Chapter 7Staten Kirkland
Chapter 7
Teardrop Dawn
Saturday
Staten Kirkland
S taten hadn’t closed his eyes all night. He slowly rocked the swing on the porch and listened to the darkness as Amalah slept against his shoulder. By dawn he hadn’t figured anything out. It made no sense that a hundred miles could break Amalah and him apart. They knew they were in love. The forever kind of love. He wanted no one but her and he also knew she’d do anything for him. But neither wanted the other to give up their goals.
He didn’t want Amalah to give her life at Tech away, and he had to stay here on the ranch. She loved this time of her life. He couldn’t ask her to give it all up just because he was unhappy with his. Lately the only tranquilizer for his sorrow was work. These days he told himself not to stop until he was too tired to think. From dawn until dusk all he thought of was the ranch.
Staten remembered stories of the first Kirkland in Texas, James Randall Kirkland. Staten’s great-great-grandfather had ridden on horseback after the Civil War with only his father’s broken watch, a horse, enough money to buy land, and a dream.
The first Kirkland traded his watch to the Natives for his wife, Millie. Then he bought land in the middle of Nowhere, Texas, and went to work building a ranch that would last for generations.
Staten didn’t have it so bad, he said to himself. Amalah would be home again for break soon, and in the spring his grandfather might be better. And Staten could go back to Lubbock. He could go to college again. He could live his life with his girl like they’d always planned. Even if he lost a semester, he could make it up in the summer.
As the sun crawled up to meet the clouds, he kept thinking and worrying. There were too many ifs. Staten didn’t know anything anymore. It seemed every day was a maybe.
Every minute he was more of a rancher and less of the kid he used to be. He was changing. He’d put on ten pounds of muscle. And his priorities had shifted. He now worried about things he’d never thought about. Right now, with Amalah next to him, Staten was organizing what he needed to do on the ranch today.
When he heard his grandmother starting breakfast, he woke Amalah with a kiss, soft and sweet, trying to memorize the feel of her lips. “Good morning.”
She yawned, glanced at her watch and jumped out of the swing, running off the porch without looking at him. “Sorry, Staten. I’m late. I have to get back. I have so much to do at Tech today.”
She was leaving already? She didn’t even have time for breakfast?
He walked behind her to her car, trying to think of something that might make her stay a few minutes more. But nothing came to mind, and he knew he had a full day of work ahead of him too.
Amalah swung around, almost bumping into him as she remembered she’d forgotten something. Staten.
Then she smiled, love shining in her eyes, and Staten’s world settled. For a moment they were like they had been before. She stepped on the running board of her Mustang so she’d be almost as tall as he was.
She leaned toward him, inviting him to close the distance. The kiss was short and sweet with little passion. Staten told himself that was all right. After all, Granny could see them from the kitchen window.
Amalah giggled and kissed him one last time on the cheek.
“Come back next weekend,” he said so low he doubted she’d heard his wish.
For a blink he saw hesitation in her honest eyes. “I’ll try.”
They both knew she was lying.
He closed her door and stepped backward. She’d always smiled when she left or looked back to give him a sad puppy glance, or sometimes she’d make a funny face.
But, this time, she didn’t look back to him.
Staten watched until she disappeared from sight. He wasn’t hurt. He was just numb. Somehow, he seemed older. She’d told him all the fun things she’d do today, and his afternoon could be wrapped up in one word: work.
He turned back to the little house. He didn’t bother to change out of yesterday’s clothes. They were wrinkled now but he’d be dirty in an hour anyway. If he had time to come in for lunch, he’d change before he made the trip to town.
One day last week the postman told him he smelled like cow snot.
Staten didn’t argue. He just smiled and walked out of the post office.
The postman had yelled after him, “Hope I see you before I smell you tomorrow.”
After Staten put on his chaps, gun belt, and hat, Granny handed him a cup of coffee. “How’s Amalah?”
“Busy.” He kissed her cheek. “I got a long day but I’ll try to be in before dark.”
She patted him on his shoulder. “Don’t overdo it. And make sure you eat.”
“Granny, I’m a man.”
She closed her fists on her hips and looked up at him. “You may be a man and the boss on the spread, but Granny outranks all.”
Staten laughed and leaned down to kiss her graying hair. “Yes, ma’am.”
He added what he always said as he walked out: “Remember, if no one is around and J.R. has trouble, shoot off three shots and everyone on the ranch will be riding full out to y’all.”
“Of course I know.”
When Staten looked back, Granny was already headed to the bedroom with Gramps’s breakfast. He walked to the bunkhouse to eat with the men like he did most mornings, going over his list of what had to be done.
Halfway across the yard, Jake Longbow caught up with Staten and fell in beside him. “Morning, Boss.”
“Why don’t you call me by my name anymore?” Staten said in a hard tone. “You have known me all my life.”
He wasn’t ready to be the boss. He needed more time.
Jake straightened and announced, “You are the boss. When a man does the work of the boss, he deserves the title.”
“But I’m only nineteen. You know a lot more than I do.”
Jake answered, “You’ll age, and I bet in five years you’ll be the best boss around.”
As Staten saddled up for the day, his mind whirled with thoughts of Amalah. He loved that she’d driven out to see him, but the truth was her quick visit had left a gaping hole in his chest that neither of them could fill.
He threw himself into his work, roping twice as many cattle. Riding out to check the farthest fence line of the north pasture. Double counting the new stock and checking all the inventory. When the hands paused for lunch, Staten kept on working.
He didn’t want to think about the future or even remember the past. He didn’t want to worry about how everything was changing. He just wanted to stay numb. Not feel a thing.
When he got back to the cottage, his body ached but he was too tired to think. He contemplated calling Quinn O’Grady. He knew she was going through something, and she seemed just as alone as he did. She might be half a country away in New York, but she’d always been his good friend.
His grandparents were both napping on the couch. He watched them as he ate. To him, these two were his only parents. The only people who mattered right now. Granny always made him clean his plate, and J.R. would discipline him when Staten acted up.
The rules were plain and Staten followed them. He would do anything for them. They loved him and he loved them.
When he stood to put his plate in the sink, Granny had woken up and was looking at him with sorrow clouding her eyes. “I’m sorry you’re having to deal with so much so fast. I know you’re missing out on being young and going to college.”
“All the football and parties and stuff don’t really matter. In truth, what I’m learning here every day is fun and probably more helpful in life.” He was surprised that he believed his words.
“But it’s not what you want.”
“I just want Amalah. I miss our talks. Knowing about everything she’s doing and thinking. For almost every day of our lives, we were close. We could finish each other’s thoughts. Did everything together. Now she’s learning new things, living a different life, and I’m becoming an expert in cattle. I know it’s important for the ranch, but no one wants to talk about it. It’s like we’re part of two different worlds.”
His heart squeezed hard as he finally said what he’d been keeping inside for weeks.
“Try not to worry, son. A little space won’t break you two if you’re meant to be together. Life is full of difficulties and the couples who stick out the hard times are the ones who last.” She looked to J.R. with a soft smile. “Just look at me and your gramps.”
Staten knew she was right. He and Amalah would find a way to work everything out. They wanted to be together, and they would be again someday.
But he couldn’t just sit around and wait. And he couldn’t ask Amalah to wait either. He needed to do something now. He always felt better when he was in action. Moving toward a goal.
“If I could learn just one subject. It didn’t seem important when I was at college for a few weeks but now, I think I’d listen,” he thought out loud.
“I can’t help you with that, son. I taught high school and I’m pretty sure you’ve got that done.” Granny put his big hand in both hers. “You’ll catch up. Don’t worry. Nothing lasts forever. Things usually work out the way they are meant to.”
He attempted a smile. That was the problem. Staten wanted him and Amalah to last forever.