Chapter 19
Blaze’s foot is pressed to the floorboard, pedal to the metal, trees flying by as he races down the highway toward what? I’m not even sure. The energy coming off him is chaotic. Full of anger, agony, maybe even regret? A part of me wants to ask where he’s taking us, but the smarter part of me tells me to be quiet. That he needs space right now. Something about that girl triggered him back there. The flash of recognition in his eyes, as if he got lost in some long, lost, forgotten memory.
We’ve been driving for over an hour, Blaze’s eyes never once leaving the road. He eventually pulls off onto a side road, driving until we’re in the middle of the woods.
He gets out of the Jeep, our masks long forgotten once we got into the vehicle. I watch as he walks deeper into the trees, disappearing. I sit there for a good five minutes, contemplating what I should do. Then finally give in, hop out of the vehicle, and make my way toward him. I walk the pathway until I stumble into an opening in the woods. The moon is high tonight, shining down on the field of grass, a small pond directly in the middle.
Frogs croak and insects call out. My eyes zero in on Blaze on his knees, head bent down, shoulders slightly shaking. I’m almost to him, when I hear the sounds of his sobs breaking the silence. The one man I never thought I would see shed a tear, the man who is always flirting or being dominant is breaking down right in front of me and I feel helpless.
I slowly squat next to him, thinking twice before gently placing my hands on his shoulder, rubbing small circles. “Hey,”
I whisper. “It’s okay. You’re okay.”
He uses his hand to half wipe his eyes, shaking his head. “No. It’s not okay. It’ll never be okay.”
I’m startled by his response. “I couldn’t save her. I loved her so goddamn much. Would have given my life for hers, took out pieces of shit for her, and I still couldn’t goddamn save her. It kills me every fucking day that I’m here and she’s not.” His words come out scratchy, yelling into the night sky. He gets to his feet, staring at the water, hands fisted by his side.
“Who?”
“Ryan.”
The words barely come out as a whisper, sounding like he’s too scared to say them out-loud.
Flashes of a tattoo I’ve seen on his chest come to mind. Ryan’s name and a lipstick print.
“Who are they?”
“She was the first love of my life.”
First? Who else is there? I want to ask, but right now isn’t about me, it’s about him.
My eyes are blurry from the tears I can’t seem to stop. I haven’t cried since…God I can’t even remember. I guess the night I lost Ryan, before hurt and anger took over, filling me with rage.
Flashbacks fill my mind. All the memories of me and Ryan front and center.
At the lake where I first confessed my love for her.
“Ryan, listen to me. I’m in love with you. I always have been.”
She looks at me panicked. “Blaze, don't joke like that,”
she says, trying to play off my confession as some joke.
“I'm not joking, baby. I love you. More than anybody ever will. You have been my best friend since we were kids and along the way I realized you've become so much more. You have seen me through the good, the bad…fuck, Ry. You've seen me at my damn worst. You’re the first person I think of when I wake up and the last thing on my mind before I fall asleep. Hell, even when I'm with you, I'm thinking about you. I fucking love you. With all my heart and soul.”
I bite my lip, a nervous habit.
“You don't have to say it back, but you need to know.”
I swim closer to her, grabbing her face in the palms of my hands.
“I love you, and one day, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, you will be mine. It’s you and me, Princess, against the world. Always.”
Giving her a quick peck on the lips, I eventually let her go.
“She was my best friend since we were kids,”
I say, focused on the moonlight reflecting on the water in front of me.
“What happened to her? Did she not love you back or something?”
Cea asks, coming to stand next to me.
Apprehension covers my face, but this is something she needs to hear. I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. The tears still haven’t completely stopped coming. The nightmare replaying, sweat sliding off my forehead.
“Are you sure you want to hear this?”
Cea grabs my hand, lacing her fingers through mine. It’s the first time she’s ever been gentle with me. As much as I like her fiery spirit, I think this is just what I needed.
I nod my head, looking back at the ground. How the hell do I even begin to explain what happened? So, I will start from the beginning.
“Apparently, Ryan’s step-sister had an alter ego...”
We had driven around looking for her that night, because she had been going on murder sprees and I refused to let Ryan go alone, as much good as that did.
Ryan stumbles to the side, a stab wound directly in her chest, puncturing her heart distracting Kali for one second giving me the chance to punch her in the face, causing her to fall to the ground.
I look back to find Ryan laying on the ground and rush to her, gently putting her head into my lap. “Baby, we have to get you to a hospital. I'm not losing you like this. You have to stay with me. I need you to stay with me,”
I beg and plead.
She weakly reaches for my face, cupping my cheek, her body quickly turning cold. I know it’s probably too late, her stab wound being fatal, but I refuse to accept it.
“It's too late, baby. We won't get there in time.”
She coughs, wiping the blood from her chin. I’m ready to pick her up, but Ryan pulls on my shirt.
“Blaze, just let me have these last moments with you. Can you please be the last person I see before I go?”
Her question is so low, I can barely hear her.
Tears gather in my eyes as I bring her hand to my face, kissing the back of it, placing her palm to my warm, wet cheek.
“I love you, Blaze. I think I always have, but I need you to know even though I’m in love with Layla, I'm in love with you, too. Promise me you'll find your happiness and do all the things we planned. Promise to live your life to the fullest for me,”
she whispers before gasping for another breath, her time almost up. I place my forehead on hers and kiss her sweet red lips.
“I promise, Princess. I fucking promise. Thank you, Ryan…”
I sob into her mouth.
A gasp has us turning to see Ryan’s step-sister rushing toward us. I tense up, not sure who to expect. Layla or the vicious bitch Kali.
“What happened? We need to get you help!”
I assume Layla says in a panic.
“You fucking happened!” I roar.
She looks at my face, and while tears stream down my cheeks, I know she can feel the burn from my deathly stare.
“I'm so sorry! I love you! I love you so fucking much!”
Her tears fall onto Ryan’s face as she takes Ryan’s hand, noticing she can barely move now.
“I love you, little angel,”
Ryan whispers.
I hear the rattle of her last breath and her chest stops moving.
“No!”
Layla cries out, as I sob over Ryan her other hand still on my lips.
“Please, God. Please. Please come back to me.”
Layla sobs, but I shove her off Ryan.
“Don’t fucking touch her! I’d kill you myself but you deserve to spend the rest of your life in the shittiest prison! I want you to rot in the ground where the maggots can have you! You don't deserve to even look at her. She was too fucking good for you!”
I spit at Layla, the venom pouring too easily.
Ryan lays in my lap. The only girl I loved, truly gone. I glance up to see Layla standing there. Holding Ryan’s knife, the one she always carried around.
“I'm so sorry, I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I really am. I did love her with all of me, Blaze. I hope you believe me.”
Layla cries.
I don’t want her fucking apology, I wish she never existed or Ryan had never met her.
“She was my only true happiness,”
she says. “With all the darkness that followed me, she was my glimpse of sunlight. The only thing that made my heart race with excitement. The only one to make me feel alive. I know she was yours, too. Hell, you deserved her way more than I did. I know that now.”
Her words muddled together; I don’t have the energy to even care to listen to her right now.
“I’ll look over her, Blaze. If there’s an afterlife and by some miracle we’re reunited. I’ll take care of her. I promise.”
The words leave Layla’s lips, and as I look up, she slices her neck. Blood pouring down her body. But not an ounce of it makes me feel better.
My breathing finally calms down, one last tear sliding, against my nose. I hear sniffling from my side and look over to see Cea holding her hands together in front of her, tears coming down her face. I hurry toward her, taking her in my arms and holding her.
“Hey, hey, shhh. It’s okay.”
I try to reassure her.
“How can you say that? All the awful shit that's happened to you? How do you still find ways to smile throughout the day, as if everything’s fine?”
The tears pour. I hate that I dumped my trauma on her.
“Cea. I’m sorry,”
I say into her ear. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have unloaded onto you like that. It’s not your job to listen to my problems.”
“Oh fuck off Blaze Valentino. If anyone should be sorry, it’s me. I’ve been such a bitch to you.”
A little hiccup leaves her, a small smile breaking out over my face.
“I quite like your feisty side,” I tease.
She softly swats at my chest and I give her enough space to look down at her while she’s still in my arms. Lifting her chin up so she has no choice, but to look at me.
“It’s okay. I’ve never talked about it like that. So, thank you for listening.”
I place a gentle kiss on her forehead.
“The girl back at the club. She reminded you of Ryan, didn’t she? That’s what triggered you?”
I nod in confirmation, sweeping the hair off her face, pushing it behind her ear.
“If you ever need to talk, I’ll always be here for you,”
she says, her eyes making it clear she one hundred percent means it.
“Thank you, Mi Cielo. I never want to go a day without you being here beside me.”