Chapter 26
“Apparently, sarcasm isn’t an effective shield. Who knew?”
Sloane
The arm around my waist tightens and I groan. Stupid sexy smugglers. I did it again. I let Zane have his wicked way with me.
Am I an idiot? Or worse yet – am I my mother? Why can’t I resist Zane?
I know he’s not interested in a relationship. He may have changed his tune about being a father, but he’s still a player. My dad wouldn’t stay for me. Why would Zane?
I need to get out of here. I lift his arm and scoot toward the edge of the bed.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
“Bathroom.”
“Come straight back to me.”
I nod. It’s not lying if I nod.
I snag my clothes from the floor before rushing from the room. When I reach the bathroom, I lock the door behind me and lean against it. I slide to the floor.
Why did I give in and have sex with Zane again?
Because you’re falling in love with him.
True, but he’s not in love with me. He doesn’t even want a relationship with me. Sleeping with him will tether me tighter to him, but it won’t affect him. I need to keep my distance.
Starting now. I quickly do my business and don my clothes.
But when I open the bathroom door – intent on fleeing the house – Zane is there. He’s leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his bare chest. Too bad he put sweats on. I wouldn’t mind one last chance to memorize his body.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
“I need to pick up Boozer.” I nearly pat myself on the back. Excellent excuse, Sloane.
“You can pick up Boozer after we talk.”
I nearly shiver at the demand in his voice. It’s the same voice he uses when he’s giving orders in bed. Orders, I’m happy to follow since Zane knows how to make a woman feel good. I guess practice does make perfect.
At the reminder of just how much practice he’s had, I scowl. Players are always going to play.
“Scowl all you want. This conversation is happening.”
Zane shackles my wrist and leads me toward the bedroom. I plant my feet.
“I’m not having a conversation without coffee.”
He pivots toward the kitchen without saying a word. When we reach the table, he pushes me down in a chair. “Sit. I’ll make the coffee.”
“I’m perfectly capable of making my own coffee.”
“Are you going to argue about every-damn-thing this morning?”
I shrug since it’s quite possible I will argue about everything this morning. Especially if this ‘talk’ will result in me losing my position as his nanny and being kicked out of his home.
My stomach falls. I didn’t think this through. I never should have had sex with the man I’m working for and living with. Could I be more stupid? Have I learned nothing from my mom and how I grew up? Bouncing from house to house as she switched from boyfriend to boyfriend.
Zane kneels in front of me and clasps my hands. “Just breathe, sweetness.”
“I am breathing.”
“There’s no reason to panic.”
“Ha! Easy for you to say. You’re not the one who’s going to be kicked out of the place where she lives today.
I don’t want to live in my car again. It’s cold and scary and loud.
I guess I can stay in a hotel for a few nights.
Shit. It’s New Year’s Eve. I’ll never find a hotel room tonight.
They’re booked up months in advance on Smuggler’s Hideaway.
Even the Mermaid Motel is fully booked this time of year. I can’t exactly crash with—”
Zane places his finger over my lips. “I’m not kicking you out.”
I slap his finger away. “But we had sex. This is what you do. You have sex and kick the woman out the next morning.”
He growls. “You aren’t some woman I picked up in a bar.” I open my mouth to respond but he snaps at me. “I’m speaking now.”
I motion for him to continue.
“I don’t sleep with women. I don’t cuddle women all night long. Only you.”
A tiny spark of hope ignites in me. Is he serious? Am I different?
“Why am I different? It’s not as if you’re going to suddenly decide, ‘Hey! I’m no longer terrified of relationships.’”
He clears his throat. “Actually, I am.”
My mouth drops open. “W-w-what?”
“And, technically, I was never terrified of relationships.”
“Says the man whose face used to turn green if someone uttered the word.”
“I wasn’t terrified of relationships. I was afraid of becoming my father.”
I get it. I don’t want to become my mother either. Except here I am falling in love with a player. Goal not achieved. Go back to start.
“But you showed me I’m not my father. I didn’t abandon Adele when she needed me. And I’m not giving her back to her mother now. She had her chance. She blew it. Adele is mine now.”
I bite back a sigh. When Zane speaks about his daughter, it’s impossible not to fall for him. He’s possessive of her, and the love he has for her is boundless.
“You’re a good father.”
“Thank you. And thank you for helping me find my way.”
I shrug. “You would have found your way without me. You have this great big family ready and willing to help you.”
The Raider family is everything I’ve ever wanted. They’re loud, love to pull pranks, and cause trouble wherever they go. But they’re also supportive and rush to each other’s aid at the first sign of trouble.
Spending Christmas morning with them was glorious. I want to spend all my holidays with them. I want to spend all of my days with this man kneeling before me.
But dreams don’t come true for women like me. My mom taught me that lesson over and over again.
“We’re getting off track,” Zane says and I focus on him. He smiles and his blue eyes sparkle while the dimples on his left cheek appear. To say he’s gorgeous is a massive understatement.
“What track are we supposed to be on?”
“The track where we decide we’re in a relationship.”
I feign cleaning my ears. “Sorry. I think my ears are plugged.”
He rolls his eyes. “You heard me, but I don’t have a problem repeating myself. We’re in a relationship now.”
“And you decided this all by yourself. You don’t think maybe I should have a say in it?”
“You had a say when you told me you care for me.”
I purse my lips. “I never said I care for you.”
It’s true, but I didn’t say it. I was very careful not to.
He shrugs. “You’re scared of how big your feelings are for me. Same thing.”
I narrow my eyes at him. “I didn’t say I was scared of how big my feelings are for you.”
He sighs. “Yes, you did. Do I have to tease the truth out of you again?”
My nipples tingle. I like this idea. Way too much.
“Maybe?”
“Fine. But we don’t have as much time as last night. I miss our baby girl. We both have the day off. I want to spend the day with our little family.”
Forget about the nipples. My heart is pounding in my chest. Our baby girl. Our little family. He can’t be serious. I clutch my chest to stop my heart from escaping.
“Sweetness.” Zane places his hands on my cheeks and I meet his gaze. “I don’t know why you’re shocked. I told you we’re in a relationship now.”
“You can’t make a one-sided decision,” I snap.
“Fine. Sloane Wilder, do you want to date me? Do you want to be in a relationship with me?”
I do, but I can’t risk it. He’s a player. He won’t stay.
He growls. “Do not compare me with your dad. I am not that asshole who abandoned you before you were born.”
“I didn’t mention my dad.”
He taps my temple. “You were thinking of him.”
“This knowing all my tells thing sucks,” I mutter.
He smirks. “You don’t enjoy how I know which parts of your body to touch to make you squirm? To get you all hot and bothered?”
My breath hitches. I enjoy it entirely too much. It’s what got me into this mess in the first place.
He leans his forehead against mine. “Give me a chance, Sloane. I promise I’ll make it worth your while. I’ll also screw up. Probably a lot.”
I nibble on my lip. I want to say yes. Badly. This is the man I’m falling in love with. Oh, who am I kidding? The second he said ‘our little family’, I was a goner. How could I not love this man who wants to give me what I’ve never had but want the most?
“I don’t know.”
“I promise I won’t be your dad. I won’t abandon you.”
“But if everything falls apart, I not only lose you, I lose Adele.” I’ll lose what little family I have.
“I will work my ass off to avoid that conclusion. I know you want this, sweetness. I know you’re scared. I’m scared, too. But I won’t let my fear stop me from getting what I want.”
My muscles tighten with the need to flee. To avoid the heartbreak he can cause. But isn’t fleeing every time things got tough exactly what my mom did? She always left her boyfriends when she thought they weren’t paying enough attention to her or weren’t enamored with her anymore.
I straighten my shoulders. I will not be my mom.
“Okay.”
Zane grins. “Okay?”
I nod. “I want to be in a relationship with you.”
He presses his lips against mine in a hard, quick kiss. “I want to kiss the shit out of you right now, but I won’t be able to stop there. And I really miss Adele. Let’s spend the day together.”
He stands and offers me his hand. This time, I don’t hesitate to take it.
This decision might lead me to heartache, but at least I’ll have tried.