4. You Can Do Better
4
You Can Do Better
T HE last bit of tea was cold on Roselin’s tongue.
“You sold it!” Nadia exclaimed, her face set in disbelief. “You need to hand it in tomorrow. Mister Smith is going to be pissed.”
“I know.” Roselin put her teacup in the sink. Her fingers threaded through her hair. “I still have the key to the atelier.” She made up her mind, grabbing her bag from her room.
Nadia shook her head, a lock of her honey blonde hair falling before her eyes. “Rose, what’s going on? Why would you do something like this?”
Because the man she went home with for a one-night stand—instead of going to her best friend to tell her boyfriend was cheating—wanted to buy her painting, and she believed he was going to kill her after she witnessed him murdering someone. No biggies. Except Roselin slept with him again, and she hated herself for it. Sex with a murderer… She shook the thought away.
Roselin couldn’t tell Nadia that. Instead, she took her phone out of her pocket and showed it to her friend.
“What the—” Nadia said. She stared at Roselin wide-eyed. “For one painting?”
Roselin nodded and raked her fingers through her hair for lack of a brush. The last bits of art she sold online weren’t covering the bills anymore. She needed the money. And she needed to be able to focus on her study without stressing about marketing herself. “This will pay for our rent, groceries, my painting supplies—”
“—Streaming the new rom-com,” Nadia added. She furrowed her brows. “Wait… how did the buyer find your painting? Do they go to school here?”
Roselin’s cheeks turned light pink as she froze in her spot. “Does it matter?”
Nadia narrowed her eyes. “Rose! Do you have a Glucose Guardian?”
“What, no.”
“Come on. It’s fine. You’re not the only student to have one.”
“Nadia!” Roselin took her jacket and headed to the door.
Nadia follows her. “That’s where you were when Gale cheated. And last evening! You had a fucking smile on your face when you came home.”
“Bye, Nadia.” She walked out of the apartment as Nadia’s laugh echoed through the hallway.
“We’re having a movie night tonight,” Nadia yelled after her.
The concierge led her into the empty building. Roselin took a new canvas, this one smaller compared to the one she sold. There wasn’t enough time to go all out. With her hands on her sides, she stood before the wall of supplies. A breath pushed past her lips. What was she even going to make? Shit. The other painting was perfect and would ensure a high mark.
She put her hair in a messy braid and picked some acrylic paint. Her mind kept drifting to last night. The fear, the confrontation, Ryu’s lips on her burning flesh, his eyes shimmering in pleasure… Okay, this wasn’t helping. At least not for the painting. Come on, Rose, start.
She walked to the windows and opened them one after the other to let the inspiration glide in. With closed eyes, she stood before them, the cool breeze brushing against her skin. Her breath escaped and drawn back in until her mind cleared, even if it was only a bit.
Her brush stroked over the empty white, leaving the paint behind. Her brows pushed together in concentration, and she caught herself smiling at one point, which was quickly replaced by frustration when the colours failed to do what she wanted.
Once done, she took a step backwards. “Great, I hate it.”
The star filled night sky covered the canvas. Why didn’t she mix some medium through the paint to make the details pop more? She glanced at the clock and groaned. There was no time left, so this had to do, whether she liked it or not.
Her stomach growled as she headed back to their apartment. Nadia wasn’t home when Roselin returned, having left a note about meeting up with Ah Lam. She didn’t know if she was glad or not about it.
From the cabinets, she grabbed a granola bar. While the kettle boiled the water, she paced through the room, her phone in her hand. Her finger moved over the screen, searching for murders or dead people in relation to Mageía. It was safe to say she couldn’t let it go. There had to be some information. Some way Roselin could judge how bad she needed to feel.
A news video popped up about a terrorist group targeting Mageía—that couldn’t be it because Ryu was a Mageía… and it was in a different country. Perhaps if she changed the keywords? She scrolled through the new searches, but nothing seemed to match.
She flopped down on the couch, groaning and facing the white ceiling. Everything from the past two days flashed before her eyes. It worried her that someone could be killed and disappear from existence at the will of one man. Was that going to be her faith?
A sudden rush of a dirty feeling took her over. Roselin let a murderer touch her after knowing what he had done, and she liked it. The desire for more had crossed her mind. After everything, she already knew she wasn’t a good person, but she didn’t like it to be confirmed.
“Fuck this.” She stood up from the couch. All this self-pity wasn’t cute. The messy bun, oversized sweater, and yoga pants phase wasn’t either.
From her closet, she pulled out her dress that bordered between sexy and casual and grabbed her makeup bag. Just because she thought she was gross didn’t mean she had to look like a slob. And who knows, perhaps she could convince Nadia to go out and drink their problems away. There was this fancy bar they still wanted to go to.
Roselin stood in front of the mirror, ready to feel confident again, but her face fell. A black smudge of paint coloured her cheek. Nothing new, it happened more often than not. Only this time, her blood ran cold. The shadows turning into a blade came back to her mind.
She rubbed her cheek until it saw red, but the dark stain stayed. Tears stung behind her eyes, but she wouldn’t let them overtake her. Yet, her breath caught in her throat, and her heartbeat pounded in her ears as sweat formed on her palms. Her limbs tingled, and she forced herself to move.
Throwing her makeup bag back into her closet, Roselin rushed to the bathroom. Her dress dropped to the floor. She didn’t wait for the water to turn warm and got under the stream. The loofah travelled across her body, leaving soap bells. All she wanted was to be clean again.
Unaware of how long she stood under the hot shower, her fingers were wrinkled and her skin was red from scrubbing. The cold stung her when the warm water left her body. As quick as she could, she dried herself off, wanting to get into her soft pyjama and hoodie sooner rather than later. While holding the towel before her, she looked at the new messages on her phone.
Gale.
Her nose wrinkled as she opened the texts.
That Guy (Gale): You Bitch
That Guy (Gale) : How dare you poison Nadia’s mind with your vile accusations
That Guy (Gale): You should’ve thought before crossing me and messing with my relationship
Roselin ground her teeth. The audacity of this guy. He cheated, and somehow, that was her fault?
Roselin: Ever heard of accountability?
She made a screenshot. Her finger paused above Nadia’s name. She should confide in her best friend, right? Part of her thought so, but a piece of her wondered if she should burden Nadia with more bullshit. Not after Roselin didn’t tell Nadia immediately what happened in the club. And it wasn’t like this was a big thing or something. Only an ex who was angry that he let an amazing woman walk. Not all exes were psychos.
A loud knock on the bathroom door startled her. “I’m ordering Thai food for movie night. Not from the cheap place, but the expensive one, and you’re paying, rich girl,” Nadia yelled through the closed door.
Roselin bit her lip as she tried to decide. This was her burden to carry.
“Rose? Did you drown in the shower?”
“We should open the Pinot, too,” she answered.
Monday came around, and the teacher agreed with her. “You pass, but I expect better next time,” Mister Smith said. Roselin cursed under her breath as Abasi’s eyes asked her what happened.
After the long day, she crawled back into bed with a hot cup of tea. No matter how hard she tried, Ryu stayed on her mind. Wasn’t sex meant to be a stress reliever? It’d always worked for her. Maybe not if you do it with a murderer. Still, something about him kept luring her in. His eyes, the way he talked, his posture and… Fuck, he was fantastic between the sheets. And all the other places they fucked. Her toes curled at the memories, but she was not supposed to like him. Not with what he had done.
What if Roselin imagined what she saw? What if it was one big misunderstanding? After all, she found nothing online. Ryu could be innocent.
Yeah, right, she wasn’t even sure if she believed herself.
A knock on the door broke her train of thought. Nadia poked her head in. “No hot Glucose Guardian tonight?” Nadia asked. Roselin groaned and threw her blankets over her face. Nadia shuffled in next to her. “Talk to me, Beauty.”
Roselin tossed the blanket off. “Things are complicated.”
“Yeah, I know.”
She glanced at her best friend. “I’m so sorry, Nadia.”
“I know that, too. And so am I.” Nadia rested her head against hers. “Tell me I don’t have to worry about you.”
“You don’t have to worry about me.”
“That doesn’t sound convincing.” Nadia turned on her side to face Roselin. “Your mind is somewhere else. You sold your school project—even if it was for an amazing price—and you were so excited about the painting. Not to forget, you looked scared the past few days, disappeared, came back happy, only to have the fear back in your eyes,” Nadia said, and Roselin bit her bottom lip. “We care about you, Rose. I care about you. You’re like my sister.”
Nadia and she both came from other countries, not knowing anyone in the city, and they quickly became close. They looked after each other.
Roselin was unsure what to say. Not the whole truth. “There’s a guy.”
“I knew it.” Nadia squealed, and Roselin rolled her eyes. “Sorry, please continue,” she quickly added.
“I met him outside the club when the bouncers kicked me out,” Roselin said, and Nadia’s eyes widened in question. “Never say I don’t have your back.” Roselin laughed at the memory before her face turned serious again. “He was standing outside and… I don’t know. He was hot, and I was a little tipsy.”
“But was it good?”
“Good is an understatement, and now I’m addicted.”
“But?” Nadia asked with a grin. “You can tell me the but.”
Roselin sighed. “We got into a bit of an argument. I thought we were done until he showed up at the atelier. He found me, and a piece of me didn’t want to see him again, but there’s this other part gnawing at my heart who doesn’t wish to leave him.”
“Then don’t leave him.”
Roselin shook her head. “It’s not that simple. I’m not sure if I feel like changing my morals.”
“Rose, you don't have to agree on everything to spend time with them... or spend their money.” Nadia poked her side. “Besides, if you decide later you don’t want to see him anymore, you can.”
She held Nadia’s hand and gave it a light squeeze. “Thank you.”
“Shall we watch a movie?”
Roselin nodded but couldn’t focus on the romance playing before her. It was time to make a decision, and she pondered what she wanted to tell him.
Tuesday came by, classes passed, but silence from Ryu. Neither the day after. She texted the phone number that told her to get ready, but her messages were left unread. Perhaps she didn’t have a choice after all. With the days passing by, the nights with Ryu seemed like a distant dream, her worries, nothing. Roselin focused back on school as she tried to ignore the sense of abandonment.