Chapter 20Staten Kirkland
Chapter 20
Alone with Amalah
Staten Kirkland
S taten Kirkland’s pickup was the last vehicle to join the short line of cars heading back to the Double K Ranch. As he drove through the night, midnight showered over them. Amalah settled against him and he wondered how long it would take her to fall asleep. She was never much for late nights. It was almost like old times. She was beside him. The way it should be.
His truck creaked over the back road leading to the Double K. This old trail was the first one he got to drive on by himself. Staten had felt ten feet tall that day. J.R. told him the dirt road had been the only way to town before the county road was built. If he ran off the road when he was a kid, the only thing that would have happened was he’d be in the dirt, but tonight Staten was very careful. He didn’t want to wake the woman he loved. Not when she slept so peacefully.
Amalah stayed curled against Staten’s side and he wrapped his arm around her, pulling her closer. They’d driven down this road plenty of times. Meeting with friends to celebrate after football games. Sneaking a few kisses after dates in high school. Out here, away from the bright lights of town, the stars lit up the sky. It was a beautiful encore to the fireworks they’d watched earlier.
As he followed the winding road, Staten thought about his grandparents. Granny had told him several times that J.R. was her first and only love. The only man she’d ever wanted. She said she married him because the man never told a lie.
Staten tried to be like him. Honest, hardworking, reliable. He wanted Amalah to be able to trust him the way his granny trusted his gramps. He hoped their relationship lasted as long as his grandparents’. But if he was honest with himself, he worried that the distance between them would push him and Amalah apart for longer than just a few college semesters.
He feared other things on the ranch too. One was that his grandparents might die before he learned what he needed to know in order to run the spread. He’d known as a child that he’d be in charge one day, but he’d thought it would be years from now.
Amalah and Staten always knew they’d be laid to rest at the founder’s cemetery someday. They’d had their future planned for as long as he could remember. Amalah wanted to teach grade school for a few years before they had their own kids. They could travel when she was off during the summers. They were going to see the world together, but they’d always planned to come back to the Double K to stay.
Once they had kids, Staten and Amalah had thought maybe Staten’s father would retire and watch over the place for them while they vacationed. Maybe they’d build a cabin by the rapids when winter settled in Texas. Or maybe they’d remodel the big house one last time.
Now, he didn’t think Samuel would ever come back to the Double K to stay longer than a publicity shoot. Staten didn’t believe his father would last even a full day on the ranch.
Staten and Amalah’s dreams seemed far away now. So much had happened that they’d never planned for.
Staten couldn’t think of vacations or time off now. Most ranchers worked year-round, and he knew he’d be no different. J.R. was still so frail. Granny rarely left him alone. Even with the in-home nurses. Her tea parties had gone. No more weekends at the farmers market. Friends came often but they rarely stayed for supper.
Staten would be stuck on the ranch for a while. It would take Amalah four years to graduate and probably a few more for him to finish too. Would she even want to wait that long for them to start a life?
The Kirklands were rich in land, but they worked hard from dawn to dusk. And they always would. Ranching and Ransom Canyon were in their blood. The plans of long vacations were just dreams. On a ranch, time was always too short. The job was never done.
He kissed Amalah as they bumped over the rocky road. He needed to get out of his head and focus on now. Staten would go crazy if he kept living in what-ifs and maybes.
He pulled her in closer as he saw the light that always burned over the barn. Staten remembered when he was little, he’d thought that light shined over the whole world. Things had been simpler then.
As he looked closer, the outline of a man stood still as a statue under the bright light. Staten stiffened, his adrenaline spiking. Was someone trespassing on the Double K?
His foot hit the accelerator. Then he blinked and the shadow was gone.
Shaking his head, Staten tried to clear his thoughts. Had he just been imagining things? He’d been so busy overthinking, he’d become delusional.
Staten put his truck in park beside the barn and lightly brushed the silky brown hair away from Amalah’s face. He kissed her softly, his lips feathering over her cheeks and eyes and nose. She would always be the most beautiful girl in the world.
“Wake up, sleepyhead.”
Amalah grumbled, snuggling her head into his chest. “No.”
He chuckled. “You want to sleep over? It’s late. I can sleep on the couch. Though I’d much rather lay with you.”
“Can’t,” she muttered sleepily, pushing off him to sit up and rub her eyes. “Quinn is waiting to take me home. I promised to spend some time with her. She is my best friend and I haven’t seen her for months, so she’s staying the night with me.”
Staten opened his mouth but didn’t say anything. Another thing she hadn’t told him. Another plan she’d made without him. Another reason they couldn’t spend time together. His hopes of talking her into them sneaking into his room for a while drained away.
When Staten opened the door of the big house, Quinn was there helping Granny put the last of the glasses away.
It took all his strength to muster a hello and thank Quinn. “You didn’t have to wait and clean. You should have gone on the drive. I could have taken Amalah home.”
Quinn shared a smile with Granny. “It’s okay. I don’t mind.”
He reminded himself that he’d have the next two weeks with Amalah before she had to head back to Tech for school.
Granny stood next to him on the porch and waved to Quinn and Amalah. The romantic evening Staten planned had vanished when Amalah said goodnight.
When Staten woke at five the next morning, he was on the couch with no memory of how he’d gotten there. His grandparents were tiptoeing around him. Granny looked tired and J.R. looked like he wanted to go to work.
J.R. patted Staten on the head. “It’s almost dawn, son. Better get to the barn. The men’ll be waiting.”
Staten didn’t bother to change clothes. He went straight to the bunkhouse. Straight to work.
At almost eleven, he took a break. He took a shower and drove over to Amalah’s place as fast as he could.
He didn’t have much time. After he had lunch with her, he’d go back to work. But even ten minutes together was worth the drive into town to her house. He’d stop back about five and they could enjoy a real date. They could go out tonight. A nice dinner, maybe, then a drive and parking down in the canyon to watch the sunset.
Staten was smiling as he hurried up to Amalah’s door.
Amalah’s mother answered with sorrow in her eyes. “Hey, Staten. What are you doing here, hon? Amalah left hours ago.”
Amalah left? Without coming to see him? Staten barely heard as Amalah’s mom went on about Amalah’s busy semester and her sorority sisters begging her to come home this morning.
“Is she mad at me?” he said with his head down.
He and Amalah hadn’t really talked about what they’d do in the next few days, but he’d assumed they’d have another day together. More time.
“Hey, Mrs. Reed. Where do you want me to . . .”
Staten’s head whipped up as Quinn stepped into the room with a bundle of what looked like dish towels in her arms.
Amalah’s mom turned around. “Here, sweetie. I’ll take those.” She took the pile from Quinn. She lowered her voice, but Staten swore he heard her say, “Talk to him. He’s upset about Ama.”
Staten’s heart pinched. He wasn’t sure he wanted to hear what Quinn had to say. But she was a good friend; she’d tell it to him straight. And if Amalah planned to move on without him, Quinn would know.
He just looked at her, knowing the question sat in his eyes. And her obvious reluctance wasn’t making him feel any better.
She moved next to him, crossing her arms over her chest. “Amalah left early this morning. She had some sorority thing back at Tech. I don’t know why she didn’t tell you. Maybe she didn’t want to upset you.”
Staten stepped out onto the porch and stared at the sky. He watched the thunderclouds rolling in and thought they matched his mood. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what to think. Had he really become so unimportant to Amalah?
“Is she dating someone else?” He heard Quinn gasp but continued. “If she is, I can handle it. I just want the truth.”
If Amalah wanted to move on, he’d let her. He would have to. But he’d always be here waiting for her to come home.
Quinn’s small hand squeezed his arm. “She’s not seeing anyone else, Staten. She loves you. She just had to get back.”
He stared into her blue eyes and could tell she was holding something back. “What? You know you can give it to me straight.”
Her voice got small. “It’s just . . . I think college is a lot more than she thought it would be. High school was easy. Everyone loved her and she was home with all the people she grew up with. But when you left Tech, she was stuck up there all alone. She’s having a hard time with that.”
She looked so sad, for a moment Staten wondered if Quinn was talking about Amalah or herself.
Frustration gnawed at him. “I didn’t want to leave her at Tech. I had to come back. J.R. needs me. I thought she understood that.”
“She does,” Quinn said quickly. “But it doesn’t make any of this any easier. For either of you.”
Neither does her disappearing without a word , he thought.
“Her classes have been really hard for her this semester,” Quinn continued. “I know she’s been worrying about flunking out. And the sorority is more work than she’d thought it would be. She’s really stressed right now.”
Staten knew a thing or two about being overloaded on work. It seemed like his job never ended. He wanted to give Amalah the benefit of the doubt, but the truth was it felt like she wasn’t even trying anymore.
Amalah never told him she was struggling in her classes.
Staten fought down cuss words. These few months he’d been playing a game like he’d wake up and this would all be over. He was a college kid learning ranching, but he hadn’t accepted that his previous life was over.
Quinn’s quiet voice broke through his thoughts. “Look, you’re both just feeling lonely. Call her. Keep trying and be patient. It’ll all work out the way it’s supposed to.”
He threw one arm over her shoulders and pulled her into a side hug. He hoped she was right. Maybe he did just need a little more patience and a lot more faith. But that was easier said than done. Amalah had a new life in a new place, and it seemed there wasn’t any more room for him.
As Staten said goodbye to Quinn and walked back to his truck, the whole world seemed to dull. His plans for the night were over. He wasn’t even hungry anymore. He might as well get back to work.
All his life he’d tried to live a good life. He’d tried to do the right thing. But right now, he wanted to disappear for a few days and go wild. Get drunk. Drive a hundred miles an hour. Blow all his money.
Get lost from the world for a while, but he couldn’t, not when he was the boss. Like it or not, he had to do the right thing. He had to run the ranch. His gramps was counting on him.
He climbed into his pickup and headed back home. Like it or not, this was his life for now.
Later that afternoon, Staten pulled up near the bunkhouse and saw Jake.
He yelled at the foreman, “You done working today, Jake?”
“Yep, I got invited to a big dinner party, if you can believe it. Don’t tell me you’re getting back to work, Boss.”
Staten kept his tone even. “I won’t do much. I just thought I’d ride the fences. We’ve got four men out checking on the cattle. All is quiet.”
“You want me to ride along with you for a few hours?”
“No, I need to ride alone. You go take a shower. If you’re going to a party, no one will thank you for smelling like that. Besides, I was laid up for nearly four days last week. If I lay around too long, I’ll forget how to sit on a horse.” Staten headed toward the barn, yelling, “Take a day off. Go have a great dinner too.”
“I think I will, Boss.” Jake laughed for once. “You should come with me. You know, I think I’ve got a gal that can cook, and I plan on keeping this one. They are getting harder and harder to find these days.”
“No, thanks.”
“Suit yourself.”
Staten jumped on his horse and got to work, pushing away the pain.