Chapter 18
CHAPTER
EIGHTEEN
LINDY
My heart jammed in my chest, and I clamped a hand over my mouth, stifling the cry that welled there as I huddled in the hallway.
The last thing I ever thought I’d witness was Wes and Finger having a heart-to-heart conversation. Wes confessing his sins, and the two of them discussing their less-than-stellar experiences with their dads. Discussing me.
Wes’s feelings for me.
Brutally honest chemistry
I need to help her. I want to.
His words vibrated through me.
In all that dark insanity, there was a flicker of light, and that light was Lindy.
Wes truly cared. About Dad. About me. About us .
Holy. Shit.
Even his voice had gone fragile as he spoke with Finger. Earnest, full of yearning and heartache.
The chemistry between us was brutally real. The fire between us ignited so easily. If Finger had walked in a minute later, he would’ve found us on the way to my bedroom.
Loud, long scraping of the kitchen chairs across the tiled floor filled the air, and my spine straightened against the wall. Manly mumbling. The front door opened in that squeaky way it had when it reached its arc limit. Wes was leaving. I hightailed it up the stairs to my room.
Sitting down at the small desk covered with cosmetics, I stared at my reflection. Wetting a cotton round with Micellar water, I dragged it across my skin. The foundation, the eyeshadow, the eyeliner, concealer, contour, bronzer, blush, powder vanished with every swipe. I let out a breath as I took in my bare face in the mirror. No masks, no veils. No bravado. No camouflage.
Only me.
The me I could share with Wes.
When Finger had walked in on us, Wes hadn’t muttered some dumb excuse or lie and taken off. He’d requested a sit down to state his case, and I’d been rendered speechless. Blown away.
There was something old-fashioned and gentlemanly about it that made my pulse pick up speed. And so fucking brave, too.
Wes had bared his soul to Finger of all people. He wanted to prove to him that he wasn’t flirting with me or taking advantage but that he and I had a history—which he didn’t gloss over either. Wes stated his case of sincere regret and genuine sincerity to the judge, and Finger honored his effort with respect. He’d listened, even shown interest in Wes.
From the get-go, Finger had waded in like a protective father would. Goosebumps prickled over my flesh all over again, like when I’d heard his accusations, his demand for explanations from Wes. My eyes filled with water, and my chest whirled with warmth. I had support. I had people around me who cared about me and showed it.
I’d never felt comfortable with Finger and the Flames. Mom and Dad and I were Blades, and we never expected that would change, not ever. And yet everything had changed for us in a snap, like a tornado that blows through your town overnight and destroys every single house leaving nothing but rubble behind. That’s life’s random chaos, of our lives especially, and we dealt with it, we adapted, or we died. Over and over again.
My phone beeped. A text from Wes.
All good. Talk soon :)
That flutter went off in my chest again, but this time it twirled and gently floated through me. I sent him back a bunch of smile emojis.
Now it was my turn to face the daddy music. I smoothed my hair back into a tight knot and headed to the kitchen.
Finger glanced at me as he put a bottle of whiskey in a cabinet.
“Finger, I’m sorry about what you walked in on before.” My skin heated like a forest fire in August. “That wasn’t appropriate.”
“I appreciate the sentiment.” He closed the cabinet. “You two seeing each other now?”
I grabbed the glasses from the table and put them in the dishwasher. “We’re spending time together.”
“As long as you like spending time with him.”
“I do.”
He wiped his hands on a towel and tossed it on the counter. “Wes told me all about your past relationship and assured me that on this go-round his intentions are not false.” He tucked the two empty beer cans into the recycling bin. “But it’s up to you.”
“Thank you for standing up for me.” I went to the sink, wet the microfiber towel and added a bit of dish soap, and wiped down the table. “I also wanted you to know that I’m grateful to you and Lenore for having me at your home. I don’t take it for granted and would never take advantage of your generosity.”
He dipped his head as he curled his fingers in his beard. “Got to admit, it was fun seeing the panicked look on Wes’s face when I confronted him about what he was up to with you. I missed out on the Dad thing, so I enjoyed it.” A smirk slashed his lips, and I let out a laugh.
The sound of Lenore’s car rolling up the driveway had us turning. The front door blew open, and Lenore and Zo? burst into the kitchen.
“Hey, there are my girls,” Finger exclaimed.
Zo? rammed straight into Finger’s chest and hugged him. “Hi.”
“Zo.” His arms were tight around his daughter, and he kissed the top of her head. The child he and Lenore didn’t get the chance to raise. The daughter they both adored.
Lenore had told me the whole story. With the Smoking Guns on her trail, she had found out she was pregnant and then Finger had gotten arrested and sent to prison. The second she’d found out that their unborn baby had Down Syndrome, she’d made the heartbreaking decision to give her up so that she’d be safe and have the healthcare she needed.
Tania had helped her find a new home for the baby, and that home happened to be in Pine Needle, the next town over from Meager. Many years later, that had brought Lenore to move to Meager. Once Finger and Lenore got back together, she told Finger about Zo?, and they were able to forge a relationship with her and her adoptive parents.
“Zo?’s staying for dinner tonight.” Lenore threw off her embroidered jean jacket and kissed her husband. They both gave each other a deep, warm grin.
I clapped my hands together. “Great news because it’s homemade pizza night. I got lots of pepperoni and mozzarella yesterday.”
“My favorite!” shouted out Zo?.
“Mine too,” I said.
“Lindy, after pizza can we do makeup?” Zo?’s cheeks flushed pink as she waited for my reply, and Finger let out a hoarse laugh, shaking his head.
“Of course we can.”
Zo?, Lenore, and I made the pizzas while Finger fielded phone calls on his cell phone in the living room. His responses on the calls were a series of grunts and cryptic phrases, so I had no idea if any of these calls were about my dad.
We ate, cleaned up, and then I took Zo? to my room so that I could give her a makeover. She was fascinated by all the products I had. She touched almost every single bottle, container, compact, and brush. Each one was a great exotic mystery and source of delight to her.
“How about shimmery blue eyes?” I said. “What do you think?”
“Shimmery, yes.”
“And bright pink on your cheeks?”
Her eyes bugged out. “Lenore’s new blush?”
“Here it is…” I opened the package with dramatic flair, and she let out a sigh of wonder as she admired the bright pink blush. “And we could try this new glow serum primer and a highlighter too if you want? You want to get your glow on, Zo??”
“I want all the glow.”
“Sit here, please, Miss.” I patted the armchair, and she sat. I set up my small ring light to see what I was doing and to give Zo? the social media influencer feel, which I knew she loved. She sat up straighter and, leaning toward the mirror, peered at her reflection from every angle possible. I dabbed the glow serum primer on her skin.
“Lenore said you don’t have a sister or a brother.”
“That’s right.”
“I used to not have a brother. Now I have Beck.” She pointed at the poster on the wall of Beck and his rock band, Freefall, onstage at a concert in Berlin last year. “I love my brother. I’m so glad that he and Violet have their own house here. It’s so pretty, like a great big dollhouse. I go swimming in their pool, and we cook together in their big kitchen. I’m good at stirring sauces.”
“That sounds amazing.”
“Are you sad that you don’t have a brother or sister?”
“I can’t say that I am because I don’t know what it’s like to have a brother or sister, so I don’t miss it. You see what I mean?”
She nodded. “You and me can be sisters. And then Violet can be your sister too and Beck could be your brother. If you want?”
“That sounds nice.” I blended the contour on the edge of her forehead with a soft, dense brush. “I already feel like we’re sisters. Here I am staying in your room.”
“Which used to be Beck’s room. See? We’re all connected.”
“We are. And you and me and Lenore do chores together, play with makeup together. Go shopping. Like mommies and daughters and sisters do.” Something caught in my chest and fisted there. “I like that a lot.” I swallowed hard as I blended the contour under her cheekbones.
“Where’s your mommy, Lindy?”
“My mommy died.” I switched to using a damp beauty blender sponge.
Her lips parted, and her small hand reached out and touched my arm. “You miss her?”
“I do, very much.” Blinking, I turned away and busied myself with choosing a blush brush.
“You used to do makeup with her?”
“We did. She loved makeup too. We did makeovers on each other all the time.” My heart expanded with the memories as I dabbed excess blush powder on the back of my hand. “You’re so lucky you have two mommies.”
She grinned deeply. “And two daddies.”
“That’s a lot of hugs all the time, Zo?.”
“When does your daddy come home from his trip? Finger goes on lots of business trips too. I guess this time your daddy went far, far away?”
“Mm-hmm.” Sucking in a breath, I focused all my energy on gently patting the blush on her cheek, otherwise, I would burst.
“He’ll be back soon,” Zo? said softly.
“He sure will.” I shot her a quick smile as I grabbed the highlighter compact.
He will. He will. He will.
Earlier today at the store, I’d called Minty and played it like I’d called to say hello.
“Sorry I haven’t checked in with you sooner, Minty. Everything’s still new to me here. I’m keeping busy, but I’ve been out of it. I’ve been such a dip lately, you know what I mean?
I’d heard his breath catch over the line, then a split-second pause before he smoothly replied: “Yeah, Lindy-loo, no worries. Good to hear from you.”
My eyes had shut tight at his words, a sting racing through my veins. He’d used my parents’ nickname for me, a nickname that the Blades would call me when I was a little girl, the only little girl at the club at the time, among the sons of the families. Dad and Minty had stopped calling me Lindy-loo a long, long time ago.
Minty had gotten the message about the Dip.
“And when your daddy comes back, he’ll bring you back a present!” Zoe’s enthusiastic declaration brought me back to the here and now.
I let out a tight laugh as I dabbed highlighter on her upper cheek. “You’re right. He always does. Last year, he went to Idaho and brought me back this necklace.” I pointed to the silver charm hanging from a chain around my neck that I never took off.
“An angel? So pretty! Her wings are soooo big.”
“I love that about her. She can fly high and protect everyone she loves.” I patted finishing powder under her eyes and over her cheeks, around her nose.
“So Wes came over before?” Zo? glanced at me and closed her eyes again as I brushed her skin.
Finger had mentioned it to Lenore over dinner, and she and Zo? had stared at me, expecting a story, but instead of talking, I’d only nodded and shoved a slice of pepperoni with olives and extra cheese in my mouth.
“He did.”
“Wes is cute.”
“He is.”
“Do you like him? You know— like, like ?”
“Wes and I have been friends for a long time. Since we were in high school.”
Her eyes popped open. “Were you boyfriend and girlfriend?”
“We were, for a little bit.”
Her face lit up. “Wow.”
“It’s nice to see him again now that we’re all grown up.”
Her eyes widened. “You’re boyfriend and girlfriend again?”
“We’re friends.”
She slumped in the chair. “Awww…”
“What’s wrong?”
“If you were together once, why can’t you be together again? Now?”
“Zo, things change, people change, they want different things. Sometimes it’s better to go your separate ways.”
Her lips parted. “But where do all those feelings go? How do they go away? You don’t like him anymore? How can you not like him?” She raised her voice. “He’s so handsome and funny and?—”
“Zo?, shhh. It’s okay.” I rubbed her arm, and her shoulders dropped, her lips twisted. “I like him, and he likes me. And we’ll see what happens.”
The smile sweeping her face filled my soul, and I let out a laugh.
“Eyeshadow time. Close your eyes for me a sec.” She closed them, and with my finger I gently dabbed a sparkly blue cream eyeshadow on her eyelids. Her lips pulled into a stiff line, and her cheeks puffed. Zo? was working hard to stay still for me.
“Okay, open.” We both studied her reflection in the mirror.
“Oooo.” She leaned her head against mine, hugging me tightly. A gesture of joy, of gratitude. Of intimacy.
Where do all those feelings go?
I wrapped my arm around her tightly. “Can I tell you a secret, Zo??”
“What secret?” Her voice squeaked.
“You have to be quiet, and you can’t tell anyone. It’s between you and me only.”
“I promise.”
“My feelings for Wes never went away, never stopped.” I tapped my chest over my angel necklace. “They’re in here.”
“See?” She gently touched the angel charm like it was precious to her too. “Those feelings stay, if they’re true.” Her arms shot up in the air. “Yay!”
“Shh.”
“Shh.” She giggled uncontrollably, and so did I.
Using my soft makeup remover cloth, I swiped at the residual smudges at the edge of her eyes. “You think that’s a good thing?”
“Oh yes, it is. Can I tell you something now?” She motioned with her hand for me to come closer, and I leaned into her. “Wes goes out with girls who are pretty and all that, but I can tell they aren’t special to him, like Violet is to Beck, like Lenore is to Finger. Like Mommy is to Daddy. I can tell. He probably just likes to kiss them and stuff.”
“Zo?!” I burst out into laughter, even though images of Wes kissing other girls made my insides pinch together.
“Beck and Violet always tell Wes that he deserves a good woman,” said Zo?.
“He does.”
“You’re a good woman, Lindy.”
“Thank you, honey.”
“Beck found Violet, and now it’s Wes’s turn. You’re good and pretty and smart. And you’re already his friend and his girlfriend. And now you’re here, and you’re part of our family, see?” She tilted her head at me. “One big perfect circle.”
My heart thundered in my chest at her easy assessment. Zo?, this gentle vibrant soul who believed in true love and a loving family. Who believed in “perfect.”
I believed that once too, Zo?. I want to again.
I hugged her, and she sighed. “I like having a sister.”
“Me too,” I whispered, emotion filling my voice. I showed her the container filled with lipsticks and lip glosses. “What lipstick should we go for tonight?” I chose one. “What about this peachy nude? It’s been going viral on TikTok.”
She waved it away, shaking her head emphatically. “I want Lenore’s new dark red lipstick.” A sample of the new shade had arrived today and Lenore had showed it to Zo? after dinner.
“You wild girl. Are you sure?”
Zo? nodded her head emphatically. “I want to look glamorous and hot like my sister.”