Chapter 17
Chapter
Seventeen
SIN
M erri was uncharacteristically quiet as we made our way to my room. I’d expected a full-on rant from our resident brat over needing a babysitter, but she was still incredibly rattled from tonight’s attack. The energy coming from her twisted my gut uncomfortably. This wasn’t her usual level of frustration or irritation mixed with hunger. All I felt was shock and unease.
Opening my door, I gestured for her to enter my domain without words. She didn’t need me to flirt and seduce right now. Merri needed a friend. Could I be one? I’d never tried. Nothing like jumping straight into the deep end to find out.
“Are you . . . okay?” I finally asked.
Merri blinked at me and raised a brow.
“Right. Stupid question,” I muttered.
“I feel like I should be asking you that,” she said, either not hearing me or choosing to ignore my words. “You’re still dripping blood.”
Fuck me. In all my concern for her, I’d forgotten about my destroyed nose. What was wrong with me? My face was my moneymaker. I needed to be beautiful so I could feed.
Well, to be fair, it didn’t matter what I looked like. My incubus charm could turn me into a walking wet dream no matter what my physical features were, but it was always easier to lure in prey when you had what I’d once heard Lilith refer to as “pretty privilege.”
“Sit down, Sin. You’re bleeding all over the place.” Merri snapped into caretaker mode, latching onto the role like it was a life preserver as she rushed into my attached bathroom.
I did as she said, taking off my bloodied shirt and balling it up before using the fabric to stop the bleeding. Dammit, that one was a favorite of mine. I’d finally worn it enough it was perfectly broken in.
“You don’t have to—” I started before she forced my head back and shoved a wad of toilet paper against my nose. “Ouch, kitten. I’m gonna heal on my own. You don’t have to make it hurt worse in the meantime.”
“Incubi don’t have healing . . .”
“Horseman. Basically a god,” I said, all smug and proud. I even cocked a brow for good measure.
She didn’t crack a smile, roll her eyes, or even give an indignant huff.
“What’s got you so shaken up?” I asked, not really understanding why someone like her would be affected by a handful of demons. Okay, technically they were Knights, which made them like uber demons, but still. She lived at Iniquity with Lilith, of all creatures. The original demon herself. It can’t possibly have been her first rodeo. While a sanctuary, surely a fight or two had broken out during her time there.
“If Chaos hadn’t found me . . .”
“But he did. And you’re safe.”
Merri gave me a look before softly admitting, “I don’t think I ever realized what it was like. Being un safe, I mean. I’ve always been the thing people were afraid of. I was the monster who’d suck your soul out of your body and leave you nothing more than a husk. Something to be feared and never trusted. I... ” She let out a heavy breath and shook her head, as if at a loss for words. “You all kept telling me I was in danger, but I don’t think I truly understood what that meant. Not until tonight. Not until I realized I could fall victim to the same sort of power I employ.”
I wanted to touch her so badly. Comfort her and make sure she knew she wasn’t in danger right now. My hand twitched with the effort to keep from doing just that. She’d think I was trying something because all I was to her—or anyone really—was sex.
“Merri—”
“I know you four aren’t telling me everything,” she said, but it wasn’t an accusation so much as a statement of fact. “Tonight was about whatever my aunt’s involved in, wasn’t it? The apocalypse?”
I kept my face as expressionless as I was able, knowing I wasn’t allowed to reveal the more intimate details of the role she played in said apocalypse.
“Sin, please? I need more than what you guys have given me. A fucking angel just tried to kidnap me.”
“Knight.”
“Exactly. Not just a regular demon. A Knight who serves some kind of Prince. This has to do with the end times, and they want me. You said so yourself. But why? As blackmail or revenge or something? A way to get back at my aunt for what she did?”
“Yes.” No one said I couldn’t tell her when she was right about something. And I didn’t technically answer all her questions, I was simply agreeing with the “or something.” She could assume what she liked.
Scoffing, she rolled her eyes. “Yes to which one? Why are you being so cagey?”
“Look, sweet cheeks, you’re smart. You’ll figure this out on your own, and honestly, the info I have is only gonna be provided to you on a need-to-know basis. For your own good.”
“Yeah, okay. Because you, who have known me for just over a week and have spoken to me on barely more than a surface level, are clearly an expert on what’s good for me.”
The return of her attitude was a relief, and if I’m being honest, a bit of a turn-on. I shifted, using my discarded shirt to hide my semi. I may not be the most self-aware of the horseman, but I was pretty sure she wasn’t going to appreciate looking over and seeing a tent in my pants when she was giving me what for.
What could I say? I liked a challenge. It was rare to find one in my—for lack of a better word—profession.
“Go on, then. Tell me something that’s not surface-level about you. You think I don’t know what’s good for you? Prove me wrong.”
She crossed her arms under her perfect tits and scowled. If she wasn’t careful, I’d wipe that expression off her face with my fucking mouth.
No.
No, Sinclair. We are digging deeper than surface level. We are getting to know each other. Learning about our vulnerabilities and stuff.
The possibility of getting to know more about the woman in front of me sent a little flutter off in my belly. Completely unused to the sensation, I thought it might be indigestion. A little heartburn after all the stress of the attack. Then I realized I was actually excited.
The realization was so unsettling I immediately told myself it was only because getting to know her better would help me with our mission.
“You first,” she snapped, hitting me with her vibrant blue gaze.
Me?
For as much as I was used to being the center of attention, no one ever asked me about... me. They wanted to know about my rock star persona. Not me .
“Uh . . . well.”
“Are you seriously trying to tell me you don’t want to talk about yourself?” One perfectly shaped russet brow arched.
“Well, I mean... sure. But there’s so much to say, it’s hard to narrow it down.”
“Uh huh.”
“I’ve lived for—” Not wanting to date myself, I kept it vague. “A long time. You might need to narrow the scope a bit for me. What do you want to know?” I pat the blanket next to me, silently bidding her to sit.
She pursed her lips and sat down next to me on the edge of the bed. “Okay, let’s start with something basic. What was your childhood li—wait. Did you even have a childhood? I can’t imagine horsemen babies or little kids. You guys probably just popped into existence. Boom, hot men here to ruin the world.”
“You think I’m hot?”
“Sin,” she groaned. “If you’re not going to be serious, then I’m not going to waste my time.”
“I was just kidding. Sorry.” Loosing a heavy sigh, I flopped back on the bed, arms flung out on either side of me.
Of all the questions she could ask, she went with that one. The mythology of the horsemen was a secret. I didn’t know of anyone outside our foursome who knew the truth of it. Could I trust Merri? Should I?
My internal debate lasted all of ten seconds.
If the truth would help me save the universe, then I had to risk it, didn’t I?
I gripped the back of her shirt and tugged hard, pulling her down to join me on the bed. She let out an adorable little squeak of protest, but I stopped her when I began speaking.
“I wasn’t always a horseman.”
“No?”
“Nope. I was just a regular human man. An actor and musician who wanted to be loved by everyone on the planet.”
“How’d that pan out for you?” she asked, turning her head to look at me.
“Well, as an actor, I was B-list at best. I had some success but never a real breakout moment. It’s part of what led me down this path.” One of my hands fisted into the blanket as century-old emotion knotted in my stomach. “I hungered for more. Nothing was enough to fill the emptiness inside me. I knew I was destined for greatness, and I wanted more. One night I was approached in my dressing room by a man. I thought he might be an agent or studio exec, ready to offer me my big break. In some ways, that’s exactly what he was there to do, but definitely not in the way I’d expected.”
She rolled on her side so she was facing me, her face inches from mine. “What happened?”
“He said I’d be irresistible, known and respected the world over. Revered—though not by my current name. If I’d simply agree to take over for him.”
Her eyes widened. “He was a horseman?”
“Yes. Famine.” I offered her a wry smile. “He recognized a bit of himself in my endless craving for more.”
Her eyes widened with the knowledge I’d just offered, but she remained silent as I continued.
“There was no dramatic ritual, if that’s what you’re wondering. It was all shockingly boring if I’m being honest. He looked me in the eye, asked me if this was what I truly wanted, and we shook hands.” I reached out and tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear. I couldn’t fucking help myself. “I woke up in this very penthouse, surrounded by those other three fuckers.”
She hummed softly. “It’s ironic.”
“What is?”
“You wanted to be loved by everyone. Instead you’re lusted after and feared.”
Letting out a bitter laugh, I turned my head away from her. “No one can love a horseman. I gave up on that a long time ago. And to be fair, my predecessor never promised me love. The rest of what he offered all came to pass, just maybe not in the way I’d thought.” I thought back to the first time my incubus gift appeared and chuckled. What a night that had been.
Merri didn’t try to placate me with meaningless words. Instead she shocked the hell out of me by taking my hand and weaving her fingers through mine in a silent show of support. “And the others, did they all inherit the mantle as well?”
“No. Only Chaos. As far as I know, Malice and Grim are the originals. And before you ask, I have absolutely no idea how they manifested in the world. Neither of them talk about it.”
“My money is on fully grown hot guy manifestation.”
I grinned and elbowed her gently. “See, you do want us.”
“Want is very different from trust.”
“We are here to protect you. You’re safe with us.”
“But you’re not safe with me, Sin.”
I frowned at her words. “I’m a horseman of the apocalypse, Merri. And an incubus.”
She shook her head. “You don’t understand. My hunger is insatiable.”
“Hellloooo, Famine,” I waved a hand in the air and pointed at myself. “If anyone can understand endless hunger, I’m pretty sure it’s me.”
“I killed the one man I’d ever loved.”
It was all starting to come together. This sweet succubus was traumatized by her past. Who among us, really?
“He was human?”
“Yes. I thought I was too, at the time. We were kids, really. In high school.”
With the memories of my own first night as an incubus fresh in my mind, she didn’t have to say anything else. I had a very clear picture of what happened.
“It doesn’t have to be that way every time, kitten. I promise.”
Tears filled her eyes. “How can you promise that? Lilith kept me locked away because I’m so powerful. She knew it was the only way to keep everyone safe.”
“Are you sure that’s why she did it? Or was it because it’s what you needed to feel safe?”
She blinked at me, her long, wet eyelashes sticking together. “What do you mean?”
“Well, you were scared. Grieving for the boy you’d lost.” I refused to refer to a teenager as a man on principle. “Terrified of your own power. She offered stability. Safety. The certainty that it wouldn’t happen again under her watch. She gave you a place to recover and find yourself again.”
Merri hummed. “I never thought of it that way.”
I squeezed her hand. “See, I’m pretty smart. And if I’m right about that, then it stands to reason I’m right about other things too.”
Merri’s gaze went unfocused as she considered my earlier reassurances. “I guess you might be right. When Chaos kissed me earlier, I didn’t feed from him at all.”
My whole body stiffened. Chaos fucking kissed her? Mr. I Only Growl At Her In Passing went straight in for the kiss while I’m over here opening my chest and spilling my secrets?
“I . . . that’s . . . uh, great?” I finally spluttered.
“It was the first time anyone has kissed me since...”
I could tell there was more she wanted to say, could sense the confusion and sadness the admission caused her. I wondered if she was picking up on the rampant jealousy currently raging through me. Maybe I could distract her with another truth bomb.
“Closing yourself off from people isn’t the answer, kitten. Not for your succubus nature or your heart.” I was still holding her hand, my thumb rubbing small circles on her skin. “How you’ve survived this long is a miracle. You need physical contact. Camming won’t cut it.”
“You said it yourself, I’ve survived this long.”
“Surviving isn’t living, Merri. And I think we both know that it’s not enough. The celibacy thing is not going to work. You’ve been camming every day, sometimes twice a day, and you’re still starving. Sooner or later, your succubus is going to demand more.”
I knew I’d ruined the moment as soon as she released my hand and sat up. That wasn’t what she wanted to hear, even if it was true. Actually, more than likely because it was true.
“I’ll make do,” she said, her voice detached and cold. Then she stood and walked to my door, muttering on her way out, “I always do.”