Chapter 14
Fourteen
N erine
I raced through the city, desperate to outrun the rage that burned inside me. I darted through alleyways and side streets, my feet leading me on familiar paths to nowhere. Every step I took fueled my rage toward Andraius.
I’d make my way back. Eventually. When I was good and ready.
At this point, I couldn’t care less whether I broke the rules about guards and security. I’d do whatever the fuck I wanted.
Yes, Theo and Xander were likely losing their minds, but that was the least of my concerns. Who knew, by morning, Andraius may have a hit out on me, and I’d end up dead.
I had to get this rage out or take the gun I had hidden in my bedroom and use it on Andraius before he could eliminate me.
I’d done the right thing. I’d ignored his affairs. I never blinked when he openly paraded multiple mistresses before me—more power to them.
But purposefully have me walk in on him fucking someone wearing my mother’s gown and then act as if the dumb twat would replace me.
Fuck that shit.
My hands shook, remembering the state of Mama’s gown in ruins. We’d hidden it away, made sure no one would touch it, and now?—
That crossed the line.
He knew what the dress meant to me. Every fucking person knew the history and tradition of the gown. He’d stolen my dream, stolen so much from me—I hated him with every fiber of my being.
Why had I put up with this shit for so long? Where was my self-respect?
I’d let him destroy it. I had allowed a fucking man to put me in a cage, take away my rights, and then manipulate my mind.
Never fucking again.
Never once had I broken my wedding vows, even when he deserved it. The two men I loved, had always loved, were with me all the time now, and we never acted upon the desires and needs that burned between us.
The bastard had stolen what we had.
A burning sensation filled my lungs, and a wave of exhaustion cascaded through my limbs, forcing me to stop at a nearby bench. I gasped in heated air as my heart beat rapidly into my ears. Through blurry vision, I studied the area.
Fuck.
This couldn’t be right. I focused on the street sign.
Had I really pushed it over ten miles?
I bent over, setting my hands on my knees, my pulse still thundering in my chest.
At least some of the rage boiling in my blood seemed to have settled to a simmer.
Some being the optimal word.
How was this my existence? For weeks I’d trained with Nyx and Devani, studied with Lilly, and believed there was an end to this, but until someone took Andraius down, I was still stuck.
Meeting Nyx, Lilly, and Devani had shown me a glimpse of the future I’d have had if only Papa and Linus had lived—a future my sisters would have had.
The logical part of me understood Papa would have taken some convincing to accept my relationship with Theo and Xander. But in the end, he’d have come around, especially with Mama knowing about it and being on our side.
My lips trembled. There was no point in even imagining that scenario. Life had dealt me completely different cards filled with many painful lessons.
Still, what I wouldn’t give for some comfort, a tiny sliver of intimacy and tenderness to release me from the loneliness. This yearning from afar destroyed a little piece of me, day by day.
Fuck. The sooner I found a way to escape with Mama and the girls, the better.
A breeze picked up, and the shift in the sunlight meant it would be dark soon.
When Theo and Xander found me, they would give me hell. I could sneak into the house through one of the secret pathways, and no one would notice.
Yeah, that’s what I’d do.
Now to make the long trek back home.
Shit. I probably shouldn’t have lost myself in the run. Taking a cab was pointless—with rush hour at its peak, it would take at least an hour or more to get back home. A brisk walk was the better choice.
I stood up straight and wiped the sweat off my forehead—time to follow the same path back to the compound. Pivoting, I stumbled back as I met the unmistakable fury in Theo’s gaze.
My heartbeat accelerated, and all I could say was, “Hi.”
“You left the house without giving anyone a heads-up.” The vein on the side of Theo’s face pulsed, and the rigid set of his jaw told me he wasn’t in the mood for any excuses.
Before I could respond, he bent, threw me over his shoulder, and carried me to a waiting limo.
“What the fuck? Put me down, you jackass.” I banged on his back.
Climbing into the car’s open door, he tossed me on the seat, closed the door, and then joined Xander on the opposite bench. He knocked on the window, giving the driver the signal to move.
“Are you two out of your mind? I went for a fucking run.”
They only stared at me.
“Are you planning to glare at me for the next hour like that?”
Instead of responding, they continued to scowl at me, anger radiating from them in thick waves.
They both remained silent for five minutes, glowering at me and adding to my agitation.
Fuck this shit.
They weren’t my keepers. I’d had enough of these broody assholes. No matter how I felt about them, I’d punch them both in the face using the moves Nyx had taught me if they thought to manhandle me again.
I adjusted my position on the seat, readying for whatever they planned.
“Stop it, Nerine.” The order from Xander had me cocking my head to the side, trying to figure out what he meant.
I glared at him. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“We aren’t the same people anymore. Even if you don’t realize it, you’re doing it. It isn’t fair to any of us.”
Then it hit me.
I’d positioned myself as if they would fuck me into submission. Something they’d done in the past. A game of sorts that we’d played.
How had I instinctively fallen back into that dynamic? Was it the emotions churning through me? Or the anger at Andraius?
My eyes scanned the limo. And all the things we’d done in here flashed in my mind.
I blew out an unsteady breath and leaned back in my seat, crossing my legs before I stared out the window.
“You could have picked a different car.”
“There weren’t many options available between when we realized you were missing and when we tracked your phone.” The weight of Theo’s scrutiny continued to play havoc on my thrumming heart.
“I was never missing.” I licked my lips and then adjusted the direction of the air conditioning stream to cool my overheated skin. “I needed to go for a run.”
Xander shrugged off his suit jacket, laid it at his side, then unbuttoned and rolled his shirt sleeves up, revealing his tattooed arms. Along the sleeve of ink was my name written in Greek. He had another one worked into the design of a dragon’s tail that sat over his heart.
Theo had done something similar, except he’d etched my name into the scales of the dragon’s back. It had been a secret symbol of our relationship, one we had to keep quiet about because of everyone’s conservative views.
He ignored where my attention shifted and leaned forward, giving me that enforcer glare known to scare the shit out of most people.
“During midday, in the middle of summer?”
Too bad his glare did not affect me.
“I had to clear my mind after what that piece of shit did in my house and our over-the-top altercation.”
“Clear your mind, is it?” Theo’s voice grew deeper, making the hairs on the back of my neck prickle with irritation and causing everything inside me to clench at the same time. “And you didn’t think it was possible to clear your fucking mind without ditching your security?”
He kept his cool in all things. He prided himself on it. But then there was me.
I whipped my head around and glared at him. “You aren’t my father. You aren’t my husband. You aren’t my lover. I don’t answer to either of you.”
“Don’t push me, Angel.”
“Or what?” I countered, lifting my chin. “And don’t call me Angel. I’m not your angel.”
“My job is to take care of you, even if you don’t want it.”
I smirked, not caring about the consequence. Maybe it was the anger riding me at how my life had turned out, or perhaps the arousal coursing through me and the unquenched need I’d felt since these two men walked back into my daily life.
I wanted them to understand taking care of me had nothing to do with my safety.
Safety sat in one realm and care lived in another.
“I haven’t had anyone take care of me since before this nightmare began. I handle my own care and needs.” I lifted a brow and pursed my lips.
Xander’s mouth quirked at the side, catching my meaning, and his pupils dilated into near-black orbs. “Exactly what are your needs, and how do you care for them?”
The hunger in his voice broke the dam on everything I’d shoved away. A throbbing ignited deep in my core, and my nipples hardened.
“Xander, this isn’t where we need to go,” Theo warned.
Theo’s words said one thing, but as he studied me, the burning heat in his eyes told a completely different story of what he desired.
“Oh no, he wanted to go here. Let’s go here.”
I knew I played a reckless game with the two most dangerous men I knew. The two men who could ruin me. The two men whom I could destroy.
But I couldn’t stop this pull toward them. It drew me. Why couldn’t I reach for it? Andraius flaunted his shit all over the place. Why not me?
“Okay then, Angel. Answer the question.” Xander picked up a decanter of some dark amber liquid, poured some into a tumbler, and then took a healthy swallow before relaxing into his seat.
“I want to come. That’s what I need.”
Lust engulfed the cab of the limo, and our breaths grew unsteady.
The throbbing deep in my pussy pushed my desire to an unbearable level, and seeing the hard bulges in their pants pulled at that longing for everything I couldn’t have.
I sighed. “Care to guess how long it’s been since anyone has held me or touched me to give me pleasure?”
I held their gazes.
Yes, this was reckless. Yes, this was wrong. Everything in my life was wrong.
More than likely, I wouldn’t be alive tomorrow, anyway. Andraius would never let me leave him.
Theo gripped the edge of his seat. “We can’t touch you, Nerine. No matter how much we want to.”
Xander added, “We love you too much to make your life harder.”
Did they love me?
Then why had they stayed away? Why not let me know they were still around to give me hope?
My lips trembled, and I shook my head. I would not cry. Tears had no place in my life. “Answer this for me. Why don’t I get anything? When will I stop being a pawn in this game?”
“You’re not the pawn. You’re the queen. We’d give you everything you need if it were in our power.”
“What I need right now is one fucking orgasm. Is that too much to ask?” I wasn’t expecting an answer from either of them, so I continued, “Nearly five years since I felt anything in the realm of desire. I’ve been with three men in my life. You two and Andraius.”
I looked down at my clenched fists sitting in my lap. “He enjoyed seeing me cry. It made him feel as if he’d won. Want to know what I did within months of our marriage?” I smirked. “I learned to give him no emotion at all. You’ve heard him say I’m an unemotional, cold bitch. It’s better to freeze my soul than constantly see the glee on that monster’s face. But you know what?”
After a few long heartbeats, Theo asked, “What?”
I dropped my head back on the seat, not wanting to see either of their faces. “I mourn that girl who felt so much, laughed, loved, and enjoyed life. I was so damn strong, and no one could make me believe otherwise. I miss that girl. I’m tired of playing the cold, bitter bitch. I am tired of feeling dead inside. What I wouldn’t give to feel again, to be her again, if only for a few moments. I’m exhausted from fighting all the time. The old Nerine fought, but she never sold her soul to do it.”
Unable to put myself out there anymore, I closed my eyes. I’d hardened myself for the last few years, and being around Xander and Theo cracked my walls. I couldn’t afford any weakness in the world I lived in.
It was time to rebuild my shields again. No more falling back into old patterns. I’d focus on my plans with Nyx, Devani, and Lilly.
The men before me were my past, and I had to accept it. Now I needed to use the rest of the ride to rein my body under control and lock away the desires I shouldn’t have allowed free in the first place.
“Nerine,” Theo said.
Keeping my lids shut, I whispered, “What now?”
“Take off your clothes.”
My eyes snapped open, connecting with Theo’s darkened gray ones.
“You want to come. You’ll come by your hands only.”
My skin heated as the melancholy from moments earlier pushed to the back of my mind, and a tingle shot down my spine.
I shook my head. “You don’t have to do this. My emotions got to me. It wasn’t right to put this on the two of you.”
“Angel, we want to give this to you,” Xander said, taking another gulp from his glass and setting it in the holder. “We’ll guide you, and you’ll do what we tell you, exactly how we tell you. You don’t come unless we give you permission. Even if we can’t touch you, the rules are the same as before.”
“You remember before, don’t you?” A slight smile touched Theo’s lips, easing the knot I hadn’t realized had formed in the pit of my stomach.
“You mean I don’t get to come if I don’t listen.”
“You seem to have a problem following directions. It’s better to make everything clear.” Theo lifted a brow that made me want to smack him and kiss him.
It was as if they transported me back to when I was nineteen and they were twenty-three.
I gave him a dramatic sigh. “Understood.” I narrowed my gaze at Xander. “What about the two of you?”
“What about us?” Xander asked.
“Is it all three of us or just the two of you with me?”
They glanced at each other. I caught the longing and pain passing between them.
They really had walked away from each other when things ended with me. Instead of the thought comforting me, it broke my heart.
“Nerine.” Xander’s use of my name had me toeing off my shoes.
I lifted my shirt over my head and tossed it onto the bench beside me. Then, I slowly shimmied out of my shorts.
Both men inhaled deep when I unclasped my bra and let my breasts spill free. My nipples beaded into stiff peaks, and desire pooled between my legs.
But just as fast, it cooled as I readied to slide my underwear down.
Grabbing hold of my anxiety, I tugged the lace along my hips and let it gather at my feet. “Don’t say anything. Please don’t.”
How would they react to the scars and the word they spelled? They weren’t as visible after I’d started the products Nyx gave me, but they were still there. They’d always be there.
I lifted my gaze to theirs.
Theo’s and Xander’s faces remained blank as they stared back at me, but their eyes gave away the emotions warring inside them.
After a few seconds of quiet, Xander ordered, “Spread your legs and slide those fingers between those lips.”
I followed his directive and adjusted my legs to give them a view of my swollen, slick pussy. With a slow glide, I traced the inside of my thighs and then stroked my labia up and down.
“Now, cup your breast,” Theo directed. “Pinch the tip. Yes, like that. Harder. I know how much you like it to sting.”
I gasped and closed my lids, loving the onslaught of sensation I felt for the first time in so long. I needed this so much, and they were giving it to me.
“Circle that clit. God, you have the most beautiful cunt I’ve ever seen. Do you know how many nights I’ve lain awake dreaming about it?” Xander adjusted himself through his pants, and I couldn’t help but moan, remembering the feel of that huge cock deep in me.
The way he rolled his hips, knew just where to hit, and pushed me to my limits.
A tremor shot through my core, and I moaned as arousal seeped from my vaginal channel. “Oh, I’m almost there.”
“No, you’re not. You haven’t even slipped those fingers inside that tight cunt yet.” Theo shifted as if to come to me and then gritted his teeth, staying in place. “Push three in, baby, and rub that spot inside you.”
I plunged three digits inside me, all the while using my thumb to continue to stroke my clit with each thrust. I writhed and whimpered.
My mind clouded, and Theo and Xander continued crooning commands and encouragement.
“Please, I have to come. Let me come,” I begged.
“You’re not there yet.”
I gritted my teeth as my pussy quivered and contracted. I wasn’t sure how long I could hold off my release.
“I can’t stop it. It’s coming.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes,” I cried out, sweat dampening my skin. “Theo, Xander, please.”
“Come, Angel.” Theo’s permission and the last graze of my thumb over my clit sent me over the cliff.
I convulsed around my thrusting fingers, soaked in my arousal. Exhilaration and complete ecstasy permeated my senses as if I had fallen from twenty miles high. I could barely breathe, and I had no doubt only incoherent words spilled from my lips.
Slowly I came down and melted into the seat, not caring about anything but catching my breath.
I’d only ever experienced this with these men.
“You’re so fucking beautiful.” With the rough timbre of Xander’s voice, I opened my lashes, catching the unguarded lust in his onyx gaze.
I licked my parched lips and watched his attention shift to my mouth.
If only I could let this go further, but I couldn’t. I’d already pushed it as far as possible.
The haze of lust cleared slowly, but I had to make something clear to them.
“I don’t regret this.”
I felt nothing in the vicinity of shame or guilt about what happened. Instead, for the first time in years, I had taken something exclusively for myself. Maybe I’d become as selfish and hateful as Andraius, but I couldn’t pull up an ounce of remorse for this.
Theo handed me a cloth he’d pulled from somewhere. “You need to clean up.”
I wiped my arousal and sweat from my body and then reached for my discarded underwear. In a flash, Theo shifted forward, staying my hands by gripping my hip and pushing me back.
My heartbeat accelerated. “We can’t.”
“That’s not what I’m doing.” He skimmed a finger along my abdomen, just below my belly button. “I need to see what he did to you because of us.”
I swallowed as the back of my throat burned with unshed tears, and I closed my eyes, turning my face away.
Another set of hands settled on my hips, and Xander’s lips brushed my scars.
“I’m so sorry, Angel,” he whispered against my skin.
It took all my strength not to slide my fingers into his hair. I shouldn’t want more. They gave me more than I ever expected.
“You’ll tell us all of it,” Theo stated, his mouth replacing Xander’s. “Not today, but I will get the full story.”
“Maybe.” I shifted, knowing I had to get dressed.
“Stay right there.” Theo lifted his head, looking in Xander’s direction, both having some silent conversation.
I felt the intensity of it, the unsaid undercurrent of the desire the three of us shared.
My heart ached seeing their need for each other. Why they’d made the choice to end everything when I was out of the picture would never make sense.
But as always, they had their reasons.
The second Xander nodded, Theo lifted my leg and tugged me toward his mouth.
“What are you doing?” I gasped.
Xander grabbed my arms, pinning them above my head.
“When you step out of this limo, you will know whatever name he tries to force you to carry, you will forever be ours.”
I stared at him and allowed a tear to fall free, not out of pain but pure love for these men.
“No.” He shifted my wrists to one hand and thumbed the wetness from my cheek. “This isn’t the time for that. You wanted to come. Let’s see how many times we can make it happen before we get to the compound.”
At that moment, Theo slid his tongue through the lips of my pussy and sucked my clit into his mouth, making my back bow.
“Oh, God.”
“Not God, Theo.”
A smile touched my lips. “Do you ever get tired of saying that line?”
“Not until you get it right.” He grinned back up at me.
I tugged at my hands, wanting to grab hold of his thick mass of dark hair.
“Tsk. Tsk.” Xander leaned down as he stroked his fingers down the column of my neck and between my breasts. “You can’t touch us.”
I frowned. “Why not? We’ve already crossed the line.”
We’d crossed the line the second I’d asked them to make me come.
“All crimes are ours. You can honestly say your hands never touched us.”
“That’s a technicality.”
“Our world is based on technicalities. How do you think so many of us survived the regime change?”
“Then you won’t kiss me.” I lifted my face toward him, and immediately, he drew back.
He shook his head. “That would mean you would have to lie.”
A pang of disappointment hit me, but I understood what they were doing.
They were protecting me.
Then without thinking, I asked, “What about the two of you? Are you off limits to each other?”
I wanted to take back the question almost immediately when I felt Theo freeze and his face lift.
Xander’s dark gaze went to Theo’s.
A war of emotions passed between them until Theo turned his attention back to me and said, “This isn’t about us, it’s about you.”
I nodded, knowing once Theo made a decision, he wouldn’t change his mind.
I gasped as my arms were pulled taut above me.
“Since I know that you can’t follow directions worth shit.” Xander looped his tie around my wrists and bound them to the seatbelt strap above me.
“This looks familiar,” Theo murmured against my inner thigh. “Where have I seen this before?”
“I believe it was on your twenty-third birthday.”
“That’s right. I wanted Angel cake for dessert.” His hungry gaze moved between my legs to my swollen pussy. “I believe I’m going to indulge again.”
His mouth descended, resuming his ministrations. At the same time, Xander engulfed my nipple in his mouth.
The onslaught of sensations clouded my mind, and I climbed at an unfathomable speed.
I writhed and moaned into each flick of their tongues and bite of their teeth.
Theo stroked and teased my aching clit, and I couldn’t help but flex my legs against his back, urging him closer, silently begging him to move his mouth to the core of me.
Xander switched to my other breast, nipping and flicking the tip. He gave me the edge of pain that drew goosebumps over my skin and drove me higher and higher.
“Send her over, Theo,” Xander commanded while continuing to worry my tender nipples.
“With pleasure.” Theo thrust his tongue deep into my pussy, licking and making me grind against his mouth.
Less than a few seconds later, everything inside me tightened with small quivers, followed by clenching, a cascade of fiery pleasure sweeping through every nerve in my body.
“Only with you two,” I whimpered, too lost in the euphoria showering over me.
I’d barely come down when I heard Xander say, “Now it’s my turn. Angel, get ready. If this is my only chance, I will make it count.”
The men traded places, and Xander made every microsecond of the ride home count.