Chapter 36
“Note to self: crying in Parker’s loft is not a sustainable hobby.”
Sloane
Boozer nudges my shoulder with his cold, wet snout. I push him away.
“Not now, Boozer boy. I’m trying to sleep.”
He barks and I force my eyes open to make certain there’s not a reason he’s ignoring my need for sleep. I startle at the vision in front of me.
I’m not in Zane’s bedroom in his home. No adorable baby girl is sleeping in the nursery across the hall. No sexy man is laying next to me with his arm wrapped around my waist. Because I’m in the loft above Parker’s bakery.
Don’t get me wrong. The loft is adorable. It’s a big, airy room with gorgeous exposed wooden beams overhead. The kitchen gleams with copper accents and sea-glass cabinet knobs. The bed, while not in a separate bedroom, is hidden in a nook.
And there’s no one to complain about Boozer’s barking. Except for this loft above Pirate’s Pastries, the main drag in downtown doesn’t have any housing. It’s all shops and restaurants.
It’s the perfect place for me to live with my overenthusiastic dog. My stomach sours. I was living in the perfect place.
Until Zane crapped all over my dream. I thought he’d changed his ways. I thought he cared for me. I thought—
Who cares what I thought? I was obviously wrong.
I roll out of bed and Boozer dances around – excited it’s time for a walk.
I check the time. Shit. It’s going to be a short walk straight to his doggy walker since I need to be at work in less than an hour.
Apparently, I sleep all day when I’m heartbroken. Not sure what I can do with the information since I don’t plan to ever risk my heart again. I never should have risked my heart with Zane to begin with.
But I couldn’t resist him. He’s always been a sexy man – those ocean blue eyes, that square jaw, those wide shoulders – but when he cradled Adele in his arms? I got weak and forgot about all the reasons I avoided him in the past.
My chest burns. I rub a hand over it, but it doesn’t calm the burn.
Nothing seems to. Not copious amounts of beer.
Not mounds of food. Not hours of crying.
Not even spending time with Parker, who’s a saint for putting up with me and my whining.
She even gave me this loft for a bargain basement rental price.
Enough wallowing in my pain. I’ve never been much of a wallower. Although, I’ve never let anyone hurt me the way Zane did before.
Stop it, Sloane!
He never promised me a rose garden. He never said he loves me. This is on me. I jumped in with both feet and didn’t bother bringing a raincoat for those less than sunny days.
I never should have dated the man I was living with and working for. Speaking of work. I need to get going before I’m late for my job at Rumrunner.
“You’re here,” Harper says when I enter the bar forty-five minutes later.
I check the time. “I’m not late. I’m five minutes early.”
“I just thought….” She trails off and clears her throat. “Never mind.”
“You thought I’d blow up my entire life because your brother-in-law broke my heart.”
“He’s not my brother-in-law yet.”
I roll my eyes. As if Zane’s status in her life is the important part of what I said.
“But, yeah, I thought you might need some time off.”
“I’m good.”
I’m not. But I will be. After all, no one has more experience with being disappointed by the people she loves than me. Good ole Mom taught me all about disappointment. And getting back up afterwards.
“You’re stronger than I ever gave you credit for.”
I flex my biceps, which are frankly nothing to write home about. “Unstoppable.”
She giggles. “As long as you don’t break out in song.”
“Don’t worry. I’m well aware of how tone deaf I am.”
“Boss,” Dave hollers and we both turn to him. Oops. Harper is the big boss here. Obviously.
“Sorry.” I back away. “This is on you.”
“Actually.” Dave points at me. “You’re the one I need.”
“I’ll be there in two minutes.”
“No rush.”
But I do rush. I want to be a person the employees of this bar can count on. I’m not the flighty woman who is never on time. Not anymore.
I hang my coat up in the storage area and tie a server apron around my waist. I don’t bother checking my hair or make-up. I look like shit and I know it.
I make my way behind the bar. “What do you need, Dave?”
“Not me. Him.” He points across the room to where Zane is standing, holding Adele with all of his brothers surrounding him.
I knew I’d have to deal with the Raider brothers at some point. They do love this bar. Especially since Kai and Harper are in love and engaged to be married. But I thought I’d at least have a few days to get used to the idea.
I guess not.
Zane catches my eye and strolls to the bar. I want to jump over the bar and run to him. To beg him to give me another chance to prove to him, I can be more than a nanny. I can be anything he needs or wants.
I push those thoughts away. I know better. Zane is a player who loves adventures. He’s never settling down.
I scowl at him. “Zane. We’ve discussed this. You shouldn’t bring a baby to the bar.”
“Not even when her mother is here?”
I scan the room. “Daisy’s here? What a bitch. I’m going to enjoy kicking her out.”
I march out from behind the bar, intent on finding Daisy and dealing with her, but Zane shackles my wrist to stop me.
“Daisy isn’t here.”
“But you said Adele’s mother is here.”
“She is. I’m looking right at her.”
His gaze meets mine.
“I’m confused.”
“You, sweetness, are her mother. More than her birth mother ever has been.”
I must be hallucinating. Zane isn’t saying what I think he is. He’s probably telling me he packed up all my shit and I better come pick it up before he sets fire to it. He’s definitely not saying I’m Adele’s mom.
“You couldn’t tell the doctor fast enough that I was the nanny.”
He grimaces. “I’m sorry. I wanted the doctor to know you aren’t the biological mother in case she needed to know for blood tests or genetic reasons. I don’t know. I was panicking.”
“I was panicking, too. But I didn’t accidentally call you an asshole.”
“Swear jar,” he mutters.
“This is a bar, not your house.”
He growls. “Our home.”
Oh, how I want his house to be my home. But he crapped all over that dream.
“Your house is not my home. You and I aren’t together. And I quit my job as nanny.”
“You are more than the nanny. I’m sorry I said you were. I don’t react well when my baby girl is sick.”
“I understand. I truly do.” I get it. I was terrified for Adele, and she isn’t mine to be terrified about. “But what happens the next time you panic? Adele is barely six months old. You have years of colds and cuts ahead. Not to mention all the trouble she’ll get into once she’s a teenager.”
“My baby girl will never be in trouble.”
“Did you forget she’s a Raider? It’s in her bones. She’ll probably get detention in kindergarten for teaching the other children how to stage a protest.”
He reaches for my hand but I retreat before he can touch me. He scowls. “This is why I need you. To help me raise her. To be her mommy.”
“I can’t do it, Zane. I’m not strong enough to handle you referring to me as the hired help the next time you panic.”
I will not be my mom – accepting lousy seconds from a man. I deserve more.
“I will never refer to you as the hired help,” he growls. “You’re the woman I love. You’re not some stranger I hired to watch my child.”
I gasp. Zane loves me? Dare I hope he’s being truthful? “Woman you love?”
“Yes, Sloane, you stubborn woman. I love you.”
“But you never said.”
“I tried to show you.”
He did? “I didn’t realize.”
He smiles. “And I should have realized you didn’t. I should have taken your past into consideration. It’s not as if I’m not painfully aware of your past since your mother showed up twice.”
I grimace. “Sorry.”
“Don’t you dare apologize for her. You have nothing to apologize for. You’re amazing. Despite not having a dad or a mother worth the term, you’re amazing.” This time, when he reaches for me, I allow him to capture my hand. As we’ve established, I’m weak for this man.
“I love you, Sloane Wilder. Please put me out of my misery and say you’ll come home.”
“I don’t know.”
“It’s fine. If you need time, I understand.”
He does? He’s not going to push me to accept what he wants? My desires be damned. “You do?”
“I love you. I plan to give you everything you ever need. Even if it’s time when I’m impatient to have you back.”
I give in. Let’s face it. I was a goner the second he said he loves me. “Huh. I guess I’ll come back since I love you and all.”
His breath catches. “You love me?”
“Duh. Why do you think it hurt so bad when you called me the nanny?”
He draws me close. “I’ll never call you the nanny again, sweetness. I love you.”
He presses his lips against mine but Adele giggles and claps her hands before he can get to the good stuff. “Later,” he promises against my lips.
“I’ll hold you—”
“Get away from me, Miles Raider!” Hazel shouts.
I glance away from Zane to find Miles chasing after her.
Zane wraps an arm around my shoulders. “Let the show begin.”
Happiness bursts from me. He apologized and admitted he was wrong. He didn’t try to roll over my wishes and desires. He listened to me.
He’s everything I’ve ever wanted and needed in a partner. I can’t wait to start our lives together.