Jade #2
“No.” I round the desk, getting into his space, and he steps back, wildness flashing in his eyes. “Callie was here for almost an hour. No one bats an eye. But I can’t come to proctor hours because people might talk?”
“That’s different.”
“How?” I’m close enough now to see the muscle jumping in his jaw, to smell the cedar and smoke that clings to him, to see the way his pupils dilate, and to hear the way his breathing quickens.
“Because Callie doesn’t—“ He cuts himself off, his hands clenching at his sides. “When I’m near her, I don’t lose control.”
He moves so fast I don’t see it coming. One second he has his walls up, and then his hands are in my hair, his mouth crashing down on mine, and he’s kissing me like he’s trying to devour me.
It’s desperate, almost violent in its intensity, like he’s been holding himself back by threads that just snapped.
Before I can comprehend what’s happening, he pushes me backward until I hit the desk, then lifts me onto it without breaking the kiss.
Papers scatter to the floor, but it doesn’t matter.
Because his hands are framing my face, his thumbs stroking my cheekbones with surprising tenderness as his mouth claims mine with bruising intensity.
“You drive me insane,” he murmurs against my lips. “Every time you’re near me, every time you look at me like that—” He cuts himself off, capturing my lips again before I can respond.
His teeth find that spot on my bottom lip that makes my body shiver. His fingers thread through my hair at exactly the angle that makes me gasp. When his mouth moves to my neck, he goes straight to that sensitive spot below my ear like he has a map of every place that makes me melt.
“How do you know?” The words slip out between kisses, barely coherent.
He stills against my throat, his body going rigid. “Know what?”
“Exactly where to touch me. Like you’ve done this before.” I pull back to look at him. “It’s like you’ve memorized me. Every single response, and every sensitive spot.”
“I told you already—I pay attention.” There’s something strained in his voice as his hands slide down to grip my thighs, pulling me against him until I can feel how affected he is, how hard he is against me.
“I know if I touch you here…” His fingers ghost over the seam of my pants, making me shudder.
“You’ll forget every question you were about to ask. ”
“That’s not fair,” I breathe, but my hips are already moving toward his touch, each one precise and devastating.
I want more. Need more. So, my hand slides down his chest, over the flat plane of his stomach, until I slip my hand beneath the waistband of his pants.
He goes completely still, barely breathing, and his forehead drops to my shoulder. “You’re going to kill me.”
“Not the plan.” I make my way lower, watching his control shatter when I take him in my hand and begin to stroke him slowly.
His hips move with my hand, all pretense of control abandoned. I can feel him trembling, see the way his jaw clenches and his body shudders, feel it in the way he lowers his lips to my neck, his tongue flickering across the delicate skin there.
As he breathes me in, everything is so right, so perfect…
“Stop.” He gasps and pulls back, his hand catching my wrist. “Jade, stop.”
“Why?” I’m breathing as hard as he is, my body screaming for more.
“Because I’m supposed to protect you. Keep you safe. Not—” He cuts himself off, physically struggling to step back, to put space between us.
“Not what? Want me?” I slide off the desk, my legs unsteady.
“Wanting and having are two different things.” He runs both hands through his hair and adjusts himself back into his pants, the bulge in them making it clear he definitely still wants me. “You have no idea what you’re risking by touching me like this. What I’m risking.”
“So, tell me,” I challenge. “What, exactly, are we risking?”
He goes statue still, and for a moment, I think he might tell me.
Then he moves to the door, opening it in clear dismissal. “Just go, Jade. Before I do something I’ll regret.”
“Regret.” The word tastes sour on my tongue. “If you thought I’d be something you’d regret, then why save my life? Twice?”
“Don’t.” The word is clipped and steady, despite the war playing out in his eyes.
“Don’t what?” My body’s buzzing, electrical currents running through my veins, as if they want to protect me if he says one more hurtful thing that makes it feel like he’s ripping my heart out of my chest.
“Jade.” Something about the way he says my name—uncertain now, as if he’s having second thoughts—makes the magic rein itself back in slightly. “I’m sorry.”
There’s a surprising vulnerability in his tone. A pleading in his eyes. So many unsaid words trying to claw their way out of the steel walls he constructed around himself again.
But I’m not going to get through to him. Not now, and maybe not ever.
“I’m sorry, too.” I swallow down tears and leave his office on unsteady legs, the ghost of his touch lingering on my skin.
But as I walk back to Phoenix Hall, it’s the look on his face that haunts me. Not just exhaustion, but something rawer.
Like a man watching his last chance at salvation walk away.