Chapter 22
Twenty-Two
Jessie was still crying into his chest when a nurse walked into the room, and promptly over to the bed.
“Sorry if I’m in the way.” Hawk gave his best smile, because no way was he going to be able to let Jessie go with the state she was still in.
“It’s no problem. I can see mom here needs some cuddles. I just need to get in here for one second to unhook the IV. You got through that bag quick, Mama. Make sure you’re staying hydrated.”
“S-sorry.” Jessie’s watery apology had Hawk tightening his hold on her.
“You’re absolutely fine. It happens.” The nurse reassured her. “We’ve got the ultrasound technician on their way up now, so I would say in the next five or ten minutes we’ll get started with that.”
“An ultrasound?” Hawk questioned. “I thought everything was okay with the baby?”
“Baby looked great with the doppler. I promise. A true little star pupil. Dr. Reed ordered an anatomy scan just to look over everything. Cover all our bases.”
Good. Hawk liked that. He’d know without a shadow of a doubt his girls were okay before he brought them home.
“Knock, knock.” A woman, probably right around Jessie’s age, walked into the room pushing a giant cart with a screen and a complicated looking keyboard. “I’m Kristen, an ultrasound technician here at St. Clare’s, and I heard we’re going to get a look at your little one today.”
Jessie picked her head up off Hawk’s chest and smiled. “Could you get me a tissue?”
Hawk pressed a kiss to her temple and gently extracted himself from the bed, reaching over to the small table in the room where the tissues were.
“Alright, Jessie. Let’s get you ready. Dad, if you want to help her get comfy all the way on her back.” The ultrasound technician pointed to Hawk and then to Jessie.
“Sure thing.” Hawk held out his hands, helping Jessie move down on the bed so she could lay back against the pillow. He stepped back to pull the chair he’d be sitting in closer, but Jessie’s hand squeezed around his.
“Don’t let go,” she whispered, a second before her eyes went wide. “I mean, of course you can. You don’t have to hold my hand.”
Her voice was so quiet Hawk barely heard her. But the words sank in and soured his stomach.
“Sweetheart, if I thought I could get away with it, I’d be holding you right there in that bed during this. But since I know I can’t, you better believe I’m holding onto your hand.”
A knock sounded at the door, and Birdie slipped into the room.
“Hi, Jess. Oh, Hawk, I’m glad you were able to make it.”
“Hey, Birdie.”
“Is something wrong?” Jessie asked. “Why are you here for this?”
“No, nothing’s wrong. I asked Dr. Reed to put in an order for an ultrasound before I got here, and since they had some wiggle room in the schedule, I figured we could just do the anatomy scan now, since you’re already here.
That way we don’t have to have you come back to the hospital a second time next week to get it done.
I’m just in here to watch and make sure we can get your discharge paperwork processed a little quicker.
Perks of having family watching over you. ”
“Thank you,” Jessie whispered.
Birdie hit the light switch and the room darkened, except for the screen by Jessie’s bedside that illuminated. And then, in an instant, their baby was front and center.
“She’s so much bigger than I was imagining,” Hawk choked back his emotions.
“Yeah, he is.” Jessie’s eyes never left the monitor, but her fingers squeezed down on his and he chuckled at her teasing.
“If you look right here, your baby is waving hello.”
“Oh, we’ll make sure you take that picture home for the fridge. How cute!” Birdie cooed from the foot of the bed.
Twenty minutes later, they’d seen almost all of their baby from their precious head all the way down to their tiny toes. Hawk had never been so mesmerized before. Or so in love.
“Are you interested in finding out the sex of the baby today?”
Jessie’s eyes left the screen for the first time and found his. “I thought we had another week. What do you think?”
Yes. Fuck yes. Daughter. Son. It didn’t matter to Hawk. But fuck yeah, he’d love to know.
“It’s up to you, Jess.”
She bit her bottom lip, smiling before the last little bit of it broke free. “Yeah. Who am I kidding? I’m dying to know. They were a surprise, but that doesn’t mean everything through this experience has to be, right?”
“Thank god,” he chuckled. “I’m dying to know, too.”
“Alright.” The ultrasound technician smiled as she clicked her mouse and rolled a button on the console. “The baby might be shy about showing their face, but they aren’t being shy about this. Congratulations. It looks like you’re having a baby girl.”
A girl. A baby girl. A tiny human who was going to a mini version of the woman he loved.
Hawk brought Jessie’s hand up to his mouth, pressing a kiss against the cold skin.
He’d expected to see her smiling back at him, but her eyes were focused on her bump, the hand not captured in his own gently cradling her side.
There was absolutely no emotion on her face.
“This is incredible,” he whispered. “I’m so happy we’re having a girl.
You’re a girl mom!” His voice caught in his throat, deepening an octave.
“I’m a girl dad. Oh, hell yeah! Gunner and Nash and Seb aren’t going to hold a candle to me!
I’m going to be the best girl dad in the whole world, Jess. I swear it.”
Her eyes finally met his, and for a moment, a flood of emotions filled the space between them before he watched the wall slam into place. She smiled, nodding her head. “I know you will be. Birdie… everything looks okay, doesn’t it?” Jessie asked.
“She’s beautiful and right on track.” Hawk squared his shoulders, ready to step in and say something, but before he could, that incredible whooshing noise, the one that was quickly becoming his favorite sound in the world after Jessie’s laugh, filled the space again.
Kristen smiled. “And I’ll let you listen to this perfect heartbeat for a moment more before I have to go.”
“Thank you.” Jessie’s voice was quiet as her eyes drifted closed.
A minute later, the ultrasound tech handed Hawk a cloth, and he wiped the sticky gel off Jessie’s stomach. She never moved. Her eyes stayed closed. Her lips pressed tightly together.
The room cleared, and it was almost like he could hear Jess’s panicked thoughts racing through the air.
“You’ve been really quiet since they left. Are you okay?”
Jessie’s hands covered her face and her shoulders fell. She curled in around herself, a sob filling the quiet room and Hawk’s heart nearly beat out of his chest.
“Jess? What’s wrong?” He scooped her up, settling her against his chest as he sank down on the hard hospital bed.
“I didn’t know she was a girl.”
His hand smoothed over her hair. “That’s okay.”
“No, it’s not. I should have known. You’ve been so sure this whole time and I thought our daughter was a boy.”
“Jessie.” Hawk’s whole chest rumbled with laughter. He couldn’t hold it in. She was so fucking adorable and perfect and god, he fucking wanted to press a kiss right to the end of her bright red nose.
“Don’t laugh at me! Don’t you dare laugh,” she scolded. “You can look at me like I’m crazy all you want, but I’m not. I should have known. I’m growing this baby. And I’ve been dreaming of this baby. It’s always been a boy.”
“I wasn’t laughing at you, I promise. I’m so sorry you’re upset about the baby being a girl.”
“Don’t say it like that,” she snapped. “I’m not upset she’s a girl. I love her so much already. But I’ve already failed her. Because I didn’t know who she was. Don’t you get it? I’m failing her.”
‘My girl’s the hardest worker I’ve ever known, Hawk. She’ll run herself right into the ground trying to make everything perfect for everyone else. And she’ll be smiling on the inside, but if something ever goes wrong, you better believe she’ll blame herself until she’s sick.’
Dolly’s words echoed through his mind. His arm curled up around her back until it rested on the side of her head. He pulled her closer, until her head was resting on his shoulder.
“You aren’t failing our baby, Jess. Get that shit out of your head right now.
How the hell could you even be thinking that?
I’ve watched you be sicker than any human should ever have to be, for weeks and weeks.
And you know what was amazing to me? Every one of those days, I still caught you touching your belly in awe.
You still talked to me with such love in your voice about the baby, and getting to this moment, and how it would be worth it to hold her in your arms.”
“I still should have known, though. You did.”
“No I didn’t.” He kissed the top of her head and squeezed his arms a little more firmly around her. “I just liked saying it was a girl to tease you. I had no clue.”
“But moms are supposed to have natural instincts about their kids. What if she comes out and she knows I messed up? What if this is a sign I won’t have that magical bond with her instantly?”
“I have no doubt there will be magic in the moment she’s born, and even though you both will have already spent months together by the time she gets here, you’re still both meeting each other for the first time.
Nothing has to magically fall into place all in that first moment of her life.
We are both going to mess up, probably more times than we will ever want to admit when it comes to her.
But you’ve already shown what incredible, protective instincts you have when it comes to the baby.
She’s so fucking lucky to have you as her mom.
I’m so fucking lucky to have you as the mother of my child.
” He brushed the tears from her cheeks. “No more tears, darlin’. ”
“I just don’t want to let her down.” A watery laugh bubbled up between them. “I can’t believe it’s a girl.”
“She’s so beautiful, Jess. That one picture of her hand in front of her face… I’m gonna order a frame for that one. I want a copy for my desk. And we have to hang it on the fridge too.”
“Stop.” Her lip quivered and more tears flooded her eyes.
“Okay, you know what? Let’s embrace the tears. Come on. Snuggle down before they come in here with your discharge papers. You can get it all out of your system now.”
“This isn’t my fault. My hormones are all over the place and you’re being such a dreamboat. Knock it off so I can stop being a blubbering mess.” Her body didn’t fight him, though. No. Instead, her hand rested over his heart and she melted into him, the tears starting up again at an alarming rate.
“You could still make it to Washington. Maybe Seb would send back the plane? Is that too wasteful? There’s honestly no reason why you have to stay. You heard Birdie, I’m fine. The baby is fine.”
“I’m not leaving you and our daughter right now.”
Our daughter. Her stomach fluttered at the acknowledgment. They were going to have a little girl. And despite her initial freak-out, Jessie was so excited for the days she’d finally be able to hold her daughter in her arms.
That excitement didn’t negate the guilt she felt for messing up Hawk’s work trip, though. And no matter how much she tried to push it down, the anxiety of not being able to hold things together for him at home was cracking the foundation she was trying so hard to stabilize.
“This was a huge opportunity for you. And I messed it up.”
He planted his feet, tugging her softly to a stop right next to him as they made their way out of the hospital and onto the sidewalk.
“Jess. Stop. Right now. There will be other trips. We talked about this before I even left. This pregnancy has been fucking rough. You weren’t feeling well and you went to the hospital, which was one-thousand percent the right call.
That trumps everything else in my life. And now, we’re going to take a few days to rest. Sebastian can handle the presentation on his own.
I was only going to be there to charm them all with my witty personality and rugged good looks. ”
Jessie rolled her eyes, unable to stop the smile that spread across her face.
“I talked to my mom today,” she admitted.
“You did?” Hawk’s eyebrows raised, clearly surprised by her admission. “That feels like a big step.”
She nodded. “She mentioned that you’ve been letting her know I’m okay.”
“Jess, I—”
“You don’t have to explain. I wanted to say thank you for doing that. I wasn’t in a place to talk to her before now, but I’m glad that she wasn’t worried about me being physically okay.”
Hawk’s fingers squeezed around hers as they made their way down the sidewalk towards the parking lot. “What else did you two talk about?”
“My father. Her standing up to him, but how it didn’t feel like she really went to bat… for us… like she should have. And I told her I don’t want to go back to working at the diner.”
“Wow. Are you okay?”
Jessie shrugged. “Mom understood. Said that just because the diner was her dream, it didn’t mean it had to be mine.”
“That seems like good news.”
“It is,” she sniffled, wiping at the tears that had wet her cheeks.
“If it really is, then why are you crying?”
“It’s just been a long day.”
Hawk nodded. “Let’s get you home. How does a warm bath sound?”
“So good. Will you…”
“You already know the answer is yes to anything you ask,” he chuckled. “But let me hear the specifics.”
“The baby wants cornbread dressing… and cinnamon pecan ice cream.”
“What a combo,” he smiled, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. “But I think that can be arranged while you relax.”
Blissful peace washed over her. Until headlights caught her attention. That same black sedan she’d seen when walking with Mae earlier was rolling towards them. The hair on the back of her neck stood up, as a shiver rolled through her body.
“Are you cold—” Hawk didn’t get to finish his question. Tires squealed as the sedan picked up speed. There was barely any time to react, but Jessie did her best, yanking Hawk’s arm as she took two quick steps back.
Unfortunately for her, Hawk was also moving quickly, and their bodies collided, the force sending Jessie tumbling down.