Chapter 29
Chapter Twenty-Nine
L ily
I pace back and forth outside the locker room, heat rising to my cheeks. Each step I take only seems to stoke the fire of my anger more.
Without thinking, Ethan dragged the worst moment of my life into the public eye. Mason won’t keep his mouth shut after this. He’ll jump on the defensive, fearing that I might come forward about the rape. He might even invent stories to preemptively discredit me.
She’s crazy. She wanted me, and I rejected her. Now she’s getting revenge. Isn’t that what dipshit men usually say about women who accuse them of rape?
And thanks to Ethan’s recent fame, it might not only be the campus talking about my shame. There’s a good chance that punch on the field will make national news.
The whole world could find out what happened to me. I’ll be forever branded as a broken woman, assuming I’m even believed.
Rage grips my chest, making it hard to breathe. Ethan had better not try to tell me that punch was for my sake. It was all about him and his righteous indignation. He wanted to take justice into his own hands, to make Mason pay.
He didn’t even think about how it would affect me. How my life could unravel as a result.
When my eyes grow misty, I inhale a shaky breath. No tears now. I need to end this with Ethan first.
When I glance at my watch, anxiety prickles my skin. It’s a welcome distraction from my anger. Ethan’s been in the locker room a long time, when almost every other player has left. The only people who haven’t come through that door are Mason, Noah, and Ethan.
My stomach churns. If Ethan’s been in there this long, he’s probably in serious trouble.
And Mason is most likely being treated by the medics. That punch sent him flying. His nose is probably broken.
The memory of him crumpling to the ground is the only joy to be taken from this mess. Even in my inner turmoil, it was satisfying to see him finally feel some form of suffering on my behalf.
But the satisfaction was short-lived. Mason’s nose will heal, but what will this all mean for me? Oh God, what’s going to happen?
What if I’m judged for that wretched night—the darkest moment of my life—and found lacking? I can already hear people discussing the details.
Why did she get so drunk? She let him sleep in her bed. That doesn’t sound like rape to me.
Fuck, I can’t think about this. It’s too much. I’ll go crazy.
The locker room door finally swings open, and Ethan steps out. Relief washes through my veins. His stride is far too confident for someone who was either suspended or kicked off the team.
When my gaze lifts to his face, my relief is washed out as if by a deluge.
His expression is defiant—jaw set and eyes burning. He doesn’t even care that he just dropped a bomb on my life. In fact, he looks smug about it.
I stride up to him, lifting my chin. “What was that about?”
Ethan meets my gaze unflinchingly. “He deserved it.”
“It doesn’t matter what he deserved,” I snap. “I told you not to do this. I told you not to fight my battles for me.”
He opens his mouth to argue, but I hold up a hand. “You don’t get it. You think you’re protecting me, but all you’re doing is making things worse.”
He clenches his jaw. “I couldn’t just stand by and do nothing. I’ve been pushed—” His voice cracks, and he inhales a shaky breath. “I’ve reached my limit. I’ve stayed quiet about this for too long. Mason provoked me tonight. I’m not going to repeat what he said about you, but trust me when I tell you, he deserved what he got.”
“What he said about me?” I scoff. “He’s a rapist, Ethan. Who the fuck cares what he has to say about anything?”
A storm of fury builds behind Ethan’s dark-blue eyes. “He called you a name.” He shakes his head. “I won’t even tell you what it is.”
I groan. “So he called me a whore?”
The flaring of his nostrils is the only answer I need. My groan is so hoarse it’s almost a growl. “I don’t care if he called me a whore. He’s trash. A slimy little worm. All I want is to forget him. How do you not realize what you’ve done? He’s never going to leave me alone after this.”
Ethan crosses his arms over his chest. “He won’t ever come near you again. I’ll kill him if he does.”
“Oh. My. God.” I place both hands on my burning cheeks. “Do you hear yourself? You’re making this all about you.”
His expression softens. “I’m not, Lily.” He reaches out his hand and strokes my hair. “You’ve been suffering alone, and it kills me. You don’t have to. You have people… People who love you. Let them take the burden, if only for a while. I can deal with Mason, not because you aren’t capable of doing it, but because you shouldn’t have to.”
His words warm me against my better judgment. I have people who love me, he said. Not him. Just people in general.
A tear falls down my cheek, but I quickly wipe it away. “It doesn’t matter. You promised that you would let me handle this. I thought your promises meant something.”
His expression grows pained. “Yes, I broke a promise, but there wasn’t another option, sassy girl. I couldn’t stand there and let him say ugly things about you. Not after what he did.”
His use of my nickname usually makes my stomach flutter, but not in this moment. He’s saying it to coddle me. I’m acting like an overly emotional woman, in his eyes. Too worked up to know what’s good for me.
I take a step back, and Ethan’s hand falls to his side. He looks bewildered, hurt, but I can’t let him get off easily. I need a man who sees me as an equal, who respects my wishes even when he doesn’t agree with them.
“You don’t care about me,” I say. “This was all about you.”
As soon as the words are out, I want to suck them back in. Ethan flinches as if I struck him, his face growing pale.
It wasn’t fair to say that. He’s one of the most caring people I know. But why couldn’t he keep his promise? I’ve come to rely on his steadiness, his predictability.
Ethan’s eyes darken, the hurt quickly transforming into anger. “How dare you say I don’t care about you.” The words are quiet. “Yes, I broke a promise, and I would do it again. I defend the people I care about, because that’s who I am. If you can’t handle it, then this thing between us won’t work.”
A sharp pain cuts into my chest, and a burning sensation blooms behind my eyes.
How like Ethan to draw a line in the sand, to present an ultimatum. He’s forcing me to choose. It’s his way or the highway.
I lift my chin, meeting his gaze. “If that’s how you see it, then maybe you’re right. Maybe this won’t work.”
Ethan’s face crumples. His eyes search mine desperately, like a drowning man reaching out for a lifeline. His lips part, but no words come out.
The silence stretches, heavy and suffocating.
My heart cracks in my chest, splitting in two. One part of me screams to wrap my arms around him, to say I forgive him. But the other part—the part that’s grown stronger over these last few weeks—refuses to waver. I won’t be pushed into a corner. I’ll never let a man force me to do anything ever again.
I swallow hard, forcing back the tears that threaten to spill. “Goodbye, Ethan.”
I turn and walk away. As I leave him behind, the tears finally break free and stream down my face. My chest tightens, the ache of leaving him nearly unbearable. But I keep moving, determined to find my own strength, even if it means walking away from the man I love.
I do love him. It’s only now that he’s forced my hand that I see it. This wonderful man treats me like a precious jewel, but he also wants to guard me like a dragon. Use his strict morality as an excuse to lock me in a box.
I won’t allow it, even though my heart is shattering. I refuse to be caged, however sweet his care and coddling might be. I’m on the path to reclaiming the wild and free girl I once was, and damn it, I won’t let anyone get in the way.