared with her. God, he was so incredibly strong. And she could never reciprocate with that level of vulnerability.
What had she been thinking? Telling him she wanted to explore what was building between them. It had been such a comforting and exciting thought.
But in the light of day, outside the bubble of his apartment, she knew exactly why it could never happen.
“You coming in?” Gunner’s gruff voice startled her. Sloane cleared her throat, trying to box up everything she was feeling.
She thought she was holding it together until she saw Gunner’s head turn, his eyes crinkling up and a smile washing over his face as Sage laid her sleepy head down on his shoulder. It was probably the same way he smiled at Gage’s son.
And in an instant, everything she’d been holding in since the night before poured out of her. With her back pressed against the wall, Sloane slid down, wrapping her arms around her legs and burying her face in her arms as she completely lost it.
The pain from hearing Gage talk about his loss, about everything he went through on his own before the team was there to help him, how she had reminded him of that horrific tragedy. God, why had she called him? How could she do that to Gage?
Sobs wracked her body.
“Christ! Sloane! Are you okay?” She wiped at her eyes, just in time to see Gunner reaching out for her. She flinched, hating the way her heart pounded at the thought of him touching her.
“Gunner, no. Don’t touch her.” Lily’s voice called from behind him. “Put Sage in her high chair. Her breakfast is at the table.”
Gunner didn’t move.
“Did he hurt you?”
Sloane’s eyes moved from the floor up to meet Gunner’s. “Who?”
“Gage. Did he hurt you?”
“God. No. I-I hurt him. I shouldn’t have called him last night. The accident… his family…”
Understanding washed over Gunner’s features and he nodded, turning towards the kitchen. But his feet stopped moving just as Lily got down and wrapped her arms around Sloane.
“He cares about you, Sloane. He would have been more hurt if you didn’t call.”
“I’m so sorry,” she cried as Lily’s arms tightened around her.
“Don’t you dare apologize. This is what friendship is, Sloane. You picked me up and gave me strength to get through what happened last year. I’ll always be here to do the same for you.”
Sloane’s tears slowed and she took a shaky breath in.
“How are you feeling?” Lily asked as she released Sloane from her embrace.
“Like I got into a car accident and then I had to watch the man I could so easily fall in love with unravel because he thought he was going to lose me the same way he lost his wife and his son.”
A tentative smile graced Lily’s face. “The man you could fall in love with?”
Sloane buried her face in her hands. “I shouldn’t.”
“What do you mean? I think you two make such a cute couple.”
“He’s had his heart broken,” she signed. “Not even broken. Ripped right out of his chest. It’s buried with his wife and son. There’s nothing I can offer him. I’m broken. All I’ll ever be is a burden to him. I get it, he wants to protect me. He’s seen my broken pieces and he wants to put me back together because somehow he thinks that will fix him. But it won’t. And all I’ll end up being is a burden to him.”
“Sloane.”
“No, Lily. I want more for him. More than a life stuck with me when I don’t even know what physical connection I’ll be able to offer him. The way his eyes lit up talking about his son. He was meant to be a dad. I’ll never be able to give him that.”
“Okay. Everything feels really big and really raw right now. I get it. But slip on your professional hat for one second. If this was a situation a client brought to you, what would you tell her?”
“I’d tell her not to be selfish and to let him go.”
Lily rolled her eyes as she wiped the tears from Sloane’s face. “I think we both know that those words would never come out of your mouth. They sound much too bitchy. Therapist Sloane is compassionate and understanding, and it sounds like you could use more of her voice in that head of yours when it comes to your own self-talk.”
Lily stood, reaching her hand out to help Sloane to her feet. “Let's get situated on the couch. Gunner can bring us some coffee and we can properly figure this out.”
* * *
“Alright, handsome, you better come over here and spill your guts to me.”
Gage fought the urge to roll his eyes like a teenage girl. His relationship with Emma always reminded him of the relationship he had with his sisters. He cared for her deeply, but he wasn’t about to let her stop him from making sure Sloane made it to Gunner and Lily’s apartment without a problem. And he needed to make sure they convinced Sloane to take the day off.
“I just need one sec, Em. Gotta make sure Sloane got upstairs alright.”
She snorted as he walked to the kitchen.
Hey, Reap. Sloane’s on her way over to see Lily and Sage. Shoot me back a text that she got there okay.
He turned off the stove, grabbed the ingredients sitting out on his counter and put everything away while he waited for a reply. And waited. Holy shit, the seconds ticked by and before he knew what he was doing, Gage was walking back out of the kitchen towards his door. Just as he locked eyes with Emma, his phone buzzed in his hand.
She’s here. Crying her eyes out while Lil holds her. What the fuck did you do?
I didn’t do anything! Is she okay? Do I need to come over?
Never mind. Wasn’t supposed to tell you about the tears. She’s fine, but apparently Lily’s going to kick my ass. Thanks for that.
What the fuck is going on? I’m coming up.
Do that, and I’ll kick your ass after Lily gets through kicking mine. Sloane is fine. Give her a minute to talk with Lil and figure some shit out.
Fuck. How could he not have seen how upset she was? His cell buzzed in his hand again.
You good? Need me to have Wings or Doc stop over? Heard you told her about Mel and Mikey.
I’m good. Em’s over here right now. Apparently Sloane organized a visit from her for me. Go figure.
You finally gonna tell Sloane you want to take things to the next level? She’s a keeper if she’s still thinking of you when she’s falling apart inside.
Yeah man. We agreed to try this morning. Not sure if she’s regretting that now though. Don’t let her leave without messaging me.
10-4
Gage fought through every primal urge coursing through his body to go to Sloane and make sure she was okay. He knew she’d been holding back the night before. He’d told her so much about his pain, and she’d handled it so stoically. Guilt seared in his stomach. What if she shut down again? What if she distanced herself from him after all the progress they’d made?
“You just gonna ignore me the whole time I’m here or…”
“Sorry, Em. It’s so nice to see you.” He held out his arms and Emma smiled, running into his embrace. He pressed a kiss to her hair. “I miss you. Tell Seb he needs to quit expanding Montgomery Equities and stay in Clarence County more.”
“Please. You know what he’s like.”
“He’s trying to provide a good life for his girls.”
Emma blushed. “Addie and I have the best life because of him.”
“I think it’s the other way around.”
“Yeah, yeah, we’re all blessed, and you’re in a sentimental mood today.”
“Why did Sloane ask you over?”
“She thought you could use a friend.”
“I have four friends in this building. Although, I don’t know how happy they’ll be to see me when I walk into work late because we were chatting.”
“I’ll set them straight if they need it. Boss’s wife and all that jazz.”
“Wife, now is it?”
Emma rolled her eyes. “Seb would love that, wouldn’t he? But still just fiance for now. Stop trying to change the subject and tell me why Sloane got a hold of me, all panicked about you.”
“What did she say?”
“She just messaged me asking if I could stop over and talk to you this morning. Nothing more. I figured something was up, but I didn’t realize she’d been in an accident. Is she okay?”
“She’s going to be.”
“Were you with her?”
Gage shook his head. “Some asshole was tailgating her. Rammed his bumper into hers and sent her flying off the road into the trees on Kingsley Road. She called me in the middle of it all. I heard her crash…”
“Oh my god. How bad was the damage?”
“The car’s going to be totaled.”
“So you brought her back here?”
“Of course I did. She was fucking hurt, Em. I wasn’t about to let her spend the night alone.”
Emma smiled, but stayed silent. She just stared at him, clearly waiting for him to continue. He’d seen drill sergeants with less intense stares. It was only a few seconds under her questioning gaze, and Gage was spilling everything.
“I want more with Sloane. Hearing her crash, it fucking sent me spiraling. I told her about Mel and Mikey last night.”
“Oh, Gage. Did she not handle it well?”
“No. She was incredible. I shouldn’t have unloaded on her like that. But it was like I was right back there. Getting pulled into my command’s office. The flight home being so fucking numb. Seeing them…” His voice caught and he cleared his throat. “Gunner and I went after her. By the time we got there, she was already sitting in an ambulance, but fuck. My mind just wouldn’t quiet down. It kept screaming at me that I was going to lose her too.”
“So all these feelings bubbling up to the surface isn’t because you’re feeling guilty about moving on?”
“No. It’s not that. Things with Sloane feel right.”
Emma reached over and squeezed his hand. “I’m happy for you, and for Sloane. You deserve to be happy again, Gage. You do know that, right?”
“Emma…”
“Oh, don’t ‘Emma’ me.”
“You’re about to use my own words against me, aren’t you?”
“You bet your fine Navy SEAL ass I am. When I was losing it over telling Seb about Luna, who was there to remind me that everything was going to work out? Who was there telling me that even with everything that happened to me, I still deserved happiness, and love? That’s right… It was you. And now I’m going to say the same exact thing. You are still here, Gage. And your life isn’t meant to just go on, giving so much of yourself to the world, being a stable rock for your friends, protecting the community, without ever taking something for yourself.”
“There’s a price I have to pay for still being here without them, Em.”
“Oh, bullshit. You know the price you’re paying? Carrying around those two holes in your soul that will never be filled until the day,” she squeezed her eyes shut and pointed her finger at him, “in the very far off future, when you see them again. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t more love in this life meant for you. I love you, Gage. The guys all love you. Mae and Lily and Sage and Addie all love you. But what’s growing between you and Sloane is special. Don’t close yourself off from it before it’s even had a chance to take root and bloom.”