Chapter 10
Ten
CAITLIN
Caitlin stretched her legs out on the couch, the soft glow of the lamp casting golden light over the worn pages of her book. She had been lost in the story, fully immersed in another world—until the sharp vibration of her phone on the cushion beside her pulled her back to reality. She blinked, slightly dazed, before reaching for it.
Whatcha doin?
A smirk curled her lips as she read Jason’s message. Of course. He always had the impeccable timing of a man who knew exactly when to interrupt. Not that she minded. With an amused shake of her head, she flipped her book over, letting gravity hold her place, and tapped out a reply.
I’m reading. What are you doing?
A pause. Then, the little dots danced on the screen before his response popped up.
Having a few beers with Matthew and Lookie.
She chuckled.
Luke?
That’s what I said – little Lookie.
A small laugh escaped her, and she bit her lip, already able to ‘hear’ the slight slur in his voice just from his texting. Oh, this was going to be fun.
Are you drunk?
A beat. Then?—
Maybe… Are you drunk?
She rolled her eyes, exhaling through her nose as she leaned back against the armrest.
No. I’m having hot tea and reading a book (see above).
A moment of silence. Then his next text popped up, making her brow lift .
Are you wearing something sexy?
Her pulse skipped, warmth creeping into her chest before she scoffed and typed back.
Do you want me to answer that?
No – lemme live in my head.
She shook her head, biting her lip to keep from smiling.
You should probably quit picturing me.
There was a beat. Then?—
Probably.
She laughed softly, shifting on the couch, her heart knocking against her ribs for reasons she didn’t want to examine too closely. This was a new side to Jason that she hadn’t been privy to before. Teasing. Playing. Except... it was being shared with her. He was sharing this moment with her whereas it was completely different in the past.
Matthew would simply say – ‘ Yesterday was tough, so we broke out the beer and had a cold one as a family. ’. She understood his loss and sometimes it was the small things that hit you between the eyes. A look, a smell, a habit or a memory… and he was surrounded by them at home, at work. There was no escape for Jason or any of the Baird family.
Her phone buzzed again.
Matthew says hi – and to come have a beer with us. I agree, but you gotta wear something frumpy and ugly.
She grinned, eyes dancing as she responded.
Frumpy and ugly?
Yeah. What’s that green stuff girls smear on their faces on television before they go to bed? Do you wear that stuff to bed?
She snorted, shaking her head.
It’s fake – and how many beers have you had?
A pause. Then?—
Oh, thank goodness it’s fake… four.
She exhaled a laugh, rubbing a hand over her face.
I knew it.
Not drunk.
She smirked.
Sure.
Relaxed.
Rough day?
AWFUL…
Caitlin frowned as she read the message, the single word heavy with emotion. She shifted on the couch, curling her legs beneath her as she stared at the screen. Jason had never been one to throw words around lightly—especially not when it came to his feelings. The fact that he’d admitted to feeling awful meant things were really bad.
Her fingers hovered over the keyboard, debating. Calling him might be a mistake. If he wasn’t alone, he’d clam up like he used to, hiding behind silence and deflecting with sarcasm. But this—texting—was different. There was safety in the distance, a shield between them that let him open up in ways he never had in person.
Wanna tell me about it?
The dots blinked on her screen, then disappeared. She held her breath, waiting. Seconds stretched into what felt like an eternity before his reply appeared.
I found Mom’s ring – the one she lost when we were kids.
Caitlin’s breath hitched.
Oh, Jason… Are you okay?
She already knew the answer, but the question left her fingertips before she could stop it.
Nawwww, Catnip. I’m not okay.
Matthew cried.
Lookie cried.
I bawled like a freakin’ baby – which is why we are getting hammered.
Her chest tightened. Jason never cried. At least, not that she’d ever seen. He was the kind of man who carried the weight of the world on his shoulders and made jokes about it, burying his pain behind easy grins and casual shrugs. The image of him, sitting with his brothers, all of them breaking under the weight of their grief, made her ache.
I thought you said you weren’t drunk.
I’m not.
Hammered = Drunk.
Maybe just a bit?
She exhaled, shaking her head with a sad smile. Classic Jason—never fully admitting to anything.
Well, don’t get so drunk you puke – and if you need to talk, I’m here.
Another beat of silence before his response appeared.
Can’t call.
I wanna tho.
But they’ll hear me say mushy stuff to you…
Her lips twitched despite the heaviness in her chest.
Awww. You’re a sweet drunk.
It’s MY mushy stuff – mine and yours.
Her fingers hesitated before she typed.
I adore your mushiness, Jason.
I wanna check out your mushiness.
A laugh escaped her, soft but real.
Would you be mad if I sprayed you with the hose again someday and just stared at you in awe?
She could almost hear the teasing lilt in his voice, see the mischievous glint in his hazel eyes.
Depends.
Oh?
Well, if it’s years from now – then yes.
You’d be mad?
Ooooh! Yeah, I like us playing. I’d be mad, too!
Hostile.
Like super-dooper-angry.
Hangry mad.
She rolled her eyes, biting her lip to keep from snorting in laughter at his comments. Who knew stuffy, serious Jason was actually this sweet?
Why don’t we have Cheetos at the farm?
Her eyebrows lifted. Oh, he was really drunk. He hated Cheetos with a passion.
Orange fingers, remember? – how many beers?
Five.
I’m tired. Wanna cuddle?
Her heart clenched. The words were casual, playful even, but she knew him too well. Jason didn’t ask for things like this. Not unless he was at his breaking point.
So very much.
Can I come over?
Her pulse skipped. She wanted to say yes. Every part of her wanted to say yes. But she also knew better.
Not if you’re drunk.
No driving, buster.
A pause.
Can YOU come over?
Caitlin glanced down at herself—robe, blanket, couch. She should say no. She should be logical, responsible. But the idea of him sitting there, hurting, broke every piece of resolve she had.
I’m in my robe on the couch. Probably not a good idea.
I just wanna snuggle and have someone just hold me.
Her vision blurred. She swallowed hard, fingers gripping the phone as memories crashed over her.
She could still see his mother that day, standing in the yard, eyes frantic, hands trembling as she realized her wedding ring was gone. The whole family had combed the grass for hours, scouring every inch as she tried to hold back tears. It was the first Easter Caitlin had ever been invited to, the first time she’d been called Matthew’s ‘little friend from school.’ She’d searched right alongside them, desperate to find it, to ease the pain on the woman’s face.
And now—years later—Jason had found it.
Her chest ached, the weight of it too much to bear.
I’ll be right there to pick you up.
* * *
Caitlin eased her car down the long gravel driveway leading to Baird Farm, killing the headlights before they reached the main house. She didn’t want to disturb Toni and her new husband—this was their home now, after all—but that wasn’t why she hesitated. She had no idea where Jason was, and if the text she’d received was any indication, he and his cohorts were three sheets to the wind.
Her hands tightened around the steering wheel as she spotted movement near the barn. Shadows swayed in the dim glow of the floodlight cast by three tall figures—three unmistakable Baird men, weaving unsteadily toward her.
Sure enough, Jason was leading the charge—or stumbling through it. His usually commanding presence was ruined by the loose way he carried himself, the lazy grin that pulled at his lips. Luke and Matthew were right behind him, both looking worse for wear.
“Hey there, Caitie,” Luke called out, his voice far too cheerful considering the state he was in. His red-rimmed eyes were glassy, a tissue stuffed so far up one nostril it nearly cut his smile in half.
She blew out a breath, pushing the car door open despite the fact that she was still in her robe. Not like they’d remember this tomorrow, anyway.
“Caitlin,” Matthew slurred, swiping a hand over his ruddy face. His eyes were just as bloodshot as Luke’s, though his expression was more somber. “I’m glad you’re here. This man—” He jabbed a finger at Jason, wobbling on his feet. “—this man don’t need to be alone. He’s been…”
“Hush,” Jason snapped, though there was no real bite to it.
“Ain’t no one needs to be alone,” Matthew insisted.
“Just leave off the ‘ain’t,’” Luke coached, dropping his voice to a loud whisper behind his hand. “That’s a double negative; makes you sound illegitimate.”
“ Illiterate ,” Caitlin corrected.
“Yeah, what she said,” Jason muttered, nodding in her direction like she’d just proven his point.
Caitlin rolled her eyes, extending a hand. “Keys. Or get in my car guys so I can take you home.”
Luke made a vague noise of protest, waving her off.
“What he said,” Matthew added, mimicking the same dismissive gesture.
“No. I’m serious,” she said, firm but gentle. “No driving tonight. I don’t want to be at anyone else’s funeral.”
Matthew scoffed, but the sound caught in his throat. His lip wobbled. “I ain’t goin’ anywhere. Ain’t got nowhere to go anyhow.”
Caitlin’s heart clenched. “Aww, Matthew,” she murmured, stepping forward to wrap him in a hug. “Why don’t you reach out to?—”
Matthew tensed like she’d just set off a firecracker at his feet. He jolted, eyes wide, and shushed her loudly, pressing a finger to his lips. “Shhh! Don’t say crazy things like that! That’s how rumors get started. We don’t blab! Remember?”
Luke doubled over laughing—only to let out a sharp yelp, snatching the tissue from his nose. “Oh, that hurt to suck it in.”
“That’s what you deserve,” Matthew grumbled.
“I can’t believe it,” Luke gasped between chuckles.
“’Cause it’s not true,” Matthew shot back, arms crossed.
Caitlin eyed him, something knowing in her gaze. “Oh, Matthew?—”
“Nope,” he interrupted, thrusting a hand toward Jason like he was throwing a shield in front of himself. “Focus on your own disaster, and don’t try to fix any of mine.”
Jason let out a slow exhale, eyes half-lidded as he leaned against Caitlin’s car. “Hey now—let’s be nice.”
Caitlin shook her head, a mix of exasperation and affection curling in her chest. “You Baird men are so stupidly stubborn—and wonderful.”
Jason smirked, but she could see the exhaustion pulling at him, the weight of whatever had driven them all to drink pressing heavy on his shoulders.
“Go sleep this off in the barn,” she said, her voice softer now.
“I’m going to,” Matthew announced. “And not because you told me to!”
“Yeah! Me too! And not ‘cause you said so,” Luke chimed in, looping an arm around his brother’s shoulder.
She watched as they staggered off, leaning on each other, their figures disappearing into the dark. The soft glow of the floodlight barely reached them, moths dancing wildly against its beam. It wasn’t until they were out of sight that she realized just how alone she was with Jason.
When she turned back to him, he was watching her with a lazy, lopsided grin.
“You look pretty in anything,” he murmured.
Caitlin snorted. “Oh, you are so drunk.”
“Still true,” he insisted, following her as she climbed into the driver’s seat.
“Let’s get you home and tucked in,” she muttered, buckling in.
Jason huffed, slumping into the passenger seat. “But you said we’d cuddle.”
Before she could roll her eyes, he shifted—leaning over until his head was in her lap.
Caitlin stiffened, hands hovering in the air as she stared down at him, stunned.
“When I was a boy,” Jason murmured, voice thick with something that wasn’t just alcohol, “my mom used to sit in the back with us. When I was tired, I’d lay like this…” He swallowed audibly, his breath shuddering. “I miss her so much sometimes.”
A sharp sting pricked Caitlin’s eyes.
Oh.
Oh, Jason.
Her hands lowered, hesitant at first. Then, slowly, she threaded her fingers through his dark hair, stroking the soft, silky curls beneath her fingertips. His scruff brushed against her knee as he exhaled, a contented sigh escaping him.
“Where’s your hat?” she asked, trying to keep her voice light.
“Backseat,” he drawled, the word stretching lazily. “Didn’t wanna smooooosh it.”
She glanced over her shoulder—sure enough, his Stetson was tossed haphazardly in the back.
Jason sighed again, shifting slightly. “That feels nice,” he murmured. “Can I stay here forever?”
Caitlin’s chest ached as she ran her fingers through Jason’s hair, the silky strands slipping between her fingers like threads of a past she had never quite let go of. He was a mess—stubborn, infuriating, and sometimes completely impossible. And yet, she had wanted this. Wanted him. For so long.
The weight of his head in her lap sent something sharp and aching through her heart, twisting and burrowing deep. She could feel the heat of him, the tension still coiled in his muscles despite the exhaustion pulling him under. He wasn’t just drunk—he was unraveling, thread by thread, and she could feel it in every shaky breath he took.
“Yeah,” she whispered, her voice barely a breath. “You can stay here—for a moment at least.”
Jason nodded slightly, his lashes casting shadows over his cheekbones as he let out a quiet sigh, his body sinking further into her. He was always so strong, so rigid, but here, now, he felt like something fragile. Something breakable.
She started the car, the silence wrapping around them like an old, worn-out blanket as she guided them down the deserted road. The gravel crunched beneath the tires as she pulled into the familiar driveway, and the past came rushing back with startling clarity.
A girl in braids and cut-off blue jean shorts sneaking through the high grass, giggling as she chased after the tiny kittens her friend had found. A teenage boy with flashing eyes—so stern, so serious—pulling her away from the bobcat, his grip tight on her wrist, his voice low and firm as he shielded her from danger.
Caitlin swallowed hard as the floodlight on the house flared to life, casting its harsh glow over Jason’s features. Time had changed him. Changed them both. But in the sharp angles of his face, in the furrow of his brow, she could still see that boy. The one who had been strong for everyone but himself.
Her gaze dropped to his hand where it rested beside his face, his fingers curled slightly, palm up. The scar was still there, a pale ripple in the meat of his thumb—the mark the bobcat had left behind.
Her throat tightened.
“Let’s go inside and get you into bed,” she murmured, her fingers brushing his hair gently, coaxingly.
Jason flinched slightly, wincing as he turned his face away from her touch. “No,” he rasped. “Too much. I just wanna stay like this.”
Caitlin huffed out a soft, nervous chuckle, her fingers still tangled in his hair. “I can’t stay like this, and it’s best we don’t sleep in the car.”
His hand shot out, clumsy but desperate, catching the fabric of her sleeve in his fingers. “Don’t leave me too…” His voice was raw, barely audible, but it sent a shiver down her spine.
Her chest tightened, her pulse stuttering.
“I’ll stay,” she promised, her voice softer now. “But you need to rest.”
Jason’s lips parted on a slow exhale, his eyes opening just enough to find hers, glassy and searching. “You too.”
She shook her head slightly. “Let’s get you inside.”
He hesitated, blinking heavily. Then, barely above a whisper, “Are you gonna run from me?”
The words sliced through her, cutting deeper than she wanted to admit.
She swallowed hard. “I’m not going anywhere.”
He held her gaze for a long moment, searching. Doubting. And then, as if some part of him finally let go, he whispered, “I hope that’s true because I’d be lost without you.”
Her breath caught.
The words were honest, raw, unguarded. But the drunken haze in his eyes told her he wouldn’t remember saying them in the morning.
“You’re drunk,” she said, forcing a small, shaky smile.
“I know what I’m saying.” He frowned, stubborn even in his stupor.
“Oh yeah?” she teased, tilting her head. “Sure you do.”
His jaw tightened, and he pushed himself up, sitting straighter in the car. “I do.” His words slurred slightly, but his intensity didn’t waver. “You think I don’t, but I know what I’m doing, what I’m saying, and I know it all—everything—because I’m a Baird, and that’s what we do.”
Caitlin fought the smile tugging at her lips. He was absolutely ridiculous like this—drunken bravado, chest puffed up like he was making some grand declaration.
“Sure,” she said indulgently, humoring him. “Let’s get out of the car.”
Jason wobbled slightly as they made their way toward the porch, his feet unsteady on the gravel. She slid her arm around his waist, half-guiding, half-supporting him as they climbed the steps.
“You know what life is?” Jason suddenly declared, wobbling beside her, his arm draped around her shoulder like she was the only thing keeping him upright.
Caitlin bit back a laugh. “Oh, do tell,” she encouraged, amused by this rare, philosophical side of him.
Jason lifted a finger, his expression serious, like he was about to deliver the most profound wisdom of their time. “Life is a series of dreams,” he proclaimed. “You make ‘em, you break ‘em, and you hope to catch a good long dream—long enough to finally be happy for a bit and then poof.”
Caitlin snorted, shaking her head. “What are you talking about, Jason?”
His gaze drifted, unfocused, as if watching something in the distance that only he could see. “I wanted to be a pilot, you know,” he murmured, his voice quieter now. “I got into the Air Force Academy with some of those Flyboys guys up the road. I knew a few of them, played football in high school against two or three of them, but it all went ‘poof’. My mama had just gotten diagnosed with cancer, so I delayed going to the Academy and delayed it again and again. Then she died.” His voice cracked on the last word.
Caitlin’s chest clenched.
Jason let out a slow, shuddering breath. “I coulda been one of them, you know? But I couldn’t… I couldn’t leave. My Dad begged me to stay, kept talking about duty, and it was so hard. Watching her get sick, keeping her secrets. All this talk of duty…”
“You’ve done an admirable duty to your family ,” she said softly, knowing full well those words would never be enough to mend the ache inside him. He had given up his dreams knowing the reason for it was going to slip through his fingers regardless. He was such a strong man, such a good person deep down, and it was humbling to see past the surface, that calm front he put up for everyone else out there.
Jason gave a bitter laugh. “My brothers and sisters get to chase their dreams, but not me—I have to hold it all together. Because of duty. I don’t know why they wanted to help with the farm when they could have left. It just didn’t make sense.”
Caitlin’s heart ached at the resentment in his voice, the years of sacrifice weighing on him like an anchor.
“Jason,” she whispered, “your family needed you. Many would admire that – and they want to support you because you mean the world to them.”
He swallowed hard, blinking against the burn of old memories. “It was just… a lot. To give up everything. My chances. My dreams. Knowing that doing it, staying here, meant I was going to be here to see her die.” His voice cracked, and he looked away, his hands fisting at his sides. “I hated that. Hated that moment. And it hurt because once time had passed… it was too late for any of us.”
Caitlin barely had time to react before he slumped onto the small sofa, pulling her down beside him. Without hesitation, he dropped his head into her lap again, his body curling into her as though seeking refuge.
She ran her fingers through his hair, slow and soothing, her own eyes burning with unshed tears.
Jason’s voice was barely a whisper. “I think that’s why I finally wanted to start talking to you… because I was afraid I was too late again.”
Her throat tightened.
“You should rest,” she murmured, the words gentle, coaxing.
Jason’s grip on her shirt tightened. “Don’t leave me, Catnip - please .”
She exhaled softly, shifting slightly so she could rest her head against the back of the couch, her fingers never stilling in his hair.
“I won’t,” she promised, her voice barely above a breath. “I’ll stay and hold you, just like this.”
And as the night stretched on, Caitlin closed her eyes, letting the weight of him settle against her, knowing deep down—she could never let him go.