Chapter Eight #2
Trevor shuddered hard as something both inside and outside him changed.
Niall’s pace had picked up. The man’s cock now took control.
It was amazing the way his warrior’s body moved.
Fluid and strong. Trevor imagined Niall as a graceful stallion racing across the plains.
Trevor tried to come, but even with the increase in the momentum of Niall’s cock, his hand still stroked Trevor with smooth, unhurried movements.
The juxtaposition of competing sensations wouldn’t allow Trevor’s body to let go.
He tried to relax, focus on the Matt, focus on Niall.
He strained his ears to listen for their sounds.
The sweat of all three mingled on Trevor’s skin; the scent of sex filled the air.
Trevor moaned and begged. Had he been in his right mind, Trevor would have been ashamed of the needy pleas, the craving, the desperation.
A constant burning pressure filled Trevor’s body. “Niall, Matt. Please make me come. I can’t take any more, I’m going to burn up.”
“No,” Matt whispered. “Not yet. Give yourself to us. Every thought, every feeling needs to belong to us. Only then will we let you fall.”
“I can’t,” Trevor cried. “I’ll have nothing left.”
“You’ll have us,” Niall said, huskily.
The driving movement of Niall’s cock increased a fraction.
The strength and force grew, no longer measured, no longer a balanced cadence.
Trevor roared. His mind was a maelstrom of need and fear.
The need to come, the need to let go and trust his lovers, the fear of losing himself in the process.
Coherency was a thing of the past. His guts were taut as a bowstring, every thrust made his emotions raw.
His fingers clawed at Matt’s back, small fists beating into the hot skin—ineffectual as if he were a baby. Trevor felt something crack inside him. He stood poised at the precipice of a fathomless hole.
“You belong to us.”
Those four words made his foot slip off the edge.
Trevor fell. His consciousness spun out of control, open and pleading for his men to catch him before he hit the bottom.
Trevor came, all the tension in his mind and body exploded.
His body clenched Niall within its sung confines.
He might have screamed, or maybe it was only in his mind, and all that escaped was a mewling cry.
Trevor was helpless, vulnerable, and in so much trouble.
Trevor stood naked, except for his briefs, in Matt’s kitchen.
He drank deeply from a tall glass of water.
Matt and Niall slept downstairs. Trevor hoped Matt’s floors wouldn’t creak and awaken his men with his pacing.
He couldn’t seem to settle. Trevor made a path from the top of the spiral staircase—leading down to Matt’s bed and bathroom—through the living room, past the massive fireplace and back into the galley kitchen.
He liked Matt’s condo in Back Bay. It had homey details, such as the large bay window through which a shaft of moonlight shown, highlighting the tall ceiling.
The moonlight turned the ice-blue walls silver. Trevor lifted a blanket that lay on the couch and wrapped it around his shoulders. He turned to make another pass when a shadow at the top of the stairs appeared.
“Holy snickerdoodles!”
“Are you thinking of running again?”
Trevor stared at Niall’s silhouette—his body calm for the first time since he’d snuck upstairs. “No, no more running. I … I couldn’t sleep … didn’t want to disturb the two of you.”
Niall took a step toward Trevor. The moonlight, which had kept him in shadow, now highlighted Niall’s long torso.
Sleek muscles danced beneath his skin. A pair of snug boxer briefs encased lean hips and sculpted legs.
Trevor tilted his head to the side when he caught sight of a shadow on Niall’s arm.
It was another tattoo. Trevor had seen the ink, but not studied it up close before.
He pointed toward Niall’s right arm. “What’s that one?”
Niall glanced down at his arm with a confused look. The tattoos must be so deeply ingrained that he forgot they were there.
“It’s a Celtic knot design. The wolf is in honor of my Mohegan grandfather, and the knot is in honor of my Irish grandparents. One on either arm, standing beside me as I walk my trail of life.”
“They’re beautiful.”
Trevor closed the distance between him and Niall. He rested his head on Niall’s shoulder. Niall’s arms came around Trevor and rubbed his back through the blanket.
“What has your spirit so conflicted tonight?”
“That’s exactly the problem. I am conflicted. I feel as though my brain is pulling me one direction and my body another.”
Niall guided Trevor over the sofa. Niall sat first with his back to the armrest and stretched out his legs, opening them in invitation.
Trevor sat between Niall’s legs. His back reclined against his smooth chest. The soft chenille fabric and thick cushions supported them comfortably.
Trevor spread the blanket over him and Niall, then wiggled around until he found a comfortable spot.
Niall’s arms came around Trevor’s waist, beneath the blanket. “Better?”
“M’hm.”
“Good, now talk to me about this conflict.”
“It would probably be easier if I started at the beginning. How much did Matt tell you about my childhood?”
“He told me you’ve been on your own since you turned eighteen, and that your father left when you were very young, but that’s all.”
“Okay. So yeah, living alone since I became legal, but in reality I’ve been on my own since my dad walked out.
He was a vet and suffered from what I now know to be PTSD, but as a little kid I couldn’t understand why dad would randomly fly off the handle or just as readily sit in his chair with a vacant expression for long periods of time.
So one day, Dad left. I was sitting in the living room watching cartoons after school.
He stood from his chair. Our eyes met for a few seconds, then he walked out the door.
I never saw him again. My mom came home from work a few hours later and asked where my father was.
When I told her he'd left, I guess she assumed he’d be back.
I think something inside me, even at that age, realized when our eyes met things would never be the same. ”
Trevor adjusted the blanket around him because he felt cold suddenly. Even Niall’s heat surrounding him couldn’t break thorough the barrier of ice over his skin.
Niall rubbed his hands over Trevor’s trembling body. “It’s okay, honey. I’m here. You’re safe now.”
“After that, I rarely ever saw my mom. We sold our house and moved into a one-bedroom apartment. My mom gave me the bedroom, and she slept on a pull-out sofa. She worked two jobs to keep up with the rent, so the scant hours she was home were mostly spent asleep. I was ten years old when I taught myself how to cook simple meals and do laundry. I tried to make things easier for her, but I knew how tired she was. Mom tried to be there for the important things like parent-teacher conferences and such, but I often ended up making her excuses.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Why? It wasn’t a bad childhood. She was never cruel or mistreated me. I learned how to be independent. If things had gone differently, I probably wouldn’t have had the tools to make myself into what I am today.”
“Do you ever talk to her?”
“I get postcards from time to time.”
“So that’s your past. For good or for bad, it’s shaped you into the man you are today.
A man who is being pulled in two different directions.
Matt would probably have some great meaningful insight into your dilemma.
I don’t know the right thing to say, but I will listen, and give you guidance if you want it. ”
“Honestly, I think I’d rather be here with you right now.
Not that I don’t appreciate or care for Matt, but all that knowledge is a bit intimidating.
If the two of us had to talk something out, would he be able to treat me as a partner or would he turn into Dr. Lincoln, psychiatrist extraordinaire?
I don’t know if I can make a life with a man when I’m constantly wondering if he’s psychoanalyzing me. ”
“You say you’re intimidated by Matt’s education, but you’re hardly a simpleton.”
Trevor shrugged. “I like to read, but I don’t know how to analyze the words for hidden meanings or come up with any great insight that will change a person’s life.”
“So you’d rather cuddle in the dark and share confidences with a photographer than sit on the couch and dissect the inner workings of your mind with a psychiatrist?”
Trevor nodded. “Is that bad when the psychiatrist is also your lover?”
“No honey. Remember how I said that Matt may need to work harder than either of us at this relationship, because he knows how to read certain signs, but can’t act as our therapist or the balance of our relationship will topple?” Trevor nodded.
“Earlier tonight in bed, you struggled. I sensed your spirit warring with your body. Only when you stopped the clashing of those two forces did you find pleasure. Matt knew that. He got you out of your mind. He gave you what you needed. Matt’s not our therapist; he’s our partner.
However, the two are not mutually exclusive.
When you leave the crime lab, do the things you see and learn there evaporate from your mind? ”
Trevor shook his head. He knew some of the things he saw on video or heard over the echo of a recording would haunt him till the end of his days. Other times, he laughed himself silly at the stupidity of criminals.
“In many ways, I never leave the studio either. I view the world most likely differently than others because I’m constantly thinking, how would that look through a lens, what filter would I use, what exposure setting?
Our lives are building blocks made up of our knowledge and experiences.
If we take away one aspect of ourselves, we then change a fundamental part of our nature. ”
Jesus, that was the longest Trevor had ever heard Niall speak.
He’d had no idea the man was so deep. Trevor had assumed up to this point that Niall was the silent, sultry type.
Dark, sexy and fun. However, in reality, Niall was a metaphysicist whose brain saw patterns a simple man was oblivious to, and had a deeper understanding of human nature than Trevor had previously thought he was even capable of. Just great .
“You’re awfully quiet,” Niall said, nuzzling his lips against Trevor’s temple.
“Thinking. We’ve gotten a bit off track.”
“Yeah, but I think it was an important detour. Now, tell me what had you so wired up earlier.”
“Downstairs. It’s like you said. My body wanted nothing more than for you to fuck me raw.
I wanted the burn and pain, because that’s the only way I know how to silence the voices of my past. Voices that tell me I’ll never be sophisticated, I’ll never be as smart as others, I’ll never be more than what I am now.
It’s weird; most of the time the voices don’t bother me.
I’m okay with being me. I’ve worked damn hard to get here, and I’m proud of what I’ve achieved. But … but now and then…”
Trevor sat up. He needed some distance at that moment.
Curling his arms around his shins, Trevor laid his head on his knees.
“When the two of you stripped me of my control, I found a simple purity in being together. The merging of our bodies and, as you said, the intertwining of our souls felt like a perfect moment. But perfection is nothing more than a desert mirage. The moment reality sets in, the vision disappears, and you’re left with nothing but space in all directions and a burning, unquenchable thirst.”
“I think I understand. You’re afraid that if you open yourself up and let Matt and I into your life, truly become a part of your life, not a quick fling or crossing off kinky three-way from your bucket list, then at some point we’ll abandon you, as your parents did.
Leave you broken and alone, with nothing to cling to but the gauges in the rock face you must scale to move on with your life. ”
Was that it? Could it be something so simple as fear of being alone? He’d been alone all his life, why should the prospect of returning to that state strike such fear into Trevor’s heart? He had to make a choice. A real one this time.
Trevor stood. He heard Niall’s breath catch behind him. Trevor looked around Matt’s home. It was nice, but the only place Trevor truly felt at home was in Matt and Niall’s arms. It was simple as that, and yet so very complicated as well. He turned to face Niall and held out his hand.
“Take me to bed?”
Niall stood and captured Trevor’s hand. They quietly went downstairs.
Trevor climbed into Matt’s bed first and settled into the middle spot.
Matt’s arm immediately came around his waist and pulled Trevor back into his large body.
The room was too dark to see, but Trevor felt Niall’s smile against his lips when Niall kissed him goodnight after he settled on his side to face Trevor.
Niall’s arm landed on Trevor’s hip. Trevor’s brain was peaceful, his body warm and his heart a more full than it had been that morning.